The Never Ending Story

[CT9000]

______it became obvious that the AD only applied to low speed Driftyers below 150 knots high speed installations had better cooling due to ram air and so keeping above 250 knots { below 10000ft} all was now ok_____

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......only those who have drunk at the holy CASA Hotel, "Mick'sNuts" would be permitted exemption from this regulation.

The industry waited with bated breath, but meanwhile Turbo had received the AD information via his Satellite Infotainment Centre, and immediately took the precaution of throttling back, and the flying boat immediately rose into the sky. He'd painted "front" on the props before he fitted them but now ................

........... he wasn't so sure, after again reviewing the Jack Newton video (which in itself had a Kamikaze element).

 

"It is interesting and relevant" said onetrack "That the WA Premier has just added Covid Isolation Hotels (CIH's)" to the list of approved Kamikaze training targets and has approved the use of live bombs for such training in WA."

 

In a statement, the WA Premier said "There is no use doing KE training without the need for the trainees to shut their eyes and feel the heat plus the sensation at the end of the "Ba", which outside observers & KE CFI's hear as "Bang" at the end of a successful KE training flight".

 

Planey, who is a serious training person and never allows a sense of humour to interfere, said ".......

Edited February 1, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

27 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

______it became obvious that the AD only applied to low speed Driftyers below 150 knots high speed installations had better cooling due to ram air and so keeping above 250 knots { below 10000ft} all was now ok_____

APOLOGIES TO THE CT9000, WHO'S POST WAS HIDING, RATHER UNLOVED, OVER ON THE NEXT PAGE.

THE RAT FEELS REMORSEFUL ABOUT ACCIDENTALLY JUMPING THE QUE.

Edited February 1, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....it is now obvious that Turbo must undergo additional training, to be able to identify the major differences more easily, between "front" and "back", as written on propellers, as he's just flown 130Nm, travelling backwards at 90kts".

 

"I thought it was a bit odd, that my hair kept blowing over my face! - but I thought that was only because I haven't had a haircut since the COVID-19 scare started!", said Turbo.

 

"You must need more than propeller position training upgrades, if you don't know whether you're coming or going, once you're in the cockpit!" said Cappy.

 

"Oooohh, I always know when I'm coming!", said Turbo. "That's always when I get this tight feeling around my........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

That's always when I get this tight feeling around my.......

....... empennage ...... and also around my .......

[bull]

Tail feathers, why just the other day Cappy was ruffling them when...

 

[turboplanner]

...........he slipped into a stall turn at 775 feet.

He had never been quick on the recovery and the best he'd ever done was only 780 feet.

He had to do something extra, and ............

[bull]

being over everything [ overweight ,,over 50 ],,,the best he had been able to come up with was.....................

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, bull said:

[ overweight ,,over 50 ]

DEAR MODERATOR 22,

Cc Ms. Nicola Gobbo - SC

 

As discussed in my recent phonecall, I write to express my disgust at this post remaining in public view.

 

I will concede that I may occasionally be 1 or 2 kgs over my usual 80 kgs fighting weight, but to say that I, and by inference my closest lifelong mate Turbo, are over 50 is an outrageous slur that cannot be permitted to continue.

 

Regards Ratty

Edited February 2, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....being all over a photo of Em Davies in her revealing swimsuit. But that was nothing compared to how Cappy got all over the slip turn and saved himself with only 10 feet between him and the ground.

 

While he was doing this, a well-known local large station owner of note saw Cappy doing this stunt, and upon Cappy landing, he ran over to him, and said, "By Gosh, with aircraft handling skills like that, you're the man I need for my replacement musterer! Would like a job mustering for me?"

 

"We-ell", said Cappy, rather unsure of what was the best part, of what the station owner had just said - the flying skills praise, or the job offer - and he took a few seconds to compose himself, before he said......."

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"We-ell", said Cappy, rather unsure of what was the best part, of what the station owner had just said - the flying skills praise, or the job offer - and he took a few seconds to compose himself, before he said......."

........ "No worries mate, as I'm a wizz in a Robo 66 (avref) plus I can fly a Caravan (avref) and have a KE that will serve us well when ........

