The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, onetrack said:

The Burmese Generals all arrived in short order, and their smiles were wider than a Tahitian hula girls greeting. They talked excitedly amongst themselves at the great result OT had produced - not only had he cleaned up the mess left by Turbo and others, he'd also found 3 of the long-lost Spitfire crates, and now they were looking at........

........ awarding OT the Meritorious Machine Operator's Award of Burma (the prestigious MMOAoB) which would offer OT wonderous opportunities within Burma (and elsewhere) if he would just .....

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, onetrack said:

wider than a Tahitian hula girls greeting

This is a rather sad indictment on Onesie, as he is not really referring to their "smiles", and this is what the Tahitians used to lure Cappy's GGGGGGG great grandfather to his death by a spear between the shoulder blades.

 

A very insensitive post by OT, which is usually the type of crass behavior exhibited by Turbo.

Edited May 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........a price they could get away with, even though none of them had ever fought in any war despite chests covered in campaign medals (one medal was found to read "Mirboo North Primary School Monitor"). 

"We inviting you gentlemen to dinner" said one of the Generals and Cappy couldn't help himself; he ran forward .........

 

 

 

 

[Turbo wishes to set the record straight; the time quoted by OT was only for the last day. It took six days of digging before that. Turbo was the one who filled in the holes with the other excavator, and the fuel tank was filled five times while OT was operating it. Other than that, he did a good job.]

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo was the one who filled in the holes with the other excavator,

Technical Question ......... Aren't you supposed to use dirt to refill the holes. The above appears to be an expensive option.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"We inviting you gentlemen to dinner" said one of the Generals and Cappy couldn't help himself; he ran forward .........

.... and immediately tucked into a bowl of lukewarm Mohinga, even before the General had said Grace, so that triggered an .....

[turboplanner]

......outbreak of whispers among the Generals for in Burmese culture that was a sign of virility, a he-man personality and very intelligent man, which you would never expect from looking at Cappy, and after a while, one who was obviously the spokesman said to Cappy  "...........................

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......outbreak of whispers among the Generals for in Burmese culture that was a sign of virility, a he-man personality and very intelligent man, which you would never expect from looking at Cappy, and after a while, one who was obviously the spokesman said to Cappy  "...........................

.... Geeez your mate is a bit of a clown. Did you see him sitting backwards in the excavator .... And then he buried his own machine in the holes? But, on the other hand your other friend, OT, is an excavator artisan with a deft touch and appears to be a much better person. Can you introduce me to ......

[turboplanner]

2 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... Geeez your mate is a bit of a clown. Did you see him sitting backwards in the excavator .... And then he buried his own machine in the holes? But, on the other hand your other friend, OT, is an excavator artisan with a deft touch and appears to be a much better person. Can you introduce me to ......

....a few of your RSL friends. Cappy knew what the Generals were after and he knew it wouldn’t end well when they got to Doubtfire, so he pretended he didn’t know what RSL meant, but....

 

[onetrack]

.....had to think quick as to what he could substitute for the RSL. Of course, it would have to be the Revolutionary Socialist League (British Trotskyist Group), which group would align nicely with the ruling Generals of Burma.

 

"I can do that introduction, no problem!", said Cappy to the General who asked. "But the RSL will want to see your relevant qualifications, to be able to meet with them. They're not just any social club with tea and cucumber sandwiches, you know!"

 

"I have the highest level of military awards and medals, in all Burma!", stated the General haughtily. "I fully expect they will welcome me with open arms as one of equal standing with any of their highest medal recipients!"

 

Cappy replied, "Oh, I'm sure they'll welcome you when they see your........

 

 

[Dear Cappy - OT apologises for the throwaway hula girl remark - OT was not aware of the obviously still-painful memories of your GGGGGGG great grandfather's sudden demise at the hands of several hula girls - which is in direct contrast to the historical reports, which failed to mention hula girls].

[Captain]

12 hours ago, onetrack said:

[Dear Cappy - OT apologises for the throwaway hula girl remark - OT was not aware of the obviously still-painful memories of your GGGGGGG great grandfather's sudden demise at the hands of several hula girls - which is in direct contrast to the historical reports, which failed to mention hula girls].

All good Onesie. You could not have known.

Like Cappy, James was a gentleman and never counted the hula girls numbers once each of them was exhausted. But like Cappy, there was always a conga-line of exhausted Hula girls. In fact what James thought was a spear between the shoulder blades was actually just a cramp ......................... and a pulled muscle (which is an amazing feat after all of those girls).

[Captain]

12 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

Cappy replied, "Oh, I'm sure they'll welcome you when they see your........

...... battle flags.

 

Then the General replied "Confidentially, Skipper, what I really want to do is get a few more medals off some of the older RSL chaps when they kick the bucket, as a few more rows will really help me with the ladies and will also do no harm to help me beat the North Koreans at the medal Olympics, where the .......

 

Edited May 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........KPI now is medals running down your legs, although the pins behind them can be very painful if you .........

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...........KPI now is medals running down your legs, although the pins behind them can be very painful if you .........

...... don't undo them (your dacks I mean) before you .....

Edited May 27, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........go on an extended March. The medals all jiggle up and down on the outside making a loud racket like an old steam train, attracting enemy troops and allowing them to set artillery by ear, but after 5 klicks of jiggling pins on the inside, your tackle is unlikely to catch a fish, and ........................

[Captain]

..... you get another medal for bravely wearing your medals in public."

 

"But you guys haven't fought a war in 70 years." commented OT with honesty, but also with bravery, given that some Spitty holes were still available & white-eyes can disappear up here quicker that bull can ......

