The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

....being of Scottish origin, he had never worn knickers, and wouldna ever.

Cappy had painted himself into a hole, so he vowed to walk throughout the land until he found someone who was size 46 and would admit to having worn them.

Turbo pointed out this had been done before with glass slippers but ............

[Captain]

....... everyone knows that a glass slipper can often also relate to your ........

[turboplanner]

....off road caravan suspension where you proudly leave the city after spending th $80,000.00 which included the 15 minute outback training module. You get to Broken Hill from Sydney and notice in the Mirror that the front window is at an angle, pulls into the Bunnings size Caravan Centre with the “City Drivers Welcome” sign you be told......

[Captain]

...... a big fat .......

[turboplanner]

.....wad of notes would be required because it had glass slippers and one had cracked off, and ..........

[onetrack]

......the freight cost for glass slippers to Woombitombuk was over-the-top, because they regularly arrived in a smashed state. And besides that, the caravan manufacturer specified that it took 14 hrs in labour to replace one.

This always led to the owner of the $150,000 4WD with the $170,000 caravan with the $80,000 super-dooper suspension getting onto the Caravanners Forum and whinging about what a mob of rort artists they are in Woombitombuk, because they charged $1846 just to replace a cracked glass slipper on the 29 foot BushMasta Off-Road Super Tracka Elite MkVII.

Of course, 37 other caravan owners then promptly sympathised with the poor owner of the 4WD and the BushMasta Off-Road Super Tracka Elite MkVII, and told their horror stories about how they got ripped off in the Back of Beyond, when their part only cost $14 at the local caravan supply store, where they always spent the best part of...........

[turboplanner]

....a week every month listening to the wonderful stories of adventure and checking out the latest toilet cleaners.

We can't say who it is, but one of the main forum complainers goes under the name Capitan, and he is the loudest complainer of the lot, having almost brought Toyota to its knees with complaints about the weak spots of the Land Cruiser. Jack Absalom might have been able to cook a roast in a saucepan on the exhaust manifold but Capitan can tell you where every manifold crack starts and every noise............

[Captain]

22 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....a week every month listening to the wonderful stories of adventure and checking out the latest toilet cleaners.

We can't say who it is, but one of the main forum complainers goes under the name Capitan, and he is the loudest complainer of the lot, having almost brought Toyota to its knees with complaints about the weak spots of the Land Cruiser. Jack Absalom might have been able to cook a roast in a saucepan on the exhaust manifold but Capitan can tell you where every manifold crack starts and every noise............

........... starts in the clutch of the Rotax gearbox.

 

This further gearbox reference made the hundreds of NESers start to think that Turbo is obsessed with Rotaxes and their gearbox rattles.

 

bull put it down to Tubb's mum having been frightened by one when he was gestating (erky-perkyref), but Salty thinks that it stems from Tink's obvious and much deeper issue.

 

"Listen" said The Skipper with a start (avref) "The majority of NES readers and lurkers don't give a rats (Rattyref) about Tink's gearbox fetish. They are much more concerned at the breakage rate of the Glass Slippers and the flow-on effects that this causes to the .........

Edited February 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......aft fuselage in the upper.....................

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......aft fuselage in the upper.....................

........... "Stop right there Tinky Wank" yelled Moderator 17 who was new and had just graduated from Sydney Uni with a Masters in Gender Studies and a PhD in being a boring tit (littlebirdref). "You can no longer use the term "upper", said Mod 17 "You must now say "upp-a-genericperson" and any reference to 'er or him is not permitted in Eeeeeean's forum."

 

Brine took umbridge at this, plus he (sorry ... it) was really very upset about the glass slipper insurance controversy and he (sorry ... it) replied with a .................

 

Edited February 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....withering description of [unacceptable personal reference - Mod 17] and recommended Cappy go and [could upset some people - Mod 17].

Turbo understood where Mod 17 was coming from, and hopefull he would return there sooner raher than later agreed to change his description to 150 mm from the mean stabiliser chord line, in order to .........

[Captain]

........ [bull's entire post deleted due to blasphemous non use of capitals] ..... Moderator 17.

