The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....if Cappy hadn't been so fast on the trigger they could have made a ground breaking decision to ban Compasses from aircraft, because it only encouraged speeding in the turns.

 

Meanwhile bull was checking his own facts and..........

[Captain]

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....if Cappy hadn't been so fast on the trigger they could have made a ground breaking decision to ban Compasses from aircraft, because it only encouraged speeding in the turns.

 

Meanwhile bull was checking his own facts and..........

... and if Turdy hadn't gone out of turn, Planey would have been the star of the NES.

 

What is the world cuming to if Dan's man, Turbo, can interrupt the Story in this manner?

[onetrack]

.....Turbo's compass arguments were a big part of the reason why he was perennially lost. However, there was general agreement that Turbo had done a wonderful job of rebuilding the Drifter with floats and Evinrudes, so he was well-equipped for landing anywhere on the face of the Planet, when he was lost.

 

In fact, Turbo had gone to enormous lengths to re-shape the Drifters fuselage into a comfortable boat shape - and added a rear engine and prop, inline with the front one, to ensure a very satisfactory level of powerplant redundancy.

 

However, there had been a problem with the weight creeping up, and this had pushed the Drifter outside RA-Aus registration - so Turbo elected to register it as a boat, instead.

 

When he was questioned about the fact his boat had wings, and looked like an aircraft, Turbo became quite animated, and went to great lengths to explain.....

 

 

(Dear NES Readers - just to add definition to the description, OT has found a photo of Turbos flying boat, and here it is, in all its dual-prop, dual Evinrude glory [Note: - the dual Evinrudes are carefully concealed behind those large sponsons] ...)

 

 

[turboplanner]

....that this was clearly a motor boat since it was controlled from the main float, and in fact it met the definition of an Air Boat which attracted a lower registration fee than the usual "Insanity" or "Insayne" "Fishen agayne"

 

The problem was that when Turbo was driving to the closest Vicroads Registry office the wings had snapped a complete street full of Ecucalyptus Greenies off at the socks and .........

 

[bull]

and jocks store ,and a very upset shop owner was now chasing turdo with his commodore and trying to pull him over for some serious road/water rage. Looking at this from his position high above flying his j230 was onesie who just shook his head and..............................................

[onetrack]

......couldn't believe that anyone could be so dumb, and not see the trees for the sky. And to top it all off, to be completely ignoring a raging shopowner in a Commodore, seeking retribution, and he could see it was not going to end well.

 

So OT decided it was time to take some action to help out Turbo in his predicament. He banked around and made a low pass, head-on, over the Commodore. The Commodore owner thought he was, "going to die!!", as he later told the assembled media ratpack.

 

He swerved to avoid what he thought was surely a terrorism attack on his Commodore and himself, and he managed to hit one of the large Eucalyptus that Turbo had miraculously missed.

 

The Commodore folded up (as Commodores are wont to do), and OT flew away, happy in the fact that he had saved Turbo's skin from a savage attack of Commodore-owner road rage.

 

But Turbo had missed all this, as he never even bothered to look behind him (in his normal boating, driving, and flying styles), and as he gaily boated along, oblivious to all but........

 

Edited January 29, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.........Constable Doubtfire who was off duty and on holdays, but had recognised Cappy who was standing up on the back seat mooning anyone who came close.

Doubtfire went into pursuit mode as they have to do in the country when all they've got is Hilux utes, and ..................

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........Constable Doubtfire who was off duty and on holdays, but had recognised Cappy who was standing up on the back seat mooning anyone who came close.

Doubtfire went into pursuit mode as they have to do in the country when all they've got is Hilux utes, and ..................

....... they are faced with Corvette driving Mextorian border runners, giving them the one-finger salute.

 

"If only compasses hadn't been banned" lamented Doubtfire "As while there we only compasses in WA when Onesie led the charge to ban them, there were GPSs in the rest of Stay-ya that got banned as well when some Pubic Servant in the ACT overstepped the mark in the Compass Ban legislation" (GPS will not be available in WA until 2034).