[turboplanner]

"......Turbo tries to rustle cattle." He may be the KE champion of the world, and the warm up act for Reno next year when he's going to KE the whole circuit, but I cam head them off if he tries anything." and so a deal was done for the aviation work on Twiggy's new "Lazy Bones" Station.

Not many people know that when Twiggy was a teenager, Turbo had taken him under his wing and taught him the business skills he exhibits today. Twigggy is a 30% shareholder in Turbone Cat Farms Ltd.

"I'm going to grow cattle for the leather I'll need to manufacture RM boots" he told Cappy as they stopped at the Aviation Hangar, which was actualy an old hay shed with every pole leaning away from the prevailing wind.

 

In the corner half covered in hay was an old R22, and  so old that Cappy thought "this was probably built when Robbo was a teenager.

 

"It's all yours, see you at 5 omorrow morning and we'll have a look around the cattle" said Twiggy cheerfully, not realising what he was in for. Cappy had never flown a helicopter before.

With the dawn they managed to get the R22 started by jump starting it using an old Chamberlain 60 tractor and ........

[bull]

started to..

[Captain]

.......... fiddle with the controls.

 

"I've got it Twiggy, old Mate, so have no fear, Ratty is here" said the Skipper "But what is this "collective" thingy & is it the same as the "cyclic" do-dad, what is "rotor torque" all about, are you insured, has this Robbo had the fuel bladder AD completed by a suitable LAME duck, and how do we .........

Edited February 2, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

......round up cattle? Backwards and forwards, or round and round? And where do I get lunch, and what do I do to refuel? On top of that, I still haven't been told which paddock the cattle are in?"

 

Twiggy raised his eyebrows. "You're a bit of a greenhorn to station life aren't you? I realised that straight up, when I saw you wearing that Hawaiian floral shirt, looking like Scotty on holidays - instead of a practical and durable R.M. Williams branded Grazier shirt! And that hat!! Where did you get that hat from!? You look like a Zero Kamikaze pilot from WW2!

 

"Of course, it's a Hachimaki!!", said Cappy. "I had to wear it, to get my KE - and after I'd been wearing it for four hours, I thought it enhanced my appearance enormously, so I've just kept on wearing it!

 

Twiggys eyes opened a little wider. "I don't want you crashing into my cattle!", he said. "That could cost me a lot of money with the current price of beef, and besides, think of...........

 

Edited February 3, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

"...........the fuel you'll waste when you're out on the long leads trying to round up all the cattle."

"How do I tell which are the cattle? asked Cappy.

While he had been talking, Cappys nervous hands were jerking this way and that as he desperately tried to work out how to get the machine to fly. Suddenly the R22 rose rapidly from the ground, and just as Cappy started to beam in satisfaction it made a rolling motion like sliding off a bubble and rapidly sank towards Twiggy's Bentleigh Convertible, but just ....................

 

[CT9000]

levelled out in time after he let go of the stick and pulled up the collective with his other hand, level now but a small problem appears. just as well he let go of the collective as a result of the g forces because the poor robby is now inverted----

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

levelled out in time after he let go of the stick and pulled up the collective with his other hand, level now but a small problem appears. just as well he let go of the collective as a result of the g forces because the poor robby is now inverted----

......... which triggered loud cheering from the roustabouts & stockmen, who sat back with their Billy teas & iced vovos and loved the impromptu airshow ("He's even got his own smoke generator, eh" said one of the Stockmen [as the 22 had bit of a ring and valve guide issue]) ......... but it all particularly impressed a voluptuous young governess named Jessica, who always had a thing for flyboys (don't they all?) and had given Cappy that look (don't they all?) when he sidled past the station house in his tight jeans, on his way over to the chopper.

 

The Skipper knew that he had to get the chopper right-way-up (avref) pretty quickly, as The Twigster had passed out and Ratty had a date with Jessica for drinkies down by the dam that very evening. Cappy yanked on the collective, tugged on the cyclic and thrust on the stick, all in a totally coordinated (avref) manner so that the 22 righted and landed perfectly to allow the Skipper to step out and accept the applause just like Matt Hall (avref) at a MaroonBull aerial display.

