The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........the training area for the French Foreign Legion and had all.......................

......... cloches et sifflets, plus a couple of dames capturées from the Arc-en-ciel Guerrier, who ...........

Edited November 23, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......

Mais les cloches et les sifflets du Rainbow Warrior l'ont tenu éveillé toute la nuit, et le chant des dames
 était en fait l'appel des coqs alors il est sorti rapidement de La Belle France, 
laissant derrière lui ........

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Mais les cloches et les sifflets du Rainbow Warrior l'ont tenu éveillé toute la nuit, et le chant des dames était en fait l'appel des coqs alors il est sorti rapidement de La Belle France, laissant derrière lui ........

...... une aperitif sur le (or la, Non pas qu’il y ait quelque chose de mal à cela (NPQYAQCDMAC)) tête, pourcois...........

Edited November 23, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

.... has the NES suddenly all gone totally Froggy?", said Onetrack, who had a deep and abiding suspicion of Frogs - and even more so, now they were building our new Submarines.

 

"Just look at terrible quality of the Froggy products!" railed OT - "Their cars are crap, their aircraft are dubious, and now we're going to have dodgy Froggy submarines as well!"

 

"But their wines and women are delightful!", said the Personable Jedi Rat.

 

"You actually admit to drinking Froggy wine, too?", said OT incredulously. "Next thing, you'll be telling us ......

[turboplanner]

".......you've used the French postal service all your life!"

"I have indeed" said Starlight "certainly there have been times where there was a delay and typical French unfeeling service, but all in all, if you want to get a message through they are reliable."

OT thought for a moment then.............

[Captain]

.......... remembered that one fateful example where one of the components of the French Postal Service (the FPS) ripped at a critical time, just when Onesie was on the vinegar ........... 

Edited November 23, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

..... bottle, checking that the ingredients weren't adulterated, and that the vinegar wasn't French before he added some to his salad.

 

But it was only when he found the torn letter from Capt Starlights French ladies connections, cast aside in the hedge, that things started to add up.

 

It was now obvious that Starlight had been holding out on his French dalliances - but when he was spotted walking a French bulldog, it all.....

[turboplanner]

....came back to him. The dog’s name was Francois and he could......

[Captain]

...... lick his .......

[onetrack]

....way out of a concrete-walled safe room, such was the strength of his long tongue. But speaking of tongues, it was only when one of Starlights French lady friends turned up, looking for him, was it revealed that Starlight also possessed an amazing tongue, that.....

[Captain]

.......... was so good and effective that Workplace Health and Safety (WHAS) forced his lady friends to adopt a "Safe Word" when Starlight was on the job (OTJ).

 

One used the safe word "Stop", one used the phrase "Don't stop", and yet another used "TFF (That Feels Fantastic)", so Starlight often became confused, failed to stop when required and therefore killed several french ladies who all died with a sourire on their faces and a ...............

Edited November 23, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

....major investigation into Starlights activities was commenced immediately. This led to the discovery of a whole range of other creatures (other than delightful French creatures) that had been killed by Starlight, in his murderous lust.

 

"It's become obvious to us", said Inspector Montal-Turbine, "that we have a serial killer investigation on our hands here - a ruthless killer who has the curious affliction of desiring to see his victims die with a smile on their faces. This is absolutely outrageous, and we will stop at nothing, to........

[turboplanner]

..........bring this animale to justice.

But Starlignt was too quick for the elderly Montal-Turbine who was just lufting his quill to write to the Chief Justice when in through the door rolled...............

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

when in through the door rolled...............

............ le local Sherriff with a declaration that Starlight's tongue had been declared a Weapon of Mass Destruction, a Noxious Weed and had also been included in the Howard era (and Biden) weapons buyback program.

 

But the ladies of France (it turns out that thousands of them had been there and the survivors had got the T-Shirt [although thousands of others are buried in mass unmarked graves]) objected and initiated "Yellow Panties" protests all over le joint, which became known colloquially as ...........

Edited November 24, 2020 by Captain

[bull]

FLM protests [french ladies matter] and the covid stayed away because it got confused with the BLM protests and the FLM protests. It was awesome said Madame Curie, [the world famous one] why we even went to...........

[Captain]

..... heaven and back on Starlights langue.

 

"She glowed in the dark even before the fireworks" recalled Starlight fondly and she also wanted me to ........

Edited November 24, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....walk her dog every morning, which was the end of a potentially great partnership.

 

Starlight was sipping a cafe au lait in Montmartre when a young  Pierre Turbine came walking along with Papillon.

He froze; regular NES readers will already have realised that his stories were just too good to be true; the two Frenchmen were there to collect the fees for his exploits with their string of girls.

There was an aekward silence and then .................................

[Captain]

..... even more silence de aekward, which forced Pap (as he is known to his mates) to explain .......

[bull]

That .

 

[onetrack]

....what happened at the Folies Bergere, whereby Pierre Turbine, Eduard Le Bull, and a number of other well-known aviators (avref), were involved in a most decadent display of behaviour, that if news of which got out to the media, the careers of all concerned would be effectively terminated, and they would become targets of vile abuse, the likes of which would not have been seen in the aviation industry (avref) in a decade or more. And as Pierre leaned forward, with a grim look on his face, he uttered those infamous words......

[bull]

Ve have vays of making them talk you know,hmmmm said onesie la grand ve could make a buck here you know if we...........

[turboplanner]

"........behaved ourselves and turned it into the Folies Bizarre."

A British officer was nearby and overheard. "It was bally AWFUL!" he said and ...................

[bull]

you should have seen how that ratty person behaved during 44 at Naples,,why even the local lads could not get their end in ,as all the maidens where lining up for the cappy . Och is was foul said Scotty from Wales we all got blisters on mrs palmer because of it.Why Norman even wrote about it in his diary [all of rattys concubines showing off to ratty so he could choose which one would be next for his attentions as shown] We will have to.............

Edited November 25, 2020 by bull

[Captain]

2 hours ago, bull said:

We will have to.............

........... all dance the Can-Can while commando" said bull who fancied himself all commando (and he was having good results down in Tasmania since his emigration."

 

"It is little known" said Uniroute "That the Can-Can was originally invented by a one of the Western Australian 1st Nations, in order to .............

Edited November 25, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

.......... in Tasmania since his emigration."

bull's emigration was really grating on the Tazzy locals, as while he so often trotted out his Tazzy 2 Heads jokes (which proved that bull is a bit of a knob), when he went commando, as he so often does (even at AUF Dinner Parties), it is obvious that bull himself has 2 kn...........

Edited November 26, 2020 by Captain