The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

............her face where the parachute had hit, leaving a nasty bruise.

 

"You XXXXXX XXXX" yelled Granny who didn't see the joke in being fired from Wagga to The Rock  "You get me down out of her Loxie you little XXXX, or I'll tell your mother what goes on down at the Fire Station!"

 

Loxie went up the side of The Rock hand over hand like a monkey on steroids, grabbed Granny and sild down on his bum, such was the urgency of the matter, because if his mother ...........

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Loxie went up the side of The Rock hand over hand like a monkey on steroids, grabbed Granny and sild down on his bum, such was the urgency of the matter, because if his mother ...........

...... ever found out that the little XXXX (CASAavref) would ......

Edited March 16, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

WHERE IS ONETRACK (WIO)?

 

Concerns have been expressed about Onesie's silence & whereabouts since the WA election. Has Onesie been decimated as part of the LNP cleanout or is the Uniroot still celebrating his win & checking out his new office on the top floor?

[turboplanner]

He was investigated by ASIO and found to be a communist so office probably a Morris Minor

 

[onetrack]

(Dear NES readers - Onetrack is alive and well, and not in hiding, and not being investigated by ASIO - despite some nasty East-Coast rumours to the contrary.

OT has in fact, been doing real WORK, something perhaps that some contributors here do not recognise, nor understand - that people such as OT often carry the country singlehandedly with their prodigious work output. OT understands he may actually be inline for more medals for his sterling efforts, to add to the several he already carries on his chest. It's a hard life, but someone has to do it.)

 

Quote

...... ever found out that the little XXXX (CASAavref) would ......

..... be lined up for a reaming out, like he hadn't had for 20 years. However, Granny's thanks to Loxie for saving her were profuse, and this mollified Loxie's Mothers rage, to the extent she forgave him, when she learnt how he'd risked life and limb to save Granny from her predicament ("sounds like OT in action, says OT").

 

But then the trouble started, when Granny set out to find out who fired her from Wagga to the Rock. "When I find that little XXXX, there'll be hell to pay!", raged Granny - a fearful threat, if there ever was one. Many a man regretted upsetting Granny.

 

Meantimes, Loxie was making.......

[turboplanner]

....a Lubricant of CP2 and castor oil to sell for fixing stuck locks.

He tried it in his Benz and the locking system seemed to work better.

He tried in in his wife's Benz and it seemed to work even better.

He tried it in the spare Benz and it wasn't as good but that car sat around a lot.

He tried it in the Benz van and it worked much better.

 

So he went to the CopShop and tried to sell a can to Senior Sergeant Doubfire who was doubtful.

So he poured some lubricant in the back door and he poired some in the front door and said "Try the lock now, I think you'll find it much easier on the key.

Both doors were locked solid; they were locked in; Doubtfire looked at him and...................

[Captain]

21 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Doubtfire looked at him and ......

..... read him his rights (...... and his lefts).

 

"Look" said Doubtfire "I know exactly what Turdboy was referring to with his "back-door" & "front-door" references in the above post, and his sick references to Granny's cranny should be the basis of charges in the Gummly Gummly Supreme Court of Public Opinion. But for Turds to make fun of AhLox's Mercedes collection is a sick travesty, because Ahlox is a lovely boy who took me flying in his beercan and who has always treated me well, so will you please just ......

 

Turbo's reference to the POIR is also under investigation by the Gummly Anti Terror Squad (The GATS) as it is well known that the POIR is the ISIS linked and subversive "Politics and International Relations" institute.

 

Cappy also pays his respects to all onetracks, past & present, for the hard work they do to keep the country running and to ensure that the West remains as part of our glorious Commonwealth. (Key words have been highlighted here to aid the filing in the National Library).

Edited March 19, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

...ensure that you delete any snide references to Ahlox's Mercedes collection, and get Cappy to stop calling his aircraft "beercans" - because we all know that CASA is looking for every opportunity to find fault, including looking for beercans in construction, which is directly in contravention of Part 163, Section 48, Sub-section 18, paragraphs 2(a) through to 7(b), and if ....

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

..... we call them avions von canette de biere, CASA (XXXXref) won't have un clue about of what we parlent, eh mate".

