The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.....only employed pilots who had reached puberty and perspicacity. But Turbo was struggling with both, he was a typical pilot who had never grown up, and that's why the Cessna 152 was a good fit for him - an aircraft that hadn't grown up, either.

It was a hot and windy day when he had to put the 152 into a steep dive to clear some large gum trees, and at the bottom of the dive, as he pulled back on the stick, there was.......

[turboplanner]

.....a mapie's nest right where he had planned to pull out of his dive. Now, good readers, you might be wondering why you would put a Cessna 152 into a steep dive to clear some gum trees. Perhaps someone had planted them upside down? These were Mountain Ash, some 300 feet high, the airstrip had been built by an old AUF pilot and he had never thought to clear them from the splay; in fact he didn't know what a splay was, other than what you had the vet do to female sheep dogs. By a process of elimination, something common to RA pilots, it had been found that if you could squeeze between the fourth and fifth branches, which were some distance apart, you could land short enough to stop before the end of the strip. This year however, a pair of magpies had decided to nest on the fourth branch, but Turbo lifted the port wing ever so gently and the wheel slid over the top of the nest, and he landed uneventfully as usual. The magpies however ...........................

[Captain]

...... swooped (avref) .......

[bull]

.down to check out this flying interloper,just as turdo had exited the 152 the magpies where startled by this apparition emerging from this flying beast and went into a.................

[Captain]

..... critique of his technique (Maggys at airports are well known to be used by CASA to report on AUF member's transgressions ......... as they are dobbers), as his coordination & throttle control were woeful and his use of flaps was outside the .....

Edited September 13, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....bounds of his instructor's wishes. (everyone knows that you can land a C152 on a typical house roof with full flaps, and Turbo had made a mistake of explaining this at a Club BBQ. One of the new students, an Irish Immigrant, had tried it on second solo and made a perfect landing on a triple fronted brick veneer in Parkdale)

Turbo had heard the maggie story, and knew that some FoIs trained them to talk and identify misdemeanors.

Not many people know that Turbo sponsored a bird trailer, Elsworth from Madagascar to train cockatoos to neutralise this situation by intimidating the magpies, and it worked very well until .....

 

 

Elsworth training a cockatoo in anti FoI tactics:

[Captain]

........ bull (or Bull if his space bar is still operational) sent a PM to Turbs after seeing his post # 13,456. "Hello Mr. Turbine" it read. "I was from Bone and I am now from Taswegia so I do not understand your last tome.

 

What is the "cockatoo" business as mentioned in your last post .......................... as I only have one?"

 

Turbo was both amused and sad, as reflected by his response message which read ..........

Edited September 14, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"..........BIRD TRAILER ACTIVATED STOP BE CAREFUL STOP HE MIGHT GET YOUR CAVCGHSLKDHFO]EFIK'Q STOP LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEIN GO ON YOUR..............................."

[bull]

.flight in the turbine loehle with twin drop tanks you can not drop . Now Bull from Taswegia had already done a test flight over Prictoria to drop shit on chairman Dans house ,but was intercepted by the rat flying a Jabiru who was so lucky just to get a fleeting glance at Bull, before his trusty jabiru went though some through bolts and smoke started streaming from the stricken Jabiru as it decended [avref] into the St kilda beach area and was last seen being arrested on the beach for not wearing a mask,,holy toledo batman[turdo in disguise] said..................

[Captain]

.......... Superman (HiHo in disguise) when he turned and saw ...........

[bull]

the rat [captain] being escorted into parliament house to introduce his new road map forward for Prictoria ,after Chairman Dan asked the rat what he thought he should do. Now the plan that Ratty and Turdo had worked out one night after some Drambuie and rum was pretty intense .....Holly toledo said batman [hilo still in disguise] That has to be better then the Wuhan ....................

[turboplanner]

....Response, where no people were required as security for quarantine.

"Anyone reporting sick the local council just came along with a road crew and mobile welder, and welded up their doors" said Turbo "the kicked it in two weeks".

Ratso, who had been whacked by the Black Rod as he was escorted into Parliament was feeling rather nervous. Not many people knew that the Upper House had more powers than the Supreme Court, and here he was, now kneeling and bleeding before a Justice Committee, where the Chairperson was an ex ACTU brawler, the second member was from the Greens, and the third was with family first and a proponent on drug injecting facities, and she was the first to bore her eyes into his pitiful carcass and ask ......................."

[Captain]

.......... "Apart from the fact that you are one of the most attractive Jedi Rats that I have ever seen (my mobile number is 0436 969 181), do you know any decrepit old aviators (or aviatrixs NTTIAWWT) who might be suitable for trials at our injecting facilities? We need about 5 or so."

 

But the Rat was, as always, ever loyal to protect the identity of all his close NES mates and replied "I'll think about it & give you a bell, but apart from Tinky, Onesie, Salty, bull, HiHo and Eeeeen I can't think of any, although Planey might be ......

[turboplanner]

....suitable.

Turbo had phoned the number in #13,463 and it was answered by the Minister for Police and Emergency Services. "Why are you phoning me Turbo?" she asked, and Turbo cringed.

He didn't want to give away his friend.

He didn't want her thinking he was a nuisance.

His decision was clear "The Rat just posted your private number in a notoriuous website; I think he's trying to set you up" said Turbo.

"Leave it to me" said the Minister and he knew what was going to happen when her troops got out and started applying pressure points and choke holds on Cappy, who, it must be said was quite familiar with extreme wrestling which happened to him on every second date but this time...........

[Captain]

......... the UFC Rat used the moves which he had learnt at the Conor McG self-defense academy (as underwritten by Turbine Industries until Conor gets on his feet).

