The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

....goat bals, but was to no effect. Eventual General Maximus Turbinius ordered half a dozen Bultaxes and sent them into battle against the Philistines who were handy with slings.

"Height well away from us you must gain" he said in Latin, ensuring his eardrums didn't burst from the sound of a Bulltax on the climb. "Glide towards the enemy you will make" he continued, "throttle the you will widely open" he said.

And so it came to pass

The Bultaxes at wide open throttle sounded like a thousand virgins being rent asunder, and the Philistines fall to the ground holding their bleeding ears and crying "Help us Lord"

God looked up from his FB page and then down upon them and said "I work for the other side Bro's", and the General's troops put them to the sword, all except little ......

[turboplanner]

.....Spartacus Cook who usually sat outside the Forum hoping .............

[onetrack]

.... for the useful bits of clothing left over, after the Christians had been eaten by the Lions. But little Spartacus Cook (whose full name was Spartacus Marcus Cookius) wasn't too hopeful, those Lions usually did a thorough job.

It was on one of these doleful days when Brutus Bullsius chanced to come across little Spartacus Cookius, sitting there in hopeful anticipation of something getting thrown out - and as he spotted him, Brutus said ...

 

"Spartacus Cookius, you're just the man I seek! I need a volunteer for a project where Man attempts to fly - and the Centurions recommended you, seeing as they observed you seem to have very little to do, apart from adding to the general roar of the Forum occasionally - particularly when someone is being eaten. I need you to be the Pilate for my flying project. It does involve gluing some feathers to your ankles".

 

"I can't be a Pilate", said little Spartacus Cookius, squinting up at Brutus Bullsius' towering frame. "There's only one Pilate here, and his name is Pontius, and he's our Dear Leader!"

 

"You fail to understand there can be more than one Pilate", said Bullsius soothingly. "What I have here will make you more famous than any Roman Gladiator, and more famous than any Centurion. All you need to do, is ......

[turboplanner]

".....get in, sit down, shut up and hang on, and I'll explain how you fly a Bulltax" said Brutus who wasn't all that sure about which lever did what, but could .........

[Captain]

......... still flash his AUF CFI card and get away with ........

[Captain]

............... flying (avref) like a Pakistani airline pilot (anotheravref) who could .............

[turboplanner]

.....fly an aircraft by memorising all the rules of cricket, then allocating an action to each rule and.......

[Captain]

........ the relationship between Silly Point and the silly points that Turbs often makes in the NES, the relevance of the middle stump conundrum ...... plus the uncanny resemblance that Turbo has to Imran Khan during his heyday.

 

The CWA ladies, plus many lady AUF members (and a few AUF blokes in WA) sighed knowingly & offered themselves up for ..............

[turboplanner]

........Wicked Duty. "Best place on the field" said Turbo explaining the game of cricket to a young recruit who ..........................

[Captain]

NESers were in a complete quandary. "Does he mean Wicked or Wicket?" they asked each other.

 

But Brine provided the definitive answer "Given his past spelling of "lamwe" & his hundreds of other stuff ups, I reckon he means Wicket".

 

The others sighed in frustration and tried to think of an adequate response.

[Captain]

"And also, don't forget that Tubb has hit his head numerous times over the years" said onetrack helpfully.

[turboplanner]

[For lack of a conjunction the NES had come to a complete halt. Posters couldn't write anything, and the fickle public abandoned the site like blowflies off a Kudu, and Een started to ask if it was Covid, so although Turbo rarely explains simple English because his posts would quickly outnumber Dazza's wonderful spelling assistance (which just wasn't appreciated by those who needed it most) he advises that he did indeed mean Wicked Duty.

 

It's a sad testament to today's youth that even though cricket is still played, no one knows what Wicked Duty is.]

[Captain]

And the confusion continued, as given Tink's covid, Labor and head trauma addled brain, does he really mean "Wicked"? Or "Wicket" or "Wicker", the latter having most relevance to his basket weaving at the home?

 

Oh, will we ever know?

 

Eeeeen, do you have any electronic means to determine this via his IP address, or given his cognitive vulnerabilities, has he perhaps been hacked by Huawei while he has been watching TikTok?

Edited July 16, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Turbo had been hoping the story wouldn't have to come out, but it ssems it must.

Not many people know that Captain's Great Grandfather, Colonel Blimp was the Chairman of the Ponce Cricket Club, which in its day rivalled the Marleybone Cricket Club in it's stickling to rules (in fact Ponce is where the word "stickler" comes from).

 

The Ponce Club was the centre of activity for the British expat contingent from lunch time onward and many of them were players in other things beside cricket, particularly the good Colonel Blimp. The members would bet each day to see whether he would get caught and at what stage. At mid off, he could often make his escape and no one would find out about it, but at mid on he was like a deer in the spotlights, and it was Lt Col Algernon Lacey that said "Either way he's silly" and the names Silly Mid Off and Silly Mid On quickly found their way into the Ponce Cricket Rules, and they were adopted during the 1871 cricket tour by the Marleybone Cricket Club.

 

It was Algernon who said "We have to do something; although Blimp is wicked, sooner or later someone is going to challenge him to a duel, so an orderly was paid to fill him up with gin each afternoon, and that became known as Wicked Duty. That also quickly passed across to the cricket field, although the drink name coined by the Australian Team was Crocodile Juice, which a couple of centuries later became Gatorade.

