The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

They drove over and looked at the plantation, Turbo suggested the name "Quince Shots" and the rest is history, the Victorian Government picked up the tab for the brewery after Turbo told them it was going to be built in the Western District. Dan, still picking scabs off said "We want to encourage decentralisation" and the rest is history.

 

No one wanted bull's .......

.... Apple Cider (AC) any more, so he did a DuckDuckGo search ("Stuff those lefty Google clowns" he said in a political address to the Queenstown Young Conservatives) for a list of the fruits of our native Australian brothers (respect to Elders etc etc etc) and he came up with the name "Quandong Juice".

 

He therefore took on Onesie and Turbo (the WA Ndrangheta) head on (with help from an equity contribution by the Skipper and a few of the others in the Cook Family).

 

"Quinces are for Wankers, just think about big ripe Dongs ................ Quandongs" (c) (r) was their new advertising slogan and bull thereafter had complete ongoing support from the Dept of Aboriginal Affairs (respect for Elders & Bunnings etc) after bull pulled off (bullref) the biggest smoking ceremony ever seen in OZ (who cares about a pine-forest or 2 being used in a good promo cause).

 

After being asked a few questions by an anonymous ABC reporter (respect for lefties past and present) thru the smoke, bull's response is still spoken about today in hushed tones in Advertising Conferences.

 

"Who said I still used apples and just changed the labels?" was bull's defiant retort as he .....

Edited May 10, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....pointed out that the smoke cloud was so huge, it had smoked and shrivelled the apples until they looked like quandongs - so "Quandong Juice" was born.

 

The assembled crowd clapped and cheered (because they were "rent-a-crowd", entirely made up of people from Launceston, and all arranged by bull), and the media personalities were lost for questions, as the cameras turned and rolled on the cheering gathering - and a pack of (OT draws in a sharp gasp of breath, right about now, and utters the words in a hollow tone) ...."advertising people" .... rushed forward to interview bull, to get his fabulous marketing campaign technique down pat, and into print - and to get more photos, including close-ups of his craggy jawline and 3 day old stubble (a la Hugh Jackman), so they could fill the front pages of their advertising news glossy magazines.

 

Bull was a major advertising star, now, no doubt about it. He'd taken on the might of ......

[Captain]

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

Bull was a major advertising star, now, no doubt about it. He'd taken on the might of ......

...... Turbine Media, he had been invited onto the Board of News Corp and he had been approached to be the new CEO of Australia Post (on the provision that he stays away from watch shops ........... but that won't be an issue as he still uses the scratched manual wind Timex (NTTIAWWTBYW) (with a sweat inducing plastic watch band) that he had at school way back early last century).

 

Turbo thought that they needed to sack somebody as a show of strength (a la the Twigster) but instead demanded what was OT's new business plan to counter the nationwide popularity of "The big red throbbing Dong ..... Quondong Juice" (their updated slogan) and Turbo's panic caused OT to doubt his ........

Edited May 10, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........his decision to listen to Turbo.   He thought he'd sleep on it.

The sun rose early and hot on Khartoum in Jine 1479 as Khalid el Brine, Grand Chahmed of Khartoum looked out over the listless muddy river, one fo two which protected Khartoum from the Infidels.

 

He didn't know it but two of those infidels were sailing upriver now in ships loaded with soldiers. Sir Edward Grenville Biggles [Avref] Singleton was saling in the lead in his 90 cannon ship "Caterpillar", and Sir Robert the Bruce Turbine was following in his 91 cannon ship "CASA"[ancient Avref).

 

Khartoum had been buit on the junction of two rivers, which made it easy to defend, but both crews carried Seals and the plan was to split up taking up a river each, order the Seals to swim ashore and capture the Harem, being careful not to damage the merchandise, then capture Chahmed and take over Kartoum.

 

The plan as usual was flawless, Khartoum was captured without incident, and Sir Edward appointed Governor on behalf of the King, with Sir Robert made Prime Minister.  Their partnership was the foundation of the two families forming a close relationship down through the ages.

 

Christopher Cook was the ships Orange Boy, and he wasn't forgotten, being made Harem and Wine manager ....................

[not finished;these are only fadeout dots.

 

Onetrack woke up with a start and..........

 

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Onetrack woke up with a start and..........

..... looked down to where his hand was .....

