The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.........unfortunate position of being the only person in the world who could stop the impending doom.

"Kimmy, he said "if you nuke them you get us!"

"I hadn't thought about that" said his blonde companion, "we'll have to ..............................

[Captain]

...... drop the load down a few megatons so that it only gets them. Hang on, I'll just check with Comrade Dan who has a supercomputer and can do the calcs for us. The lighter load will also help the weight & balance (how'sthatforanavref) on the delivery vehicle (DV) (avref) which will also ..............

[turboplanner]

........need to be reprogrammed to release further away from our Great and Powerful friend, China.

Bull was wiring furiously while trying not to be noticed, but Kim noticed (as they always do), and quietly told him he was for the firing squad.

This sent Bull into a spin (avref); his temperature rose sharply (avref warning ref), and he said "..............................

[Captain]

.............. Can I just have one more spin (avref) around the DMZ with you my darling Yo-Yo?"

 

But her attitude had hardened (she was considering tying him to the bang end of a cannon like she did to her uncle).

 

"I don't mind it a bit rough" said bull who was still besotted by her beauty and had grown up on kimchi and ...............

 

A NORMAL BRECKY FOR BULL WAS KIMCHI & MILK (FAT FREE).

Edited September 10, 2020 by Captain

[bull]

..just could not handle that Korean Kimchi,,I,m just popping down the shops for some smokes ,said Bull as he careened out the door and slid into his custom made person carrying drone [avref] and escaped..................into the blue..............

[turboplanner]

.......for about a second when the Titanium rope attached a ring in Kimmy Star's driveway snapped him to a stop.

Bull had never been in the trouble that was about to drop on him........................

[Captain]

...... and let me tell you (dear readers) that bull has been in a fair bit of trouble, angst & strife (he's had more than his fair share during his shameful existence )..... but this was something that he really ........

[turboplanner]

............hadn't expected. Jesus said that there was no hell like a woman scorned, but Kimmy hadn't been invented yet.

She ordered the Palace Howitzers to lay down a barrage centred on the end of the titanuium rope which was a thousand cubits long.

Purely by accident the rope had brought Bull to earth precisely................................

[Captain]

VIOLENCE ANNOUNCEMENT - Turbo's culturally insensitive attribution of a Shakespearean phrase to JC has resulted in a geehad being declared by Shakespeare supporters with resultant threats against Tubb, Eeeean, Wreck Flying & all who sail in her.

 

JE SUIS WRECK FLYING declared the Skipper in defiance.

[onetrack]

......at the point where there was a large ditch, and bull threw himself from the wreckage like Indiana Jones, remembering his long-ago taught fighting skills from when he attended the roughest school in town.

Once in the ditch, he ran up it on his hands and knees, making like a fox carrying out a getaway. In fact, he was travelling faster than a fox and lower to the ground.

He finally reached the end of the ditch to see it went into a concrete drain.

He dived into the drain just as the last remnants of the man-carrying drone disappeared in the last few rounds from the Palace Howitzers. But now, in the drain, he had to think fast.

Where did this drain go? Did it head into the Yalu River, or in the direction of South Korea?

Luckily, bull had his pocket compass with him, and he'd actually learnt something in nav classes, rather than launching paper planes, as he was wont to regularly do in class. But the compass was reading........

 

NOTE TO NES READERS - OT IS IGNORING CAPPY'S ANNOUNCEMENTS, AS THEY ARE DISTRACTING AND ARE NOT FOLLOWING THE STORYLINE. OT BELIEVES THE CAPTAIN IS DUE FOR CENSURE, DUE TO THIS FAILURE TO FOLLOW RULES.....

[turboplanner]

......zero, and he thought to himself: "Just my luck; when I want to head south I finish up with a disrespecting compass like Annastacia Palaszczuk" (who represented all Queenslanders who didn't know Mexico from Brisbane.)

And by a 50% chance he crawled out the end of the tunnel in South Korea to find ..........

 

NOTE TO NES READERS - To give you an example of Cappy's state of mind, yesterday was RUOK day so Turbo dropped in with a bottle of Glenfiddich. Cappy was sitting on his front veranda next to his shagged dog Spot, with a camera watching for any Victorian cars which might be driving past. Turbo had taken the plates off the Corvette, a smart move given that six photos of the car were later found on the card handed in to Wagga Wagga police.

Turbo leaned over caringly and asked "R U O K" and was greeted by XXXX OFF! you XXXXXXX XXXX, and then lapsed into his native tongue, French.

[Captain]

JE SUIS WRECK FLYING

 

Je supporte correct attribution of Bill's quotes.

 

Et the quotes of Heysoos too.

 

Down with the tyrants.

 

FREEDOM FOR ALL.

