The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

I am not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Thomas and I am not saying you ‘do not’, but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the gravy ladle by now.

............... not that there is anything wrong with that.

 

So the NES has deteriorated into wise tales and ladle-iferous anecdotes that seriously besmirch Tom, John & gravy.

 

For the good of mankind, will the the Tubboplunger please clear up whether Tom & John were actually "at it", and do they ever use gravy as part of their technique (or the ladle .... even).

 

And while the Plunger has been recounting wise tales and true, ahlocks has been untrue to his mates in the NES and has been bonding (closely) with another firey by the perhaps apt forum name of cloudsuck-er, where they have been discussing the merits and pitfalls of the relevant legislation and in particular section 25. (Which was full of pitfalls when I drafted it, never went thru a proper peer (or pier) review, and never got edited properly before it was enacted).

 

What is the world cuming to?

 

Although GrandePierre would be so proud ..... if'n he was still around. "I can just hear him now saying "I'm back with a ...........

 

My Aunt's gravy ladle went missing from the garden too and Tom never returned it.

 

PS ... And what was John's Mum doing anywhere near Tom's bed, let alone inserting proof marked kitchen utensils into it?

 

PPS ... Do you perhaps suspect that John's Mum and Tom have been having an affair and she is jealous that Tom & John get on so well (not that there is anything wrong with that) in their cozy well furnished flat in Kings Cross?

 

PPSS ... Is John's Mum a bit of a bag who is about to lose her young lover and she'll do anything to keep him ..... even to the extent of ruining John's life?

 

PPPSS ... Is Tom actually BigPete?

 

PPPSSS ... Is John's mum actually the Riverland Nanna with fancy makeup and a better bra?

 

Conclusion ... Tubb's story has raised more questions than it answers.

 

 

[turboplanner]

I knew there was something suspicious about that Cloudsucker.

 

 

[Captain]

I knew there was something suspicious about that Cloudsucker.

"Don't besmirch the Cloudsucker, as well, Tubby" said SlartiHotPlate. "Admonistration requires you to answer the very serious questions raized by the Skipper in his last post ..... you besmircher"

 

 

[hihosland]

quote

 

So by dispelling a myth that "Cheetah flyers are pussies", are you specifing that cheetah flyers actually are pussies and as such, it's not a myth? Or that cheetahs make better farm implements and it's myth that people fly them?

 

endquote

 

It has been roumoured that cheetahs are pretty good at ploughing furrows on the beach does that qualify as a farm implement.

 

or are they merely spotty pussies?

 

and is that just a euphamism for some horrid STD?

 

there are so many questions that

 

all NES ers should be confined to the garden with BS, admonistrator and Nana until all questions are answered and then all could.............

 

 

[Captain]

It has been roumoured that cheetahs are pretty good at ploughing furrows on the beach does that qualify as a farm implement.or are they merely spotty pussies?...........

If they keep being used in this way, perhaps in future they will each come with a Certificate of Airworthiness AND a Primary Producer Certificate.

 

Just think of the tax advantages.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Enormously impressed by Startihotplate's ability to beam instructions to Le Crappe and turn him into a puppet (Could he be one of those Roswell aliens?) Tub decided to try his best to set Slarti's mind at ease by attempting to answer the difficult questions posed by le Crappe. His answers are in red.

 

Although GrandePierre would be so proud ..... if'n he was still around. "I can just hear him now saying "I'm back with a ...........

 

[Gravy ladle] Be more original - Admin

 

PS ... And what was John's Mum doing anywhere near Tom's bed, let alone inserting proof marked kitchen utensils into it?

 

[Praying]

 

PPS ... Do you perhaps suspect that John's Mum and Tom have been having an affair and she is jealous that Tom & John get on so well (not that there is anything wrong with that) in their cozy well furnished flat in Kings Cross?

 

[Yes, but there are limits to what you can divulge, even in the NES - I've got the photos though - $5.00 each through Clear Prop] Please!...Admin

 

 

 

[please what? - send them?]

 

 

PPSS ... Is John's Mum a bit of a bag who is about to lose her young lover and she'll do anything to keep him ..... even to the extent of ruining John's life?

 

[she's still paying off the surgeon, and the wrinkles are putting her further and further into debt, and she's losing her touch due to arthritis, so that's the only course of action available]

 

 

PPPSS ... Is Tom actually BigPete?

 

[No, he's skinny. They broke the mould when they made BigPete - the splash went as far as Deniliquin;Worksafe are still investigating]

 

PPPSSS ... Is John's mum actually the Riverland Nanna with fancy makeup and a better bra?

