The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.....big holes dug in their countryside, without any planning approval or major kickbacks to Burmese Generals. The soldiers advanced on Cappy and Turbo, and levelled their weapons at them.

 

Cappy, by this stage, was wetting himself. He hadn't been in this much trouble since his teacher in Grade 6 discovered his stash of "Men" girlie magazines in his school desk.

"What are we going to do?", he cried to Turbo. "Leave it me", said Turbs, "I have plenty of experience dealing with tinpot dictators, I deal with CASA bureaucrats, every day of the week!"

 

At that, Turbo raised his hand and roared "All hail the Nat Kadaws! I am one who..............

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, onetrack said:

At that, Turbo raised his hand and roared "All hail the Nat Kadaws! I am one who.....

.... pays bribes, is willing to spread my wild tofu (and not always in a M/F situation, if you get my drift (avref)) and I have a seester that for ten dollar will ......

Edited May 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............write your life story with the exact history of every one of those thirty medals on your chest. The General didn's get a chance to reply because from over the horizon came the unmistakeable sound of a 13 feet 4 inch prop with tips breaking the sound barriers, and within second the Corsair's cannon had chopped the Burmese to pieces. It was Salty, who landed the big aircraft as if he'd never been flying Gazelles. They went back to surveying the hole, and has decided to shave off another two metres of clay, when a convoy of Burmese military came to a halt. This group of Burnese were under the control of Sir Hamilton Fotheringham Smythe, who gruffly asked "What happened here!?" "We don't know, old chap" said Cappy in his best Oxford accent. "they were like this when we got here; we think it's been some sort of hunting accident."

"Well what's that Fighter Plane doing here then?" Sir Hamilton asked.

As we know Cappy is a lying little rat and as smooth as you like he said "We're down to the level of the buried Spitfires, and this is the first one we've uncovered; it looks as if we'll be able to restore them to working order; care for a nip?" and he smoothy brought out his flask which Sir Hailton gladly took and they went off walking as the British do when they get together.

"Nippon wasn't very happy; Captain offer me as sacrifice!" he said and Turbo had to explain that Nip wasn't a nip although he was a Nip, but this wasn't good enough and Nip..................

[Captain]

..... had been showing .....

[turboplanner]

......serious tendencies of reverting back to one of Tojo's disciples. Cappy said to Nobushi "Get Nib, Nob or we'll all be nutted", and Nob  nipped Nib in the bud with a rabbit-killer to the back of the neck so Nib lost all interest in proceedings for some time. The soldiers moved off carrying the victims of the Corsair strafing, and Cappy and Turbo moved to the excavators and started ....................

[Captain]

..... the painstaking task of reassembling the broken Spitfires, most of which had the front bit that contains the fan bit, excommunicated from the back bit which contains the empennage dodad and the wingy bits that contain the flappy pieces (numerousavrefs).

 

"Geeez Tubb" said Cappy, showing frustration to his great & loyal mate, "This is harder than getting the bits back together to do an autopsy on an ISIS suicide bomber". (Respect to all Sunis past & present).

 

But Turbo remained optimistic as is his usual persona (he lives in Victoria so blind optimism for the future is all he has to cling onto) and he ......

Edited May 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......said: "I can design an adpter kit to attach to the No3 bulkhead and run back to the No5 Bulkhead made of 5 x 2.5 RSJ, which can then be skinned over and nothing will break that"

Cappy looked at him cynically "The planes won't fly either" he said. It had always been Cappy's dream to fly a Spitfrire with a cigar hanging out the side of his mouth, regardless of the explosive cockpit fumes, 50% of them Gin gas coming from Cappy.

They decided ...................................

 

[Captain]

..... to grow thin WW2 moustaches (DaveyNivenref) and buy starched scarves (DickDudleyref) in preparation for when the Spittys would .....

[turboplanner]

...fly once more. Just then an Indian walked up and introduced himself as Mahatma Tata. "How did you get here? Have you got a covid certificate, who let you in" snapped Turbo, thoroughly irritated with repeated shut downs caused by people from the Sub Continent AKA India "coming home".

 "Oh my goodness yes!" said the Indian pulling out what looked like a Chinese Laundry Ticket, "I have been Certified A1, and I have also been vaccinated 3 times"

Mahatma went on the say he had a Spitfire repair factory in Delhi and would be happy to quote on rebuilding the Spits.

Cappy was all over him in a minute, but Turbo was still suspicious. "How do we know you aren't just going to rip us off?" he asked.

