The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He had one outboard left that hadn't blown the motor, a Seagull 3.5 and he artfully mounted this UNDER the Blanik

Dear NESers. The Skipper is flabbergasted that Turbo would voluntarily introduce his outboard exploits again.

 

Cappy therefore feels assured that Turbo has provided permission for his best mate to publish a photo (see below) of one of Turbo's outboard exploits from 2017 when he was messing around with the extremes of 25 hp.

 

This pic was previously part of a Non-Disclosure Agreement between Turbine Marine Propulsion Inc and the ABC.

The handwriting has been confirmed by experts to be that of the great man, Turbo himself.

Edited April 27, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

30 minutes ago, Captain said:

Dear NESers. The Skipper is flabbergasted that Turbo would voluntarily introduce his outboard exploits again.

 

Cappy therefore feels assured that Turbo has provided permission for his best mate to publish a photo (see below) of one of Turbo's outboard exploits from 2017 when he was messing around with the extremes of 25 hp.

 

This pic was previously part of a Non-Disclosure Agreement between Turbine Marine Propulsion Inc and the ABC.

The handwriting has been confirmed by experts to be that of the great man, Turbo himself.

Turbo admits that this was some of his earlier work (when he was about 10, before the Nuns belted him for swearing); fully ported it breathed like a horse, with it's big Mikuni, and chamber cleverly built down the leg. Problem was the throttle stuck wide open on its first trial on Coackatoo Lake, and Turbo had borrowed a duck punt from a local shooter. Duck punts have a flat bottom nd wide beam to slide around in shallow swamps, and the outboard had a long leg, so wherever Turbo pointed the prop, that's where the punt went. On the few occasions the prop and bow lined up, as soon as Turbo tried to turn, the punt went along sideways, at one stage straight down and alley of duck shooters stationed in hides. It's testament to the poor shooting of hunters that Turbo's hide wasn't full of No 6 shot.

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He saw the cradle in the distance; it had run off the runway at an angle......

...... (avref), which is regarded as "normal" when Turdboy flies (anotheravref), and that is why Rapid Departure Taxiways (stillanotheravref) have been added at Moorabbin International so that Tubb can .......

Edited April 27, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

18 hours ago, Captain said:

...... (avref), which is regarded as "normal" when Turdboy flies (anotheravref), and that is why Rapid Departure Taxiways (stillanotheravref) have been added at Moorabbin International so that Tubb can .......

Ratty apologises (avref) to all NESers and the thousands of other lurking members of the aviation (avref) community for the above incorrect description. The Rat must have had another brain phart after running his practice half marathon yesterday and then enduring his 10 round sparring exercise preparing for his rematch with Paul Gallon.

 

They are called "Rapid Exit Taxiways" (avref) and not "Rapid Departure Taxiways" (dickheadref) which go the other way (NTTIAWWTBTW).

 

Your beloved Rat is surprised that he has not been pilloried (CASAref) on this already by his best mate the Turgidplonker.

Edited April 27, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........rapidly depart in the direction his cradel is pointing. He thanks Cappy for his explanation, but since no one has complained

He has nearly hit the "Spirit of Tasmana" twice, but other than that it shortens trip times and confuses ATC for long enough that he's out of radio range before they start asking questions.

 

As usual the Seagull has been totally reliable, and for those labouring over the last ten thousandth of a millmetre, and whether the cold bore will shrink just enough so that the expanding piston cannot seize. With the Seagull you just make the piston 1/8" smaller diameter and mix half a pint per gallon oil and the engine will work for 50 years, no shock cooling, no seizing and the only accessory you need is a packet of band aids to .........

[onetrack]

......fix the multiple and dangerous leaks caused by the Turbine Industries modifications. "Hey, it's not leaking, it's just marking its territory, like any animal would," said Turbo airily. "And this thing is a complete animal in the air!"

 

"But those leaks are an aviation disaster just waiting to happen", tut-tutted OT.

 

"Nah, not a problem," said Turbo with a grin. "That's why I fitted the Seagull to a Blanik. If the Seagull coughs and dies, I can just glide to Tassie! And besides that, my cunning design includes a detaching mechanism for the Seagull. I just pull this lever here, and the Seagull falls away, just like a drop tank! How good is that!!", he went on.