 

[No, they talk about tripping the light fantastic, but in Nanna's case it's while she is doing the housework, and no bra has ever been built for that length. One wonders why certain NES members hang around her]

 

 

Conclusion ... Tubb's story has raised more questions than it answers.

 

[possibly so, and considering it was pinched straight out of a joke book we'll never know]

 

"Now Cloudsucker" said Tub provocatively "appears to have been a glider pilot who woke up to the fact that what goes down never comes up, and switched to real aircraft"

 

"If he is a fiery, and he hasn't been prepared to come out and admit it - they all seem a bit shy, but they obviously love the cuddly uniforms - we may be able to get him to offer some material for NES, because, as we know, between fires there is only so much fire engine polishing and reading of last month's Womans Day (not that there is anything wrong with that) you can do.

 

"So perhaps Cloudsucker could make a cameo performance on NES?" (think I'm getting Petedisease)

 

 

[turboplanner]

The vicious attacks by LeCrappe and Hee Haw above reminded Turb of a pack of Kangaroo Dogs which had just caught a fox - skin and hair going in all directions, so in fairness Turbo decided to side with the Cheetah operators - that is the ones subscribing to Cirque de Soleil.

 

Firstly it must be said that anyone who paints an aircraft in the form of a cat skin must be delusional. The New Guinea natives built stick aircraft after WW2 hoping the American Aircraft would be attracted back to the decoys. Given the amount of friendly fire in the interim it wouldn't have been a surprise if it worked, but it didn't, so there was prior knowledge that painting your plane like a leopard will only confuse it with greek women.

 

On the other hand.....a gust of wind.....who is the one to cast the first stone...how many 200 hour pilots have flown 200 hours in calm conditions and are yet to meet their Waterloo.

 

That having been said, The subject pilot has conducted more landscaping and development work on the surface of that airfield in the last 10 years than the owners.

 

Now take the other Cheetah owner, on the receiving end of so many vile accusations.

 

We won't talk about his engine assembly ability, but when his engine failed he took decisive action, landed upright, on what was the only piece of level ground in the district (although we should Google earth the area to make sure there wasn't a 5000' airstrip, six lane highway, 500 acre paddock, K Mart roof underneath him), and, respected NES readers he left a straight furrough.

 

Just think what would have happened if it had been a certain other aircraft:

 

(a) Missed the beach completely and drifted 30 metres east

 

(b) Swerved into the sea

 

© Swerved up the beach and flipped over the seating area

 

And don't forget he was greeted like Kingsford Smith, lauded as a hero, and credited for skills better than most A330 pilots.

 

"I don't think they are pussies" reflected Turbo, but then thought "who could really know?"....

 

 

[ahlocks]

.... ahlocks has been untrue to his mates in the NES and has been bonding (closely) with another firey by the perhaps apt forum name of cloudsuck-er

True, McLoch had been unfaithful .....and still feeling dizzy from having to actually think serious thoughts :confused:. So much so that he didn't set the usual bait in the NES during the early hours...Or wind 'em up in the pilot watch thread... (oh, the shame)

 

Fair chance that VapourVacuum is a QLD baton twirler (now there's an interesting concept :confused:). If he is, I'm gunna call him on his cuffs and 1.5kg DCP and raise him 2000 litres of H2O and a truck full of toys.

 

========

 

Can't keep up with morning people .... Back to play after another six cups of coffee..:yin_yan:

 

 

[Captain]

Can't keep up with morning people .... Back to play after another six cups of coffee..:yin_yan:

"Well, well, well" said Nanna. "I note that Tubb and Le Crapper are dead set early performers, so it looks like a triple-bunger is on the cards for good old Nanna and I'll have one of each of 'em for breakfast, dinner and tea. Now all I have to do is keep my Daughter and Grand-Daughter on the outer. I wonder if I throw SlartiHotPants to them, he can keep them both busy (aviation term)?"

 

"And I am John's mum too" she added, just to spice things up a bit.

 

My Aunt thinks that if your house is going to catch fire in YSWG, you had bettter hope it happens in the arvo.

 

 

[turboplanner]

My Aunt thinks that if your house is going to catch fire in YSWG, you had bettter hope it happens in the arvo.

Or in your case he'll be leering at you through the front gate and following legal procedure to the letter.

 

 

[ahlocks]

Yep, to the letter(s) :thumb_up:

 

C.A.R.E - Cover A:censored:s Remain Employed :raise_eyebrow:

 

===========

 

Besides, some people pay good money to be able to stay up all night....

