The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

..........teeth.

Doubtfire did, biting him on the hand. The teeth met adhacent to the second digit, so this was a decent bite, and The AC's effeminate English squeal brought half the force ( which in this era of Diversity) consisted of 50% women) running with guns drawn.

Disregarding Police Rule No 1 - Collect ALL evidence before drawing a conclusion, the men held back and the women all sink the boot into the AC, who squealed even louder because Doubtfire hadn't let go. Two male officers who hated Poms gave him a smack in the teeth, and it was obvious ..............

[Captain]

NES CELEBRATION - WE HAVE HIT 600 PAGES (FULL OF VITAL AVREF DATA) AND OUR MOST LOYAL, VALUABLE & WISE CONTRIBUTOR, TURDBOY, WAS THE SUCCESSFUL POSTER. 

[Captain]

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Two male officers who hated Poms gave him a smack in the teeth, and it was obvious ..............

...... that he would need a few of those Bitcoins to have his copper choppers redone.

 

"We do cheap dentistry (and IVF) up here in Me-and-Ma" said the top General touting for foreign exchange in a promo YouTube video. (Me-&-Ma use Turbine IVF P/L, but I can't disclose which of our contributors, and which Chairman of Turbine IVF P/L, donates the product that is used).

 

But it would take more than bitcoin, & a good rub, to repair where Doubtfire kicked him with her size 11 Blundstones, and as he doubled over he was ......

Edited June 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......struck by the thought that he hadn't asked for Doubtfire to be seconded, and WAPOL being the internecine politics capital of the Police world he called a meeting of his closest allies, Acting AC Hefty and Acting Senior Sergeant Boxcutter. After 30 minutes they figured out who had sent her across and why, and Boxcutter made a call to OT and said "............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

After 30 minutes they figured out who had sent her across and why, and Boxcutter made a call to OT and said "............

..... Listen Onetrack-Mind, old mate (he used OT's formal WAPOL code name), we need you to cover for the AC as he has been attacked by a constable Doubtfire, & she's going to go on with it."

 

"What?" yelled OT-M in dismay "Don't you know that Doubtfire is actually Ahlocks in drag and he/she/it/they reports back to ......

Edited June 4, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.... Cappy and his deranged followers from Kapookistan? Leave it to me, I'll sort this out!".

 

Boxcutter went on, "OT, where can you arrange to send this nuisance known as Const Doubtfire. She's done little except cause affray amongst our personnel, ruined at least two Morry Minor patrol cars, and has really upset the Commish!".

 

OT promptly got on the phone to various acquaintances of high standing, and before long, Const. Doubtfire had received a text message saying she was being posted to Ngarnawallahwoopitup.

The message went on to advise that this was a location where the locals were very restless, and a firm hand was needed to keep them under control.

 

Doubtfire promptly organised a flight (long-overdue avref), courtesy of the WAPOL Air Wing, and they arrived with alacrity in the Kawasaki Bolkow BK117 (long-overdue avref) and whisked her away to Ngarnawallahwoopitup - which just happened to be an Indigenous Community (acknowledging the Traditional Custodians of the land on which we gather today, and accordingly, pay my respects to all Elders past and present, and whose photos we can't publish), on the edge of the Great Victoria Desert.

 

"Where is this place?" said Doubtfire with concern, after 4 stops to refuel the Kwakka, and 7 hrs flight time (avref). "I though this place was going to be some place that respected my national standing, and respected my substantial policing skills and experience, and this is starting to look like a......

 

 

Edited June 4, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, onetrack said:

on the edge of the Great Stony Desert.

 

"Where is this place?" said Doubtfire with concern, after 4 stops to refuel the Kwakka, and 7 hrs flight time. "I though this place was going to be some place that respected my national standing, and respected my substantial policing skills and experience, and this is starting to look like a......

...n over exuberant choice of a name. "What's so "Great" about this XXXXhole?"

 

"It's "Great" in WA terms" responded the Kwakka pilot rather sympathetically "But that means XXXX all in National terms. In NSW or Tasmania this would have been named "The Perhaps Slightly Better Than Average Stony Desert" (The PSBTASD) because it is pretty stony in world stonyness terms, but in Mextoria it would have been called the  .......