 

As a result, Ratty walked out standing tall and proud, & went straight to the TE Tattoo Parlor for his Conor McG chest tattoo (see below).

 

Turbo was flabbergasted when he saw the Captain's moves ("It must be his Jedi blood, as that rat moves like a cat") and he could then fully understand why the girls so often take off their ..............

 

 

NOTE THAT CONNOR HAS COPIED THE RAT'S KILLER STARE IN

EXCHANGE FOR RATTY COPYING HIS TAT.

Edited September 16, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

........ hats and their ........

 

BE THOU UNAFRAID OF THAT STARE DEAR NESERS.

 

THE TATTOOED JEDI RAT IS YOUR PROTECTOR & BENEFACTOR.

 

FEEL FREE TO POST AGAIN IN PEACE AND HARMONY.

 

(Apologies for all the capitals, bull.)

Edited September 17, 2020 by Captain

[bull]

AND from the corner could be heard the cry,,,,,,,you called ME a CAT !!!!!!! screamed Sir Ratty and blam straight to Turdo,s chin,,arse over head he went and as he was falling it could be heard.................

[turboplanner]

.....socks. The NES readers were unsure why Cappy had capitaled Bull; could it be that..........

[bull]

The new keyboards has too many donut crumbs ,,lol Could be shouted Turdo,after dragging himself back upright [spin recovery,avref] he always had a history of.......

[Captain]

.... backing worthy causes, the latest of which was underwriting bull's Tasmanian mango farm (which was actually a screen all around the paddock to hide bull's poppy plantings).

 

Onesie was shocked (while at the same time preparing for the cessation), while Salty was from the Riverland and therefore used to crops amongst the orange groves where he .......

[bull]

used to grow the five finger tomato bushes in his teens,why just the other day Salty had........

[turboplanner]

........been walking downriver and noticed what at first looked like stinging nettles growing amongst the vines. Stinging nettles are a noxious weed so he set fire to them and couldn't find his way home.

Turbo and Cappy met up with him a few weeks later at the Boundary Bend Fly in.

Not many people know that Cappy actually built a recreational aircraft a few years ago. He'd seen an Ad, headed Barn Find. Knowing there were no barns in Australia he thought he would get it cheap from an obvious wood duck, and he did. It was a facet Sapphire; and by the time he'd sanded all the rust off it he was left with a serial plate which was attached to a stubborn lump of pigeon poo, but he persisted and in time he had a classic aircraft and is shown below landing it.

 

He said he'd flown it from Kapoo, his home airstrip, also claimed by the ADF to Boundary Bend, but Turbo has a photo of it strapped down to the top of a B Double Tautliner headed from Sydney to Adelaide.

 

Salty had rebuilt a Protech PT2, and had very carefully selected a different engine from it, because he was the Forced Landing champion of RAA. His aircraft is shown at the fly in.

 

Turbo had found a Pulsar in disrepair which had been a school project dreamt up by a Lesbian teacher who campaigned relentlessly for equal rights to women and had tasked the Year 12 girls to building it. The school was Deniliquin, foundation home of the BNS Ball, Holden Sandman and Ute and Mattress. NES readers could draw the conclusion that (a) not much work would be done and (b) the builders would be distracted by other matters. We'll say no more, but Turbo was going to have a massive job rebuilding it. Two weeks later he'd finished, throwing the engine on the tip and building up a Honda 500/4 with titanium head and block, Mikuni fuel injection, tuned pipes, overtimed cam and CDI system that would zap a fly at ten paces. It produced 187 horsepower on the dyno. He'd done away with most of the frame and had managed to achieve 170 kts IAS so far. Turbo is shown in the bottom photo easily towing the Pulsar along the apron with one hand.

 

The fly in was a huge success with 70 aircraft showing up. Cappy asked Turbo why he had gone to such trouble to build what was an unknown quantity. "Why do you want to fly so fast?" he asked. "Well I want to fly Bass Strait and go to New Zealand and sh!t" said Turbo. "But it hasn't got any instruments" wailed Cappy.

"EEB, Cappy" said Turbo "Eye, ear and bum is all I need"

"But how will you navigate over the sea" asked Cappy. "I'll fly round the beach" replied Turbo.

Also at the fly in were ...................................

[Captain]

Cappy is exhausted after reading Turdboy's post #13472 and now needs to lie down & rest for a little while. Lots of big words there too which I need to study. You can see why Turdy got that gig as Dan's speech & Covid deathtoll announcement writer, eh?

[turboplanner]

People probably aren't aware that Cappy flew to the US a couple of weeks ago to put some spit and polish on Donald Trumps campaign. "You're about the same age as Biden" said Don, "so we need to appeal to the oldies" and before he knew it, Cappy was standing out the front of the White House next to the latest press secretary Posey Stripper who after doing an LGBTI segment handed over to a rather shaken Cappy, who for a time lapsed into a confused silence. As we've seen from his post after #14372, he's ready for bed and affecting a queensland accent after a short few sentences, but soon, in a Texas drawl he'd practiced for many years in case someone picked him up for a part as a cowhand in Dallas, he began to speak, saying "Y'all ................

[Captain]

..... and with that one word the crowd went crazy with excitement ("It's me natural charisma, mate" Cappy said to Don, as Melanea gave him that come hither look).

 

"The Skipper for 2024" the crowd yelled (with Don & Mel joining in too), and within hours Cappy was endorsed by the Pentagon and the enthusiasm became a ground swell that became a movement that developed into a campaign.

 

Cappy's mates Wazza Buffet, little Billy Gates and Marky-Mark Zuckerberg pledged their support, Mikey Bloomberg chucked in another $250 mill to get things cracking, and Turbo, The Twigster & Clive also felt the need to ..........

Edited September 17, 2020 by Captain