 

 

[Captain]

Can't keep up with morning people .... Back to play after another six cups of coffee..:yin_yan:

And to think that the Ahlow-vackian is flying tomorrow morning just after sparrow-phart.

 

Methinks he will be given a wide berth (not that there is anything wrong with that).

 

Is THAT why those cunning Czechs put coffee cup holders in those SportSzaras?

 

 

[ahlocks]

Nah, no coffee cup holders...but you can hang a caffeine IV from the canopy cross brace... Remember Jon English and Alice Cooper? We share a striking resemblance around the eyes, first thing in the morning. :yuk:

 

===================

 

Weird! Just got a grumblegram from the Sirs upstream reinforcing the need to take extra CARE when forcing entry a few minutes ago. Coincidence!? :confused:....

 

 

[Captain]

Weird! Just got a grumblegram from the Sirs upstream reinforcing the need to take extra CARE when forcing entry a few minutes ago. Coincidence!? :confused:....

"Not sure I like the sound of that" said the Lass

 

"What, the forced entry bit, or the bit about taking care?" asked the Slowvacuum?

 

"Erm .... let me think" she replied 'It's the ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

The Sirs have sensitive sphincters and as Avlockout would realise 98% of thier investment goes on spy equipment in case another department gets some advantage, so all can rest assured that a simple post relating to a Jab fire would be on Supersir's desk 10/100th seconds after a new CYA came up, so he can now pin any "mistakes" on coffee loving snoozers. It appears the stone throwing has started in Victoria with the claim that a fire crew had to stamp out 320 metres of fire front with their feet after (a) they weren't paged and (b) the crew they joined ran out of water. Hindsight should be worth more than gold and sold on the futures market.

 

 

[ahlocks]

...It appears the stone throwing has started in Victoria with the claim that a fire crew had to stamp out 320 metres of fire front with their feet after (a) they weren't paged and (b) the crew they joined ran out of water.

" 'tis where I get my dislike of us v's them things from. :yuk:" Sighed McSnorzaK "The amount of testosterone induced spats and hissy fits that go on is depressing"

 

But to lighten things up, McLoch is contemplating assembling a jar of petroleum jelly, some nitryl gloves and a box of tissues to offer as a set of accessories to go with a 'pilot watch' auction...:devil:

 

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo wasn't quite sure what McLoch meant by describing certain objects for the Pilot Watch brigade. He'd had an Omega Flightmaster many years ago, but found that by the time he twisted the dials, pressed the right buttons and then tried to read the result the artificial horizon was in a most unusual position.

 

He knew that whatever South Australia tried, and they were a cunning lot, they'd always be half an hour behind Victoria, so they didn't matter.

 

And he realised that it didn't matter any more if you were behind time or even way off course (the Russians have just named Mount BiggleTop after the famous aviator who reassured us he was travelling through Gippsland at the time), and the Controllers won't talk to us any more, preferring to play Solitaire for money.

 

So Turbo sold his Flightmaster for $2300.00 (cost $270) and adopted a time honoured system tauight to him by his grandmother.

 

She was the only person who could control him because she was clever - the only instruction she gave him each day was to be home by dark, and tea was never served in daylight.

 

And this, friends, is what Turbo uses for a watch today. After all it's perfectly obvious that when there's no light it's time to come down.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Meanwhile a squabble had broken out in the Colonel's Mess.

 

Under the innocuous heading "1500 + hr 912s bush service.............." which most people would take to be a boring treatise on undoing nuts and bolts and not having any left over, it's on for young and old, rivalling the night someone stole the partidge soup in the Burma Brigade.

 

It seem to be running along the lines of a Rotary Act having a longer life than Shakespeare while being lovingly cared for by a bunch of cattle musterers......

 

 

[ahlocks]

Oh Damn!! there's ribbin' to be done and I've got to go out and knock the dust off the tin can and make sure there's enough Bee Pee in it to keep the rotaryaxe buzzing tomorrow...i_dunno

 

 

[turboplanner]

Never mind, have a good time, they'll still be at it when you get back. Don't forget to wind the rubber band up......and make sure you're back before dark!

 

 

[ahlocks]

Lacky band wound. 12 month old ERSA replaced with current version, found the nav gear under all the cabbage roll wrappers and even watched where the sun was setting just in case the compass fails...

 

 

[planedriver]

A quick NOTEM here.

