The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

..........set the GPS.

And so the story of the Bechcraft Staggerwing spraying Melbourne with possum p!ss was born.

The one thing the South Balinese OT hadn't counted on was Turbine Beverages' "heather:- flavoured mountain spring water.

Years of logging had nearly decimated the tine Leadbeater's possum whose habitat was the Mountain Ash used for building houses for the millenials who objected to any unsustainable environmental activity, but were the prime drivers for it (Catch 22 ref). Turbo had struck a deal to harvest millions of tonnes of old-growth forest in return for breeding one Leadbeater's possum for every tonne of timber chopped down. At first the project had run at a loss until Turbo came up with the idea of draining their cages into pipes and feeding them coffee every day (diureticref). Turbo named the product Heather-flavoured, mountain sping water on the grounds that nobody knew what heather tasted like anyway, amd the main customers were residents of Western Australia who were always at leat two hours behind the eastern States.

 

The people of Melbourne .....

[Captain]

...... despaired but adopted the new TE mask, here being modelled by the great man himself, before he ........

[onetrack]

....suddenly realised he should've washed all those jocks before he made them into masks. "But hey! - look at the savings over buying regular masks!", said the Great One.

 

It was right after spotting the TE mask in use, that Cappy came up with an equally innovative idea for filtering his homebrew. He'd simply use discarded face masks, which were rapidly becoming a major disposal problem.

 

"I don't know why anyone didn't think of this before!", said Cappy as he collected ute load after ute load of discarded masks - whilst ensuring he wore a TE mask himself.

 

"No telling what you could catch off those Victorians", he was heard to say. "They've got things like........

[turboplanner]

.....schools, where the kids can go to learn how to spell and count without using their fingers and toes, sewerage in the cities and towns, and electric light in places, not to mention.......

[Captain]

..... the roads.

 

"What have the Victorians ever done for us?" Said the PFV.

 

"Well .... there is hotel quarantining & how to bonk a security guard".

 

And before searching high & low for some other achievement that originated in Mextoria, the TE mask scandal broke when a good looking returning Aussie traveller was found to be using a TE designed "jocks-based" mask (identical to that shown in post #12977) ...... but on the 3rd day of Turbo still wearing them.

 

"Erky & Perky" said Salty, who had never seen such a thing, not even when he spent that mythical (and magical) time with Turbo at the Remnark Men's Spa (the RMS) where he had his 1st experience of .......

[onetrack]

.....diving deeply into the spa water, whereupon he came to the surface with a pair of someones jocks wrapped around his face - thus giving Turbo the "face mask out of used jocks", idea.

 

But there were even more interesting times at the Renmark Men's Spa - which ran in conjunction with the Renmark Mens Shed and the Renmark Flying and Social Club (RFCS).

It wasn't widely known that the Spa was a hotbed of nude and semi-nude men, parading their............

[Captain]

the Renmark Flying and Social Club (RFCS).

 

EDITOR'S CORRECTION.

 

WE APOLOGISE ON ONESIE'S BEHALF AS THE RENMARK FLYING AND SOCIAL CLUB IS THE RFSC.

 

THE RFCS IS THE LITTLE KNOWN ..........

[onetrack]

......le Renmark Français Club de vol et Social - the Renmark French Quarter Flying and Social Club - because the French always insist in keeping a separate identity to anything Anglo-Saxon.

 

Naturally, there was a great deal of competition between the RFSC and the RFCS, which sometimes became quite intense. Even more so, when there were women involved.

 

It was unfortunate that there weren't enough women in Renmark to go around, so the competition for the females between the RFSC and the RFCS became the stuff of legend.

 

It was while one of these intense competitions for a ladys hand was being held, that it happened that a most unfortunate event came about. Namely, that a certain El Capitaine Cuisinier was seen to.........

[turboplanner]

.......furtively flash..........

[Captain]

.......furtively flash..........

....... it, ..................... to a .......

[turboplanner]

....Security Guard who had been infected with Covid-19.

The problem started when the SG touched it.

"Sir, you cannot flash this inside good sir" said Mahatma "Outside I am having no problem"

"My ancestor, Captain Cook didn't flash his, and he was killed at either the Pineapple Park Hostel or Mamalahoa Hot Tubs and Massage at Kealakekua Bay on the island of Hawaii. If he'd flashed it he'd still be alive today so to speak."

(Turbo was in awe of Captain Cooks navigation skills and had played him a complimnent by spraying "XXXX he was good on the stone walls of his cottage in Melbourne.)

