The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

..... claim the Turbo turns into a foamy-mouthed madman at the sight of any Aviation Inspector or any hint of any Aviation Inspection.

"It's not like everyone hates us", complained one FoI bitterly. "Some aircraft owners are even supportive of what we do, knowing our job is very important, and could possibly save a life! But that Turbo is making our lives.......

[turboplanner]

..........precarious because of the things he does and the places he goes.

"I was clawed by cats once" said one. "I had to give Turbo a warning for doing beatups over the Rodds Bay Fishing Club, and he asked me to meet him out at his farm. As soon as I opened the gate I was clawed by what seemed like 5,000 cats."

"I was patrolling the dingo fence after hearing that Turbo had the maintenance contract and was flying at six feet to do his inspections. I was caught short at Seldom Springs one day and walked into the bush from the campsite to have a crap. A dingo trap snapped on my nuts."

The FoIs all winced, and Fritz said "That must have been painful"

"It was the second worst pain I've ever experieniced" replied the FoI

"What could possibly be more painful than that" asked Fritz.

"When I ran out of chain" replied the FoI.

Not many people know that it was Turbo who set the trap, a few months later, further up the fence............

[Captain]

..... Turbo was tempted to set up and write out the same joke again, but he ........

[turboplanner]

...........had been caught by undercover grammar policeman Captain Alistair Cook, a right ............................................

[Captain]

...... member of the VicPol joke police, for the Skipper had been appointed by Eeeean as a Jokes Administrator with a specific task to root (doubleentendreref) out all of the old rabbit-trap-on-the-nuts jokes.

 

"Did you see Vicpol's finest take down those couple of grannys on the park bench?" asked Eeeean "Well that's what I want you to do to any grandad (or granny NTTIAWWT)" wreck of a flyer (avref) that trots out rabbit trap gooly jokes and I want you to pay particular attention to .......

[turboplanner]

.......ABC Journalists because they've been doing it since they were teenagers.

The Skipper may have been appointed but he was way too in the uptake. Turbo was ready for him and explained that what he thought were two of Vicpol's finest taking down a couple of old granny's were actually Turbo and his sidekick Mater wearing Police uniforms and taking down an ABC journalist, so they could get the story out first through Channel 9 which had employed them with this simple instruction "Do what you have to do".

As a matter of fact Turbo had wondered what the old drunk was doing with a Box Brownie in his hands and dressed up as a shrub, but it's now out in the open that he's a snoop who ........

[onetrack]

....wanted to get the info first-hand on who was actually running Turbine Enterprises, as it has long been suspected that Turbo is merely a shadow director, and the real director is a member of Victoria's infamous......

[turboplanner]

......Star family which has members around the world and has controlled the world's finances since 15,000 BC. Turbo jas actually found one document dated 17,000 BC but it is yet to be ratified. Not many people know about the Star family, but they gave the world the Hotel Star rating, the word Movie Star, and.............

 

Turbo's Aunt, Lucille Star singing .....

[Captain]

.... they designed & built Ahlo's beercan SportStar, they designed and named the position of those sparkly things in the night sky (avref), they wrote the American National Anthem, one of their family sang "I've been everywhere man (or woman NTTIAWWT)", that "Wars" movie with the increasingly boring extra versions was one of theirs, they have a chain of coffee shops, plus a courier company affiliated with AusPost, but most spectacularly of all, they .......

Edited September 9, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

....can also lay claim to filling the night sky with their trademark symbol. Just how they exactly did this, is prone to a great deal of discussion and conjecture between archaeologists, paleontologists, astronomers and scientists, but it appears way back in antiquity, they had the assistance of a mysterious gent from a distant heavenly body, who is believed to be the shadow author of a book about planet creation - but exactly what the tie-up is, between the Star family and this gentleman, is rather opaque, to say the least.

Suffice to say that the original parent company of Turbine Enterprises, in 25,000BC, was involved in the negotiations to get the stars up into the sky (for a handsome fee, it was reputed), and this laid the pathway for.......

[turboplanner]

............the work done by Abraham Turbine who was advisor the the shadow author. "He was impossible" said Abraham to his friend OneNut one night at the pub "He was trying to cram too much into the story and I told him to gove it a rest, and next thing he's writing about the rest too."

"What was the story about" asked OneNut "Buggered if I know" said ON, and......................

[Captain]

....... can also lay claim to filling the night sky with their trademark symbol.

 

VITAL NOTICE - Onesies above post makes it very important that all NESers be aware that the Star family have reached an agreement with Belt & Jockstrap Dan to levy a royalty any time that any Mextorian looks upwards during the curfew hours.

 

In addition, the Smile family will also require a licence fee if any Wubourne resident should crack one.

[Captain]

............the work done by Abraham Turbine who was advisor the the shadow author. "He was impossible" said Abraham to his friend OneNut one night at the pub "He was trying to cram too much into the story and I told him to gove it a rest, and next thing he's writing about the rest too."

"What was the story about" asked OneNut "Buggered if I know" said ON, and......................

............ with that ON had answered his own question and brought the NES to a brief halt.

 

Abraham smiled, as he know that ............

[onetrack]

....... he had the inside running on the used foreskin recycling business, and he was way ahead of any others that wanted to crack onto it, simply because he was on first-name terms with that famous shadow author.