[turboplanner]

...............; a gigantic Redback was about to bite him on the hand, and he realised that he would have to .................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...; a gigantic Redback was about to bite him on the hand, and he realised that he would have to ....

..... stop drinking that rotgut, cheap, home-made WA hooch that always gives him arachnid nightmares and made his aviating (avref), and his forum posts, so erratic.

 

There is no doubt about it, OT was in poor shape after Turbo's attack and the failure of his Quince venture, so he spent his time down at the Clock Tower sitting in the sun in ragged clothes & unwashed undies, with a worn & broken (OTref) bowl in front of him, playing his harmonica for tips (he can't play a mouthorgan and he has no ear for music, so he received F-All cash, but it kept him out of cheap bars and away from ..... 

Edited May 11, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........football grounds, and...........

[Captain]

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........football grounds, and...........

..... coffee ground, and .....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....; a gigantic Redback was about to bite him on the hand, and he realised that he would have to ....

AN ASIDE - The Rat compliments Turdboy on his judicious & appropriate use of the semicolon.

Edited May 11, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

..... cricket grounds, aircraft landing grounds, and other places of great distraction. However this great determination of OT's was one of his strengths - his abilities to resist temptations and concentrate on rebuilding his wealth, after his disastrous foray into high quality quince juice, the intense flavour of which was unappreciated by the uneducated masses resident in the Eastern States of Australia - who insisted on drinking cheap and rough and nasty red wines, and poisons such as gin (well known in many circles as "Mothers Ruin").

 

It wasn't a widely known fact that Cappys mother was ruined by gin, and her son was following in her footsteps. OT's attempts to offer a high-class substitute for gin in the form of quince juice was wasted on the likes of Cappy and his numerous aquaintances. It was time to try another track, resurrect the quince juice operations, and find other, more appreciative markets and sources of income.

 

After several profitable months in front of the Bell Tower with his begging bowl and a pathetic appearance that brought forth the generosity of the West Perth mining set, OT was all set to venture forth again, and start up another project. He saw a great opportunity in educating the Great Unwashed of the Eastern seaboard, and accordingly, he bought a.......

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, onetrack said:

After several profitable months in front of the Bell Tower with his begging bowl and a pathetic appearance that brought forth the generosity of the West Perth mining set, OT was all set to venture forth again, and start up another project. He saw a great opportunity in educating the Great Unwashed of the Eastern seaboard, and accordingly, he bought a.......

......n interest in an Early Learning Centre but it only took 10 minutes for the authorities to put the kybosh on that because of his record.

 

Knowing that OT had been knocked back again, bull (ever the astute mogul and typist) lobbed in a takeover proposal for all of OT's Quince Operations.

 

"I'll just call it Quandong concentrate and nobody over here will have a clue, plus I'll be able to water it down in a 20:1 ratio (rotaxblueheadref) and sell it for ........

 

MODERATOR'S NOTE - Leave the Skipper's mum out of this, as it is well known that he was conceived in (or perhaps because of) a fog of gin, which makes the Skipper even more morose. ..... Moderator 43.

Edited May 12, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Kia and headed east, making it as far as Esperance for the transmission rebuild.

Down at the pub a Dogger with six dingo scalps stuck into his boot tops (which was producing a strange odour in the bar and caused people to look at OT, suggested he try selling prune juice and metho as Caramel Nip, but OT...........

 

[Turbo respectfully points out a small error in his story. Cappy’s mother wasn’ t ruined by gin; it was the local butcher who gave her one leg too many.]

[Captain]

Turbo was 4 minutes late again with the above post, which is exactly the opposite of what the CWA girls all say about him. And they would know.

Edited May 12, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Down at the pub a Dogger with six dingo scalps stuck into his boot tops (which was producing a strange odour in the bar and caused people to look at OT, suggested he try selling prune juice and metho as Caramel Nip, but OT...........

.... observed "Isn't it quaint that Turbo is so behind the times that he still relates the term "Dogger" to dingo trappers".

 

Turbo raced off to do a Google (respects to lefty commo's everywhere) search for the term and .......

Edited May 12, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

 

 

....was horrified to find what had happened to the Dogger scene. It was enough to make a bloke hang up his boots, and forget about shooting Dingoes.