 

("That's an interesting turn of phrase" commented Turdboy as an aside "As I was once charged with a public act using a pubic serpant".)

 

Then Doubtfire added "Now I'm in danger of accidentally crossing into Victoristan and not knowing it because the screen in my Hilux says GPS is illegal and is not enabled, so I don't know ......."

Edited January 29, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........whether we're in Victoriastan or covid-riddled Gladysville.

They were driving along the banks of the Murray River.

"You make the decision Simmons" she said looking over at the new Constable on secondment from New Orleans PD. Simmons was an African American, a climate change advocate, anti-gun campaigner and gay (NTTIAWWT), with a squeaky voice and ..................

[Captain]

...... a terrible habit of ........

[onetrack]

..... constantly saying to offenders, "Ya'll betta naht do dat heah! - 'cos mah Woadie is packing heat! - an' she ain't 'fraid tah use it!!"

 

On top of that, Constable Doubtfire was getting a little sick of Const. Simmons cooking gumbo and jambalaya for breakfast lunch and dinner. And also, when he lapsed into Creole, saying things on the radio, such as "Whoo dat?", and "Where ya' at?", and the one that stunned everyone, when he jumped into the Hilux and yelled out, "Laissez les bon temps rouler!"

 

It all went wrong for Const Simmons when he arrested a drunk, and he said to him, "Hold it raight dere, Mista! - or I'll put mah gris-gris on ya!!" - and the offender yelled out, "Hey!, this blokes a............

[Captain]

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

It all went wrong for Const Simmons when he arrested a drunk, and he said to him, "Hold it raight dere, Mista! - or I'll put mah gris-gris on ya!!" - and the offender yelled out, "Hey!, this blokes a............

........... walking time bomb, as everyone knows what effect grits, gumbo and jumbalaya have on the bowel and wind (avref) generation departments." (Simmons, or Simmo to his Aussie mates, had been declared a Climate Change hazard by the UN & WHO, in response to his levels of methane production, and had been banned from carrying a cigarette lighter or matches).

 

"Geeeez" said Doubtfire "Open the window, mate, before you do that next time."

 

"Ahhhm naht sure thayat there will be a next time Maaam" was Simmons response "As there is an unstarpable goods train a cummin down the track and we have no ........

Edited January 30, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....gerts. Doubtfire couldn't translate the gutless meaning and the goods train by a million to one chance only grazed the bull bar of the Hilux.

This didn't stop Doubtfire screaming and gesticulating at the departing train "FFFFFFFFFailing to stop after and accident! , failing to give way to the right, reckless conduct! - she started t pull out her pad. "But Maam the sarn ses .........................................."

[Captain]

....... "NO DUNNY FOR THE NEXT 90 KMS" with a follow-up sign 200 m down the road which said "UNLESS YOU ARE ON THE SOUTHERN SIDE OF THE MURRAY, WHEN THE ENTIRE STATE IS A ...........

Edited January 31, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

a covid hot spot. Now this upset Ms Doubtfire no end and she............

[turboplanner]

......put on her mask just in case......

[onetrack]

.....Simmons let rip with another anal expulsion of poorly-digested Gumbo. Then suddenly, Const Simmons screamed, "Someones stolen mah steerin' wheel!! Call da cops! - Call da cops!!"

 

Const Doubtfire replied, "You haven't got a steering wheel, because you're not in America any more, and the steering wheel is on this side! And why would we call the cops, when we ARE the cops?"

 

"Whhhoooo boyy!", sighed Simmons, "for one moment dere, I wus sure I wus back in Noo Orleans, and we had......

[bull]

[Onsie has beaten me to the punch so i,ll modify it a bit like turdo drifter]..................................

           been chasing that ratty person in the bronxs anyway doubtfire was NOT allowed to cross the border and there on the other side of the rail tracks in safe country was turdo mooning her as he started to take off in the drifter, evinrudes being rude as usual with a sick note ,,now..............

