The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

......just last week, Pauline was deep into restoring Christine Holgates status as a world-class business leader - so she couldn't possibly be involved in deputisation requests to Malcolm Roberts over that relatively unimportant climate change stuff. Besides, she was in need of a new wrist watch, and who else but Christine would be best positioned to advise on........

[turboplanner]

........I've never heard of any of those people. Are they members of Collingwood football Club?

"Lydia Thorp is a swimmer I think" said Turbo trying to be helpful "Her brother is Ian Thorp."

Everyone had forgotten about flying, just as they have  on the other threads, so Turbo dragged out his 1953 Auster J3. He had found a way to start it by himself, by looping a rope over the prop, hitching the rope to the collar of his draught mare Betsy, and shooting Betsy in the bum with the 410 once he was ready. There was no need to yell out for Betsy to stay clear because she was in the next district by the time the reverberations from the gun died down.

Turbo line the Auster up and went for a 30 minute spin then decided to go back to the field and take his good friends Cappy, OT and bull for a spin. The strip had a hump in the middle. As Turbo came down the six finals and rounded out over the strip the aircraft sank..............

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo line the Auster up and went for a 30 minute spin then decided to go back to the field and take his good friends Cappy, OT and bull for a spin. The strip had a hump in the middle. As Turbo came down the six finals and rounded out over the strip the aircraft sank..............

...... into a fit of .......

[turboplanner]

........excitement as the rubber bands called ‘suspension’ got ready to give Ossie the Auster a massive launch back into the air the minute he touched the first blade of grass but Turbo was too smart fo that and landed like a feather on goose fluff. Odour went into another fit of wheel vibrations and.....

[turboplanner]

[Odour should read "Ossie"]

 

[bull]

.

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........excitement as the rubber bands called ‘suspension’ got ready to give Ossie the Auster a massive launch back into the air the minute he touched the first blade of grass but Turbo was too smart fo that and landed like a feather on goose fluff. Odour went into another fit of wheel vibrations and.....

other smelly stuff. Now as turdo bounced back into the air [avref] his demeaner and antics attracted international media attention to the point a videohttps://www.flyingmag.com/pilots-places/pilots-adventures-more/stolen-piper-cub-video-youtube-otherworldly/ was released of his flight [avref], here is a copy for other NES readers to watch and then understand why onesie and bull decided that flying [avref] with him would be detrimental to all concerned [demonstrated by Turdo,s physical state in the video] and declined his offer to just go for a spin. I,ll fry with you ,said Sir Nobu, so rounding out [avref] again turdo..................

[turboplanner]

....pointed the nose directly at the ground, and ................

 

 

"Thanks to bull for once again exposing media inaccuracies. Turbo was flying an Auster J3, but the journalist wrote a beatup about a Piper Cab" - Mod 16

 

"once again unsuitable flying activities have been shown on the site. It's bad enough now when builders are gluing in recognisable faces in their planes, but after this we're likely to  see model aircraft with the "pilot manipulating the controls, or grinning out of the side of the cockpit as the model aircraft is brought in to land, or even "passengers" throwing up over the side" - President, MAAA

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....pointed the nose directly at the ground, and ....

.......... as it was a substantial beak that Turbo has (however probity prevents any of us from commenting on his middle eastern and Mediterranean origins ..... but it is only fair to disclose that Turbo's ancestors did fight on the winning side at Gallipoli [so he marches backwards at every Anzac Day march if Dan gives him permission) and his nose was used to cushion Ossie's bounces.

 

The disclosure about Turbo the Turk has then brought observations into the NES of how Turbo is the spitting image of Recep Tayyip Erdogan, the present Turkish President and, with Turbo's nickname being Tayyipyip (because he gets the yips about his PIOs (eventual avref)) plus the existence of the very successful Turbine Kababs and Falafels Inc has excited ........ 

 

TUBB'S TWIN BROTHER. GEEEZ THEY ARE IDENTICAL. ALTHOUGH TINK

LOOKS LIKE HE HAS HAD A ROUGHER TIME OF IT.

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....the Turkish community, which these days outnumbers Australians in Melbourne. In fact there are rumours that Lord May Sally Capp, who would leave a Spanish clapper for dead when it comes to talking to the media about anything, is considering renaming Melbourne Melbournestanbull  (the double ll being a secret memorial to bull who passed through Melbourne on his way overseas to Tasmania, and .........)

 

 

[Captain]

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....the Turkish community, which these days outnumbers Australians in Melbourne. In fact there are rumours that Lord May Sally Capp, who would leave a Spanish clapper for dead when it comes to talking to the media about anything, is considering renaming Melbourne Melbournestanbull  (the double ll being a secret memorial to bull who passed through Melbourne on his way overseas to Tasmania, and .........)

 

 

..... who has fitted in so well in the land of Bob Brown and the gay (as in happy) high jinx that 1st attracted bull away from the delights of Bone and into the clutches of ........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

and into the clutches of ........