"Oh No, no, no, no, no: replied Mahatma, "we are very reliable company and highly regarded in Delhi"

So they agreed on a deal.

Surprisingly fifteen big Mahindra trucks appeared over the hill, and the Sitfires were almost all loaded when an American showed up in a Cadillac, and said to Mahatma "Are these the Spits you just sold me?"

Mahatma was now in a position where ...............

[Captain]

29 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Mahatma was now in a position where ......

..... he was XXXXed no matter which way he turned, but that didn't stop him from trying.

 

"Oh Mr Turbine" he smarmed "My mother is sick, my poor brother owns an early 562 powered Drifter with a hole in the #2 piston, & I have a J160 + a Rotec still in a box, so please take pity of this poor ......

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........pilgrim."

That did it; John Wayne was one of Turbo's favourite old time actors. He walked casually around to the cockpit of the Corsair. When training Salty he'd had to warn him again and again to do a thorough shut down check, but Salty was RA and only knew how to turn off the switches from left to right.

 

The Indian had been leaning on one of the Corsair's cannon, thinkinig it was a handle. Turbo's casual look showed that as usual, Salty had forgotten to shut down the weapons platform. A casual tap on the trigger and the Indian shot backwards with a 20 mm hole through the middle.

 

The American, seeing the game had changed somewhat bought a Spit as is for $5 million and agreed to stay on as the Manager to oversee all excavations, and .................... 

Edited May 25, 2021 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... constantly repeating the Turbine local lingo mantra "bat as tey cam", as he sucked on a big fat .....

 

 

Explanation - For those getting a bit confused with Turbo's NES contributions, John Wayne had always wanted to be part of the NES and had been playing the part of Peter Sellers playing Mahatma. Below is John (he is a great actor).

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

35 minutes ago, Captain said:

Explanation - For those getting a bit confused with Turbo's NES contributions, John Wayne had always wanted to be part of the NES and had been playing the part of Peter Sellers playing Mahatma. Below is John (he is a great actor).

Further Explanation .... I don't know what sling John gave to Turbo to be part of the NES, but I do know that Peter offered to be involved pro-bono ................ and so did Bono, but we didn't let him in as he can be a bit of a XXXX at times.

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....cigar, he immediately ordered the holes be filled in, as his requirements were met, and he didn't want any competition in Spitfire values, via more Spitfires being recovered, as that would adversely affect the investment he had in this one.

 

Cappy was appalled at this wanton destruction (similar to the Americans moves at the end of WW2), and he was even more appalled, because he still hadn't acquired a Spitfire to restore. His dreams of playing Biggles at airshows were slipping away, and tears ran down his face as he watched the holes being filled in, and the rest of the buried Spitfires being lost again.

 

"You not worry", said Mahatma Tata, "Those things were just scrap anyway. Come with me, and I will show you how we can produce a perfect reproduction Spitfire from recycled pots and pans, and melted down ships! We can even leave in some of the old rivets for authenticity! After all, they built a lot of the originals from melted-down scrap! And our factory with its 964 thong-wearing labourers, who work for 23c a day, will ensure you get a great Spitfire for a great price!"

 

"That sounds great!", said Cappy, brightening up visibly. "But I'm a little concerned about your ability to produce a high quality Merlin, that doesn't contain..........

 

 

 

And to enlighten Cappy, here we have factory video of Mahatma's highly-trained professionals, making new tyres for the Spitfires!.......

 

 

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, onetrack said:

 

"That sounds great!", said Cappy, brightening up visibly. "But I'm a little concerned about your ability to produce a high quality Merlin, that doesn't contain..........

.... bits from a Royal Enfield 500.

 

"Don't you worry about that, as Memsaab Turbine said that she would be able to .....

[Captain]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

"Don't you worry about that, as Memsaab Turbine said that she would be able to .....

"No, ...... Hang on there Mahatma" interrupted Cappy "That's not a Memsaab. That's a bloke. That's the world famous Turbo"

 

"No way, Jose" responded Mahatma who was bewildered and be.......

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......decked by a blow from Turbo. "If I want to wear my hair long I will." he said angrily My father Howard Hughes Turbine (not many people actually kew his real name) wore his hair long and his nails long. Mahatma was quick on the uptake and ......

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......decked by a blow from Turbo. "If I want to wear my hair long I will." he said angrily My father Howard Hughes Turbine (not many people actually kew his real name) wore his hair long and his nails long. Mahatma was quick on the uptake and ......

