The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo never told Howard he'd fixed the throttles with KY jelly, and he wasn't about to tell Hoov, because.......

..... Turbine Vacuum Cleaners PLC hadn't yet register the name, plus Turbine Adult Products AG (registered in Frankfurt) had just patented JT & MZ Jelly but thought, at the last minute, that KY was a more saleable name, so they .....

Edited May 19, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......decided at Turbo HQ to buy California Texas Oil Co, call it Caltex, and successfully supplied the car industry for years, until ........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......decided at Turbo HQ to buy California Texas Oil Co, call it Caltex, and successfully supplied the car industry for years, until ........

...... he also bought She'll Be Right Fuels and shortened it as well as dropped the punctuation mark, and that is when all of SBRF's dodgy practices pervaded Turbo's Fuel & Lubricants empire, as all it needs is 40% battery acid to find its way into the KY, and while it certainly buggers up batteries, the bigger problem is that the KY personal users, (and Turbo + his bevy of concubines both male & female [NTTIAWWT but Erky Perky too]) use a lot each hour) suddenly had bits fall off when they rubbed it on their ......

Edited May 19, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

Below is a collector's piece from the corporate Museum of Turbine Lubricants.

 

This sign was from the specific time during which Turdy was transitioning sexually, but also just after the purchase of She'll Be Right Fuels (SBRF) when he was transitioning to the use of his Shell logo. In the below sign from that time, the punctuation mark is still in place.

 

 

"I still don't think it will work" commented OT in an interview with ABC WA. "As I reckon it is dopy to think that a red shell shape on a yellow background is ever going to work to sell fuels internationally. And who is ever going to buy their KY or battery acid again after the great "bits dropping off" (BDO) scandal of recent years, as some people, including me, were horribly disfigured ............ and thereafter unable to procreate". "I, for one, lost interest in ever doing it again after that, hence my Oneroot monica" he added sadly.

Edited May 20, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

ADMIN .... onetrack is a valued member of Wreck Flying (avref) and while we can see mild humor, & some connection amongst experienced aviators (avref), in making a pun to convert his name to oneroute (GPSref), we do consider it a little cruel to then make the jump to oneroot, as he (or she) has assured the Moderatti that he (or she) has had more than one, and it is possibly up to 2 or 3 by now.

 

Please use care hereafter in such matters .................................. except in the case of Turdboy of course. 

 

ADMIN .... MODERATOR 12 

[onetrack]

And once again, Dear NES readers, we have total failure on the part of the Jedi Rat to offer continuation of the NES, as he has failed (in exactly the same manner as he berated Turbo previously), to leave the story hanging with the required ellipsis!  (look that big word up, Mr Rat!).

 

So OT will have to continue on from the previous post of the Jedi mouse, where he actually did leave an ellipsis ....

 

Quote

"rubbed it on their ....."

.... costumes as they were about to go on stage. This led to great consternation, and a serious delay in staging the spectactular show, as planned. 

 

"Don't worry about it", said Turbo, "This is only a mild side effect of the product, and has little impact on the overall performance, which...........

[turboplanner]

.....relies heavily on the Instruments (AVREF).

For example, when Salty gets on the drums no one can hear any conversation, so the complaints.............

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, onetrack said:

And once again, Dear NES readers, we have total failure on the part of the Jedi Rat to offer continuation of the NES,

And there dear reader is a grasp of OT's lack of appreciation of non-contiguous posts.

 

It's a sad reflection on the WA edumacation sickstem.

 

.........

[turboplanner]

.......which as we know originated shortly after Dirk Hartog discovered Western Australia.

Not many people know he actually discovered Australia; they were sailing south east after a Tea and Spice marketing conference in India, when the ship ran aground.

"XXXX, we've hit Australia!" said Dirk, and the rest is history, with Western Australians speaking a combination of Dutch and Mardudunera.

Captain Cook, of course landed several centuries later, by accident on his way to a spear in the back west of Honolulu. History has never given us the exact details of that last encounter, but we can take some clues from the location, named the Sandwich Islands.

Captain Cook, of course, ..........................

 

 

[onetrack]

.....like his famous NES descendant, was quite impartial to sandwiches, after having had to dine on nothing but bully beef (interspersed with the occasional lime) for months and months on end, on his long dreary voyages. In fact, his most favourite sandwich memory was cucumber sandwiches with Queen Charlotte (as King George III was busy with some rebellious Americans).

 

Today, Capt Cooks descendant, the Jedi mouse of NES fame, is well known for his love of sandwiches, which he inherited from his Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather. 

What makes any sandwich more appealing to the Jedi mouse, is if it's a free sandwich, and he didn't have to make it himself. He's been known to appear instantly as soon as a sandwich wrapper is rustled. And if the sandwich contains premium ham and gourmet cheese, he's been known to elbow little old ladies aside, and climb over...........

 

Edited May 20, 2021 by onetrack
typos....

[Captain]

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

What makes any sandwich more appealing to the Jedi mouse, is if it's a free sandwich, and he didn't have to make it himself. He's been known to appear instantly as soon as a sandwich wrapper is rustled. And if the sandwich contains premium ham and gourmet cheese, he's been known to elbow little old ladies aside, and climb over........

