The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.......... he got that glorious feeling of youth again, with the smell of Castrol R is his nostrils and he recalled those wonderful days when he used to swing for Turbo (NTTIAWWT), where Tubb piloted (avref) their sidecar at Melbourne's Brooklyn Speedway.

 

Turbo and the Skipper had been close mates ever since that time where they defied death and destruction together, so when the feeling came back, Ratty swung out to the side of the T500, scraped along the ground like he used to do each Saturday night, and single handedly lifted the aircraft (avref) back into the air (avref) to climb (avref) away at the T500s usual 1000 fpm, to where the air (avref) is ......... 

Edited September 28, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......made for superb pilots like Turbo, who had been trained by the grandson of Biggles, Roger Wingover, who'd had his name changed by deed poll. Turbo grabbed Cappy by the collar to readjust the centre of gravity and the T500 rode on the step like a 747.

They found themselves over YSFK and Cappy said...........................

 

[bull]

These bullheads in my arse are becoming a real problem as i think one has punctured your fuel line as the fuse was slowly filling up with 87 unleaded[because 88 was always a cheap bastard] and they where leaving a contrail behind them,the internet went wild with the scream,,,,it,s chem trails again Dan dan is spraying all melbournians with DDT to kill the virus..................Na that car,nt be right said hilo i think it is just cappy peeing himself because Sgt Doughtfires Prictorian ultralight enforcement squadron, was closing in on the mighty thrusters tail  .[see attached photo] Now what do we do said Cappy...............I have no idea said turdo [hanging on for grim death to the spindly fuselage pole as 88 said he was not welcome inside].Just shut up and watch said 88 as he threw the mighty gemini into a...................

Edited September 29, 2020 by bull

[turboplanner]

....groundloop which shook 88, hilo and antone else who'd been clinging to the delicate craft, and off they went again.

"Could you pick these bullheads out?" whimpered Cappy, and flying with his knees Turbo extended a pair of needle nose pliers to full arms length and, holding his nose with the other hand made a series of grabs which took more flesh than bullheads, but thats what friends are for, and soon they were on their way to..........

[bull]

turdo,s hideaway on king island.  Only one problem the mighty gemini just did not quite have enough range being so heavy with 88 still clinging to the tail of his [stolen by turdy] gemini. Ok said the whimpering pin cushion that was once cappy after fixing the punctured fuel line with a band aid,, we will have to..........

Edited September 29, 2020 by bull

[turboplanner]

.........jettison weight"

Turbo heard a faint cry from behind.

"What did you DO!!!!!!!?" he asked Cappy, but Cappy just stared at him, horror on his face.

88 hit the huge Bass Strait at an angle, and with the help of the Bernoulli (Avref) effect of his big gut, achieved the skipping stone effect and landed on Cape Barren Goose Island.

There were tens of thousands of geese walking around, fresh nests, and the air was full of honking.

He had a permanent supply of food.

"I wonder what species of birds they are?" thought 88, but he was interrupted by..............................

Edited September 29, 2020 by turboplanner

[bull]

a faint voice calling out "",who,s that ?"" 88 got up and looked around and down on the beach sat hilo who was exhausted after his swim to the island after turdo flicked him off the thruster. After giving him some water from his radiator cooler bag he managed to snag off the thruster before being thrown to the tail 88 sat down and Hilo and 88 started to discuss how to escape to enact revenge apon the rat and the turd. Hilo said you know a bit about those old submarine thingys don,t you? Why,s that said 88? well  said Hilo as i was swimming to the beach i saw a remarkably preserved type VII german uboat laying in a cove just around the corner there, as he pointed to the nearest headland,     ok lets have a look said 88 and they started walking along the beach and as they rounded the headland where astounded to see.................this..,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,Mein gott,,,, said 88 ,in a previous life before the witness protection program i skippered one of them       [88 in a previous life] and ................

                                                                                        

Edited September 29, 2020 by bull

[onetrack]

...I've got the medals and the scars to prove it! In fact, I got this scar (lifts his shirt), in a bar in ..." - but he was interrupted by Hilo, who said, "I don't want to see your bar scars, I want to see what you can do with this sub, to get us back to civilisation!" 

 

"Oh, that's easy, said 88, "all you need to do, is fit the bungs and wait for high tide. Then, once it's afloat, I can show you my reversing skills with a sub!" 

 

"You'd better have more than reversing skills!", warned Hilo. "I want us to go forward, and go forward fast, to get us out of this hell hole and back to where I can.......