Edited June 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Great Red Desert because Victorians know that Sturt's Stony Desert is waaay up near Birdsville.

However let's not tell Cappy, or he'll eant to rename it Cook's Stony Desert. So far he's been  able to fudge 347 places around Australia to show that Cook discovered them rather than Sturt.

He's even had an area of Australia renamed Cook's Great Inland Sea after starting to read Sturt's Journal on his trip up into the corner country in search of what some people believed was a great inlands sea. These people thought Australia was a Pacific Atoll.

Cappy fell asleep from boredom after the Journal entry covering the Expedition replenishing their stores at the Tibooburra IGA, and didn't realise that Sturt became stranded at Depot Glen and had to turn around admitting there was no great inland sea.

 

Doubtfire was greeted by two local indigenous Constables at the Airport.

"Git en the Van" said one "I think we'll put the pedlock on for this one Bro" he said to his mate.

"He doesn't look as bug es they sid" replied the other, and Doubtfire did a slow burn sitting in the back of the Van. Her red eyes could have burnt holes in a D7 dozer, and ...........

 

[onetrack]

.....as the padlock clicked, she was working out her method of revenge for such poor treatment. The Divvy Van (a modified HQ Holden ute - modified with no windscreen, no side windows and no back window - and a 10 litre jerrycan for a fuel tank, mounted on the seat between the two Indigenous Constables in front), lurched off - mostly as a result of the Constable in the passenger seat having to work the clutch by hand, as the clutch cable broke 15,000 kms ago - and no HQ wreck between Laverton (W.A.) and Ngarnawallahwoopitup had yielded a replacement cable, as all those were broken, too.

 

The HQ came to a sliding halt about 50 metres past the Police Station - mostly because the front disc pads were down to the metal, and the braking effect was considerably less than it should've been.

The IC's got out, and unlocked the padlock and threw the divvy van door open - and at that, Doubtfire lashed out with both feet, like a wild brumby - catching one Constable in the groin, and the other, right in the gut. 

They both doubled up on the ground, wincing in pain. "Oooooh, Bro, thet hurt! This one's a killa! Where's ma..........

 

 

Edited June 4, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......Beton Bro?" But Bro was out cold so he had ti run after Doubtfire who made it to the station where the Senior Sergeant was just having his morning cup of tea.

"You XXXX!, you give me a XXXXXX job to do in an unroadworthy XXXXXXX vehicle from the last century, and then you XXXXX turn on me!" an then she went out and gave every vehicle in the compound an unroadworthy sticker.

 

Two hours later a PC12 [avref] came in from Perth after picking up four burly constables from Kalgoorlie where men are really men. Their names were Glennys, Jacqueline (Jack), Heather and Joan, and Doubtfire, cuffs on hands and feet was on her way down to Perth.

 

Meanwhile, Wagga Wagga had gone to pieces without Doubtfire, there were drunks lying all over the streets, Loxie was out of control at the BOB in his leather shorts, The Gumly Gumly RSL was running a wet T Shirt competition with Cappy as the judge. The Mayor sent an urgent email to Perth.

 

Back in the PC12, they were halfway to Perth when the pilots noticed some thudding and yells from the back then it was quiet until they received an urgent HF message from Perth, and diverted, bound for Wagga Wagga in the East where ....... 

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Back in the PC12, they were halfway to Perth when the pilots noticed some thudding and yells from the back then it was quiet until they received an urgent HF message from Perth, and diverted, bound for Wagga Wagga in the East where ......

........ there were more Mextorians escaping the lockdown than there are mice.

 

"They are heading north and it looks identical to the refugees escaping Syria in recent years" commented the WW Mayor "And they travelling in rag-tag pitiful bunches in the hope of paying people smugglers to .........

 

 

Edited June 5, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....get them over the Murray River undetected. Thousands have even braved the tiger snakes and swim it - we call them wetbacks.

They make straight for the Wagga Wagga RSL, put their savings in the polices and order schnitzels from Jess, but ......

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....get them over the Murray River undetected. Thousands have even braved the tiger snakes and swim it - we call them wetbacks.