[onetrack]

......land a Jackeroo with a dead engine (avref). "We haven't fought a war in 70 years, because the number of medals we wear, puts off anyone who might want to attack us!", said one General haughtily.

 

"Who's going to attack a prime military target with laser and radio controlled weapons, when they can be diverted by the sheer quantity of metal we're wearing? We protect out military assets by masquerading as targets ourselves. Isn't that just brilliant strategy?"

 

"I don't know about that", said OT, "I reckon just taking out a few enemy Generals alone, has to be reason for high-fives in any attack!".

 

"Hmmm, that's a valid point", said the General. "But let's get away from medals and war talk, and let's discuss the local taxes payable on these Spitfires (more avref). I believe US$10M each, with payment in cash (US$ of course, we don't take any of that dodgy plastic Kangaroo currency), is a reasonable figure for removing these Burmese Heritage items from our country!"

"That's outrageous!", exclaimed Cappy, as he saw his restored Spitty dream evaporating again. How was he going to find US$10M, and how was he going to........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"That's outrageous!", exclaimed Cappy, as he saw his restored Spitty dream evaporating again. How was he going to find US$10M, and how was he going to........

..... adequately explain the situation and the nuances involved.

 

"I know" thought Cappy "I am an expert on PowerPoint presentations" so he quickly knocked up a 45 slide prezzo, then sat all the Generals down and commenced his detailed explanation."

 

To assist his talk, Cappy took out his $5 Dick Smith (avref) laser pointer in order to explain some difficult graphs but the activation button was dodgy and he accidentally activated the pointer by shining it on the top General ............ and then it really hit the fan, as General #1's medals deflected the beam into the eyes and onto the medals of all the others, whose medals did the same ..... and the entire Burmese military leadership was disabled in one fowl swoop (avref), ("It looked like 10 lasers shining off a 6 ft disco ball at the Rangoon B&S Ball" said The Rat) plus an overhead army surveillance chopper was disabled and autorotated (avref) into the jungle ...... and the PolAir chopper in Sydney also reported being targeted by 20 laser beams coming from somewhere up to the NW.

 

But it wasn't all lost, as 8 Burmese kittens chased the laser dots for hours until they got tired and sat down to lick their ......... 

Edited May 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......fur.

With Cappy's brilliant diversion, Turbo and OT quickly fenced off the paddock and put "Electric Fence - Laser beams!!!! Caution, Possible Blindness" and apart from a couple of Generals who came out to have a quick look, the Spitfire goup had no more trouble.

That is until Turbo suggested reverse engineering from the extracted aircraft, and building 3/4 scale RA Spitfires with Rotax Engines. Cappy, who was completely mechanically illiterate suggested the Merlin engines also be scaled down, and OT, who really was just a WA wheat cocky agreed, and they started ............

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......fur.

With Cappy's brilliant diversion, Turbo and OT quickly fenced off the paddock and put "Electric Fence - Laser beams!!!! Caution, Possible Blindness" and apart from a couple of Generals who came out to have a quick look, the Spitfire goup had no more trouble.

That is until Turbo suggested reverse engineering from the extracted aircraft, and building 3/4 scale RA Spitfires with Rotax Engines. Cappy, who was completely mechanically illiterate suggested the Merlin engines also be scaled down, and OT, who really was just a WA wheat cocky agreed, and they started ............

........ but Cappy pulled them up with "How the heck can a tail wheel Spitty reverse, with the rudimentary & poxy little tail wheel & the type of prop (avref) pitch (avref) controls that they had back then? Don't be a pair of dicks, as its a waste of engineering, be it either forward or reverse."

 

"i already have a 3/4 scale merlin" said bull "it's called a guinevere and I use it for ..........

 

below is the logo that bull uses in his engine manufacturing business (he has the biggest support grant ever given by the tasmanian government).

 

Edited May 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...spraying fruit trees, but it could easily be modified slightly to take a prop. It screams so loud that it scared the bats miles away from the Orchard I used to have in Bone.

A working engine, screamingly loud! This sounded as good as being offered a Harley, so ..................

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...spraying fruit trees, but it could easily be modified slightly to take a prop. It screams so loud that it scared the bats miles away from the Orchard I used to have in Bone.

A working engine, screamingly loud! This sounded as good as being offered a Harley, so ..................

....... Turbine Industries held and EGM and was renamed "bull, Onesie, Turbine Flying Co", identified as "BOT Fly" on the ASX and they commenced to ........

Edited May 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....dress like Elon Musk and promise to make Spitfire planes, Spitfire cars, Spitfire Orchard Sprays and Spitfire Space Ships.

A whining little Pom complained  that BOT Fly couldn't achieve Space Flight, but the Spokesperson, Samantha Twosie shot back with "Why not?" Richard Branson says he can and he ........."

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....dress like Elon Musk and promise to make Spitfire planes, Spitfire cars, Spitfire Orchard Sprays and Spitfire Space Ships.

A whining little Pom complained  that BOT Fly couldn't achieve Space Flight, but the Spokesperson, Samantha Twosie shot back with "Why not?" Richard Branson says he can and he ........."

...... used to own an airline (avref) in OZ, before ........

 

Below, dear reader, is the logo being suggested by Turdboy for BOT Fly.

Cappy has counselled him that it may not be very effective to attract new business.

Edited May 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......it was decimated by the bot flies, so it was decided not to use that bad omen as a logo, but instead to ..................

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......it was decimated by the bot flies, so it was decided not to use that bad omen as a logo, but instead to ..................

..... concentrate on an image of the more positive aspects of the bot fly's evolutionary cycle, their .....