[turboplanner]

.......play the pokies once again.

They fitted the bungs and a king tide came up, and 88 reversed off the beach which wasn't that hard since all he could hit was the Southern Ocean.

However, the next part was a disaster because he was one of those who could only navigate with ozrunways, and the voyage was about to go down in history as "Voyage to Antarctica, but now CO1 was building inside the old sub and no one had noticed. 88's arms fell down and...........

[bull]

.... he realised that it was just hilo,s BO, so he tied him to a rope and threw him over the side and towed him for awhile to get rid of the smell.   Now Turdo and the rat had been living the life on Turdos private resort on king island after crashing the mighty gemini on the beach after running out of fuel just as they arrived. After many parties and liaison's with King island local girls ,they decided to go cruising on Turdos private yacht and after about 10 daiquiris and some 5 fingered tomato bush, the Cappy slurred to Turdo,,,Hey what,s that stick thingy following us in the water    hmmm said the Turd i,m not sure but maybe it is ..............

Edited September 29, 2020 by bull

[bull]

Meanwhile 88 had checked the torpedo compartment and had found there was 4 perfect type 94 torpedos already loaded in the tubes ,you beauty he said to himself before he went and dragged old hilo back on board.  After drying himself Hilo said "look over there " whats that boat it looks like the one the turd cruised to the gold coast schoolies on  last year  . Hmmm said 88 with an evil look on his face...

Edited September 29, 2020 by bull

[turboplanner]

........"Did you notice that Bull was familiar with Nazi weaponry?" (NTTIAWWT).

A shiver ran up Hilo's back; "My God" he thought, "the bone structure, a moustache!!!" and he froze.......

[Captain]

WRECK FLYING HAS BEEN PUT ON NOTICE BY THE RAT CORPORATION PLC (LONDON BASED) FOR SHOWING THE SKIPPER'S PRIVATE YACHT.

 

IT IS A DISGRACE THAT THIS PERSONAL DATA SHOULD BE EXPOSED ON A PUBLIC FORUM ................ BUT EVEN WORSE IS THAT TURDBOY WILL NOW WANT A FREEBY FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS AND WEEEEEEEKS WHILE MY BOAT IS IN THE MED (bULL, HIHO, ONESIE, SALTY, PLANEY AND THE 88 MM THRUSTER ARE OF COURSE WELCOME ANY TIME AND MAVIS (& HER WALKING FRAME) IS LOOKING FORWARD TO PROVIDING SOME SPECIAL HOSPITALITY).

 

[bull]

bit late cappy,and hilo and 88 where seen dancing around the conning tower and rolling around in fits of laughter after seeing the turd boy and cappy paddling away from the wreck on a Cowley float,,An evil laugh could be heard as 88 turned the submarine around and yelled to hilo ::ramming stations;and both cappys and turdys eyes grew ever and ever bigger as they watch the sharp.........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...prow of the sub racing towards them.

"Wait for it......WAIT for it!" yelled Cappy as Turbo grabbed the one paddle left.

 

Suddenly there was an explosion of white water; spray flew hundreds of feet into the air and when it subsided thye sub was nowehere to be seen, just two heads bobbing in the oily water.

 

"The old Type VIIs couldn't tolerate full throttle for more than twenty seconds before the through-bolts let go"  he said "and when they did they usually burst out through the hull. I noticed through the binoculars a rust line all round the bulkhead and figured the force would knock the side out of the old girl and it did."

 

Turbo was in awe of Cappy's great knowledge.

 

Cappy reached under the flap of the Cowley Float; "Fancy a gin?" he asked.

 

Two days and four cases of gin later they washed up on the beach at Waikiki and the locals were so impressed they wort a song about it, which...........................

 

 

[Captain]

........... was such a well worten song that it won an award in the Hawaiian Songworter's Awards, that are held each year in the basement of the ........... 

[turboplanner]

......Kahala Hilton where Turbo spends his Melbourne winters.

He takes his Thruster out to Nu‘uanu Pali (known to Mainlanders as Pail lockout) backs the Chevy out over the cliff, and launches, heading straight down, which is the only way the Thruster can gain speed. He flies downhill all the way out to the highway where his chauffeur picks him up, loads the Thruster, and off they go to watch the Hilton Show which is well known around the world. Elvis sat next to him one night and he'd said "any chance of just sitting in your own seat?" before he realised who it was, and they spend the rest of the night drinking beers and eating hamburgers and jamming, and Turbo wort a song for Elvis called......................