 

"Wollah eh" said Turbo, who didn't have a clue, but had been taught phonetics de Francais at school and had meant "Voila", plus he added ......

 

Technical PS  ... Les avion de Ahlox was only half the thickness of a canette de biere, and smelt like stale Carlsberg that had been left in the sun for 2 weeks after un Xmas BBQ.

Edited March 19, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".......Loxie did aerobatics [UntralightShockRef], and bad ones at that. You could hear the frame groaning and the aluminium skin crackling like a machine gun when the rivets started popping, and that was only in a barrel roll"

 

"It got worse from there when ......."

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

"It got worse from there when ......."

..... a Urquell Nefiltrovaný Pilsner can (czechbeerref) delaminated off his empennage, and that ......

Edited March 19, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....can, unfortunately, was still full when it had been installed. As result it starting pixxing out pixx onto some pixxed-off spectators, who immediately suspected Loxie was taking the pixx out of them, by pixxing on them.

The cries of outrage from the wet spectators reached a crescendo that even drowned out the buzz of the Rotax.

And as Loxie landed (avref), they surged forward - and in a massive miscalculation, whereby Loxie though they were rushing forward to greet and congratulate him - he jumped out of the cockpit (avref), straight into.......

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

whereby Loxie thought they were rushing forward to greet and congratulate him - he jumped out of the cockpit (avref), straight into.......

..... the XXXX, which was quite different XXXX than the XXXX that had come out of the Czech beercan.

 

The crowd pulled back in horror, not because of the XXXX, but because of the .......

Edited March 20, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....fact the Urquell Pilsener was unfiltered - and the contents of which, containing much "solid material", had formed unspeakable and unbelievable stains on both Loxy and the aircraft (avref).

 

"He's got the Pox!!", screamed out someone in the crowd - which made them pull back even more. "No, he's shXX himself!!" cried someone else - leading to another surge rearwards, in the assembled gathering.

 

"What in the dickens is going on?" said Loxy as he walked towards the crowd - and they backed off even faster. "I put on such a great flying (avref) show - and once I land, I get treated like I'm a COVID-19 carrier!?"

 

"Did you hear that??", cried one old bloke in the crowd, who was largely deaf, like all old blokes are. "He's got the COVID! - He's a carrier!! I heard him say it!"

 

At that, most of the crowd turned and ran, like rabbits sighting a hungry fox. They fell over each other, and trampled each other, in their haste to get away.

 

Meantimes, Loxy looked on in amazement, and wondered what he.........

[turboplanner]

........could do to save the day.

He yelled out "I'M A FIERY!!!" banking on the community goodwill throughout Australia.

But this was French Polynesia where gay marriages were banned, and the death penalty still applied to men kissing in public.

The crowd turned and rushed for Loxy, murder in its gut, but just as.................

[Captain]

..... would do with the B-Double full of toilet paper that he had bought from Woolies and was expecting to offload to this mob for a huge ......

 

HOW SAD IS THAT? Both Cappy & Turbs have posted at the same time around 3.45 am on a Sabbath. When will these sad old buggers (avref) ever get a life?

Edited March 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........Crap Muster, which he'd based on the Deni Ute Muster, where ...............

 

 

IT IS SAD that cappy was crawling home from a party at that time, but Turbo was simply doing what he does best - working through the night for a loyal Client. For this one he gets to use the Company Condo in Cannes, France for two weeks.

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

but Turbo was simply doing what he does best - working through the night for a loyal Client. For this one he gets to use the Company Condo in Cannes, France for two weeks.

 

..... except that it turns out that bull is, in real life, a Deputy Commissioner of Taxation, specialising in combating the "Barter Economy" (in addition to his usual "save the capital letter" mantra).

 

"you're busted, sunshine" bull wrote, in his ......

 

 

Edited March 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....best lower case. I've been watching you barter those Ultralight things so now you can tell me how you finished up with an ex Qantas 747, fitted out inside with more luxurious equipment than air force 1 - tell me how sunshine or you're in for 12 years of ...................

