The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

25 minutes ago, onetrack said:

However, it appears that Turbos constant demand to preface any address to him as "Doctor" is starting to grate - particularly when he does it in radio communications (loose avref).

 

"It's bad enough that he already has this Walter Mitty view of life - but when he constantly demands to be addressed as 'Doctor Turbo' over the airwaves, that it really starts to get up your nose", said one aggrieved ATC operative.

 

"Did I hear someone say 'Nose'?", said Turbo, popping his head around the corner. "Did you know I specialise in olfactory issues? - particularly relating to smells that........

...... remind him of Lygon St and the Moorabbin treatment works.

 

"Ah, home sweet home" said Dr Turbine, who was miffed when Dr Forest got his honourary Doctorate, so Tubb wanted one too.

 

"That's a good idea Cappy" thought Turdboy "I'll get 2 of 'em, so I'll have  Doctorii and will therefore kick the Twigster's .......

Edited March 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........come from Rotax gearboxes which lead to passengers giving the pilot dirty looks. It's a fact that of the people who fly Rotax powered aircraft (doubtful avref), very few have lasting marriages. "Mt treatment" said Dr Turbo "consists of 3 weekly  vaccinations, followed by a rehab sessions. There's no cost to it, it's all covered by Bulk Billing, so you can have every potential passenger treated and they won't have to put up with that offensive smell, but one of the side effects of the treatment is ...................................."

 

[Most NES readers would be familiar with Bulk Billing, probably thinking it comes from the Government, but in fact Bulk Billing Corporation is a subsidiary of Turbine Bulk, and when a Doctor signs up he is allowed to issue unlimited invoices per year, and gets a free apartment on the Gold Coast for two weeks each year with a pass to Dreamworld. Turbine Bulk in turn claims directly from the Government, retaining only 1/3 of a cent per invoiced visit. This brings in $42 million net profit per year.

 

On another Note Dr Turbo these days mixes with Millenials and the singular of thesis these days is TH. (these days they don't bother with Grade 4 English because it takes too long). The plural of that word is TH2, TH3, or even, for Turbo (sorry, Dr Turbo) TH1,000.]

 

 

[Captain]

Can any active NESers, or our legion of readers assist by defining what is the continuity between Ratty's "so I'll have Doctorii and will therefore kick the Twigster's ......." and Dr TinkyWink's ".........come from Rotax gearboxes which lead to passengers giving the pilot dirty looks."

 

Or has the Doc just lost the plot again ... and how'd you like to have him designing your next B Double, or coming into the circuit (avref) when you are on a longish downwind?

Edited March 29, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

MODERATOR 12 HAS THIS EVENING ADVISED THAT BECAUSE OF THE REQUIREMENTS OF LENT AS DEFINED IN THE NEW SCROLLS THAT WERE DISCOVERED LAST WEEK, UNLESS A NESER POSTS HERE BEFORE GOOD FRIDAY, THE NEVER ENDING STORY WILL BE CLOSED DOWN.

 

The Skipper & Dr. Turbine are considering legal advice received from a leading Barrister.

 

THE NES PAYS ITS RESPECTS TO ALL SAVIORS PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE.

Edited March 31, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......Turbo, as it happens registered the name NESER, and has posted before Good Friday so the NES is saved, no thanks to Cappy who went to that extraordinary length to cover up his increasing fear of dots. You'll notice he avoids providing lead-ins wherever he can leaving us in the .............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......Turbo, as it happens registered the name NESER, and has posted before Good Friday so the NES is saved, no thanks to Cappy who went to that extraordinary length to cover up his increasing fear of dots. You'll notice he avoids providing lead-ins wherever he can leaving us in the .............

... lurch.

[Captain]

"It was Moderator 12" said Cappy to Dr Turdy, while maintaining a defensive & indignant posture "And everyone on Wreck Flying has had an unfortunate run-in with that clown. Why even the great .....

 

RATTY PAYS HIS RESPECTS TO ALL MODERATORS (NTTIAWWT,BTW) PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE .... AND HE ALSO ......

Edited March 31, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........Tomo who towed Turbo's boat to Antarctica by flying an R22 backwards, has been abused by M12, who suggested Tomo was "just a potato grower from Thethil Plainth who couldn't fly a kite, and probably couldn't even start a Rotax, but M12 always left a trail which caught him out and one day ..............

 

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........Tomo who towed Turbo's boat to Antarctica by flying an R22 backwards, has been abused by M12, who suggested Tomo was "just a potato grower from Thethil Plainth who couldn't fly a kite, and probably couldn't even start a Rotax, but M12 always left a trail which caught him out and one day ..............

......... , as M12 pushed the throttle through the firewall and .......

 

Ratty is delighted to welcome back Tomo (the daring young man in his green flying (avref) machine), plus to see confirmation from the Doc that M12 is a bloke, because Ratty always suspected that M12 may have been of one of the other 112 gender persuasions (NTTIAWWT,BTW ... but the Doc would know).