They make straight for the Wagga Wagga RSL, put their savings in the polices and order schnitzels from Jess, but ......

..... we are still to work out why they are whacking their savings up our hard working coppers, which we do know is not part of the NSW Police job description nor is it one of their KPIs, but this rabble ARE Mextorians and voted on mass for Dan, so the entire thing is pretty sick."

 

As a result the Wagga wallopers all went on strike and that encouraged the Mexicans to be even more ........

 

 

PS ... As a consequence of this terrible influx of sad but obnoxious, disease riddled & sun deprived, gumsucking, cabbage eating, southern, human detritus, a newly blonde and artificially suntanned Ahlox is running for NSW Parliament on the single policy of "I am going to build a wall and Mextoria is going to pay for it"

Edited June 5, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....loose with their cash, having found the BoB. They turned their spellcheckers off and put their money in the p.o.k.i.e.s. 
Loxie was charging $5 for a ride in a real fire truck and the Indians piled on, not wearing their masks. 
The Gumly Gumly complex bid for some of these rich Australians by sending Madge and Gert down the street to do  a line dance but Madge mixed up the instructions and the two women were followed back to GG by five hundred Indian men.

Into this Soddom and Tomorrow dropped the WAPol PC12 and a dishevelled Constable Doubtfire heading for her favourite Hilux cruiser.

Cappy had been hanging around the Airporr and sold the PC12 to a couple of Wetbacks while the pilots were having a coffee. As the new owners were shakily trying to taxi the door flew open and Glennis & co jumped out. Mistakenly thinking there was safety with a fellow Cop based on the blue line brotherhood they headed for the Hilux. It was later said that......
 

[CT9000]

.......The reason that old boat is so slow is because it is powered by an engine they stole from an upturned Morris commercial police van that was laying in the carpark of the Nullabor motel, stupid bastards {avref} don't know much about people smuggling. Stolen PC12 many much more quicker and cheap to run when using stolen diesel, this is easy to do drive off from servo & not get caught cause no number plate and Hilux can't keep up with PC12........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.......The reason that old boat is so slow is because it is powered by an engine they stole from an upturned Morris commercial police van that was laying in the carpark of the Nullabor motel, stupid bastards {avref} don't know much about people smuggling. Stolen PC12 many much more quicker and cheap to run when using stolen diesel, this is easy to do drive off from servo & not get caught cause no number plate and Hilux can't keep up with PC12........

.... which are attracting great interest and high prices on the black market (respects to elders etc), which is administered by Turbine BLM and Black Markets Inc.

 

"If you spray them in the Flying (avref) Doctor's colours you can land them anywhere, and as long as you have a hot nurse and a good looking young doctor bloke (MarkHoldenref) step out with a stethoscope around his neck, nobody will ever question you, which I find very useful when I feel like a .......

 

A YOUNG TURBO WHEN HE WAS SINGING & ACTING USING

THE MARK HOLDEN MONICA

Edited June 6, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......posing as Dr Turbine, wearing a white coat. Turbo borrowed the PC12 while the coppers were on their alloted time off, and flew to Moorabbistan, because there was a certain gal there he really wanted to impress. He landed and stepped out wearing his doctors coat, fully intending to make a huge impression on this highly desirable gal. 

 

Unfortunately for Turbo, right as he stepped out on the apron, a contingent of Victorian police, who had just been up country tracking down dodgy COVID-19 doctors and nurses, landed on the runway that Turbo had just exited.

 

They spotted Turbo in his white coat, dialling up a Limo service to take him to town - and they promptly surrounded him, wanting to know who he was, asking for his ID and medical credentials, as well as asking other awkward questions - such as, "Where did you get this PC12?"

 

Turbo had to think fast. "If you really want to know, why don't you.................

 

[Note to Cappy, regarding nicknames - Mark Holden never had a Monica, you're thinking of Bill Clinton. However, he may have had a Moniker that his roadies used for him. If Turbo had a Monica, I'm sure his wife would like to know, right about now.]

 

 

Edited June 6, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....jump on board.

and he took them to Wagga

Wagga.

Doubtfire.....

 

 

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....jump on board.

and he took them to Wagga

Wagga.

