The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

......ram's pixx - which was enough to repel even the most hardened G&T addict. However, Cappy tasted some of the adulterated quince juice and said, "This tastes just like the cold drinks my old Mum used to make, when I was a kid! (sorry, Cappy, had to drag your mother into this again) - and I hated them, back then - but this stuff brings back a heap of great memories! Maybe that's where the new market for it lies! - in reviving old memories!"

 

"It revives old memories, alright", snorted OT, "The sort of memories you don't want to revive. Why, this stuff could revive memories of......

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......there was no doubt that Moderator 17 had adulterated the Quince juice with W.A "hard" water, and it tasted like ...............

..... XXXX, which is even worse than XXX'X XXXX, however the juice market .....

[turboplanner]

.......was about to take off as the Millennials (#) changed theircollective fads once again, and this time swerved away from Lattes which had attracted older people (those born before 1980), to juices.

 

In a stroke of genius, bull named his product "bull's pizz"; the Millennials tested each other what pizz meant and how the juice was an acquired taste, and sales started to move.

 

They nearly died again when bull's marketing department adopted CRM and sent a text to every Millennial asking how there experience was, and offering to sell them bull's pizz arthritis remedy, a dozen plastic mugs, a set of Drifter registration letters and 12 months subscription to LBGTIAW daily. bull fired the CRM department and its denim-clad leader, and sales picked up again.

 

But there was trouble on the Western Australian Horizon, which despite extreme efforts by the Premier, could never rise less that two hours later than the Eastern Sates (SA being too small to count); Cappy had developed ..................

 

 

 

(#)

"Psychologist Jean Twenge defines millennials as those born 1980–1994. The United States Census Bureau ended millennials in 1996 in a 2020 news release, but they have stated that "there is no official start and end date for when millennials were born" and they do not officially define millennials."  Source: Wikipedia

[Captain]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

......ram's pixx - which was enough to repel even the most hardened G&T addict. However, Cappy tasted some of the adulterated quince juice and said, "This tastes just like the cold drinks my old Mum used to make, when I was a kid! (sorry, Cappy, had to drag your mother into this again) - and I hated them, back then - but this stuff brings back a heap of great memories! Maybe that's where the new market for it lies! - in reviving old memories!"

 

"It revives old memories, alright", snorted OT, "The sort of memories you don't want to revive. Why, this stuff could revive memories of......

Apologies for missing your above post Onesie, and posting over the top of yours. You were on the next page (as usual) and I was dragging the chain .......... and my arXe ...... and my tailwheel (avref).

 

PS - Don't tell TinkyWink or he'll make disparaging Cook family jokes again (and again .... and again .... and again.) 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

They nearly died again when bull's marketing department adopted CRM and sent a text to every Millennial asking how there experience was, and offering to sell them bull's pizz arthritis remedy, a dozen plastic mugs, a set of Drifter registration letters and 12 months subscription to LBGTIAW daily. bull fired the CRM department and its denim-clad leader, and sales picked up again.

 

But there was trouble on the Western Australian Horizon, which despite extreme efforts by the Premier, could never rise less that two hours later than the Eastern Sates (SA being too small to count); Cappy had developed ..................

....... a new World Time Zone System that had quickly been adopted by the EU, USA, Russia and China.

 

The success of the system was that the UTG line was centered in Guinea-Bissau (the precise location was through the celebrated location where Cappy was conceived and was subsequently born), and he has divided the globe into 3 1/3 minute (time not degrees [of angles not temperature]) increments and banned any Daylight Saving.

 

"What's so different about all that?" asked Turbo, jealous that he hadn't thought of it and registered the concept.

 

"Well" replied the boss cocky of New World Time Inc "The brilliance of the Cappy's concept is that he has also divided the world into 2 1/6 degree increments north and south, which nobody had previously thought of but which is just so obvious now) so no 2 points on the earth have the same time & as a result we have sold a XXXXload of new clocks, all with branding on the dial for "bulls steaming hot dong - Quandong Juice" and they are going gangbusters.

 

Meanwhile bull has won numerous awards for his management style as exposed above in Tubb's post and bull has secured a gong in the prestigious Juicemakers magazine "All Juiced Up".

 

"I saw bull in Lonny yesterday" said Mavis "And I sure am too".

 

Scott and Josh rushed to adopt the Rat's new time zone system as part of their Covid Recovery and Build Back Better Strategies and the best news is that .......... 

