The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

....... when his 30 men (the entire Kiwi army had been dedicated to the Gallipoli campaign .... and they even had the NZ Navy's pride and joy, and only vessel, the row boat named WhyKickAMooCow, there in support) saw a herd of 32 sheep (one for each Kiwi plus 2 spares in case a couple of the others weren't good looking enough), so the army wheeled right toward Croatia (and the sheep) while the General then ......

Edited November 7, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........headed for Anzac Cove, an a ride out to HMS Prince of Wales for roast pheasant dinner, and a discussion on who was going to make their soldiers do what on the following day. There was also some discussion on a wayward SE5. General Godwit Phillips-Jessup started the conversation with "We don't need a jolly airforce; the SE5 is precisely the reason why. Just think what damage a ciuple of squadrons of the blighters could do to our twoops what!"

General William Fitzpatrick chimed in with "the beggar even bombed the Turkish shithouse!", but since that was the biggest British success of the day, most of the dinner companions, out of their uniforms and in back tie were more subdued. "How to we catch the jolly scallywayg?" asked General Patrick FitzWilliam, but nobody knew whether you could throw a rope around it or shoot it through the heart, like a buffalo.

And so Captain Starlight and his SE5 were unleashed on any and all troops the following morning when ..................

[Captain]

....... General Fitzwilliam issued his command, but William objected, and Starlight .........

[turboplanner]

.......took off anyway and headed for  the Turkish lines. But his compass had been displaced 180 degrees in yesterday's thumping and he .............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

But his compass had been displaced 180 degrees in yesterday's thumping and he .............

....... headed, unbeknownst, towards Greece.

 

"What is the Parthenon and Olivia NJ going at Lone Pine?" he mused to himself as he commenced his bombing run with ......

Edited November 7, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.............what seemed like deadly accuracy, he headed towards those famous columns. He marvelled at the accuracy of the design, and how straight those columns looked, even though they should have lost visual appeal through perspective. He remembered the ancient Greeks were schooled in Egypt and had learned how to bulge the columns 1/9 of a cubit (2inches) (50.8 mm), so that perspective made them look straight. Not many people know that the Greeks, who planned to build hundreds of parthenons as shade houses to boost the Greek economy, had invented the thumbit. As we all know the cubit is the distance between the thumb and outstretched finger to the elbow; this saved ancient civilization of having to carry rulers when the pocket hadn't been invented. The Thumbit was to be a handy may of measuring the bulge when you were carving a column out of rock. You couldn't lose is, and it was easier than remembering 1/9 of your arm. Unfortunately the money ran out before the first Parthenon could be built and the Thumbit was lost to mankind. How much easier would it have been than having to go to Bunnings and nuying yet another tape measure because you can't remember where the last one is.

It was against this historical background that Captain Starlight, who used to shoot road signs and beer bottles as a kid headed.

The SE5, almost in slow motion drive reetlessly on toward those historic columns ...................

[Captain]

..... plus he had a half column himself as he looked down at Olivia, ..... and who could blame him.

 

However the Palace of the Virgins (that bit stuck on the side of the big shade house, where they grow the orchids) was of particular ......

 

OLIVIA & TURBO, WHEN HE WAS

HIRED AS JOHN'S STUNT DOUBLE

Edited November 7, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....interest - when, suddenly, there was an almighty BANG! - and the SE5 went into a uncontrollable reetless dive. A reetless dive is one of the worst types of dive, and little is known about how it starts. But everyone knows how it finishes.

 

Cappy was confused, startled, horrified, perplexed, shocked, mortified, perplexed, nonplussed, bewildered, confounded, mystified, baffled and even dumbfounded as to what had happened - and why. 

 

The reason he was overcome with all these feelings and emotions, was because the Thesaurus he always carried on board (to find excellent epithets to throw at enemy pilots, when he'd run out of ammo), had flown up in the spin, and hit him in the face, open at page 255.

 

Cappy pulled the Thesaurus from his face, in an effort to see what what was happening. His world was spinning around him, and nothing he seemed to do, had any effect.

It was obvious the reetless dive was going to finish him off. "This can't be happening to me!!", he cried (to himself), "Because I've arranged to meet......

Edited November 7, 2020 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

........Turbo for lunch to watch the dancers of Delphi. He phoned Turbo: "How do I get out of a reetless dive?" he wailed.

Without a moment's hesitation Turbo said "Back stick, left rudder, full throttle" and Cappy was on his way.