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....best lower case. I've been watching you barter those Ultralight things so now you can tell me how you finished up with an ex Qantas 747, fitted out inside with more luxurious equipment than air force 1 - tell me how sunshine or you're in for 12 years of ...................

... grief (and xxxx).

 

"It's easily explained, as I am the Aussie equivalent of John Travolta except I have a bigger one. In addition Turbine Industries have just succeeded in our hostile takeovers of Apple, Facebook & Google, so I need a 747 to transport all my ladies (NTTIAWWTBTW)".

 

bull considered all of these new facts and, because he needed a new phone, he .......

Edited March 20, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

got on to Ebay to find that Air Asia is selling multi engine endorsements for about $100 + GST. It is a full on one day course but for that you get a MECR,  full IFR/night, a G1 instructor, ATPL, piston/turbine/rocket, and 300 hrs. signed off in the log book. Not bad for a days work but it does not include formation.  ................

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

got on to Ebay to find that Air Asia is selling multi engine endorsements for about $100 + GST. It is a full on one day course but for that you get a MECR,  full IFR/night, a G1 instructor, ATPL, piston/turbine/rocket, and 300 hrs. signed off in the log book. Not bad for a days work but it does not include formation.  ................

 

GOOD POST CTNINETHOUSAND BUT THIS IS A VERY SORE POINT IN THIS GROUP, AS TURBO HAS TAKEN THAT COURSE  ABOUT 9 TIMES (& POSSIBLY MORE) AND HE HAS FAILED THEM ALL, NO MATTER WHAT HE OFFERS TO PAY .... WHICH, AS YOU NODOUBT KNOW, USUALLY SOLVES A LOT OF PROBLEMS THRUOUT ASIA.

 

NOW BACK TO YOUR EXCELLENT POST .......

 

9 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

got on to Ebay to find that Air Asia is selling multi engine endorsements for about $100 + GST. It is a full on one day course but for that you get a MECR,  full IFR/night, a G1 instructor, ATPL, piston/turbine/rocket, and 300 hrs. signed off in the log book. Not bad for a days work but it does not include formation.  ................

 

Edited March 21, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

Captain my understanding is that the only way you can fail this course is to "fail to pay". A further point to my critics is that the 300 hrs. signed off in the log book in one day is that as you get nearer the eeequateer it gets hotter and so time goes faster due to the higher D/A. The other point is that $100 normally does not buy a lot of actual multi engine turbine time, so some is sim time and we all know time goes faster when you are standing still. The need for the rocket endorsement is because a normal JATO will still not get a 747 off the ground in an average ultralight paddock so you need rocket. So now with the clarification complete.    does not include formation  .......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, CT9000 said:

Captain my understanding is that the only way you can fail this course is to "fail to pay". A further point to my critics is that the 300 hrs. signed off in the log book in one day is that as you get nearer the eeequateer it gets hotter and so time goes faster due to the higher D/A. The other point is that $100 normally does not buy a lot of actual multi engine turbine time, so some is sim time and we all know time goes faster when you are standing still. The need for the rocket endorsement is because a normal JATO will still not get a 747 off the ground in an average ultralight paddock so you need rocket. So now with the clarification complete.    does not include formation  .......

AND THERE, CT (although I'm sure that you actually aren't one) YOU HAVE SUMMARISED THE ISSUE EXCELLENTLY IN YOUR NORMAL ERODITE FORM.

And I, for one, am shocked, as what you have so clearly indicated is that Turbo is obviously a XXXX pilot, a XXXXXX student and if he couldn't get this done and dusted with a 500% payment (which got me out of a lot of trouble in deepest Zimbabwe with Robert Mugabe's Secret Police years ago) then perhaps Turbo and Turbine Industries don't actually have the cash or the wherewithal to finalise his heavily promoted purchases of Apple, Google & Facebook.

 

That being the case, could Turbo actually be Sanjeev Gupta (or Chris Scase) in disguise? 

 

PS .. Try not to use the term "turbine time" in future, as the XXXX gets a royalty payment every time that is used.

Edited March 22, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Turbo doesn’t know where to start since Captain Chocksaway got so excited about CT’s information that he forgot to give us a lead, so Turbo will..........