 

What have the Victorians ever done for us? (Well ..... there's the aquaducts, the health commission, VicPol ........

 

JE SUIS WRECK FLYING

 

(Où sont les bull, Brine et HiHo?)

Edited September 10, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

This burst of schoolboy mix of French and bulldust reminded Turbo of a caravan trip where Turbo stayed at the Hill End Caravan Park for several days to do some prospecting.

There was an eccentric Frenchman living in a tent in the park who had a pet hen which was tied to a tree. Each morning he'd take it for a walk, and give it loving cuddles.

One morning we woke up to hear squawks and got out to the sight of the chook, now headless bouncing around after having its head chopped off. Thinking the Park was under attack we rushed over to the Frenchman and founding axe in hand. It was Bastille day and he'd bought the hen for dinner.

 

That reminded............

[Captain]

The very last thing that Cappy wants to do is intrude on Turbo's excellent rambling recollections, but the Skipper has been very worried about Brine's absence.

 

Could the below be the reason and do we need to make any more enquiries in Douglas or Ramsey?

 

[Captain]

That reminded............

...... Turdy to take his tablets, have a little lie down, slip the plates back on the Vette, and ...........

[onetrack]

......to go and investigate where Cappy got taught his French. After some major investigations, with many leading to "dead ends" as people refused to talk, Turbo was finally enlightened when he came across an old French Madam, who was on very familiar terms with the Captain.

 

"Oui!", she grinned, "Ze Capitaine and myself are verrrry long-time friends, and eeet waz I who taught heem hees French! Mon Dieu!! He was soo-o dumb, when it came to teeching heem French!! He said he only wanted to learn enough French to be able to chat up zee girrls! - but I insisted he.......

[turboplanner]

.....learn more because I thought he is very reluctant to go beyond chatting and he should be prepared like ze boyscout", and she winked knowingly before .....................

[Captain]

..... mouthing a kiss francais and making some pornographic hand gestures in the french lingo.

 

Onesie melted as he had never seen such smut, but ever the polite western sand monkey he said "Can you show me that again, silver plate, and do you give discounts to the WA corps of the French Foreign Legion?"

 

Ze Madam looked him up (avref) and down (avref) and responded ....

[bull]

If you shag like a "bull" maybees ve vill come to some arraignment, you be vasting zee time with zee onsie, said bull on his portable long distance HF [avref] set from the mud under the bridge on the DMZ. He is still reading popeye comics and thinks getting laid is how you get an omelette....................[disclaimer: the cappy,s shagged dog had nothing to do with onesie, but the rat had to come up with some answers for the RSPCA when turbs dobbed him in]

[Captain]

He is still reading popeye comics and thinks getting laid is how you get an omelette....................

........ "Well isn't it?" retorted the Captain. "I have never understood that birds & bees stuff and I thought it a bit erky perky when the sex edumacation book said that I had to put something into something else".

 

Turbo, the Skipper's best mate, looked at him askance and explained the entire procreation & reproductive system just like a Ford Ranger advert, but then added the key bit about .....

 

Posrscript ...... Cappy's response Stat Rep to the RSPCA said that while his dog does indeed look pretty crook, it fits in so well with all the contributors to the NES, so he has decided to keep the dog.

[onetrack]

......meanwhile, bull was starting to get worried, because not only was his HF set batteries running down, there was something even worse happening.

He was running out of Popeye comics, and would possibly have to end up entertaining himself, playing pocket billiards. But the machine guns and murderous-looking NK guards weren't going away any time, and the mud was drying out in the Summer sun, making him unable to sink into it whenever an NK guard looked in his direction.

 

It was time for him to get serious about getting out of there. What would Popeye or Indiana Jones do? He didn't have any canned spinach (and he wouldn't eat it if he did), and Jonesy had obviously been detained somewhere else along the DMZ, in his rescue attempt. It was time to put in a call to Turbine Enterprises.

They were sure to have an NK representative who could roll up and whisk him out of there, explaining to the guards that he had personal instructions from Kim Jong-un's sister to pick him up, because he was involved in deep mud testing of NK's new ballistic missile system, which was guaranteed to destroy all imperialist running dog capitalists - and speaking of dogs, bull felt a strong desire to..........

[turboplanner]

..........no replacement parts available and Cappy fainted.

The NES crew were at an off road course deep in the forest and the trainer was explaining how the Ford Rangers lined up didn't need to be reproduced because they were already ................

[bull]

Eeeeen this time the turdo has been beaten to the punch by onesie,,,now this has to be a record and others NES users are starting to question his ......

[Captain]

.............. now this has to be a record and others NES users are starting to question his ......

..... perspicacity.

[turboplanner]

Not Turbo however; he had become perspicacious at the age of 25. At the time he was flying a Cessna 152 owned by a crop spraying company which.....