Doubtfire.....

 

 

...... saw the PC12 arrive and as Turbs was the first to exit the aircraft (obscureavref) Doubtfire's reaction was predictable.

 

"Is that Tony Fauci?" she asked as she fawned over him like 100% of the left wing (avref) media do.

 

"That's a natural assumption" responded VicPol copper #1 "As he is a bit of a sycophantic weed, but no, this is prisoner Turdboy."

 

"Can I question him in a private room?" asked Doubty, with evil and phalic intent.

 

VicPol walloper #2 gave this some thought, looked at the PC12 in FD colours, and decided to .......

[Captain]

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

[Note to Cappy, regarding nicknames - Mark Holden never had a Monica, you're thinking of Bill Clinton. However, he may have had a Moniker that his roadies used for him. If Turbo had a Monica, I'm sure his wife would like to know, right about now.]

Cappy concedes to Onesie on the monica Vs moniker issue and freely admits that after being a bit of a smartarse with regard to some/many/most of Tinky-Wink's spelling errors, it is no fun to be on the receiving end.

 

Cappy has therefore sacked his spellchecker, who is now destimatute and available to anyone with cash (a rare occurrence in Vicmanistan these days) on the mean streets of Frankston. (It is hoped that OT is now satisfied, having destroyed the life of an innocent virginal smellchecker, whose life he has destroyed.)

 

PS ...............but where the f is our jam-eater mate, bull? 

Edited June 7, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....order it be repainted in St Kilda colours, in the hope that this would turn St Kildas fortunes around, and possibly even produce some more St Kilda followers, who believe in miracles.

 

Meantimes, Const Doubtfire had advanced on Turbo with a gleam in her eye, and she promptly grabbed him in a headlock, and wrestled him into ......

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....order it be repainted in St Kilda colours, in the hope that this would turn St Kildas fortunes around, and possibly even produce some more St Kilda followers, who believe in miracles.

 

Meantimes, Const Doubtfire had advanced on Turbo with a gleam in her eye, and she promptly grabbed him in a headlock, and wrestled him into ......

........ submission, which wasn't hard, as Turbo often instinctively (and some say ominously) rolls over to have his tummy rubbed when there are ladies (NTTIAWWT) around.

 

VicPol copper #1 laughed at the St Kilda repaint suggestion, as there would probably be more chance of Dan being bashed at Lindsay's joint than St Kilda getting up, and as he thought this he realised for the 1st time that he was in NSW, the land of the free, and he decided to defect and request political asylum.

 

"We don't strongarm shutdown protesters up here" said Doubtfire "So you'll need to be retrained if you want to stay in the LOTF, or there is another great opportunity because the Me-&-Ma Generals have a standing offer on the interweb to employ any VicPol police defectors as crowd bashers and .......

 

Edited June 7, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Hilux drivers.

"Why do you need Hilux drivers" asked one of the Vicpol members.

"Because Big Dees here has smashed up every one we had" replied a NSW Constable furtivley backing for the door, but he was too slow. Doubtfire lashed out with her TMW and kicked him fair in the Kimberleys.

Acting Senior Constable Thespian Gale remonstrated with Doubtfire, saying  "...............

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Doubtfire lashed out with her TMW and kicked him fair in the Kimberleys.

Acting Senior Constable Thespian Gale remonstrated with Doubtfire, saying  "...............

....... Hubble Bubble Toil & Trouble, water water everywhere and not a drop to drink, now is the summer of our discontent", then ASCT Gale added a further suspicious thespianism in Victoristan code which nobody, outside of the inbred Mexicans, recognized, but it did seem sinister when the strange foreign (could this be ISIS?) codewords "Darraweit Guim" were mentioned.

 

Everyone ducked for cover and ........... 

Edited June 7, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........Turbo explained, and for that matter explains to all NES readers, and all Australians, and first Australians (respects to elders etc), and the Negrito Australians who colonised Australia before the first Australians, and the two skulls who colonised Australia before the Negritos, NEVER to mention Darraweit Guim. 

 

Darraweit was a donkey, and alleged to be trained, but in 1967. at the Governor's Garden Party at Werribee Mansion Darraweit .............