The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......otson his calf muscles every time he tries to prop start an aircraft.

He has the peculiar starting motion which starts with a little hop and then.............

[Captain]

53 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He has the peculiar starting motion which starts with a little hop and then.............

..... he puts his left one in, he puts his right one out, he puts his other left one in ..... and shakes them all about (to the delight of all the ladies from the Strahan CWA .... "I never thought they could stretch that far" said Thelma, who was an expert who had seen every performance of "Puppetry of the Penis" each time they played at the Queenstown Scout Hall).

 

"I knew that bull goes commando" said Terese from Risden "But I never realized that he is a Brazilian commando ...... and therefore learnt the dark art of ......

 

 

PS .. In the meantime bull stood proudly in the doorway, legs akimbo, with the afternoon light coming (mavisref) from behind him.

Edited November 26, 2020 by Captain

[bull]

And showed them all his cat,,,,my god screamed mavis it,s got a .................

[Captain]

........ ringworm, an AK47d (you can tell by the shape of the front sight) and a little bit of sarcoptic mange on the tip of its .....

Edited November 26, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

11 hours ago, Captain said:

 

PS .. In the meantime bull stood proudly in the doorway, legs akimbo, with the afternoon light coming (mavisref) from behind him.

PPS ....... With the light coming from behind him, bull cast a shadow just like a sundial ....... and it appeared to be indicating 8 o'clock.  The girls were impressed and invited him in.

[turboplanner]

.....left ear, which followed a daliance with a feral siamese in the thick brush on the banks of the Somme.

 

NES readers have been treated to new revelations of history in Bull's post #?????  with the news that the AK47 was in active service in France in WW1, and so was Mavis, having received her letter from the Queen in 1999 which just shows you taday's Cappy's taste in women. We all knew she had a few years on, but her antics at the GGRSL must be some kind of record, or ..............................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

We all knew she had a few years on, but her antics at the GGRSL must be some kind of record, or ..............................

...... bull wouldn't have pointed to 11 oclock once Mave sidled provocatively into the room.

 

This was a record for bull as over the last decade or so he has had trouble showing the time over about half past 9.

 

"Yeah, dont knock the oldies" affirmed bull as he enthusiastically rubbed his .........

[turboplanner]

........Brown & Brown, Jewellers to the King, pocket watch, hoping to speed it up.

It was nearly twenty past ten and he wanted to ....................

[Captain]

...... make the appropriate adjustment to his sundial pointer to allow for daylight saving, which meant that he needed to ........

[turboplanner]

........fit the "Le Sundial Adjuster" sold by A. J. Cole store throughout La belle Francais everywhere and manufactured by Cloches Turbines.

He fitted the LSA and walked over to the Bulldog, bolting it on. The sundial was half the size of the Bulldog but it was a requirement of FASA, so he did what was required.

A couple of swings and the Bulldogs engine was barking (cleveravref) like normal, and he opened the throttle and headed for the angels.

(second avref)

 

He'd climbed to 15,000 feet over the Somme when he saw a squadron of German Fockes below him, and he thought I'm ...........

[onetrack]

..... going to have a go at those little Fokkers!!". With that, he peeled away in a banking dive - then he suddenly realised his controls had frozen. He started to spiral! It was looking like it was "all over, Red Rover", when suddenly, he found.....

Edited November 27, 2020 by onetrack

[Captain]

...... the ground (avref) coming up to meet him at a rate of knots.

 

"I wonder why the earth would suddenly do that, when it has been in the same place, down there near sea level for millions of years?" he asked rhetorically before the answer ......

[turboplanner]

.......smacked him in the face in the form of a German shell.

"XXXX!!!" he said.

Then he realised that by an amazing co-incidence he'd gained height with only a slight bump. The shell had been going his way and rising slightly as he was falling sightly.