But what Abraham didn't see coming (foreskin ref), was the advent of a whole new generation who who turning their backs on parting with their foreskins, as they deemed them a body part they preferred to keep - particularly seeing as virtually all men were never consulted about having theirs removed.

This drying up of foreskin supplies was of such concern to Abraham Turbine, he had to do something - and quickly. It was time to call on an old friend from the Hillbilly backwoods of Eastern Australia - Wagga - and ask him for......

[Captain]

This drying up of foreskin supplies was of such concern to Abraham Turbine, he had to do something - and quickly. It was time to call on an old friend from the Hillbilly backwoods of Eastern Australia - Wagga - and ask him for......

........... help, as the seamy hotel trade (from the delights and freedoms of the Riverland to the grotty side of life out in the slums of Moorabbin) cannot do without its supply of Cheezels.

 

Turbo and Brine both winced in unison as they knew all about ...............

 

[turboplanner]

..........the brilliant process of recycling which had begun in Biblical times after young SolomonTurbine and Ezekiel Brine noticed the skins going to waste, dipped them in cheese and sold them in the local market for a Shekel a dozen, and soon ............

[Captain]

............ this was the genesis (anotherbiblicalref) of Salty's 100% ownership of the Remnark Workers Club (RWC) and probably more importantly, the initial cross-making factory of Turbine Enterprises located in the airport (avref) precinct of west Jerusalem, where their products rose to prominence when .............

[turboplanner]

...........people started flying to the US. Aircraft hadn’t been invented yet so the crosses were needed almost daily as......

[Captain]

............... props for the Life of Brian, and as props for the early Drifters which were marketed as אביזרים ואביזרים (avref) in Hebrew.

 

The sales of אביזרים ואביזרים's went through the roof (of the tabernacle), but the crosses also became de rigueur out Golgotha (ˈɡɒlɡəθəref) way, where the locals .......

Edited September 9, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......would use them to hang their washing on, after finding three, standing, used crosses, and realising how useful they were as clotheslines.

 

Meantimes, Judas Waterwheel, a distance relation to the Turbines, was finding that neck chains with tiny Jewish Drifters attached, sold well amongst the youth of Jerusalem. The youths used them as a gang symbol - once you could produce your Drifter on a chain from around your neck, you were "in".

The youth gangs of Jerusalem would gather in groups in the dark streets adjacent to the Dung Gate, where the light of pitch torches failed to reach. They specialised in beating up any Palestinians who accidentally happened to be out in Jerusalem after dark. This youthful entertainment was known as "Flogging a Wog", and has been practised right through to.........

[turboplanner]

..............the current time even though the Palestinians introduced Diversity Training and qietened the gangs down wnough to take over Jerusalem and build a dance hall of their own over the top of the old pub. The Star family knew they had to do something. The Drifters took it without fighting back, so the Star family repackaged them from the Essenes religion to the Jewish Religion who packed a lot more punch. The Stars remained in control and were prepared to wait two thousand years if necessary to train them up to fight back, and gave them a three pointed star as a logo. A thousand years or so later the fighting started and the Stars gave them another three pointed star to make six, which put them ahead of the US where George Washington was only given five stars, which is why Washington DC is laid out as a five pointed star and has its centre of power in the Pentagon. For the same reason, Lyndon Johnson's California Texas Oil Co only got a five point pentastar, but it was a licence to .............

[onetrack]

.....hand out stars on uniforms to Generals that nearly brought the U.S. undone. As the Star family still retained the rights to the Star symbol - and the military had spent nearly all their budget on very expensive missiles, inordinately expensive JSF aircraft (avref), and unbelievably expensive entertainment for military-industrial complex leaders - there was barely enough funds left to pay the royalties demanded by the Star family for placing their symbol on Generals shoulder epaulettes.

 

As a result, there was a limitation placed on the number of epaulette stars, to a maximum number of Four. However, there was no limit placed on the number of Four Star Generals, and as the number of Four Star Generals ballooned, so the Star bill rapidly escalated, until the military had to cut back on......

[Captain]

......... biscuits for the K9 corps and condom-ents in the sergeant's mess, where the backbone of the military were sticking pins in Xi and Dan dolls, and .........

[turboplanner]

.......the Star family were not happy.

"The US now has more four star generals than troops" said Ben Star

"Do we need to interfere again" asked Zac Star "We try not to interfere more than once every five hundred years, and I know Ebenezer Star introduced the Black Plague when Europe started to screw up, but do we have to move now?

"Di it!" said Skye Star, "stop XXXXXXX around and nuke the XXXXXXX" she continued.

Even though the world had no idea they were on the brink of extinction, at the whim of spoilt brats, they still criticised the great Don Trump, and ignored Hilary's puppet who'd agreed st step down the day after Inauguration Day, and Vlad's Tea was still being critised, but ..............

[Captain]

........... the little sister chick named Kim Yo-jong (or 김여정 as bull called her during their wild and passionate holiday romance in the DMZ "She was like a Yo-Yo" bull advised confidentially to the Skipper) who is taking over from Kim Jong Un, turned out to be a member of the Star family (plus she is also a Kardashian cousin), so bull was in the ..............

 

THE LOVE OF BULL'S LIFE AS HE CONSIDERS HIS

ASCENDANCY TO THE PRESIDENCY