Edited February 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

[..........six of Turbo's posts deleted due to questioning Mod 17's use of commas and colons ..........Moderator17]

 

Although Turbo couldn't get his friend bull off the hook, he thought the moderator was heavy handed, given that bull is now forced to live in Tasmania, eat in restaurants which close at six and only have things like "Ploughman's Lunch, pastie and eggs, fried bread, jellied eels, and .......

[Captain]

..... [bull's reply fully removed due to his excessive use of full stops. 5 is the limit and Turdboy is also on a warning ..... Count 'em ..... Moderator 17]

[turboplanner]

.........mutton birds in season.

Mutton Birds have very interesting flight characterisics [avref] using dihedral to fly low to the water without being blown wing-first into a wave of icy water.

Nevertheless, low flight has its consequences and from time to time they fly into a wave or cliff.

The cliff usually produces a definite result, but to cope with the more frequent flying into waves the birds build up a heavy layer of fat.

According to Tasmanians, when roasted over an open fire they taste like mutton, but for mainlanders they taste like ........

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..... mutton birds, in season .....

Ratty has written to Moderator 17 objecting this post by Turbo.

 

The sexual cycles of the mutton bird are not a reasonable topic for the NES.

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

According to Tasmanians, when roasted over an open fire they taste like mutton, but for mainlanders they taste like ........

..... hogget, as Mainlanders know that when a sheep is just that one year older it becomes mutton, when it tastes more like Kookaburra.

 

With this, the Kookaburra food supply industry took off when Aussie punters realized that Kookaburra was only half the price of Mutton.

 

This revolution in Aussie cuisine was lead by Turbine Native Birrds for Tucka P/L and was an instant success, as Turbs had been banned (again) by Eeeeeean based on a report from Moderator 17 and had plenty of time to spend building up the business of the TNBFTPL and to .......

 

(Enthusiastic NESers will also note that bull, Onesie and Salty have gone missing in action after sanctions had been taken against them by Moderator 17.)

Edited February 28, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

......assist in the recovery of the snake and rodent population, currently being decimated by Kookaburras. And as NES readers will be aware, the Turbine Cat Farms are highly dependent on plentiful and cheap supplies of rodents, to ensure maximum cat production levels.

 

However, rumours of Turbine Industries getting into financial difficulties were making the informed rounds, as it appeared the cat sales had declined substantially, thanks to a Chinese move to ban Australian cat meat importation. This had made the price of cat meat drop dramatically, well below the cost of production, and Turbo was becoming desperate to remedy his severe loss-making situation.

 

"I know what I can do!", he thoughtfully said out aloud, to no-one in particular. "I'll repackage the cat meat in more colourful cartons, and mark it as.........

(Dear NES readers, Onesie is not MIA, he's just been studying the ramblings of Cappy in recent posts, and is simply perplexed at his constant reference to mystery moderators, that don't exist, except in the confines of his frazzled brain. Onesie is greatly concerned that something is going seriously wrong with Cappys mental health - and it may be due to the excessive consumption of Kookaburra. Onesie is going to be in touch with Sam Kekovich, who he will ask to go around to Cappys place, and give him a good shake-up, and put on a lamb BBQ for him, to help him regain some semblance of normal brain functioning, thanks to a few premium lamb chops....)

[bull]

20 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......assist in the recovery of the snake and rodent population, currently being decimated by Kookaburras. And as NES readers will be aware, the Turbine Cat Farms are highly dependent on plentiful and cheap supplies of rodents, to ensure maximum cat production levels.

 

However, rumours of Turbine Industries getting into financial difficulties were making the informed rounds, as it appeared the cat sales had declined substantially, thanks to a Chinese move to ban Australian cat meat importation. This had made the price of cat meat drop dramatically, well below the cost of production, and Turbo was becoming desperate to remedy his severe loss-making situation.

 

"I know what I can do!", he thoughtfully said out aloud, to no-one in particular. "I'll repackage the cat meat in more colourful cartons, and mark it as.........