 

[This, regular NES readers may be a post in which we can attract some of the mundane posters who continually want to know which rudder pedal you push when te aircraft is about to stall and also spin, not to metion spiral dive and you are heading for Albury which is in cloud which is due to clear in 30 minutes.]

 

What had just happened was that Bull had met the requirements of a relatively unknown equation known only to the likes of Newton, Einstein, Turbo and Cappy. Archimedes disagreed with it on principle but what would he know.

 

This is the equation:

 

F = BG*NMS/IOU*156374880879878768787/2

 

and so Bull was free attempt to fly the Bulldog again (please don't tell anyone, but the problem is Bull hasn't done a BFR in 16 years), so he headed for the first Union Jack he could see on the south bank of the Somme (in World War 1) and landed in the mud which...................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

and landed in the mud which...................

...... sticks, as Onetrack & Turbo both know, after they were accused, several years ago, of the sin (NTTIAWWT) worse that "get-home-itis", which was that they .........

Edited November 28, 2020 by Captain

[bull]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......smacked him in the face in the form of a German shell.

"XXXX!!!" he said.

Then he realised that by an amazing co-incidence he'd gained height with only a slight bump. The shell had been going his way and rising slightly as he was falling sightly.

 

[This, regular NES readers may be a post in which we can attract some of the mundane posters who continually want to know which rudder pedal you push when te aircraft is about to stall and also spin, not to metion spiral dive and you are heading for Albury which is in cloud which is due to clear in 30 minutes.]

 

What had just happened was that Bull had met the requirements of a relatively unknown equation known only to the likes of Newton, Einstein, Turbo and Cappy. Archimedes disagreed with it on principle but what would he know.

 

This is the equation:

 

F = BG*NMS/IOU*156374880879878768787/2

 

and so Bull was free attempt to fly the Bulldog again (please don't tell anyone, but the problem is Bull hasn't done a BFR in 16 years), so he headed for the first Union Jack he could see on the south bank of the Somme (in World War 1) and landed in the mud which..................[the info on lack of BFR,s for the bull is factually incorrect ,,it,s closer to 18 years now]Whats that bfr thingy you all talking about shouted bull over the roar of the bull dogs engine as he taxied over to the fuel bowser whilst lighting his cigar!!.never needed one he said , why would i need someone  else to tell me i fly like shit], i,m scared enough myself]................slattered all over the bulldog and hid his rego number from that sneaky RAA inspector who was checking rego,s to give to debt collectors for landing fees...........

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......whether successful or not, and bull always made sure there was a repair shop handy before attempting any landing. Dragging a crashed Bulldog through shell craters behind a horse wasn't good for an aircraft.

In the case he looked around and there was a Turbine  Atelier Aéronautique just across the road and a LAME with his tools of trade, sledge hammer and oxy torch at the ready. It was going to be a good day.

 

There was another Bulldog flying that day, and in a very erratic way. It was Polish piolt Bogdan Locksansky. Captain Starlight recognised who the pilot was in an instant, as his grandson Captain Cook had been able to do with Bogdan's grandson Loxy. As the Bulldog lined up on the British outpost, Starlight knew the first thing he had to do was find some way of pointing to the enemy, so he......................

[Captain]

On 29/11/2020 at 7:01 AM, turboplanner said:

As the Bulldog lined up on the British outpost, Starlight knew the first thing he had to do was find some way of pointing to the enemy, so he......................

.......... dropped his jodhpurs.

 

"I know" he said "I shall point to the enemy the same way that bull tells the time. So there they are, all lined up down there in the enemy trenches."

 

But the enemy soldiers looked up and laughed because the pointer could only be detected by an industrial scale 5000X telescope and even then it was hard (doubleentendreref) to see (some nurses even thought that it may have been shot off during the Boar War) and the wind (avref) was blowing, so the pointer was spending a lot of time aimed at ..............