[Captain]

........... Wort Christmas, Worten Heart, What a Wortable Life, & Jailhouse Rock, where Turbo (the modern Oscar Hammerstein ......... or Carol King) drew inspiration from .............

 

TURDBOY (TOUCHING UP THE OTHER BLOKE [NTTIAWWT] ON THE

STAIRS AT REAR LEFT) WHILE TEACHING ELVIS THE CHOREOGRAPHY

FOR THE MOVIE .......................... WHERE HE WORT THE SCRIPT TOO.

Edited October 1, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....Rex Harrison in the film My Fair Lady who played the part of a Professor who could teach his sudents how to bend the English language to make them a different person.

 

And Turbo had succeeded with Cappy teaching him to blend a nonsensical word into a sentence in such a way that it offended no one. Notice good readers that there have been no laugh emojis or angry posts from people who changed the subject or put a communist spin on it; nothing but happiness and all readers perfectly understanding the meaning of the XXXXwit sentence that Cappy wort wrote.

 

Not many people know that it was actually Turbo teaching the Actors how to speak and Dazza teaching them how to spell when My Fair Lady (but Dazza had to be sent out on errands because he swore too much and Rex Harrison was picking it up when he sang, which........

 

 

 

One of the scenes shot after Turbo had Rex Harrison up to speed.

 

 

[Captain]

...... was nothing compared with the Japanese version where Nobu Harrison had the lead, singing "The Lain in Spain farrs mainty on the Prain" and "On the Stleet where you Riv", but even worse when ........

[Captain]

................ My Fair Rady got to the notoriously risque geisha bathtub scene ("I ruv that scene" said Nobu "It's a clacker") and ...........

Edited October 2, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....the Geisha lost her costume in a wardrobe malfunction, thus exposing Turbo, playing the part of the Geisha!

 

The audience gasped as all this was revealed (along with parts of Turbs anatomy that no-one should be forced to view), and this led to a near-riot as the......

[Captain]

........... mayor of Hiroshima, who was in the audience, said "Wardlobe malfunction my ar*e. He's a frasher ............... and I'd lather have the bomb than to have to watch the Turbopranner with no undies and exposing his plivate .............

Edited October 2, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............Naval force.

And finally after decades waiting for sealed files to be opened to the public the true story of the end of WW II Pacific can be told.

 

The US Navy were XXXXXX in the Pacific; there's no kinder way to explain it, when Bill Turbine  came to them with a code breaking algorithm years before computers had been invented. He said he could decode all messages sent by the Japanese defence forces. He said if he could  place Australians on Guadalcanal and the other islands as "coastwatchers" with 3 x 30 binoculars the only cost would be their food so they could keep up a false chatter about mythical ships, hopefully a few Japanese to fool the enemy into thinking there could be observed. All Bill needed was an operating US submarine so he could drop the guys off and get them food. Admiral Nimitz agreed and the secret Turbine Marines were formed. A group of girls from the Wagga Wagga Services Club would listen in as Bill's secret radio decoded the Japanese reports, which as anyone knows who has worked with the Japanese are the most comprehensive in the world.

 

Quickly Turbo Senior turned the war around and soon the Navy was heading for the land of Nippon (the name was later changed to Nissan because the Americans couldn't pronounce it, but the change failed and today Amercians call iot NeeSarn)

 

Turbo Snr was smart enough to download Ozrunways to his sub's navigation system and beat the US Navy into Hiroshima Bay. Here Bill parked the sub facing the entire Japanese fleet tied up at the Kure Naval base. They were sitting ducks, just like Hiroshima; it was Deja Vu all over again.

 

The Admiral looked out and said "Whadda ya want?" (in japanese of course) Bil Turbine replied "This is the United States Navy; Stand down your ships or I'll destroy your base"    "XXXX off" yelled the Admiral turning to walk away, but something made him turn back.

 

"How you going to do that?" he asked

 

Bill was caught; this guy knew US submarines; most couldn't hit the side of a haystack at two feet

 

Confident again, he said "Put it this way, if you don't surrender a B29 is coming over tomorrow and they're going to drop an atomic bomb on you.

 

"I'll take the bomb' replied the Admiral who the following day.......................

[bull]

will forever be etched [literally] in stone [as he looked up just as it went bang and was seared into the courtyard]and remembered as the one who....................