 

Edited March 31, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......imagined himself as the Red Baron, he pulled back the machine gun lever, but in reality it was the fuel tank lever and a few seconds later the engine stopped, and he was one of those people who flew over tiger country because he would never have an engine failure, and he could see tigers below; both the red ones and the white ones, and ...............

[bull]

suddenly over the radio came this...mmmph mmmhpmmmummble  , cessna mmumble mmumph ...at mmumph altimumph,,fuc%ing masks........................................[this was suspected to be either Tomo or Sir Nobu] they are shitting me ,,and straight after that came ,,,put that fuc$king mask back on you murderer ,,,why we will send out the ......................

[onetrack]

........mask enforcers division of CASA, who have unlimited powers to ground pilots who refuse to wear masks and who ignore social distancing in the closely-confined quarters of a cockpit.

 

"We here in CASA all know that pilots and co-pilots and right-seat pax are blatantly ignoring distancing rules in cockpits, as well as ignoring mask requirements - so we have formed this new arm of CASA to deal with the problem", said the CASA spokesperson.

 

"It behoves all of us to promote aviation safety constantly, and nothing is more unsafe to the health of pilots and co-pilots and pax, to be ignoring distancing and masking requirements inside aeroplanes", the spokesperson went on. "The last thing we want is for pilots to catch COVID-19 inside a cockpit and end up unable to land due to regular coughing and sneezing fits. The ramifications are just too terrible to contemplate".

 

"Further to that end, we will be conducting regular random COVID-19 safety audits to ensure that all pilots. co-pilots and pax are.........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"Further to that end, we will be conducting regular random COVID-19 safety audits to ensure that all pilots. co-pilots and pax are...

.... 100% compliant with Form 1374, subcause124.56.ii.a.79.3, which we refer to as the "Ahlox Rule", because nobody ever wanted to be within 3 m of him, even pre Covid, back in those halcyon days when our biggest worry was .....

Edited April 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....whether we got crackling with our roast pork.  Turbo had tried to help Ahlo with Eucalyptus Oil, kerosene, vingegar and crushed ginger, and even Phenyl. Phenyl certainly took the smell away, but when he walked down the street a wave of people parted in front of him. Knowing this, and the vaue people put on taking their partners with them when they go flying, Turbine Industries have just released the "Buddypod" , based on the Cessna Caravan, but small enough to fit under any Recreational Aircraft. You just put the partner in the pod, lock the hatch, and you are C-19 compliant for the flight. This idea seemed so go that Turbo hadn't even bothered to do customer research, so ...............

[onetrack]

.....the first customers of the pods were human guinea pigs, pure and simple. "But I've never done any customer research!", said Dr Turbo. "They either survive or die, what could be simpler?"

 

"Customer research is such an over-rated industry - and besides, it costs too much, so we can't afford to do it!", he added. "The clients won't pay the extra, so they can get pods cheaper!"

 

"And besides" he went on, "It appears some aviators (avref) are planning to put their M'sIL in them, so it's a win-win situation all round! The MIL can't be heard, and the pilot (avref) gets to pilot freely, with no MIL interference, or back-seat piloting!"

 

"But", said Cappy with a furrowed brow, "These things sound like a disaster waiting to happen!"

 

"Only if you fail to tie up the MIL, and fail to lock the pod", said Dr Turbo airily. "Besides", he went on, "CASA are likely to announce.......

[turboplanner]

...Part 150 at any time, and pods will become mandatory then because pods are safer."

"How can that be?" asked OT, who was a doubting little beggar at the best of times, but now since WA's Gestapo Government had been reinstalled, there was no holding him back.

"Well" said Dr Turbo, "Well, Podflying in RA stops wives getting in the passenger seat and contradicting the Pilot (NTTIAWWCTH), NTTIAWWFWDI), and this is less safe than the old way. As our switched on expert Foxhunter keeps on telling us, they have deep pockets and are here to help you. "Podflying is the way of the future!" and Dr Turbo was off on his Rotax powered Jetski heading for Smugglers Rock where unbeknown to him...........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...Part 150 at any time, and pods will become mandatory then because pods are safer."

"How can that be?" asked OT, who was a doubting little beggar at the best of times, but now since WA's Gestapo Government had been reinstalled, there was no holding him back.

"Well" said Dr Turbo, "Well, Podflying in RA stops wives getting in the passenger seat and contradicting the Pilot (NTTIAWWCTH), NTTIAWWFWDI), and this is less safe than the old way. As our switched on expert Foxhunter keeps on telling us, they have deep pockets and are here to help you. "Podflying is the way of the future!" and Dr Turbo was off on his Rotax powered Jetski heading for Smugglers Rock where unbeknown to him...........

..... a well known AUF identity is planning to kick him in the pods, or at least that is what I think he (or she) said and then added "........

[onetrack]

....this sounds just like a classic Dr Turbo spin event! He's been Doctoring stuff for ages before he got that shonky online Doctorate, and now that he's got it attached to his name, to give him some official status, he's getting worse at Doctoring things!"