......... starving kiddies, and Mother Teresa if she was still alive (MT had died in the great sandwich scramble of 2005).

 

Cappy called bull on his mobile device, as bull had just picked up the latest Motorola to be sold in Tazzy (see below) and once they had spent a few seconds on the pleasantries, he asked bull "Have you seen the spelling in OT's latest post and since when is that how you spell "Sam-itch"?"

 

"buggered if I know" replied bull "must be some new yuppie wa secessionist way that they have indoctronated their schooling system as it's always been a sam-itch to me and the cwa girls, and they should know as they are experts in the sam-itch caper. sorry gotta go mate as my phone is .........

 

bull is the talk of tazzy with his new motorola.

  

Edited May 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.............due for its weekly service. (Turbine Telecoms (Tas) Pty Ltd had built in this nice little earner - only charged $5, but when a million Tasmanians brought them in every week because everyone else did, the cash mounted up.

 

bull hadn't wasted any time getting intgo the drag racing scene in Tasmania. The Launceston Mile (drag strips were normally a quarter mile, but it took the Tassie cars a mile to get going) Here's a shot of bull in his new Morris Minor dragster; you can see the front wheels lifting as he leaves the start line with his "mechanic". What you can't see is the valve bounce and pre-ignition.

 

bull had suggested one of these drag engines, which had been modified extensively with a set of Champion spark plugs, for the Drifter project but ..............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull had suggested one of these drag engines, which had been modified extensively with a set of Champion spark plugs, for the Drifter project but ......

..... when he also fitted the downdraft stromberg off an fx, and deleted one of the 3 main bearings to reduce friction, he could peel the rubber off those latest bandag retreaded cross ply tyres like a .....

Edited May 21, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....pro.  Tasmanians started buying white cars; they couldn't buy the Morris Minor any more, that had been discontinued in 2018 in Tas, but there was a noticeable difference in the speed of cars on the road, and the Tasmanian Road Patrol (Tas doesn't have a highway) was run off their feet booking cars doing more than 35 mph.

The bull merchandise boomed too; white bomber jackets with a little bulls head on them sold for $180.00, Woollen Mittens with the bull logo were being left nehind in the Hobart Latte joint, and the Premier had offered to underwrite a business selling Cascade energy drinks, named White bull.

bull thought about the Drifter project and decided to go ahead with ............

[Captain]

Correction by Turbo. ....... The jackets are £180.00. Metric conversion does not occur until 2066.

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

bull thought about the Drifter project and decided to go ahead with .......

.... saving up for an MG supercharger from a swap meet, plus one of those pushy generators that rubs on the tyres in order to run his underbody fluoro lights that make the smoke look a different colour.

 

Turbo was a little dismayed, as while he was talking Drifter (avref), bull was talking Drifter (morryminorsmokingtyressidewaysref).

 

However bull was convinced that .......

Edited May 21, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..or 2067.

Turbo apologises for the error.

Yesterday three people protested at “hoons being let loose in Hobart. The Mercury reported this was the biggest protest since the Vietnam War when five people filled the dock area. Kevin, our axe man from Latrobe just posted on the Mercury FB page that the government should not introduce metrication. “I can judge how many super feet there are in a tree” he said I don’t need a Meter to tell me, I have enough problems with the XXXXXXX phone!”

[Captain]

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..or 2067.

Turbo apologises for the error.

Yesterday three people protested at “hoons being let loose in Hobart. The Mercury reported this was the biggest protest since the Vietnam War when five people filled the dock area. Kevin, our axe man from Latrobe just posted on the Mercury FB page that the government should not introduce metrication. “I can judge how many super feet there are in a tree” he said I don’t need a Meter to tell me, I have enough problems with the XXXXXXX phone!”

.... "plus, what the heck is wrong with rods, perches, bushels & guineas anyway?" he added.

 

Tasmanians rose in support all around the state, as it was 2 pm & time to get up anyway, except ......

Edited May 21, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....that it wasn't quite light yet, due to the cloud level, and the latitude that is only just slightly above Antarctica. However, there were some people moving around, even if they did need cap lights, headlights, work lights and torches.

 

Bull came out in defense of Tasmania and its time-tested policies and practices. "We've been in existence long before most of the Australian States!", he stated, to anyone that might be listening.

"Here in Tasmania (along with W.A.), there's nothing wrong with living in the 1940's! - when men were men, women knew their place (the kitchen), and everyone knew the differences between men and women!"

"We don't have any of that namby-pamby, multi-gender, wo-men led stuff, that the other States currently have! In fact, we still don't even allow women pilots, they might crash while they're doing their makeup in the reflection of the instrument dials!"

 

"That's a simply outrageous position!", exclaimed Xen, who identified as a non-gender person, wearing clothing that reflected the non-gender position. "In this day and age, it's time Tasmania started developing into a mature society, and accepting people for what they are, what they look like, and what they can contribute to society!"