 

"It's great to have friends you can trust" thought Cappy.

"Why on earth did I say that?" thought Turbo.

 

However there was a "BANG!" from the SE5 and he was headed for the ground again. The fan belt had broken. He made an uneventful landing on smooth ground clear of trenches. As he got out he noticed it was also very quiet, with no one shouting any Oders.

 

Then he realised it was No Man's Land, and..............

[bull]

He had gone through a TIME GATE and was now in the year 2020, and the republican army was screanming for pilots to help fend off the black clad hoodie wearing antifa army[formed by the democrates] "really good money and top accommodation,Captain Starlight was immediately put through a familiarisation program for the latest f 35 fighter...Now this took  some getting used to as the speeds where startling old starlight and he............... 

[turboplanner]

.......was still trying to work out how to work a very off-looking Puckle gun. It was his favourite gun in the SE5, a duck punt gun on steroids, and the best part was when you had bad eyesight like Captain Starlight (he was a bounty hunter in the US until he shot three Marshalls in a row), it didn't matter, he wasn't happy in the F35 because all he could see were screens so he grabbed the escape hatchet and chopped his way down to the blue metal of the gun.

 

The aircraft was much the same to fly; when you can fly a Jabiru LSA55 you can fly anything they used to say and it was true.  He lined up on the democrates antifa army, kicked the lever and BOOM, they were toast. Then he turned to go hme for tea and biscuits and that was..................

[bull]

just the first sortie,,,YOU must defeat the corrupt Biden/harris coup,  Dead people should NOT be allowed to vote ,said onesie and the fate of the free world now stood up to Captain Starlight,,,,,what was he to do???shall i........

[Captain]

...... retorque my thru-bolts or should I ......

[onetrack]

....wash my socks and jocks? - as it had been a while since either had seen water or soap, and Starlight was starting to get pretty "woofy", as the word was, around the trenches.

 

But Starlight, being the tough and rough old character he was, wasn't in the least concerned about being "woofy" - as he reckoned, if he fell into enemy hands, he could get away more easily, when no enemy would come with 20 paces of him, thanks to his pong.

 

But then he realised that the ladies were more inclined towards blokes with faint whiffs of Old Spice, rather than week-old dags and cling-ons, and armpits that smelt like septic tanks that hadn't been cleaned out for 20 years.

 

Accordingly, he realised if he came across some delightful young creature, he couldn't risk it, and decided it was a wiser course to steer for....

[turboplanner]

.........the Winery near Huzur, which was right on the beach.

Captain Starlight made a perfect three pointer on the beach, had stripped off all his gear and was soaping his uniform when a white pointer appeared..............

[onetrack]

......wearing only her bikini bottoms and with her pert, pure white breasts on full display. Starlight dashed into the water to hide his major embarrassment (which was related to the size of his manhood, of course), and thereupon proceeded to give the "white pointer" a jaunty wave.

 

She smiled and waved back, thus making Starlight especially happy that he'd stowed a bar of soap on the SE5, and had taken it with him on his way down the beach.

 

But then, Starlights pleasure turned to horror, when he realised it wasn't salt-water soap, and he couldn't raise a......

[Captain]

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

But then, Starlights pleasure turned to horror, when he realised it wasn't salt-water soap, and he couldn't raise a......

........... bar, or any other kind of ..........

[bull]

note!   Now after much thought and musing he decided he would...............

[turboplanner]

.......try either a semi quaver or a crotchet to see if ....................

[Captain]

............ he could break the glass ceiling (avref) relating to ...............

[bull]

the vne [avref] of the modified x35that he stole off the yanks.  Starlight dipped the tanks and realised that he....

[turboplanner]

.....was dipping air. He needed fuel, and a lot of it, but ...................

[bull]

He had left his keycard at home ,,so he taxied the 35 up to the local servo and filled her up with premium and then did a runner, just as he reached v2[avref] along the country road in front of the servo a................

[turboplanner]

.............Highway Patrol diesel BMW emerged from a side road and ..............

[bull]

the shit hit the fan big time ,Starlight punched out the braking chute and just managed to stop before the bmw became FOD[avref],constable blog immediately yellow stickered the 35 for no tail lights ,and then arrested starlight for fuel theft,,a loud procession of profanity spewed from starlights mouth as constable Blogg handcuffed him and led him to the bmw,hmmm thought starlight here,s my chance i,ll........... 

Edited November 10, 2020 by bull