 

With the greatest respect to so many contributors, if one looks back to earlier days of the NES, the story flowed and made a made a lot more sense, as well as being fun for so many more.

 

Good on the guys for trying to keep it going, but I feel the interest in this section could be declining a bit? and I for one, would love love to see it change for the better, which should'nt be hard.

 

The last thing I want to do is to offend anyone in any way, but if we can head back to more along the lines of where the story started, we may find more throwing in their two-bobs worth ,and giving us all a good laugh, which would be great.

 

Judgeing by the number who have ceased to contribute of late , maybe we can can make this section better. Enough said!

 

Having now spat my dummy, and hopefully not offended anyone, I wish to inform you that Julie Andrews is possibly going to put in a special guest appearance at Narromine to partake of Admins free coffee and hot-cross buns. Bigpete may not be attending sadly, so there may be a dozen or two to spare.

 

Friarpuk may even have some of his "Special" Narromine-ded plonk available, but this is yet to be confirmed.

 

Geoff (who's put up with a lot of crap, bless him) may be found talking discounts at the McGuiers Polish stand, while Paley and Bendoon will probably be in the background ensuring that members do no not go too far astray.

 

With Carine there this year, offering a manicure for the ladies and also offering a very special service digging bits of blown pistons and gaskets etc; from under the nails of the unfortunate guys, it should be a resounding success.

 

Hope to see many of you there.

 

Meanwhile, the stalwart Capitan gets on his vintage crystal-set to see if he can hear any messages from the long-lost Echuka Star.

 

"Ello, Ello, Ello",------- Still not getting any messages, he figures he's in the attic digging out his morse-code pad?, or sucking up to the one who pays the fuel bill so he can get away at Easter.

 

Everyones mate, Decca, failed to even give us a wave as we flew over the bowling green this arvo from Flt lev 35, as he had his eye on that little white ball.

 

C'mon you Rusty NES'ers we want to hear from you!

 

Kind regards

 

Planey

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch----------------------

 

 

[turboplanner]

Meanwhile, back at the ranch----------------------

 

---they were chewin' and spittin' and drinking corfee....

 

What an odd post Planey, you come in with a gigantic spit, get totally off the subject with a forecast about something called a Narromine and finish with a ranch scene.

 

The NES is a blank sheet of paper, the storyline can be taken just about anywhere by anyone, and is one of the threads which most of the time finishes in the Latest Posts section. If you want the content to change you just have to put in content and away it will go.

 

 

[Bigglesworth]

Back by unpopular/indecent request, and also due to aiming for Ayres Rock, Biggles-crash-worth is back to tell you the sad story.... And to keep the NES in a nice flowing line, I'll write in a nice flowing style (set font to cursive)....

 

I'll start at the start.....

 

In the beginning God created heaven and earth, divided light and dark and called it a day..... fast forward by living like Biggles-fast-worth, and then mankind is changed by the invention of the Cheetah.

 

Much to the annoyance of their designer who wants to have an excellent plane with a good reputation for safety, the rowdy crowd has realised that here, finally, is a fast plane, which is easy to repair, and can handle crash landings in any surface, any time of the day.

 

Basically, if you own a Cheetah, it takes crashing to a totally new level: its the cheapest plane to practise crashing in, repairs are normally easy to do and not very costly. You can even get a bulk discount on props......

 

And no-one gets injured

 

So after having crashed into the beach for a matinee and into the runway for a repeat (certainly not a finale') Biggles-philosopher-worth realises that there is no problem so big that you can't run away from it, and promptly buys a new ute the next week, and drives to Newcastle, where he thinks he passed a cop on the wrong side (of the speedo dial....)

 

Now he's miles away from the remains of what was once a noble aeroplane, and what still is the security for the loan to buy the ute, and building an extension on a house instead of fixing his plane. Get your priorities right, you idiot....

 

Anyway, so its waiting until I get home (the sooner the better) and can put some TLC into it. And some chrome-molly. The latter being a lot stronger.

 

So to get a story flow.....

 

If a Cheetah can be repaired by 3 people in an afternoon, then crashed again by one person in about 10 minutes...... what do you call that idiot, and why was he sighted in Avalon next day at the pilots presentation waving a VB and talking about the art of crashing while listening to country music...........

 

And if anyone thinks it has any connection to a loose screw/aunt, they get their house crached into :P

 

As Jerry Lee Lewis would say "Follow THAT"

 

 

[Bigglesworth]

PS thanks for the support, turbo. No pussies in Cheetahs, thought there may be a connection, along the lines of pussy magnet? will that get censored?