 

"But what title would a non-gender pilot carry?", said bull, shocked at even the sight of a non-gender person, as he believed there weren't any in Tasmania. "This opens up a whole new range of........

[turboplanner]

“......arguments over who has control in the aircraft. The 50% gender balance just pushed the waiting line for left seat out to the age of 89. Whate we going to do now, sit someone on the throttles?” 
 

“ There‘S still a lot of letters to go, said Turbo helpfully, but his mind was on a little slip up a couple of posts back. Cappy always portrays himself as an English car aficionado, preferably a Bentley, but there have always been rumours that he owned  fully worked and supercharged Monaro, white paint, pink trim, whitewall tyres, with airbag suspension to make it look like a kangaroo dog mating T the lights. Perhaps he kept it in Tasmania. Perhaps.......

[Captain]

...... it is being prepared, as we speak, by Turdbine Classic Vehicle Resorations and Bog Fillers Ltd (TCVRaBFL) to go into a prime position in the next Shannons auction, beside Pete's Mustang, Norm's Nova, Mick's NSR, Casey's Duck and Turbo's Sprint Car (this highly collectable Sprint Car [with Turbo's signature on the cowl and his other signature on the seat {it just would not clean off}] is sure to attract international collectors and has been valued at something like 25% above the Merc that Fangio drove in the Mille Miglia).

 

The TCVRaBFL are well known for their ........

22 hours ago, onetrack said:

"That's a simply outrageous position!", exclaimed Xen, who identified as a non-gender person

The above insightful quote from the UniRoute begs the question ..... The Jedi Rat (a gendered rodent, and proud of it) is certain what is his favourite, but what "outrageous position" do non-gender people use? Just ask'n for the sake of science.

Edited May 22, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....ability to make any rust-bucket shXXbox of a car, into something that millions would slaver and dribble over, by the liberal application of many kilos of fibreglass-reinforced bog, followed by multiple coats of Valspar 2-pack in Candy Apple - all resulting in "a premium auction figure" for Shannons. The fact that the vehicle is 200 kgs heavier than its factory kerb mass, is not something the buyer finds out until much later, long after the 14 day warranty has expired.

 

After seeing how much money Turbo was making out of his Classic Vehicle Restorations, Cappy decided, as a highly experienced aircraft builder, he would have to do the same with classic aircraft - but with far more professional results, of course. The problem was trying to find restorable aircraft frames and engines. But he'd heard there was trove of buried Spitfires in Burma, so he packed his bags and set off to.......

 

 

[In answer to the Jedi Rats curious question, OT simply has no idea what form of "outrageous position" the non-gendered people utilise - but I'm sure it would outrage any gendered person. There's a great deal of outrage in the world today, but OT does his best to calm it, whenever he encounters it.]

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, onetrack said:

There's a great deal of outrage in the world today, but OT does his best to calm it, whenever he encounters it.

Ratty acknowledges onetrack and pays his respects to all OTs past and present.

 

Based on OT's reply, he is not only a First Class Member (an FCM) but he is also a First Class Outrage Calmer (an F.COC).

[Captain]

26 minutes ago, onetrack said:

But he'd heard there was trove of buried Spitfires in Burma, so he packed his bags and set off to.......

..... overnight in the Spratleys, then take a direct flight across to Burma where he intended to spend a night in jail with his previous lover, Aung, to calm her down (afterwards) then get the coordinates (onetrackref) and dig up a shipload of Spitys and Zeros with an occasional Hurricane also expected (but Ratty never liked them as much as the Spity's that he is still licensed to fly, through his involvement at Temora, where the Lowy kiddie begged him to perform by flying all of their aircraft for the past 25 years. It has been a busy gig, but somebody has to do it.)

 

Once he extracted himself from Aung's arms he was off, quick stix, to ........

Edited May 22, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......the Spitfire burial ground which a helpful Burmese had pointed out on his grandfather's map, which Cappy had bought for a dollar. He wanted to look professional so he'd armed himself with an ACME MK IV (3rd edition, but without the green) modified gold detector, but  really he needed someone to interpret the map. He headed south and met up with a Burmese goat butcher who took him to his grandfather's house to get the real map, which showed the planes buried up north beside the River Quai. When they got there a Burmese panel beather, said they were very close and for four dollars showed them the track to the paddock where they were buried. A Burmese farmer was mowing the paddock with his John Deere. When Cappy asked him where to start he pushed back his JD cap and said his grandfather had a map, so off to the grandfather's house they went where they had a meal of baked rat. Cappy by now was getting a little stressed but managed to swallow it down because the reward would be worth it. An old man came out. Cappy thought he recognised him; he was sure he'd seen him before. He had a distinct Japanese look about him, and said "My brother Nobushi frew to Orstralia, and I never saw him again" and tears filled his eyes. Most of us would have put our arms around him and told him the good news, but Cappy had no such principles. He said "If you find the planes for me I'll find Nob, even if I have to go to the end of the earth." Since Nob was drinking Cappy's gin at Chez Spratley right now, it was going to be a very good bargain indeed, but the old man ..............