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

Turbo had been hoping the story wouldn't have to come out, but it ssems it must.

Not many people know that Captain's Great Grandfather, Colonel Blimp was the Chairman of the Ponce Cricket Club, which in its day rivalled the Marleybone Cricket Club in it's stickling to rules (in fact Ponce is where the word "stickler" comes from).

 

The Ponce Club was the centre of activity for the British expat contingent from lunch time onward and many of them were players in other things beside cricket, particularly the good Colonel Blimp. The members would bet each day to see whether he would get caught and at what stage. At mid off, he could often make his escape and no one would find out about it, but at mid on he was like a deer in the spotlights, and it was Lt Col Algernon Lacey that said "Either way he's silly" and the names Silly Mid Off and Silly Mid On quickly found their way into the Ponce Cricket Rules, and they were adopted during the 1871 cricket tour by the Marleybone Cricket Club.

 

It was Algernon who said "We have to do something; although Blimp is wicked, sooner or later someone is going to challenge him to a duel, so an orderly was paid to fill him up with gin each afternoon, and that became known as Wicked Duty. That also quickly passed across to the cricket field, although the drink name coined by the Australian Team was Crocodile Juice, which a couple of centuries later became Gatorade.

 

 

 

 

[ATTACH type=full" alt="WDCricket.JPG]54707[/ATTACH]

The Skipper is working on a reply but absorbing that makes his head hurt. Just say'n.

[turboplanner]

.......had spent several years in junior teams but couldn't see the benefit in watching grass grow. "I'm more interested in learning how to fly" he said, and Turbo replied "Hop in......................."

[Captain]

.......had spent several years in junior teams but couldn't see the benefit in watching grass grow. "I'm more interested in learning how to fly" he said, and Turbo replied "Hop in......................."

", then Turbo started grooming him.

 

And while what follows is a sordid tale, it provides vital background to why this young cricketer became a leading member of the Me Too movement, plus a Victoristan Cabinet Minister and a contributor to LMBTQZ'ers for ............

Edited July 16, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

THE 100s, IF NOT 1000s, OF NES MEMBERS HAVE BEEN SHOCKED AND DISAPPOINTED AT EEEEEN'S CALLOUS DISREGARD AFTER HE WAS ASKED TO HELP IN POST #12938.

 

IT IS NOW BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY THAT HE CARES NOT FOR TURBO (WHO HAS RISEN TO GREAT HEIGHTS WITHIN WRECK FLYING AND WHO EEEEEEN MUST SURELY REGARD AS A RIVAL OF SIMILAR STANDING ...... ALTHOUGH, IN TYPICAL TURBO STYLE, HE DOES A MERE TINY FRACTION OF THE WORK).

 

MEMBERS & OS READERS CAN ONLY CONCLUDE THAT EEEEEEN MUST THEREFORE REGARD TUBB WITH THE SAME DISDAIN THAT PLANEY DOES (AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM?).

[turboplanner]

......years until he was caught out in a Sting organised by Victoria's Public Health Commander (bet very few people know who she is), He was expunged from LMBTQZ for being straight, told to put everything back in the Victorian Cabinet, and denied his daily 50 lashes from Ita.

During the course of investigations it was discovered that a descendant of Captain Cook (name suppressed) had provided a false report of grooming and that it was clear that Turbo was simply teaching the boy the rules of cricket (which NES readers know from previous posts were well beyond the mental capacity of the unnamed person and..........

[turboplanner]

[NES readers and the thousands leaving the Trump FP pages might be wondering at why Cappy is lashing out at Een, and we can only advise them to disregard his antics which are reminiscent of a Tom cat caught in a rabbit trap but the poor dear seems to be rumlogged.]

[Captain]

........ zen zee wideo becumpt available und alles vas klaar, except for ......

 

 

Note - The bloke with the mo looks & acts similar to Turdboy when he puts on his CFI bigboy pants.

[turboplanner]

[Well we waited for it, we thought we had Cappy stumped for words back a few posts, but he not only wrote a masterful script, but FILMED it (NES readers would realise that this wasn't Hitler of course, but Cappy with a stick on moustach. The difference between Cappy and Turbo of course is that Turbo would have worn his Epaulettes]

[Captain]

[Well we waited for it, we thought we had Cappy stumped for words back a few posts, but he not only wrote a masterful script, but FILMED it (NES readers would realise that this wasn't Hitler of course, but Cappy with a stick on moustach. The difference between Cappy and Turbo of course is that Turbo would have worn his Epaulettes]

 

Cappy's acting & editing skills also allowed him to play the part of the lady who chose to prefer to watch American Football. (Note the clevage, where Cappy's advanced NIDA training allowed him to "be" a woman ....... but it is also apparent that he enjoyed it just a little too much).

[Captain]

And the NES, with just 52 posts to go until it reaches 13,000, went into hibernation for the weekend. What a sad outcome. ........... just like many of the sad old NESers and AUFers.

[turboplanner]

.....had been written up by shock jocks going right back to Davy Jones who was the great great grandfather of Alan Jones.

The cricketer after going for a TIF with an Instructor from DriftersR............

 

 

 

[Turbo was at a Whinery, and also acting at warp speed to catch some very naughty Councillors.]