The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

..... still Bertie kept flying. "It'll take more than files, rasps, angle grinders, chainsaws and fires to stop me from nailing more Huns!", he roared at the gaping hole - which he suddenly realised, improved his vision of the countryside below, markedly.

 

"By jove! I think I've found a worthy Camel modification (besides bullet holes, of course!), that I must mention to the CO and the other jolly fellows, as soon as I RTB!"

 

However, shortly after, Berties brow furrowed and his consternation levels rose, as the fabric around the gaping hole started to rip and flap - and the hole got bigger! 

 

Berties attention to the gaping hole and ripped fabric was soon diverted by the sight of Hun troops on the ground, moving steadily towards his friend Algernon. It was time to......

Edited October 15, 2020 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......pull out the stops. He did, and fuel began to flow down........................

[Captain]

BREAKING NEWS ..... RAA PROMOTION EXPOSES TURBO'S FLYING STYLE AND CROSS DRESSING.

 

 

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......pull out the stops. He did, and fuel began to flow down..........

............... his inner ............

[turboplanner]

.....tube towards the railroad track..........and a train was coming...........

[bull]

around the bend at a great pace ! Oh sxxxt said........

[turboplanner]

............Bertie (OT) and quickly wrote an SOS note and threw a pigeon over the side; it flew straight for the other pilots.

 

Biggles (Turbo) read the note and yelled “Right Chaps, Bertie’s in trouble; on me Flight Sergeant Smyth (88).

 

“Yes SIR!” yelled FSS who was a grovelling little bastard.

 

The two Camels were soon heading over the lines.

 

Not many people know that The Sopwith Camel engine  had a total loss lubrication using Castor Oil as a lubricant. They got the idea from Speedway bikes which got faster with each lap as the weight reduced. They used Castrol R [Shangri La fragrance ref].

 

Now you will remember from your childhood what happens if you have too many spoonfuls of Castor Oil.

 

Well you guessed it; FS Smyth’s engine shit itself and he  was lucky enough to land between the trees in a forest. A few minutes later Biggles landed beside him.

 

As they tried to fix the engine they heard someone whistling and around a tree came Baron Von Richthofen (Big B)

 

FS Smyth pulled out his Webley, but Big B explained that he was destined to be shot by Australians the following week according to his tea leaves.

 

“Ooh, they’re AWFUL” said FSS, “I’ll shot you now and save you that experience as an act of kindness” and his finger tightened on the trigger.

 

“PUT THAT DOWN!” yelled Biggles “He’s a GENTLEMAN!”   

 

“Oooooooooh! Temper, Temper” said Flight Sergeant Smyth, who was English “W…………”

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Oooooooooh! Temper, Temper” said Flight Sergeant Smyth, who was English “W…………”

..... hy are you wearing lady's underwear?" (he was British ........ (and Mextorian)) "So please take off my .......

Edited October 15, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........tail skid [avref] so I can get out of this mud and attack Baron .............

[Captain]

...... von .....

[turboplanner]

.....Shortun on the Somme at Lamotte Warfusee where the Baron was guarding a huge cache of gin.  Algy (Cappy) pleaded with Biggles to let him join the raid and Biggles kindly said it was OK, but Algy couldn't start his Camel because he was swinging its prop the wrong way. (He still does this today). FS Smyth got the Baron with the first burst, but the Baron's aircraft crashed into .....................................................

[Captain]

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

but the Baron's aircraft crashed into .......

............. Algy's great big fag packet (where he stored a container of duty free Camels).

 

The mention of the Gin got Algy very excited, as that is his sip of choice, and he has been known to ..........

Edited October 16, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

..... consume at least 2 bottles to strengthen his nerves, before he gets airborne (avref) in the Camel. But once fortified with at least 2 bottles, he can take on any Hun ace.

 

The problem for Algy was the bottles kept getting hot in the cockpit - and despite the fact that the empty bottles provided useful additional ammo, once he'd run out of real ammo - he was concerned that the Huns would know exactly who they were fighting, once they spotted an empty gin bottle being heaved overboard.

 

"Ach!! It's das pixxhead Algernon, again!", they'd say. "Look, it's his empty gin bottles! Ve know how to deal vit him! Ve only have to......

Edited October 16, 2020 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.................putten outen und stacken of gin bottlenen und Algernon vil kommen downun und try to load das Camel mitten der gin.

"How ve vil getten him" asked Baron Von Deutschvagen, who was good at giving other people the dirty jobs.

"Easy" said Eric Von Stalhein who was very deep. "Liken ze Eskimos when ze fish.  They kutten das hole in ze Ice, und when the fish come up ze kick him in the Icehole. The Squadron members all thought about that for a while, and then they heard the unmistakeable sound of a Camel, and the smell of castor oil. Two crapped themselves in anticipation. "Schnell, sCHNELL!" yelled Eric "Ze Gin bottles!

Algy was scanning for the Hun, one finger on the trigger, when he saw the cache of Gin bottles and ..................................

[onetrack]

....forgot all about firing on Huns. He both chortled and slavered in anticipation of loading up with free gin. "Jolly good show! What-Ho!", yelled Algy as he throttled back for landing.

 

But suddenly, and all too early, one of the trigger-happy Huns let loose with a few rounds. Terrifyingly, bullets whistled around Algy, and he instinctively ducked.

Then suddenly - total, utter, and complete tragedy struck!! A Hun bullet smashed the only remaining full bottle of Gin on board the Camel!!

Algy was absolutely outraged!! His rising fury made him apoplectic with rage.