 

This passenger pod idea is straight out of the quack Doctors handbook! It's on a par with cyanide-based, raspy throat cures, arsenic blood improvers, laudanum nerve-calming products, Donald Trump COVID-19 cures, and snake oil liniment!"

 

"That's not true!", gasped Turbo. "I worked hard to get that Doctorate! It entitles me to Doctor as much as I like! - provided I don't enter any medical field! This pod is a product straight out of the 22nd Century! It'll only be weeks before CASA gives it the nod, and authorises it under 'Approved Under-Fuselage Attachments', and I reckon even Boeing will be.......

[turboplanner]

"........keen to use the concept, which generates extra lift, being based on the reverse Bernouli effect where air flowing over the inderside bulge of the pod generates negative lift, which is reversed into positive lift by tiny air intakes at the front. This does cause some discomfort for the passenger. They usually come out blue and shivering, but we hope to solve that problem shortly with a little gozmo used by the EV industry where a small turbine eats up CO2 and the byproduct is heat which is used to produce steam, which drive the windscreen wipers thus reducing battery consumption by 2%."

 

Orders began flowing in by the thousand which was interesting because there were only a few hundred RA machines still flying, but ...........

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Orders began flowing in by the thousand which was interesting because there were only a few hundred RA machines still flying, but ...........

...... Turbo was also very pleased to receive another Doctorate in the mail ("The more the merrier" said Turdy when interviewed by the ABC about the exposure of Turbine Industries to the Greensill collapse.) from Yamaha, Suzuki, Honda and Tohatsu, but when he read the details in the bit that is off the page in the below photo, it said "For services to the Japanese Outboard Industry, through the consistent damage that Dr Turbs has done to the reputation of Johnson & Evinrude trough his persistence in trying to fix 'em, but failing on every occasion when he has thereafter tried to run his outboards".

 

"The work by the Turbopranner in his use of Evinlude outboards has been outstanding" commented Fred from Honda Maline "As the Pranner's experience with Evinlude over the past 20 years has been our best advertising."

 

Then the below adds in fancy script across the bottom "This Doctorate is issued on the strictly conditional basis that Dr Turbs does not purchasing or otherwise use any of our brands of outboards for the next 25 years".

 

Turbo considered this, and the abovementioned lack of AUF aircraft, to be an affront to his ...........

 

Edited April 3, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....Doctoring ability, as he'd doctored up many an Evinrude outboard, as well as the Japanese brands - plus quite a number of AUF aircraft, as well.

 

"But that vast amount of doctoring is the exact reason why there's so few AUF aircraft (avref) left flying!", exclaimed OT.

 

"You've been personally responsible for taking more aircraft out of the sky, than CASA and RA-Aus could ever do, in 150 years!", he added.

 

"In fact", OT went on, "There's rumbles of a class action against your operations, based on malpractice, malfeasance, maladjustment and just general malevolence!

 

"Hear! Hear!", cried Nobu, as he walked in on Fred and Turbo. "Ever since he tlied to tune my Zelo (avref), she luns like a hairly goat!. He claimed he was a Nakajima Sakae tuning expert, but he wouldn't know a Nakajima Sakae flom a Sushi Bento Box! The man is a charlatan, and he needs to be exposed for.......

[Captain]

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

"In fact", OT went on, "There's rumbles of a class action against your operations, based on malpractice, malfeasance, maladjustment and just general malevolence!

 

"Hear! Hear!", cried Nobu, as he walked in on Fred and Turbo. "Ever since he tlied to tune my Zelo (avref), she luns like a hairly goat!. He claimed he was a Nakajima Sakae tuning expert, but he wouldn't know a Nakajima Sakae flom a Sushi Bento Box! The man is a charlatan, and he needs to be exposed for.......

....... the Sushi Train exponent that he is."

 

"Bento Boxes are XXXX" commented Turbs with a malevolent air as he took his 9th plate of $5 prawn dumplings off the train "And as for the uniroot's comments in the above quote, I deny having anything "mal or male" about me."

 

Bull couldn't resist this admission that Turbo only carried the y chromosome, so he called Salty (who was in the waiting room at the Remnark XXX Clinic at the time) "hey brine old mate, did you see that Turdy is going to chrome some (chromosome jokeref) thing, eh, and he must have also ..............

 

THE UPMARKET TRAINS AT TURBINE SUSHI @ MOOLABBIN & OSAKA (SOON TO EXPAND

TO HIROSHIMA & NAGASAKI ... as their are the only other towns that Turbo knows in Japan).

Edited April 3, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

have been having too much of the pufferfish ! He is now saying that........................[Turdy picking his pufferfish from the tank at the new ,Turbine industries Puff and Glow Sushi ]

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, bull said:

have been having too much of the pufferfish ! He is now saying that........................[Turdy picking his pufferfish from the tank at the new ,Turbine industries Puff and Glow Sushi ]

........ where the punters appear to dive nude in an attempt to pick their ...........

[turboplanner]

.....way through the hordes of these spiny fish without being................