(Dear NES readers, Onesie is not MIA, he's just been studying the ramblings of Cappy in recent posts, and is simply perplexed at his constant reference to mystery moderators, that don't exist, except in the confines of his frazzled brain. Onesie is greatly concerned that something is going seriously wrong with Cappys mental health - and it may be due to the excessive consumption of Kookaburra. Onesie is going to be in touch with Sam Kekovich, who he will ask to go around to Cappys place, and give him a good shake-up, and put on a lamb BBQ for him, to help him regain some semblance of normal brain functioning, thanks to a few premium lamb chops....)

Nor has Bull , he has also been studying the effects of tinks ramblings on the native mutton bird and feline populations and has been gathering evidence for the upcoming trial of  Turbine industries for insider trading,[they learnt this off of Nancy Pelosi ]and the inevitable collapse of the cat meat market . This was brought about by the NES employing a new woke moderator who has decided that their opinion overrides facts and truth and the NES should now be a guiding light to lead the county into the future.....What shouted sir Nobu [just back from his latest trip to the land of the long white cloud where he was learning the ancient art of mutton bird stuffing]  "I know what I can do!", he thoughtfully said out aloud, to no-one in particular. "I'll repackage the cat meat in more colourful cartons, and mark it as.........tassie tiger steaks...

         

Edited February 28, 2021 by bull

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"I know what I can do!", he thoughtfully said out aloud, to no-one in particular. "I'll repackage the cat meat in more colourful cartons, and mark it as.........

.... Quokka" Turbo added, "But just give me a few more days" he added "As I am just on my way back from Davos after speaking at the World Economic Forum and meeting with Billy G, Georgie S, Jeffy B and Marky-Mark Z, with whom I have become great mates ..... and with whom I have arranged to supply 4 million tonnes of frozen Kookaburra to the UNHCR to solve the hunger issues in Sub-Saharan Africa (with each box of frozen Kookaburra, the recipients will be given a cuddly Kookaburra toy made out of Willy Wagtails). The UNHCR agreed with me that Kookaburras are good tucka and nobody will miss them as they are a pain in the arse when they wake us up each morning, so it's a win-win for everyone except the Kookaburras (which are just an overrated Kingfisher anyway)."

 

The UNHCR issued a press release .......

Edited February 28, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, bull said:

What shouted sir Nobu [just back from his latest trip to the land of the long white cloud where he was ............

...... made an honoulaly Mauli.

 

"Jacinta AhSo is hot and New Zearand is a ruverry joint to visit, plus it would be rerativery easy to capture the next time that we have a clack at the South Pacific." 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......which read "Austria has just announced it will legalise the supply of Quoaker meat in order to feed homeless people and assist them buy affordable homes.

Nobushi was inducted into the Maori Hall of Fame, had his own Haka created for him including a few "Banzais!", and given a lifelong unemployment pension.

Turbo decided not to go ahead with cat meat venture, but to expand into furs, where the spare meat provided food for the cats before they became spare meat. He named the fur products PUSY, and ran ads saying "Wear a PUSY around your neck every day" and the market exploded with film stars, football champions and late night TV Icons all draping a PUSY around their necks, but when Joe Biden was approached, he said ................

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, Captain said:

The UNHCR issued a press release .......

.... which read "Japan should get back in its box and not attack NZ, plus we support the supply of Kookaburras to Africa, with the attendant demise of Willy Wagtails (which always appear to us to be smartarse little buggers that flit hither and yon for no real purpose)."

Edited February 28, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

but when Joe Biden was approached, he said ................

...... talk to Hunter and my Brother, then once the kickback is arranged, I will be happy to say whatever is written on the teleprompter, before I have a nanny nap and ........

Edited February 28, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

....a good feed of Tassie tiger steaks.[sent over from down under by his good friend and kickback supplier Turdy]...Now the ramblings that are occurring on the NES has prompted Eaaannn to fire the new woke moderator and employ the guiding light of the future for the world Mrs Pauline Hanson,[this was immediately opposed by the new senator from Tasmania Lidia Thorp ,who went a long diatribe about her safety in the work place ,and the lack of government grants she could steal and her access to the NES to promote her white brothers ,oops slightly tanned ones ] Now Pauline was a busy lady so she deputized Malcom Roberts to discuss the effects of the woke lies about global warming ,opps global cooling ,,opps climate change oops or what ever the next name is after the last one was debunked. Thats not true said onesie why............

Edited February 28, 2021 by bull