 

His face went red, and he raged out loud!! "Damned Huns!! Smash my Gin, will you!! I'll show you!!" - and like a demented madman, he ripped open the throttle and banked away from the hiding Huns, fully intent on gaining great altitude, and then dive-bombing them, like a raptor falling on an unsuspecting rabbit!

 

The engine of the Camel roared, and it even drowned out Algys roaring. Nothing was going to stop Algy having his revenge on the Hated Huns, for their wanton destruction of his premium Gin!

He climbed and climbed into the Sun, and then banked around to get a good view of the hiding Huns. But they were clever, those Huns.

 

They'd surrounded the Gin bottles. If Algy fired on them, he would hit the Gin bottles, too!! Algy was suddenly aware of the conundrum. What was he going to do?? He couldn't.....

[turboplanner]

.......fire and he couldn't leave them. He saw a Camel coming towards him; it was Ginger!

Now Ginger was also a Gin fanatic and when he saw Algy pointing at the stack of gin bottles he knew what to do; he swooped (W.E.Johns ref) down and raced along one side of the stack, the blade on his wingtip cutting the throats of  the Huns of that side; a quick wingover and he came back the other way and cut the throats of the rest. Not a gin bottle was harmed.

"Allah Akbar" he ried as he climbed awat, but the evil ..................................

[Captain]

........ had been misquoted by Turbo bin Plonker, as it was actually "الله أكبر" that he ried as he climbed awat.

 

This post by Turbo Garbage-Bin had attracted the attention of VicPol and due to the fact that there were no Little Old Ladies (LOLs) to arrest in the park today, Turbo bin Post'nonwreckflyingtoday was arrested as part of the crackdown on Street Gangs as undertaken over recent week as Operation Alliance.

 

Turbo had been identified as one of the leaders of the gang known as the Decrepit Boys, which was set up to attract over 60s wrinkly old sportscar driving white guys (WOSDWGs) (which is also an AUFref), as they have been active lately sitting on their verandahs in the sun during lockdown and yelling abuse at passers by, such as "................. 

Edited October 19, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, Captain said:

sitting on their verandahs in the sun during lockdown and yelling abuse at passers by, such as "................. 

..... Can you help me stand up to go inside for a pee?" and ......

Edited October 19, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".....get yaself an aileron ya bastard! as Utes go by with  18 yo apprentices shaking their heads at the language and reaching for their phones for a quick over-the-shoulder shot."

 

Algy (Cappy) aka Al G, a rogue Afghan amd the son of Ginger Khan, had joined the group and was sipping coffee when this happened and his Arabic side came out. The blood rose in the eyes to hal full and he jumped on the Vespa and screamed "

خدای ښه دی ، یا کمین پیل کړه ، زه ګناه درته میږو مخ راځم

tried a wheelie with the vespa and fell flat on his ......................

 

 

Edited October 19, 2020 by turboplanner

[bull]

Arse, now the vespa was careening at a fast pace heading directly for.............

[onetrack]

...the Mosque, much to Al G's great concern. However, his distant cousin, Ali G was passing by and stopped, just as the Vespa slid to a halt against the Mosque entrance door.

 

"Hey Mun, dat scooter be clappin' now, eh?", said Ali G. "Yo betta run befo da Jakes turn up! Dat's wun crump message yo left those Muzzies, eh? You is one Rude Boi!"

 

Al G was not only trying to regain his composure at this point, but he was completely flummoxed by Ali G's talk. In fact, he had no idea what he'd just said.

 

"You talking to me, Ali G?", said Al G. Do you want to talk in English to me, or are you on some parallel world of language?

 

"Hey Mun," said Ali G, "It's time fer yo to cotch, I tell yo, dat scooter is crutterz, and yo......

Edited October 19, 2020 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

 

".......better go home

Kite's got a ripped wing

Got no Phone

Hun bullets rippin

Mud's good for slippin

Shells burst and splittin

Wanna go home"

 

Hearing Al G, the Huns held up white flags and came out of their trenches with bottles of Scnapps and stolen gin, and they all partied.......

[Captain]

45 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and they all partied.......

...... like its 1999, with bull playing the lead role (bull is the spit of Prince, but not quite as tall now that he is all bent and stooped over in his latter years).

 

Below is the video of bull, as recorded by ASIO as part of their investigation of Turbo bed Linen, Al G and the Taswegian 111% militia,  who have a close association with the Moorabbin Bra Boys and the ........

 

 

Edited October 19, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

EXPLANATION FOR INNOCENT & NON GANG-RELATED NESERS.

 

BELOW IS A PICTURE OF THE MAROUBRA BRA BOYS. THE NECK TATOO

IS THEIR GANG INSIGNIA. ARE THEY WHITE SUPREMACISTS?

 

 

AND HERE IS A PHOTO OF ONE OF THE MOORABBIN BRA BOYS.

ARE THEY HESTIA SUPREMACISTS?

 

 

JUST TO BE CLEAR, TURBO IS THE LEADER OF THE MOORABBIN GROUP AND

THE CHOKER COLLAR IS THEIR GANG INSIGNIA.

 

 

Edited October 20, 2020 by Captain

[bull]

Stop press: Asio has arrested the ring leader of the NES import company as part of the investigations into international money laundering, Sgt,Wegotja said that the Captain [alias ,cappy /Ratty/etc] was involved in the moving of funds from international crime rings into Australia.  And a nation wide alert has been issued for the captains second in charge who we are closing in on ,beware this individual is classified as dangerous and the public is advised to NOT approach him if recognized and notifie authorities immediately.  He is described as looking like a village people actor with a pentchant for tight leather pants.  This is the only image we have of him at present and if seen report straight away.