The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......used to power cream separators in the Western District dairy farms. They have exactly the right amount of revs and power to separate all the cream off in a sweet consistency that gives us an extra two days "Use By" margin. We know they won't last as long as the Briggs & Strattons we've been using, and we had a laugh when we found that WAPol were still using them in pursut vehicles" saif farm John Poll.   "Not only that" said Will Hereford "but this; they will also double to pump the liquid manure down to the river, and .............."

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......used to power cream separators in the Western District dairy farms. They have exactly the right amount of revs and power to separate all the cream off in a sweet consistency that gives us an extra two days "Use By" margin. We know they won't last as long as the Briggs & Strattons we've been using, and we had a laugh when we found that WAPol were still using them in pursut vehicles" saif farm John Poll.   "Not only that" said Will Hereford "but this; they will also double to pump the liquid manure down to the river, and .............."

...... the re-application of these fine 3-bearing Morrie engines by both Johnny P and I will save the Vicmanistan farming community heaps, will put a huge dent in Honda's rural engine sales, should totally bugger Briggs & Stratton for a decade and will introduce the term Poll Hereford to an expectant nation that loves brown and white moo-cows (how now brown cow etc), and wants nothing more than .......

Edited June 8, 2021 by Captain
To correctomacate tense and cadence

[onetrack]

.....perfect cream and placid cows that stand still for long periods, so they are highly suitable as subjects when making TV ads for dairy products.

 

But whilst talking of standing still - it appears that the WAPOL have not been standing still on the case of the disappearance of several Morry Minor engines from their warehouse.

The case is proving a major embarrassment to the WAPOL, who pride themselves on their record of solving cases - which currently stands at 16% of important cases solved.

To further greatly improve WAPOL performance, it has been decided to send high ranking officers along to a new cutting edge course, entitled "How to Track Elephants in Snow".

It is believed this course is of huge value to WAPOL, and will likely greatly improve the current level of important and outstanding case resolutions.

 

What is of concern to WAPOL, is that the MM engine heist took place in broad daylight, using a regular taxi-truck service, who merely rolled up to the warehouse, and upon presenting a fake stores issue document, they were given the engines without adequate checks being performed.

Heads will roll over this, of course - mostly the heads of junior officers and civil employees, to save the arXes of those higher up the food chain.

 

Checks of taxi-truck companies are being undertaken, CCTV records are being scrutinised, and it appears a fictitious company, Turbo Taxi Trucks had been purposely created for the heist.

But WAPOL are onto it, they have all the conversations and photos from the encrypted phones of the perpetrators, and WAPOL have identified a large number of other criminal offences being committed by this mystery organisation, that utilises a fictitious name and fictitious address.

 

It appears that Aviation-related offences are also included, as conversations taken from the encrypted devices, refer to the infringement of a multitude of aviation regulations, leading to great alarm amongst operatives in CASA, who failed to notice that this TTT was virtually "flying under the radar". However, the evidence in the encrypted conversations is now sizeable enough to.......

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

.....perfect cream and placid cows that stand still for long periods, so they are highly suitable as subjects when making TV ads for dairy products.

AS AN ASIDE (or as thread drift as that CT so crudely & cruelly described it) - This raises the issue, just like the BIG question of how many times is it permissible to wash IT in the shower, how long is it proper to milk a cow before Turbo would be charged with udder abuse? As he seems to take longer than necessary and to enjoy it way more than he should.  

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

However, the evidence in the encrypted conversations is now sizeable enough to.......

........@^$T&UUI$%@! Turbo ?<<>:(^%$ the @:"}e.

 

The shares in Turbine Smartarse Encrypted Phones Inc (TSEPI) crashed after the AFP exposé last night and the Turbine 1 Percenters and the Turbine Hades Angles Motorcycle Clubs have disbanded temporarily and gone back to their day jobs as accountants, dentists, brain surgeons, truck designers & child minders at Turbine Kindys, Crèches & Toddler Development Inc. (TKC&TDI).

 

However, as OT has indicated, the flow on effects in the aviation (avref) industry and between the criminal gangs that have been using the AUF and CASA as a front, has also been profound, with ........

 

THE HAPPY TEAM AT TKC&TDI AT THEIR MORNING MEETING BEFORE

THE KIDDIES ARRIVE FOR THEIR TODDLER DEVELOPMENT CLASSES.

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain
Had to wait for the photo to be taken at the TKC&TDI.