Edited January 31, 2021 by bull

[turboplanner]

.....Turbo was free to follow his dreams but suddenly realised he'd left the watercourse and the hulls were sliding over saltbush, quite well it must be said. It was 250 Nm to Hay so even if the Drifter didn't lift off he could still make it for a steak sandwich at the Roadhouse, but just then there was a .....................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

but just then there was a .....................

......n AD issued with regard to Evinrude powerheads (engine numbers to 269458 to 497843) when used with motorboat floats, which pointed out that .........

Edited January 31, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....any additional drag created by certain conditions - such as sliding over saltbush at low altitude in ground effect, would create unacceptable strain to the powerheads, resulting in catastrophic failure after less than 15 mins at full throttle.

The end result of catastrophic powerhead failure under these conditions, cannot be anything other than total destruction of hundreds of metres of verdant saltbush, leading to severe penalties, as the sheep fail to gain condition.

However, this total destruction can be easily avoided, if maintenance facilities educate themselves as regards the AD, and the recommended modification of simply replacing the above-numbered powerheads with........

 

Edited February 1, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

Dear NESers.

 

The Captain has-been (cappyref) trolled by Turdboy over recent days and Ratty feels violated , abused, oppressed and unsafe.

 

Turbs has been sending notes to me via Messenger and making constant references to my Gin affliction.

 

Eeeeeean and today's duty Moderator 19 have been informed.

 

To obtain an appreciation of the Skipper's Gin affliction, below is a video of my mates', Eric and Andy's, rendition of my composition, "Gin House Blues", and I can be seen occasionally in the video playing rat-bass (Eric always likes me beside him on his left so that I can help him out if he stuffs up a guitar solo ... [you'll see Eric look at me a couple of times when he hits a wrong note or two during his solo in this video, and you'll notice that I am supportive & hope he gets it right next time]).

 

 

Edited February 1, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

However, this total destruction can be easily avoided, if maintenance facilities educate themselves as regards the AD, and the recommended modification of simply replacing the above-numbered powerheads with........

...... a 4 stroke Yamaha or Honda of the same capacity (although the disadvantage is that you need to wear a rising sun bandanna when using such engines ...... and all journeys are one way).

 

This caused CASA and the Auf, with support from P-Plums, AOPA, SAAA, AMROBA and the AGAA to issue a statement "The Australian Govt does not support Kamikaze protocols within Wreckreational Aviation, nor even in the GA community (unless of course if you have a Kamikaze endorsement [a KE)) and we must insist that ..........

 

TURBO PROUDY MODELLING HIS KE ENDORSEMENT INSIGNIA.

Edited February 1, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

......anyone operating without a KE will suffer from serious penalties under Section 119(C), Sub-Section 2(A), Paragraphs II, III & IV, of the relevant Act.

 

Anyone applying for a KE must show their abilities in that regard, with full operational knowledge of when to shout "BANZAI!" - and at what level of volume, and on what frequency.

 

Furthermore, good knowledge of local targets must be shown. The applicant must be able to rapidly identify important places, such as Govt Buildings, Major Infrastructure assets, SAS HQ, Airports, Places of Worship, Gay Bars, and Turbos and Cappys house locations.

 

Rapid identification of Nobu's house is vital, and it must be immediately identified by trainees, as off-limits. Japanese ships of all types (including Japanese Whalers) must be able to be identified immediately, so they can be avoided by those practising KE training. Furthermore, it is advised that.......

 

Edited February 1, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

......only those who have drunk at the holy CASA Hotel, "Mick'sNuts" would be permitted exemption from this regulation.

The industry waited with bated breath, but meanwhile Turbo had received the AD information via his Satellite Infotainment Centre, and immediately took the precaution of throttling back, and the flying boat immediately rose into the sky. He'd painted "front" on the props before he fitted them but now ................