The Never Ending Story

[bull]

1 minute ago, Captain said:

........ the swamps, with those bloody giant leaches, in ...........

NES awareness message,,,,,The rat in mickey clothing ,has seemed to have lost the plot again......but thats an event that unfortunately ,like the rona ,,we will just have to live with that ,,,wont we???      ...the back of cappys mind had slowly started to..........

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, bull said:

NES awareness message,,,,,The rat in mickey clothing ,has seemed to have lost the plot again......but thats an event that unfortunately ,like the rona ,,we will just have to live with that ,,,wont we???      ...the back of cappys mind had slowly started to..........

........ make good progress with his cure for The Rona (in partnership with Turbine Pharmaceuticals & DNA Tests Inc) where the blind testing was hard to progress as insufficient blind people had seen the adverts, but then again, anyone wearing sunnies was good enough for .......

[bull]

New president of the good old USA ,,,,why he had them lining up by telling them it was to pick up a 2 grand stimulus thingy check . About a third of the way along this que was Onesie ,Beer in one hand ,gopro in the other ................

Edited February 17, 2021 by bull

[turboplanner]

,,,,,,,,,,,,the papers to one side.

He knew in his gut he was doing the right thing. He was going to put a Jab engine in a cheap PC-21 he'd found on gumtree.

It made so much sense.

The undercarriage was 9G Navy design which would suit his landing style, and .................................

[onetrack]

.....and the airframe was proven to be reliable enough, having stood up to the beatings handed out by 500 RAAF trainee pilots.

 

Suddenly, there came the unmistakeable sound of a big radial (avref) over Cappys house. He rushed outside and was amazed to see bull flying low over his house in a Vought F4U Corsair.

Bull roared past, turned around and came back, and made a fairly ordinary landing with a few bounces and zig-zags.

 

Cappy rushed over to the Corsair, and as soon as bull shut it down, Cappy said, "Where did you get this? I thought for a few seconds, the Yanks were coming to help us again, to fend off Xi Jinpings attempts to take over Australia! Where did you just come from? Are you carrying armaments?"

 

"Whoa!", said bull, "One question at a time, mate! I'm still recovering from the trip, it was exhausting, and even more so, when I had to...........

Edited February 18, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....start the engine and listen to that clatter of.....

[Captain]

... the ...

[bull]

jucinta price thingy on the abc radio news,,ranting on about "feeling" unsafe in the workplace,,,several knobs where broken on the corsairs dash as the scramble to turn it off unfolded.Why i think one of those knobs was.................

[onetrack]

.....a former Westinghouse stove oven knob, requisitioned for the job - and it was unfortunate that it still had degrees marked on it, leading to great confusion when one was looking for........

[turboplanner]

The Ki Gas or War Power knobs which so many people don't know about.

As some people may have guessed the Corsair is owned by Captain-Turbine Warbirds and is the real thing with full WW2 equipment plus AIM 9L missiles bolted under the wings.

Being based in the Spratleys there was not problem retaining the 20 mm cannon firepower or the missile platform, since either Cappy would approve Turbo or Turbo would approve Cappy depending on who was doing the work.

 

It was going to have a very short stay in Australia or the RAAF would be all over it. How bull sneaked into the Spratley Base was another question because the base had been kept secret from the Chinese. Could it be that bull was really cow kee kim?

 

The first priority was to get the Corsair back on the Island and the only way to do that was fly it under the radar at ground level. After WW2 Chuck Yeager and Bob Hoover used to have races in Mustages along the sand tracks arund Edwards Air Force base and leave prop marks in the sand. Turbo could fly this low too, so he had to make the flight, and he welcomed Cappy briefing him on the very difficult journey.

"Don't forget it's got a 13 foot three inch prop", so you'll have to fly at 6'8" from the centre of the prop" said Cappy quietly.

"No problems Bro" said Turbo, "and strangle that cow kee kim for me"

"I will" said Cappy gravely and looked across at his ammunition cabinet; it was going to have to be Swan Gauge this time, and we all know what that does to a knee joint.

Cappy turned............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy turned............

..... a whiter shade of pale (procolharemref) and gave Turbo his favourite teddy (bear, not top) for ......