 

"Well, that may be all well and good, but what happens to the poor bugger on the ground (or in the tinnie) who has a Seagull fall out of the sky, onto his head, once you do the Seagull detach thing??", said OT, looking shocked that anyone would even dream of fitting such a device.

 

"Oh, I've thought of that, too", said Turbo. "I engineered an inbuilt parachute into the Seagull, which not only cushions the landing, but which 'chute gives those below a clue that something is coming down out of the sky - and it also saves the Seagull from any landing damage, so I can use it again!"

 

"That's just amazing", said OT, "It just goes to show, you're not just a pretty face, but you have real potential to provide........

[turboplanner]

".....a sustainable future for the next generation, and I notice you don't refer to the aircrtaft as "he" or "she" so there'll be no discussion about mistreatment or ...........

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".....a sustainable future for the next generation, and I notice you don't refer to the aircrtaft as "he" or "she" so there'll be no discussion about mistreatment or ...........

.... of Tasmanians.

 

This story led to the formation of Turbine Renewable Energy & Technology (TREAT) plus that company's subsidiary Turbine Outboard Recovery Systems (TORS) which are both related to ......

[turboplanner]

.....the environment, electric cars, renewable energy and the fight against mistreatment of innocent women in the Parliamentary Precinct.

While this Site has ample facilities for commercial advertising, TREAT begs Een's forbearance for a short explanation of the TORS system which does so much for the environment. The TORS is very cheap, just AUD$30.00 + GST. It consists of a long rope and a reel. If you have an engine failure you simply release the engine and the rope automatically reels out until you have landed. Then all you have to do is reel the motor in, lust like fishing. In tests Professor Claret from Turbine Research has found the only environmental damage so far was mild rope burn on three wild ducks which would have been shot anyway. TORS has an optional extra of a diesel Landcruiser with a front mounted winch at $185,000.00 for those who like.......................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

TORS has an optional extra of a diesel Landcruiser with a front mounted winch at $185,000.00 for those who like.......................

...... not to have to wait 18 months for their next Cruiser (these "Special" $185 K Cruisers are distributed through Turbine Toyota on Main Road at Moorabbin and some say that they are actually just a rebadged Great Wall, which would be rather typical of the business practices at Turbine Toyota, which until last Tuesday was known as Turbine Great Wall and Haval).

 

"With each Cruiser and front mounted winch (FMW) we provide a winch contract (WC) at the Moorabbin Gliding (avref) Club" said the unprincipled Dealer Principal at Turbine Toyota (who we shall call "turboprincipal"), "So there is an added opportunity to earn cash on a Sunday afternoon ... and as everyone is aware, Gliding Clubs are well known for their wealth and generosity (Turbo gets $1,000/hr for the hire of his Blanik, and that is without the Seagull sustainer), so they will pay $550 per launch and a nice little earner of $2,000 per hour & $10,000 for a Sunday arvo is therefore easily achievable."

 

This offer drew widespread .......

Edited April 28, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....condemnation from the Multi-Level Marketing opponents, who immediately pounced on the offer as unfair to buyers (as the product was actually a franchise, defined in the small print of the T's & C's, and was being sold by Turbine Franchises LLC, a Delaware-incorporated company) - and which offered an income that was overstated, and impossible to achieve.

 

Furthermore, it was pointed out by the MLM opponents that the franchisees were obliged under the terms of their contracts to source all their business inputs from Turbine Franchises LLC, in US Dollars, and at prices that exceeded the median pricing for the same products acquired from regular Australian suppliers.

 

60 Minutes got wind (avref) of this dodgy business practice, and sent an investigative team to Turbine Toyota to get the inside running on the whole suspicious setup. But upon arrival at the premises, they found the outlet had been completely rebranded as......

[turboplanner]

....a Covid-19 vaccination Centre and there was Turbo in a white coat welcoming patients for a quick jab of the only Fizer vaccine in the Country.

His TV ads "Don't touch Astralube; FREE CONSULTATION, get our one shot Fizer instead had attracted a line of 15 < 50 year olds that stretched for a kilometre.

 

It was slowed down by Turbo having to explain that the consultation "What are you here for today?" was free but the jab was 50 bucks, but they took it and poured in.

 

Eventuall a litle man in a grey suit walked up. In answer to the consultative question he said: "I'm here to check your TGA accredition" and reached for his phone when he saw the long hose and the yellow Elders drums behind a curtain.