Edited May 13, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, Captain said:

New World Time Inc

Exclusive news for our thousands of subscriber NESers - The success of this enterprise (startreckrefsoalmostanavref) Kevin Rudd just applied to be Chairman, and your wouldn't believe it, so has Malcolm.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

Guinea-Bissau (the precise location was through the celebrated location where Cappy was conceived and was subsequently born),

ADMIN ............ Few people outside of Bafata are aware that Cappy was the result of another (and only the 2nd) virgin birth .............................................. And his dad was a Chippy too.

 

It's a growing movement ..................................... & what have the Romans ever done for us?

 

ADMIN - MODERATOR 64

Edited May 14, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

Quote

Scott and Josh rushed to adopt the Rat's new time zone system as part of their Covid Recovery and Build Back Better Strategies and the best news is that ..........

...... it's not going to affect the Budget bottom line one iota, and it will facilitate airline (avref) bottom line recovery, by reducing the number of cancelled flight bookings because flyers forgot about the international date line, and ended up in the wrong day".

 

"This is a far better idea than Metric time", said Tony Abbott, from his position as international representative of NWT in London (and a great believer in adjusting time back to the 1940's).

 

Abbott went on, "This NWT will facilitate international trading, ensure women are returned to the kitchen where they belong (because they won't be able to read NWT), stop Global Warming increases (because NWT will ensure we can fudge all or any date periods), make economies more stable and truly representative of their actual financial position (no more fudging figures over the old regular time), and make more time available for swimming in my budgie smugglers!"

 

OT rose to the occasion and pointed out, that some areas may not be amenable to accepting NWT, because they lived in their own little world, where time didn't really matter. Places such as NZ and ........

 

Edited May 14, 2021 by onetrack
punkchewation....

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Places such as NZ and ......

...... east Brighton (Vic) .......

[onetrack]

....and Moorabbistan and Kapookastan, where clocks are actually banned, because they could have been introduced by proselytising Christians, and therefore are to be blown up on sight - a job which often falls to .....

[turboplanner]

....Turbine Demolition and Removals Ltd. Charlie Smith was the Chief Exploder, and could he tell some stories. He once blew a clock to Tasmania and someone picked it up in a paddock in Deloraine, and the silly famer posted on FB that he had restored the old clock to perfect condition.

Charlie flew down with a suitcase full of gelignite marked "Handle with care - Glass" as you could in those days, found the clock and blew it up then blew up the farmhouse, every shed, pig pen cook house and outhouse on the place, then came home and ...............

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Charlie flew down with a suitcase full of gelignite marked "Handle with care - Glass" as you could in those days, found the clock and blew it up then blew up the farmhouse, every shed, pig pen cook house and outhouse on the place, then came home and ...............

.......... that is the fixer-upper, river cottage type joint that bull bought for a bargain when he moved south from bone, except that there is no longer any cottage & the river is blocked by debris (thanks to Charlie).

 

"i have often contemplated;^ the reason for so much det cord,, lying around down here, and why there are so many craters that I keep <stumbling into (i thought it was just the fermented apple juice going to my head). i wonder if :;there is still any >unexploded ordinance (uo) still here with turbine demolition" (td) writ on it?' said bull (who as you can see, speaks the same as he types). "one of the 3 tasmanian coppers are coming down to have a look around the issues here, but he's waiting for his turn with the govt issued handcuffs and will be free on tuesday fortnight so thats pretty good, what with their .......

Edited May 14, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..............pie nights, darts nights, stout nights, meat tray nights and the occasional patrol out in the street.

The thought that there cold be TD branded gelly down there is darkest Tasmania started to worry Turbo.

Not many peple know that Turbo is an employee of the CIA, often sent in to do the jobs that no one else wants to do, where there's no champagne or beautiful blondes and he had been assigned a Clean Up Team (CUT). When there was a shoot up, and with trigger happy Turbo there were plenty the CUTS could doze the rubble and build a four bedroom home in 1948 style in 20 minutes if t was necessary, so he took them down to Tasmania.

The next morning bull was confused; there was lawn all round the house in place of the craters; original lawn too, no one planted the King George grass variety any more, the house looked the same, he'd noticed nothing through the night, but one wall was missing. When he went outside and looked again he realised one shed was missing - the one containing his Tyro and Cricket, bull ...................................

[Captain]

VICTORIA - CONCERNS NOTICE - Sorry Tink, but given your ethnic heritage, before we can reply or continue with the NES, we need you to declare whether you attended the Indiagate Spice Shop in Epping during the past 14 days?

 

As you know, OT, Salty & bull are in or past the most vulnerable age group, and you have been a "carrier" of a number of erky perky bugs over recent decades (is it still itchy?).

