The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.... could not ....

[turboplanner]

.......li..............

[onetrack]

...nk Cappy to the possibility of finding Nob, so he was somewhat wary of Cappys offer. "Before I lead you to bellied Spitfires, I need some solid ploof that Nob still alive. Maybe you bling me a piece of his Zelo? - I would recognise piece of Nob's Zelo, anywhere!"

 

Cappy agreed to this deal, but had to figure out fast, some way of getting the old man, a real piece, of a real Zero - because this bloke would know a Thai tourist marketplace genuine Zero piece, from the real thing - particularly as he'd personally spent the last 75 years making "genuine" pieces of Zero's, for Thai tourists.

 

"Hold on for a couple of days, while I make some calls," said Cappy, his mind racing like an F1 engine. He turned to his guide and said, "Can I borrow your......

[turboplanner]

......phone. Of course he called Turbo who took the the Challenger to the Spratleys, prised the Chinese spy off Zero, gave her one   

last warning and yanked him onto the Challenger bound for Hellfire Pass Burma. On the way over he put the Challenger on Auto pilot, found a can of spray and wrote "Zelo Part" on Nob, who wasn't all that thrilled.

 

With the skill of his years in RA, Turbo managed to put the Challenger down in the paddock and dragged Nob over, by this time bellowing for Gin towards Cappy. 

 

The old Japanese recognised the voice, and grabbed his sword. No one had expected this, so ................

[CT9000]

A meeting had to be called to calm the old fella down. Following a bit of discussion it turns out that the old fella had heard about the plans to restore the warbirds with supercharged Morry minor engines, and knowing that side valve engines are not efficient due to the fact that most of the energy from combustion is expended trying to blow the head off and not push the piston down.....  

[turboplanner]

.........he had decided his brother was somehow responsible. Nippon Sugita was five years older than Nobushi, and by Japanese tradition always made the decision. At Tokyo University he had studied ricket science in the late 1930s, which was difficult because Japan didn't have any rockets, so the students had to study a Morris Minor engine donated by the British Government. Morris sent out an instructor, Captain Maruce Farquarson Cooke-Friedman, who as you would expect embellished and enhanced the features of the engine, but it was Kayobashi Mitsiubishi VII who taught them about radial aircraft engines, so Nip was about to Keecap Nob, when ...............

[onetrack]

....Cappy intervened. "Don't forget our deal!", he said to Nip. "I did better than bring you a piece of Nob's Zero, I brought you Nob himself!".

 

The old Japanese soldier still had a tight grip on his Samurai sword, and was still holding it up. "You bling me imposter!" he stated, peering at Nob with his watery, cataract-obstructed old eyes.

 

"This not Nob! Nob handsome and well-built, with good head of hair - not a wizened old skeleton with no hair! I not show you where they bellied Spitfires, until you bring me real Nob!!"

 

"But Nip!", cried Nob, "It IS me! - Nob! I never thought I'd see you again! Remember when we used to play with balsa model aircraft, and I always managed to break yours with some lousy flying! Well, I never did get as good as you at flying, that's why I crashed my Zero!"

 

The old soldier still held onto his sword. "Yes, I lemember now!", he said slowly. "You blastard! I never did get to even the score, for wrecking my models! Now, I'm going to do it!!"

 

And with those last words, the old soldier brought his Samurai sword down, and .........

[turboplanner]

.........b y a million to one chance clean missed Nob but bisected a Burmese who had been listening intently; a Burmese dressed in the uniform of the New Myanmar Peoples Liberation Army. They all had a bigger problem now. As a jeep approached, Cappy said "Let me do the talking and began to explain what the Burmese today call "the time Moses returned to earth and struck down a soldier to protect his faithful" The part where two long lost brothers were embracing .........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........b y a million to one chance clean missed Nob but bisected a Burmese who had been listening intently; a Burmese dressed in the uniform of the New Myanmar Peoples Liberation Army. They all had a bigger problem now. As a jeep approached, Cappy said "Let me do the talking and began to explain what the Burmese today call "the time Moses returned to earth and struck down a soldier to protect his faithful" The part where two long lost brothers were embracing .........

......, but this turned out to be less popular on the interweb than the Chocolate that had a litter of 7 kittens.