 

Meantimes, OT was scathing of the Caramel Nip suggestion, simply because he would never lower himself to selling adulterated products, which is something that is commonly indulged in on the Eastern seaboard. 

 

"This is the worlds finest quince juice", he stated to anyone who would listen (which was only one only deaf bloke in the middle of the bar - and he didn't understand much of what anyone said, but he kept nodding, anyway). "And I fully intend to make this a National drink, to wean people away from their other dependencies and perversions, so that the Nation once again becomes sober and reliable and .......

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, onetrack said:

I fully intend to make this a National drink, to wean people away from their other dependencies and perversions, so that the Nation once again becomes sober and reliable and .......

.... bored shxtless, like is normal over here in eastern South Africa.

 

But bull was persistent, if nothing else, and upped his takeover offer by 10% (under advice from Turbine Merchant Bankers P/L ... but don't tell Onesie) and this did the ......

Edited May 12, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....trick. 

bull was Landed Gentry now, the owner of a Quince plantatio stretching as far as the eye could see.

 

OT looked across at Turbo as the Challender started to let down into Vegas.

"Appreciate the help Old Chap" he said "I thought I was broke there for a minute.

 

bull went looking for the Marketing Manager of his new company, and finally found...............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

bull went looking for the Marketing Manager of his new company, and finally found..............

.... Eeeeeeean, who recommended Moderator 17.

 

"He/She (NTTIAWWTBTW) is a bit of a Dick (CASAref) but knows lots about setting up Websites and Jack-Booting some of the Punters off Forums, which you'll need in your Complaints Dept if anyone bitches, as they are prone to do, about the difference between Quinces, stale wrinkled Tazzy Apples and Quandongs." said Eeeeeeean.

 

"bull was impressed with Eeeeeeeean's knowledge of the fruit juice caper (and his lavish use of Capital Letters), so he .......

Edited May 12, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......employed Moderator 17.

Turbo turned white

Salty turned white

Loxie turned white (but said he would return to Feiry Red)

OT turned white

Cappy turned [XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX] expunged for historical reasons; ASIO 233342563746B

bull wondered what he'd done now...............................

 

[onetrack]

.....when he saw this Moderator 17 arrive in a black limo, with blacked-out windows, a security detail, and polished black boots (where does Cappy find all these moderators, anyway?, thought OT to himself).

 

But when Moderator 17 started ordering bull around, bull knew this move recommended by Cappy was a huge mistake. He wanted a marketing manager, who knew their juice, not a quasi-Gestapo, mafia type of individual.

 

Bull was rapidly getting desperate. Sales were plummeting (some kind of avref) due to the new marketing manager banning people he didn't like, from buying bull's juices. Worse, the juice didn't seem to taste the same as it used to - and then he found Moderator 17 had.......

[turboplanner]

....adulterated..................

[Captain]

MODERATOR'S EXPLANATION AND EDIT FROM A COUPLE OF POSTS AGO .......

 

Turbo turned white - It was actually a sparse light grey to match his hair.

Salty turned white - Which is an improvement over the smudgy colour that he was previously, caused by the red Remnark soil (like the smudge that is halfway up the sides of houses and hangars (avref) out that way) mixed with Murray River water that had been through the sewerage treatment plants of 200 upstream towns (NTTIAWWT). 

Loxie turned white - Instead of his natural pigments as a 1st Nations person (Loxie is actually a mix of Indian (dot not feather), Pakistani, Afghan Camel Driver & Zulu, but found that it paid better to just claim to be 1/16 native Aussie Fire Person (respect etc). (Bruce Pascoe's new book outlines the history of the 1st Nations (respect etc etc) Fire Departments that were interspersed amongst the 1st Nation's cities over the past 40,000 years (give or take a few)).

OT turned white - Which is better than red like his WA Government.

Cappy turned [XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX] - Red, White and Blue .. Rule Britannia etc as his Jimmy Cook genes shone through.

 

....... MODERATORS 6 & 9 .... Please keep all facts correct & relevant in future or yez will get Jack Booted & pulled off (the Forum).

Edited May 13, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... adulterated ....

.... all members of the Strahan and Queenstown CWA (even the couple of members who were transitioning under the new laws) and bull's sister, Daisy, who denied any such contact, but ......

Edited May 13, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......there was no doubt that Moderator 17 had adulterated the Quince juice with W.A "hard" water, and it tasted like ...............