 

Jessica goo'd, plus a few other things, and ..................

Edited February 3, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

PS. Always being totally aware and professional, as he always is when flying his R66, as he landed the 22, Cappy knew that he also had the problem of missing Twiggy's Bentleigh, as was correctly identified a few posts ago by Turbs, as the Bentleighs are so much more expensive than a normal, common and garden Bentley.

Edited February 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.................grabbed Cappy's arm. What Cappy didn't know is that Twiggy's corporate multi-skilling policy meant that Jessica also had to take a place at the board; the shearing board that is, and had already shorn 7,000 sheep. She was fit and ready to go and Cappy was the unwitting victim. She grabbed him by the nose, jabbed  a knee into his shoulder and expertly flipped him ................

 

[Not many NES readers would know that a few years ago, Turbo had done an Elon Musk and announced he was going to manufacture cars even though he hadn't built one in his life. He got the oxy torch to an old Statesman and after a few days it looked really good. He was aiming for the blue-rinse market so he called it a Bentleigh; only three were ever built. Twiggy bought the first one which was fitted with outback mud tyres and RMW mudflaps, and the other two wouldn't start and had to be towed off the line. It just shows the depth of knowledge old Cappy has (or Mickey Capp as he seems to be calling himself now)]

[onetrack]

......on his back with his legs extended, so his stomach was upwards, jammed his head under her left armpit, and reached for the shearing handpiece with her right hand. 

 

At that point, Cappy kicked and thrust so much, he managed to break free of Jessica's grip, and rolled away, and jumped to his feet.

 

"How dare you treat a senior mustering pilot in that ruthless, undignified, manhandling fashion?", Cappy cried indignantly.

 

"Geez, Louise!" said Jessica, "Can't ya take a joke? I do that to every new chum that rolls up here!! Haa!-Haa!-Haaaahh!!", Jessica chortled in her near-baritone voice.

 

Cappy dusted himself off, and shook off the few dags that still clung to him, and said.........

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.................grabbed Cappy's arm. What Cappy didn't know is that Twiggy's corporate multi-skilling policy meant that Jessica also had to take a place at the board; the shearing board that is, and had already shorn 7,000 sheep. She was fit and ready to go and Cappy was the unwitting victim. She grabbed him by the nose, jabbed  a knee into his shoulder and expertly flipped him ................

.......... onto his side, turned his head with her knee and commenced the shearing process (with a wide comb no-less).

 

"Are you sure that you are supposed to start down there?' asked the Skipper with an air of delight at the starting point, but alarm as the shears clicked on "And shouldn't you at least take me out to dinner before you start to do ..........

 

APOLOGIES TO THE UNIROOT, AS MINE WAS DRAFTED AT THE SAME TIME THEN HELD UP WHILE THE INTERWEB CAME BACK ON. WILL NOW RESPOND TO THE ONEROUTE'S POST.

Edited February 4, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......on his back with his legs extended, so his stomach was upwards, jammed his head under her left armpit, and reached for the shearing handpiece with her right hand. 

 

At that point, Cappy kicked and thrust so much, he managed to break free of Jessica's grip, and rolled away, and jumped to his feet.

 

"How dare you treat a senior mustering pilot in that ruthless, undignified, manhandling fashion?", Cappy cried indignantly.

 

"Geez, Louise!" said Jessica, "Can't ya take a joke? I do that to every new chum that rolls up here!! Haa!-Haa!-Haaaahh!!", Jessica chortled in her near-baritone voice.

 

Cappy dusted himself off, and shook off the few dags that still clung to him, and said.........

.......... "How much per pound will you get for those pubes?"

 

"We sell them to China to make fake beards and get good dough" was Jessica's reply "But now that I see you all shaved down (avref) below (avref), you look even more attractive than before, so are cheese, bickies, Shardy & a few rolly type durries still on, down at the dam? If so I'll have a quick shower & wash my ..........

Edited February 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.............hair to get the lice out. I usually do that on a Sunday but I know you City boys like a ................

[Captain]

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.............hair to get the lice out. I usually do that on a Sunday but I know you City boys like a ................

..... country .....