 

The NMPLA (Splitters) hated Burmese jokes like that (just like the Maltese hate lolly jokes) and issued a phatrat to have Cappy taken down by some pimply faced 13 year old who had been inspired to kill everyone else by some other pimply faced kiddie.

 

The Knob saw this as a suitable deflection to try to rescue his brother, so he called up Turbine Blackstone & Mercenaries PLC and spoke to ......

Edited May 23, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

17 hours ago, CT9000 said:

A meeting had to be called to calm the old fella down. Following a bit of discussion it turns out that the old fella had heard about the plans to restore the warbirds with supercharged Morry minor engines, and knowing that side valve engines are not efficient due to the fact that most of the energy from combustion is expended trying to blow the head off and not push the piston down.....  

ESSENTIAL SIDENOTE EXPLANATION - The CT9000 must be a really old phart as Turbo & Cappy were referring to the unbelievable power & torque of the OHV 1000 cc Morry Minor that allowed them to cruise the streets, pick up heaps of ladies, burn rubber & which ultimately led to Turbo's phalic attraction to SU Carbies and also to Corvettes, with their whacky (Turboref) east-west leafspring rear suspension.

 

PS .... Will some of the ladies were, indeed, heaps, some were also pretty good looking.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....a gentleman who only identified himself with a one-letter name - Q. Nob thought this was a strange name to have, but he didn't pursue the matter. He asked Q if a team was available to spring his long-lost brother from his Burmese isolation.

Q replied that a team would be on its way immediately, as Nob's brother had already been identified as being a very useful person to have direct contact with, in the region. The team would be led by a James B. Turbine, who was well known for entering the most dangerous places, where even commandoes feared to tread.

 

Meantimes, Cappy was in despair. The longer this "brother" scenario went on, the longer there was less and less chance of him finding those Spitfires. He really needed to find those Spittys, and after so many dodgy leads, it was looking just like he had had them within his grasp, and now they were slipping away.

It was enough to make him call up David Cundall, and go over his maps again, to see what he's missed, and by how much.

 

While Cappy was sitting dejectedly pondering all the various ways to advance his search, a ragged waif presented himself in front of Cappy. "Hey, Mister! You wanna find buried Spitfires? I found a very, very, old map and photos you might be interested in? Only cost 25 baht, and you.......

 

Edited May 23, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

While Cappy was sitting dejectedly pondering all the various ways to advance his search, a ragged waif presented himself in front of Cappy. "Hey, Mister! You wanna find buried Spitfires? I found a very, very, old map and photos you might be interested in? Only cost 25 baht, and you.......

...... are home & hosed".

 

That, dear reader, is one of Turbo's favourite expressions and when Ratty gave this waif a good scrub with pino-o-clean & solvol, he also looked (& smelt) suspiciously like Turbs.

 

It turns out that Turbo used to visit Burma weekly to meet ladies and to sow his wild tofu, with this poor, filthy, neglected & bewildered waif being one of the .....

Edited May 23, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....Turbine Clan was worth money. He took a photo with the Polaroid 3 he always carried, then found a scanner in town and sent the photo to Turbo with this claim: ............................................

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....Turbine Clan was worth money. He took a photo with the Polaroid 3 he always carried, then found a scanner in town and sent the photo to Turbo with this claim: ............................................

...... "Without Prejudice.

 

It appears obvious that throughout Asia as a whole (holeref & erkyperkyref), & in Burma in particular, you have been sticking your tofu where it is not ........

Edited May 23, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......................and the dots went on for 32 pages. It appeared that Cappy had dozed off. Turbo responded "Without prejudice, I assume you are referring to my children using 1 dot per child in one more baseless claim for money.  I'm not aware of having that many children.

 

It appears on this occasion you took to my son, Professor Bullumbup Saigh in some sort of effort to see if he  had the Turbine birthmark. He assures me that he does and was registered as one of The Family at birth, so I've asked him to ........................

 

 

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It appears on this occasion you took to my son, Professor Bullumbup Saigh in some sort of effort to see if he  had the Turbine birthmark. He assures me that he does and was registered as one of The Family at birth, so I've asked him to ........................

.......... send a photo to see if he also has the Turbine family feature of being borne naturally circumcised, but on an unnaturally small ........