 

TURBO, EEEEEEEEEAN, THE SKIPPER, PLANEY AND FACTY DURING THEIR

FLOWER POWER BAND DAYS.

ROYALTIES STILL PAY THEIR AERO CLUB FEES.

TURBS AND PLANEY WENT ON TO BE A BIT ACDC WHILE CAPPY AND EEEEEEEEEEAN WERE JUST BORING OLD HETEROSEXUALS.

 

Edited February 19, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........he didn't need it any more.

Wow, that brings back memories of when Turbo used to sing, and meny people thought he would take over from the Beatles on the hit parades, but then there was that incident where his agent was caught skipping the country with all his money, and the agent got off by telling the judge it was drug money Turbo had made selling pot. He certainly was a good looker in thise days.

And How's Cappy down the back looking like a Dork.  The three years at the London School of Deportment made Cappy into the gentleman he used to be.

Ond look at OneTrack, he .............

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Ond look at OneTrack, he .............

......... is always the one with his feet turned out. It's a WA thing where undies are never worn and loose ........

 

PS - Turbo's use of the term "Ond" is offensive and NESers have every right to feel unsafe.

[turboplanner]

..........nuts [avref] rattle around unless they are loctited on.

Cappy turned his attention to bull again, and what to do about the joyride in the Corsair which even now was risking the life of Turbo who was following the Avmap line from Australia to the Spratleys, and was currently climing up the side of a 15'000 foot mountain somewhere in New Guinea, faithfully  keeping to that 6'8" agl. It was going to be one hell of a ride down the other side he thought, but just then.........

 

 

[Re Turbo's use of the word Ond; NES readers should have not fear, it's merely the latest in word on the Melbourne latte ans smashed avocado circuit and sounds much mor In than and.]

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy turned his attention to bull again, and what to do about the joyride in the Corsair which even now was risking the life of Turbo who was following the Avmap line from Australia to the Spratleys, and was currently climing up the side of a 15'000 foot mountain somewhere in New Guinea, faithfully  keeping to that 6'8" agl. It was going to be one hell of a ride down the other side he thought, but just then.........

.......... a voice on the radio said "Hey, old mate in the Corsair, how are they hang'n"

 

"Ten four good budgie" responded Turbo "And who calleth, please?"

 

"This is the Indo Military and I am Captain Sillyonoupto" was the reply "And I am therefore weighed down with gold braid and arrogance."

 

"Geeez you have a strong Aussie accent, you sound like you grew up in Cloncurry" Turbs replied, trying to bond in order to prevent getting on Exocet up his clacker.

 

"No worries Turdboy" replied Sillyonoupto "I have never been outside of Java and Irian Jaya, but the bloke who taught me my English lingo came from Mt Isa, eh? Now ............... get back under the radar you wanka, or I'll dart you with a ..............

Edited February 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....skyrocket.

And using this information Turbo, on his return from the Spratleys with the Corsair safely parked in its hangar, ant trap topped up, and passing sea traffic recorded, was able to update ASIO on the current state of the Indo M. and then ............

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....skyrocket.

And using this information Turbo, on his return from the Spratleys with the Corsair safely parked in its hangar, ant trap topped up, and passing sea traffic recorded, was able to update ASIO on the current state of the Indo M. and then ............

.......... Captain Sillyonoupto sent a PM to the boss cocky at ASIO which read "G'day Sport. Why would Tinky Wank have topped up his "ant trap" on a Corsair, when everyone (even my mates Onesie and bull, who both moonlight for the Indonesian security organization ISIO [we all have a good chuckle about the pathos of that old Aussie saying "Issy wizzy was an Aussie etc etc" when it is us who is ISIO) knows that .......

Edited February 20, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

...... but just at that moment, mid Sunday morning, the phone rang at Turbo's joint.

 

"Don't worry Jeeves, I will answer this one, so you just go back to cleaning the silver and my trophies (all of which are gold, from his decades of winning lots of competitions and events)".

 

"G'day" said Turbo, into the gold plated handset.

 

"Apologies that I haven't called earlier Tubb" said Dan "But I have been flat out this week trying to find another excuse for a lockdown."

 

"I have one" replied Turbs "As The Skipper has been giving me grief about my typos ..... and it just turns out from my examination of his bio on WikiCelebrities, that he is in the critical (under 45) Covid age group."