 

Edited November 30, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......the German Artillery which had devastated the sustainable green forests of the Somme environs, decimating near - extict plants, and animals like the mauve tree frog which was the worst hit because the Germans had blasted all the trees to bits, the dappled rock spiders which fed on fresh grass, and birds like the variegated pie clapper which lived in the shade of the deep forests. It was doing a lot of damage to the British and French troops too.

 

Starlight gave the artillery a spray; this was late on a Friday.

 

Not many people know the story because it was lost in all the rush of the War, but as most people know the Germans shut down their infantry on weekends out of fairness to the British who said they had to prepare for the Sabbath.

 

In book 16 of "The Great War" an ex German General being interviewed said "Ve went to starten firing Monday mornink, but all ze guns was frozen solid mit rusten. Ve usen Penetrene and Castor oil on them for one week before they worked. Ve never worked out why they rusted up that one weekenden."

 

But we of the NES know don't we; such a little thing to use but it helped shorten the war. A week later ...........

[Captain]

....... the air was wrent by the smell of .......

[bull]

Sir Nobus underpants [he had flown through a time gate and was decimating the german aircraft with his zelo]pooo said turdo how long have you had them on? Well said Nobu the last time i changed them  was in 1945 so subtract from that,hmm about 27 years i think.  Anyway can you guys help me find some 20mm cannon shells and some 7,7 machine gun bullets? I used them all up fighting that strange red plane with 3 wings, i got him but some bloody aussie reckons he got him with a 303 really? a bloody 303 do you believe that why ........

 

[onetrack]

...who uses a .303 to bling down airclaft (avref), anyway? If you want to bling down airclaft (avref), the only way to do that, is to use Zelo! (avref)"

 

But suddenly Nobu became aware of the sound of a high-pitched scream in the sky, and he dived into a nearby trench - along with Turbo, Cappy, Bull, and Onetrack - who was there first, and who already had a good grip on a Browning .50 cal MG.

 

They all peered up to see a Stuka (avref) screaming towards them at high speed, on a bombing run. "Holy SXXX!!", exclaimed Cappy, Turbo and Bull in unison. "They've brought WW1 forward by introducing WW2 aircraft!, said Cappy in amazement. "It's not possible!" said Bull, "We must be in a time warp, did anyone see any strange mists and light changes recently?"

 

"Nah", said OT as he calmly pulled the trigger on the .50 cal, and the Stuka went into a spiral dive, trailing smoke and flames. "But I did find this funny machine with a cabin over in one of the other trenches, and sat in it, and found a heap of buttons I played with! But now, you mention it, a lot of things seemed to have changed around here since I did that, and the scenery is definitely looking.....

Edited November 30, 2020 by onetrack

[bull]

 a bit like Normandy or Scotland . You didn't see this fella around it did ya onesie?said Bull he might have been the one to bring in the stuka.,Suddenly cappy screamed,,,,,,, into the ditch everyone ,,,,,,as an strange looking moving garbage bin looking thing started screaming ,,""exterminate,exterminate" whilst swinging its trunk thingy around and pointed it at turdo who.............................

Edited November 30, 2020 by bull

[Captain]

9 hours ago, bull said:

and pointed it at turdo who...................

...... evacuated his .......

[bull]

...spot in the ditch faster then speedy gonzales and was last seen disappearing over the hill.  Well the moving garbage bin thingy started turning towards onesie and...............

[turboplanner]

.........it looked like he was tracked for good, but a rumbling sound was heard from behind the hill.

The Hill to this day is still named Turbo Hill and no one knows why, but on that day a German A7V tank nosed over the hill, and blew that tin pencil can to pieces. It had a crew of 18 (there were so many wheels, handles, levers and triggers to operate) commanded by Turbo who had selected a hit team from the trenches and crept up to the back door and was peparing to take the German crew on single handed, having just finished a lunch of captured saurkraut, when he let one go, and the German crew used every hatch and door to evacuate and get a gasp of fresh air. He was able to take over the steering, spin it around, pick up his crew and wipe out the time machine which..............