"How come bull can say "crutches" and not get banned, while I get a week's suspension for just talking about the plicks on rose bushes .... and on P-Date" commented Nobu somewhat belligerently.

[turboplanner]

..the convict based environment, which reminds one so much of 1852, when Jack Bull, who was a game keeper on the Estate of Captain Gawain Vickers Cooke in Sussex, south of Wessex and west of Essex, was found with the remains of a roast pheasant on his dinner plate.

Bull was innocent of stealing the pheasant because the Captain's wife Chatterley, had brought it down to the Gamekeeper's cottage, to share a leg with Jack.

In spite of Jack's protests which were all pretty lame because he couldn't give Chatterley away, he was sent to Tasmania where he made wooden chess boards from the local forests, and Bull's Timber is still ripping down old growth forests today.

Bull had made an escape attempt at one stage and the Governor removed the capital "B" from he name. "That will fix the blighter" said the Governor, but .................

 

[Captain]

.... the bull family are well known, in the game keeping, poaching, mango & aviation industries for ......

[bull]

Making ..............

 

[turboplanner]

.........trouble and the Governor’s patience was sorely tested over the next few years, because as everyone knows there’s nothing to do after 5 pm when all the shops close except make trouble, and Jack b  made it with a capital ‘To grabbing the Governor’s daughter and tying her to the railroad tracks, and then realising there was only one train per fortnight and having to bring her McDonalds every night until it was due, then....

[Captain]

...... as is a tradition in the bull family, Jack decided to take advantage of her predicament and he rudely ......

[turboplanner]

.....asked her if she flew a kite.[avref]

Mainlanders May not know the significance of this, but in Southern Tasmania (which excludes the scroats from Launceston) it has a very specific and anti-diversity meaning, so she picked up a piece of 4x2 and wrapped it around his ........

[Captain]

...... erect ......

[turboplanner]

..........mohawk hair which he had carefully nurtured for years, removing his complete scalp.

Jack screamed and lunged at the Governor's daughter but she caught him in the oats with a well aimed shoe.

Jack ..........

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........mohawk hair which he had carefully nurtured for years, removing his complete scalp.

Jack screamed and lunged at the Governor's daughter but she caught him in the oats with a well aimed shoe.

Jack ..........

..... had always liked it a bit rough, which is another bull family trait, and as a result Jack was in love (plus the Governor's daughter offered him the opportunity to lift the family up about 17 rungs on the Tazzy social ladder, from the family's then sad & decrepit base at the ........

Edited March 3, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....level of street sweeper (nttawwtbtw), which Jacks family had practised for years, until he ended up with all the street-sweeping contracts in Tasmania.

However, few people realise that Tasmania doesn't really have a lot of streets (unmade roads and goat tracks, yes) - which point, elevated Jacks family standing well above what it really meant.

 

However, the opportunity to raise the Bull familys status even further, was very tempting to Jack - but he made a simple and fatal mistake when he asked the Governors daughter (who at this stage hasn't been named - but I will state now, that her name is Penny), whether she was good on the broom. 

 

Penny screamed in outrage at being asked such a lowly and impertinent question, and............

 

Edited March 3, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Penny screamed in outrage at being asked such a lowly question, and............

........ deftly inserted Jack's best and most cherished broom, rough end first, into his .......

[onetrack]

.....broom carry holder - thus tearing the bottom out of it - which upset Jack greatly. But Jacks upset was nothing compared to Penny's, as she screamed abuse at Jack for insinuating she was a witch.

 

"But ...but..." stammered Jack, "This is all a misunderstanding, I wasn't talking about riding broomsticks, I was talking about using brooms for sweeping!"

 

"I need to know if you can properly hold and handle a .....

[Captain]

...... witch's broom (avref), which you place between your delightful (if I may say so) .........

 

Penny flying side saddle & flashing it during her TIF (avref), but still able to pull 4 Gs in a steep turn.

(You can see why Jack was so besotted with her, eh?)

Note that she has released flares, so there must still be some SAM emplacements down in Tazzy.

Edited March 3, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......hands, for this aicraft was one of the first "broomstick control" types, and as we can see from Cappy's helpful photo above, within a few minutes she was flying hands-free.

NES readers should never underestimate the thoroughness with which CASA discharge their obligations to the Australian Taxpayer.  Even though the Governor's daughter accidently flew over the tiny town of Deloraine at fifty feet, the branches og a Plane Tree [avref] parted, and there was the unmistakeable clap of a digital camera and FoI Polkinghorne was feverishly transferring the HD file to his phone ready to flash it to CASA headquarters in Canberra itself.

Unfortuately for him, he'd almost completed the action when the Governor's daughter came past again and the flash caught him unprepared. As he slipped, he realised his branch was above a pig stye, and .................