 

The man in the grey suit ............................................................

 

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The man in the grey suit .....

... said "Your Fizer is a fizzer mate and you are nicked".

 

"We also offer Astra ZNicker" responded Dr Turbo doing his best Dr Fauci impression "And where is your mask?".

 

"But those Elders drums have (Caltex/now Ampol) Astron in them" responded the dude in the grey pinstripes.

 

"Ohhhh geeeeeez" said Dr Turdy in a statement and he reverted to his standard "Me no spik da Engrish, me are just a sales lep for Gleat Wall, velly good ute, ten dollar prease and you get ...... 

Edited April 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......aer, bar, lite, tow, flare, roof lack, stripe, Birdsville Pup Sticka,  or you cun ee at Dragon Restroom and maybe Air cra Carry ride he, he, he.............................

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......aer, bar, lite, tow, flare, roof lack, stripe, Birdsville Pup Sticka,  or you cun ee at Dragon Restroom and maybe Air cra Carry ride he, he, he.............................

.... & do you want to meet my seester?"

 

bull took offence (and a fence ... "Engrish is hard, eh" he added once he realised his error) at this and submitted an internet enquiry about Tubb's special Cruiser deal, which was still appearing in web searches on Gumtree, Tinder, Grinder, Finder, Minder, Winder, Binder (all administered by Turbine Interweb PLC) and in the web version of the Remnark Times where .....

Edited April 29, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........Salty was advertising for a Chinese Housekeeper to go round the fishing lines twice a day, and sweep up the leaves near .............

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........Salty was advertising for a Chinese Housekeeper to go round the fishing lines twice a day, and sweep up the leaves near .............

.... the chook shed and behind where she keeps her SSB Submarine communications radio (she drives down monthly from Remnark to Adelaide to report on the scintillating progress with the constructiin of the Aussie subs).

 

Salty was one with Penny Wong and refused to mention ze war, but it was soon to become apparent that .....

Edited April 29, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......Penny was wong, and the warships started sliding past Chez Capitan at the Spratley Resport, each one being recorded and tracked by Turbine Intelligannce Systems Long Arm Inc. TISLA.

 

It was clear from the tracking that Australia was in for a lot more than Covid-19 in the very near future, and it was time to sweep the runways with the 13'4" Corsair props once again, but .................

[Captain]

...... Turbine Six_Eyes, Turbine Seal Team 5 & Turbine ASIO had different ideas, when they .....

[turboplanner]

......met to brief Scott.They left him feeling like he had Twelve-Eyes, six spinning one way and seven the other.

Lucy Li saved the day with her thesis on .......................

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......met to brief Scott.They left him feeling like he had Twelve-Eyes, six spinning one way and seven the other.

Lucy Li saved the day with her thesis on .......................

......... "The Origins of the third eye and the third leg in Chinese Culture", which also discussed the Chinese Belt & Braces influence in Victoria, whether Danny boy actually did have the crap beaten out of him down at Lindsay's joint, the high cost of Dim Sims in the Chinese quarter of Moorabbin, and why more Skippies don't eat Plawn Dumprings and are therefore lacists, which is well recognized as the .....

Edited April 29, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....football at the MCG never features Chinese dancers. Notice how Cappy sneakily introduced Leftist rumour, but Dan has generously offered to sing a Chinese song made famous by Meatrofe, who features as a statue on top of 10,000 fast food outlets in China. In addition the Leader of the Opposition has promised to read poems before the Match, but the footy crowd ............................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

but the footy crowd ............................

..... were substantially from Collingwood and Freo (ho heave ho) and were more interested in .....

[onetrack]

......meat pies, Kangaroos and Holden cars - which, although they had ceased manufacturing, and the company had done a Turbine Industries and disappeared up its own aXXX, the few remaining examples (roadworthy or not), had increased so much in value, that every bogan family with 4 Holdens up on blocks in the front yard, were now well on the way to be millionaires, technically.

 

Meantimes, Cappy had thought long and hard about how to generate more anti-Chinese feeling, in order to speed up sub production and therefore provide some major benefit to his superannuation levels.

He thought of how he could introduce more Chinese content into..........

[turboplanner]

.......his speech, which was currently limited to Ni Hao, so he started recording his cat, and you wouldn't believe .........................