 

Explanation - This, dear reader, is the secret to the Turbine family's money making abilities, as it means that their money making brains are never short (Turboref) of blood.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

......frame, which is handy when seeking treasure in confined spaces. Meantimes, Cappy quickly found 25 baht (he borrowed it off his translator and guide, with a promise to pay it back next week - which he never does) - and he promptly exchanged the money with the waif, for the somewhat grubby and crumpled map.

 

The waif wasted no time in disappearing, much to Cappys surprise, as he expected him to assist with any translation, and offer additional map guidance, all included in the 25 baht. Our Cappy likes to get good value for money spent, particularly in the Asian countries.

 

"Ahh, well," shrugged Cappy, "I guess I'll have to rely on the other locals for assistance in interpretation and guidance. As he peered at the strange markings on the map, trying to understand it, and get his bearings, his translator and guide looked over his shoulder, and said, "I think you have the map upside down."

This was unfortunately, one of Cappys more common bad habits, acquired from years of getting lost whilst flying, and one habit his instructors and flying partners all had to keep chiding him about.

 

"I know it's upside down!", said Cappy a little irritated. "I was looking for any printers or cartographers notes, that might enlighten me as to.................

[Captain]

..... where the F are we (avref)"?

 

"Does anyone know which geodetic datum this map uses?" he asked, but was ignored by 5 Burmese in the market place, as they just continued to lick themselves.

 

The situation was, however, saved by ........

Edited May 24, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

"Does anyone know which geodetic datum this map uses?"

It is a little known fact that all Pirate Maps and WW2 airplane location diagrams use OSG 84 (1784) but both onetrack and the Jedi hate that one as we have always felt that the ellipsoid was less than perfect.

 

Turbo, bull and Salty, on the other hand, just love and use WSG97 (1897) but we think that shows Australia a bit too close to Asia.

 

Which do you prefer Eeeeeean & CT9000?

Edited May 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Turbo who rolled up in his new 600 hp Electric Hummer.  "I didn't hear you coming" said Cappy, and when  Turbo explained, Cappy, ever the Brit said "I didn't know Humber made electric cars" in a tone which indicated half an hour of whining about why he hadn't been told. Turbo quickly asked him how the search was progressing, and when Cappy's tears of frustration started to flow, Turbo said "Hop in and I'll show you where they were buried"

Cappy had an uneasy feeling about Turbo's use of the word "were", bat as tey cam around the next hill...............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy had an uneasy feeling about Turbo's use of the word "were", bat as tey cam around the next hill..............

....... the answer was clear when out of the bush could be seen ......

 

The Captain congratulates Turbo on his command of the Burmese language, where in addition to the rather salty way he says "meeow", Turbo is fluent and now knows that "bat as tey cam" has the fruity meaning of .......

 

Hummer explanatory note - The Rat has always been a bit partial to the Super Snipe.

Edited May 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...... four excavators parked beside a huge hole in the ground. Cappy looked over the edge........................

[onetrack]

...... and was horrified to see pieces of aircraft sticking out of the sides of the hole. "They've torn those Spitfires apart, with their total and complete carelessness when using those excavators!", he wailed.

 

"I'll never be able to fulfill my dream now, of flying a pristine restored Spitfire recovered from under a WW2 Burmese airfield!" he cried. "Hush", said Turbo. "That's no Spitfire component, it's the remains of a shot-up Kittyhawk wreck, abandoned and buried when they extended the runway! The Spitfires are yet to be found! We have a new area to check out tomorrow - there's hundreds of acres here, to dig up yet!"

 

Cappy was a little mollified by this news - but as he sat and pondered just how much of Burma they were going to have to dig up before they found the Spitfires - in the absence of any proper WW2 military map and records - he began to have second thoughts about the project.

 

He was interrupted in his ponderings by a luxury limo rolling up with a Burmese General sitting in it, resplendent in gold braid and medals galore. The limo was followed by 2 truckloads of well-armed Burmese soldiers, who all jumped out and surrounded Cappy and Turbo.

 

"Turbo!", whispered Cappy frantically. "This looks like serious trouble for us! Did you think to bring..........

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......the Corsairs.

“XXXXX, I never thought of that!” Replied Turbo but......

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......the Corsairs.

“XXXXX, I never thought of that!” Replied Turbo but......

..... then realised the seriousness of his situation, as there is only one thing that the Burmese hate more than fur balls, and that is .....