 

"That's good enough for me" answered Dan "It'll happen this week then Tink, and thanks for your guidance on this, plus your mentorship during my stellar political career, but I also hear that you are a leader in, and at the top of, the National Aviation Scene, ...... so can you teach me to fly?"

 

"Too right Danny, my son" replied Turdy with pride, but then his almost negligible sense of humour kicked in "However you won't need to hire an aircraft."

 

Dan was silent for a moment then replied "You aren't going to make some crass & smartarse joke about my flappers are you?"

 

"Oh no" stated Turbo "But technically your ear loading would be lower than a Cessna 150, and you also have ......

Edited February 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....streamlined teeth, and I've got a spare Jab 3300, so all we need to do is make a harness to strap it on and you'll be off with the fairies [LoxieRef].

 

Dan looked a bit doubtful. "This sounds like another.............."

[turboplanner]

......Ant Trap story.

Turbo looked at Dan with a pained expresson "I told you never to talk about the Ant Trap" he said

"Why won't you talk about the Ant Trap?" asked Dan

"There you go again, don't mention it! It got you the Belts and Roads money didn't it"

 

"Well yes" said Dand and despite his best efforts his top lip slipped over the bottom one and began to quiver.

 

"The Ant Trap is not an Ant Trap; it picks up all communications from the Chinese Navy to the leaders in Beijing, translates from Mandarin, and cross references the times and subjects. We know what they are going to do before they've even thought about it."

 

"Well how can we know before they've thought about it? they haven't spoken" questioned Dan with that clever look on his face, but Turbo was ready. "Because of the ingredient I top it up with" replied Turbo And I can't....."

 

[Special Note, this is secret information just for NES readers; please don't mention it of Facebook news sites, the pub etc because it is classified information.]

[Captain]

MODERATOR 12 has been informed about the true meaning of the term "Ant Trap" and the terrible fate that befell Anthony when he was ensnared.

 

Charges are pending, we understand, against Turbine Pedos Inc, and it is suspected that Moderator 14 is part of the ring that is centered around the conglomerate that is Turbine Kindergartens and Pre-Schools Pty Ltd.

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"Well how can we know before they've thought about it? they haven't spoken" questioned Dan with that clever look on his face, but Turbo was ready. "Because of the ingredient I top it up with" replied Turbo And I can't....."

......... give you any more detail than, it contains a small dose of "Victoristan smugness" which, as usual, is included in anything that I post in the NES or place .........

 

 

FOR THOSE NESERS THAT LIVE IN THE FREE STATES AND TERRITORIES,

BELOW IS A TYPICAL EXAMPLE OF VICTORISTAN SMUGNESS.

Edited February 22, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.... in Cappy's letterbox.

'That XXXX" said Dan "I gave him private briefing meetings, but he blurted out the secrets after every one, so I've had to feed him BS at every meeting since.

This sounded very familiar to Turbo who was still smarting after Cappy let out the secret that he was the one that hung his girlfriends nickers from the flagpole at the local High School, and ................

 

Turbo would like to inform NES viewers with that photo of Dan Andrews (above)

The photo had nothing to do with smugness; Turbo had just told Dan that Cappy's fly was undone, and Dan was desperately trying to stop himself from laughing.

 

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The photo had nothing to do with smugness; Turbo had just told Dan that Cappy's fly was undone, and Dan was desperately trying to stop himself from laughing.

......... while Cappy was going through his usual 5 minute routine to tuck it all away.

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

This sounded very familiar to Turbo who was still smarting after Cappy let out the secret that he was the one that hung his girlfriends nickers from the flagpole at the local High School, and ................

......... there was a subsequent enquiry held in the Boss's Office as to why Tubb's "Girlfriend's" knickers were a pair of size 46 Bonds boxer briefs (with a fly).

 

Turbo looked embarrassed and could only reply that "................

 

THESE ARE THE VERY "KNICKERS" THAT WERE INVOLVED. The practices 

at many Victoristan schools are somewhat questionable, as are many Victoristan

peoples who are the product of such institutions (Eeeeeean excepted of course).

 

Edited February 22, 2021 by Captain