"Since then, all his descendants have carried knives like this" and he flashed it again.

His mistake was jutting out his chin and staring with his bullfrog eyes at the Indian, but in doing so he'd crossed that 1.5 metre limit.

"I am understanding your dilemma Sir" said Mahatma "they killed my ancestor too. He discovered Hawaii, and his gravestone is still there marked 350 BC, the year he died."

The Captain was now with virus and unknowingly he walked back into the Golf Club saw Brine and clapped him on the shoulder and Brine was with virus.

There was a chorus of greetings from across the room where Mavis and the girls from Wagga were celebrating their gold victory over the South Australians, and of course the Captain, being a ladies man walked over and left them all with virus.

Mavis and the girls had to play another tournament in Griffith the next day, and were allocated partners....................

[Captain]

....... who all agreed that any contact with The Skipper, no matter that they had to share him around the group, was worth getting the Covid.

 

"It's an interesting fact" said Mavis "That the Covid is designated as 19 and there are 19 of us girls, yet Cappy performed to perfection (CPTP) and by the look in his eyes (LIHE) he could have gone a few more".

 

Salty & Onesie were impressed, HiHo offered The Skipper a high(ho)-5 and Turdrbo .......

[turboplanner]

.......knew he was finished and quietly escorted him back to his room where he collapsed on the bad.

"There were NINETEEN" of them he gasped, "NINETEEN! Couldn't you have given me a hand?"

BUT Turbo and kept his 1.5 metres social distance, NES possums, and was free of the virus, and........

[Captain]

..... thought for a while before adding another "and".

 

"That's why I support Dan so strongly" said Turbo, making another And (rews) joke to show how quick witted he is.

 

"Did he say quick?" Asked Planey "Or did he mean d.........

[turboplanner]

........diplomatically witted. Planey knew that the relationship between Turbo and Dan was as close as the relationship between Dand and Scomo and as close at the relationship between Scomo and Xi. A good example was the Roads and Belts programme coming to Victoria. Turbo had started it off with four lane roads from Melbourne to the Houseboat at Eildon, the Mt Buller ski resort, the other houseboat on the Murray (upstream from Remnark) and a few others we can't mention, and Melboune's clothing stores will be full of belts for decades.

They turned their attention to the Virus which seemed to be a sort of poor man's Jabiru..................

[Captain]

.............. as part of Dan the Dick-tator's Belt & Road thingy, which has since been superceded by the new Chinese/Victoristan Suspender Belt & Edible Undies Initiative (the CVSBAEUI).

 

That latest initiative had been proven in WA where it had been tested by Labor in a focus group run by ..............

Edited July 24, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

....a bunch of LGBTIQA personalities and was found to be a perfect fit for the more populous Eastern States, where the LGBTIQA's flourish.

 

But the Initiative fell short of the demands placed on it, when the suspender belts were found to be for females only, and the edible undies were discovered to come in only one flavour - Cheezels flavour.

 

As Cheezels were not at all popular amongst the LGBTIQA set, the Initiative floundered for lack of support (suspenders and undies ref) and .......

[hihosland]

..Clive Palmer, who having imbibed a couple of Turbo's special beverages turned up at the wrong function and seeing the colour of the shirts deduced it to be a fancy dress affair and.............

[turboplanner]

........plunged into the neckline of a particular beauty with long black hair and shapely legs, knocking the wig off and the false teeth out and exposing....................CAPPY! who'd just spent two hours shaving and tanning his legs, and was not...........................

[hihosland]

at all amused that his cunning plan to enjoy a "girls night out" with constable Doughtfire had been stymied, so hitching up his suspended belt he reverted to plan B and ............

[Captain]

....... in this case, your beloved Captain is ashamed to admit, that the "B" stands for .......

[onetrack]

.....Bust. But this isn't "bust" as in "going for bust", it really stands for "going for a Bust". Yes, dear NES readers, Cappy had decided, that as Plan A failed - Plan B, where he got breast enlargements - would work for sure.

 

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?", said Turbo, with some concern, as he helped Cappy into the plastic surgeons waiting room.

 

"Yes, I thought about this long and hard", said Cappy. "If it's good enough for some of Australias top military people to go full gender swap, then it's good enough for me! Besides, there are advantages, such as......

[turboplanner]

......perving on yourself without someone going to the Diversity Manager, who usually.....

[Captain]

..... is overworked within TE in his or her role as Perversity Manager, an example of which is ........

[Jerry_Atrick]

the CEO of an organisation held in such high regard by its community, it is unaccountable... However, they often.......