.... begged Turbo for an .....

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, Captain said:

"If I want to wear my hair long I will.

Turbo's legendary hair in 1960 (copied from his Liberal candidacy photo for the seat of Moorabbin). He hasn't cut it since.

 

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....opportunity to provide goods or services to any of the Turbine Group (as he suddenly realised he was dealing with a Global Corporation of enormous size. The Turbine Group had recently overtaken Apple, and was well on its way to overtake Google).

 

"I can offer you any type of services! - even barbershop services - and any kind of goods, such is the capability of my workers!", Mahatma pleaded. 

 

"I can't think of anything I need just right now", said Turbo. "All my companies are already well served by their current suppliers. However, one thing we would like to have supplied to us is any new design of ultralight that provides more flight performance, with more cabin room, and with lower cost - and available in a simple-to-assemble kit. Do any of your managers or workers have any aviation skills?"

 

"Aviation skills?", said Mahatma. "My great Uncle, Mahatma Cote, was a major supplier of large aircraft componentry to the IAF, and he also had a great deal of input into the design!"

 

"That's interesting", said Turbs. "What parts of the aircraft mostly?". "Well," said Mahatma, "Mostly luggage racks and toilets, you know, the sort of thing that............

 

Edited May 25, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....is essential to an aircraft." 

The glazed look on Turbo's face indicated, even to Mahatma that there might be better pickings in the nearby town, so pleading urgent business he left, but ..............

 

Cappy's girlie hair on the night he dressed for the Wiggles show when it came to Wagga.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The glazed look on Turbo's face indicated, even to Mahatma that there might be better pickings in the nearby town, so pleading urgent business he left, but ..............

.... not before he landed (avref) one more .....

 

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy's girlie hair

"Sure his hair was a little girly in that photo, but it converts into a Tex Walker style mullet when he is in one of his devil-may-care sort of a moods" said Mavis "But don't just be superficial like what Turbo always is, instead look at the strength of character in Cappy's magnificent face and imagine what might be hanging from it, as I can assure you that there were fireworks between the Capster and I after that Wiggles concert (as I almost go out of control when Geoff the multiracial Purple Wiggle does his thing & provocatively gyrates his hips on stage ..... and I took it out on the Captain for hours that night)." "Cappy is every CWA girl's dream, so do-do-don't you worry about that" she added in a Jo style Kingaroy/Bone type of drawl.

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........long staring look at Turbo, but Turbo took a step towards him and he was off like a startled rabbit.

"All we have here is some junk" said Turbo "how about we go back to the plan to dig down another two metres because the Spits were crated, so there shouldn't be any broken parts."

So they started up the excavators again and two days later ..................

 

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"All we have here is some junk" said Turbo "how about we go back to the plan to dig down another two metres because the Spits were crated, so there shouldn't be any broken parts."

Turbo's clear & pragmatic thinking is wonderous to be around and inspires others to greater heights (avref).

 

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

So they started up the excavators again and two days later .......

...... had a fuel bill that was out-of-sight (avref), had broken most of the tynes on the buckets (Turbo is a bit of a ham-fisted operator), had no more Spitty boxes and now were faced with ....

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

......several Burmese Generals who arrived at regular times, with dismayed looks, to survey the destruction of their prime aerodrome (avref) - and who indulged in heated discussions between themselves in Burmese, obviously arguing over whose stupid idea it was to let Turbo loose with a large excavator, at their primary aerodrome. 

 

Meantimes, OT had rolled up, and surveyed the scene, shaking his head. He went over to Turbo, had a short discussion with him (obviously related to his earthmoving and operating skills - or more pertinently - the lack of them), and Turbo got out of the excavator and OT took his place.

 

The bystanders were amazed as OT showed off his specialised earthmoving skills, acquired over a long period of time, with dirt flying skillfully everywhere at low fuel cost - and within an hour, there were three dirt-covered crates sitting on the surface, and 14 of the 16 superfluous holes that Turbo had dug (which made the area look like a lunar landscape) had been skillfully filled in and levelled by OT. And the excavator still had 30% fuel remaining in the tank.

 

The Burmese Generals all arrived in short order, and their smiles were wider than a Tahitian hula girls greeting. They talked excitedly amongst themselves at the great result OT had produced - not only had he cleaned up the mess left by Turbo and others, he'd also found 3 of the long-lost Spitfire crates, and now they were looking at.........

 

Edited May 25, 2021 by onetrack