Edited May 14, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

When he went outside and looked again he realised one shed was missing - the one containing his Tyro and Cricket, bull ......

... was well insured and the (independent?) valuations were well over market & contained ever so favourable foreign exchange rate provisions too (1 Tyro = 1 Bristell - bull is a master of such negotiations) so bull just kept his head down and tried to suppress his usual sly duplicitous grin (while hoping that he hadn't got the Covid, or anything else, from Turbo (who, infection -wise, is the modern equivalent of a toilet seat).

 

Bull decided to give them a scratch & to stay optimistic, so he ....

Edited May 14, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....did so and was immediately rewarded by the initiation of a completely new train of thought (because scratching them, always assists in improving thought patterns).

 

That train of thought involved the huge insurance payout he was going to receive, and how he could utilise that payout to both improve his flagging juice business - as well as get him into a classier level of aircraft (long-overdue avref).

 

There was a link needed between the two to add synergy (I just made up that word - OT) to his juicing operations, and his flying operations. A new marketing manager and a new marketing scheme would entwine his juice business with the sheer pleasure of flying (avref), and it would surely pay off in spades, if done right. After all, it's worked for Red Bull, why wouldn't it work for him?

 

Accordingly, bull approached Cappy, as the fount of all management, marketing, and general BS-ing knowledge, and said to him, "Cappy, do you reckon you could.........

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Accordingly, bull approached Cappy, as the fount of all management, marketing, and general BS-ing knowledge, and said to him, "Cappy, do you reckon you could.....

..... come up with something great?"

 

"Piece-a-XXXX bull old mate" replied Cappy "How about we call your juice Beige Bull or Blotchy Bull or Scabby (Turbsref) Bull or Le Bull de L'Orange"

 

no mate said bull, i can see Big-Dong Bull as the way to proceed, and as the moto image we'll hang 2 huge quandongs below a ......

Edited May 15, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....sign saying "Get one of bull's NOW!"

But always there are spoilers. Two old ladies were walking by and one said ..................

 

[Not many people know that Red Bull is bull's cousin. He was  abandoned by his parents due to being severaly over-active when you, and bull took over and brought him up, introducing his to motor sport, skiiing, flying until Red ran out of energy each day and settled down. bull gave him all his commercial ideas and that kept him busy too.]

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....sign saying "Get one of bull's NOW!"

But always there are spoilers. Two old ladies were walking by and one said ......

... "Stop being a total Dick, bull, and whack some caffeine into your huge glowing red dong - Quandong Juice", and the rest is history, with bull sponsoring Turbine's Mercedes F1 team, and also his offshoot, being Turbo's other team, Turbine Corvette F1 & Le Mans team.

 

As a result, bull was .....

Edited May 15, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....given a Turbine Racing jacket, a ticket to every race, and afters at the Turbine Entertainment Unit, which was the most valuable gift and this led to the Great.............................

[onetrack]

.....2021 Punchup at the TR stand, after the races were done for the day. It all started when a smart-mouthed young F1 driver commented on bulls Quon-Dong juice that he was drinking - intimating that anyone who drank juice at the after-racing drinking session was some kind of Tasmangeian wuss - and bull overheard the comment.

 

He turned around and said a few pointed words about F1 "learner-drivers", and the response was a flying right hook, that connected with bulls........

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......left mandible followed by ......

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......left mandible followed by ......

...... a swift kick to the quandongs.

 

The couple of young grid girls (as provided by Turbine Grid Girls and Skimpy or Tight Costumes Inc), who are the modern version of the Strachan or bone CWA, offered to rub them ......

Edited May 15, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....but bull quickly rejected their offer and left the scene and steered clear of Red Bull  because ............

[onetrack]

.....he was concerned about his good public image becoming tarnished if the story and photo of the brawl got out to the general public (who were not allowed into the exclusive after-race booze-ups with skimpily-clad-girls) - and he steered clear of Red Bull because he didn't want RB asking him to repay the $3M bull had borrowed off him, to finance the rejuvenation of his 'Dong-Juice business.

 

The other thing that made bull hurry away (despite his awful limp), was that he was a little concerned about a rumoured ASIC investigation into his corporate operations - relating specifically to the origins and probity of his financing arrangements.

 

This had come about thanks to another ASIC investigation into the shadowy and obscure Turbine range of companies - and ASIC had found bulls juice company name, during the searches of the various Turbine corporation offices (which were widely scattered, and often in offices in seedy back lanes, in run-down cities).

 

ASIC had gone public on the Turbine conglomerate investigations, and the last thing bull needed was a...........

 

Edited May 15, 2021 by onetrack