[CT9000]

5 minutes ago, Captain said:

AS AN ASIDE (or as thread drift as that CT so crudely & cruelly described it) - This raises the issue, just like the BIG question of how many times is it permissible to wash IT in the shower, how long is it proper to milk a cow before Turbo would be charged with udder abuse? As he seems to take longer than necessary and to enjoy it way more then he should.  

......but back to the real aviation related NES. Back in the newly installed tower {avref} at the Darraweit Guim regonal airport {sorry Captain but could not help myself} In spite of this fine airfield being fully equipped with VFR navaids eg. a windsock, the tower controller was getting bored due to lack of traffic. The weather is rain & fog with a ceiling of 40' and vis of nearly half of the 650mtr main runway. Anyway the tower controller has taken to using a rifle to pop bunnies. Of course this is legal at an airport because bunnies are not a protected species...... 

[turboplanner]

.....patched Wreckfly sergeant5 at arms Een "Sleepy"  De Havialland [avref] arrested in possession of 18 buckets of milk.

"We noticed he was taking a long time to milk a Jersey cow" said Sergeant Wayan Putu from Perth, so we  un-encrypyed Geekref] his laptop which then led us to lookthrough his sheds and we found these buckets of milk hidden in a hay shed. We've charged him with milking a cow, which a serious offence in WA We3 also discovered six Morris choke cables and ......................

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

......but back to the real aviation related NES. Back in the newly installed tower {avref} at the Darraweit Guim regonal airport {sorry Captain but could not help myself} In spite of this fine airfield being fully equipped with VFR navaids eg. a windsock, the tower controller was getting bored due to lack of traffic. The weather is rain & fog with a ceiling of 40' and vis of nearly half of the 650mtr main runway. Anyway the tower controller has taken to using a rifle to pop bunnies. Of course this is legal at an airport because bunnies are not a protected species...... 

........ but a few AUF members looked at the sky and in typical AUF style (and so as to provide new material for the Human Fuctors Course) said "This will do me, a 40 ft ceiling is a piece of pxss, so let's go for a flying" and once airborne (avref) said "WATCH THIS".

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

As we all know, the Pitts is not really an aircraft, just a powerful engines with some bits and pieces and a seat tacked on, and as he pointed it at the sky, the engine...........

 

[Turbo realises CT slipped one in there, but he did say it was an aisde to se can technically ignore it.]

 

[Captain]

45 minutes ago, Captain said:

The weather is rain & fog with a ceiling of 40' and vis of nearly half of the 650mtr main runway. Anyway the tower controller has taken to using a rifle to pop bunnies.

WARNING - Your beloved Ratty has been studying the weather around DG over recent minutes and suggests that the bunnies be issued with life jackets (and masks) as it looks like the 5 culturally significant DG waterways will be doing their thing this afternoon, and the bunnies may be well and truly Guimed then end up in the key lockdown areas of inner Melbournistan.

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

2 minutes ago, Captain said:

WARNING - Your beloved Ratty has been studying the weather around DG over recent minutes and suggests that the bunnies be issued life jackets (and masks) as it looks like the 5 precious DG waterways will be doing their thing this afternoon, and the bunnies may end up in the key lockdown areas of inner Melbournistan.

A wonderful and accurate description of conditions at present, however the airfield elevation is about 1200' which is 400' above town so a flood of biblical size would be required to have great effect. Having said that the rotten little bathplugs seem to be hiding at the moment......

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

so a flood of biblical size would be required

And this is where CT's relative inexperience has become evident, as he appears to be more interested in popping bunnies than being aware of the danger, due to the divine powers of Turdboy (God is Great and respect to all deities past & present) and his Turbine Plagues, Floods and Pestilences organization. Let's just hope that the TurgidPlonker does not see the CT's post.

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....but Cappy's hope was in van. Turbo mis-heard CT, thought he was asking for a Biblical flood, and sent one down on DG. The flood level reached 1220  feet and wiped out twelve hangars filled with things like the left wheel of a DC3, aasortred projects where people had spent 47 hours on building their kitfox, Thruster of Jabiru LSA550 and couldn't bring themselves to admit they couldn't build a mail box.

 

Locals, after swimmingh 800 feet up from the town stood on a nearby knolol looking down on the devastation. "Probably a good thing" said ...........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

was in van

CLARIFICATION NEEDED please Tubb before a detailed reply can be prepared - Are you referring to the WAPol Police "van", the Van aircraft (avref) "van" or the town of Van in eastern Turkey near Gaziantep Guim, where Cappy has his summer villa (with 2500 m sealed strip [orgasmicavref])? (And to which you are all (even jam-eater bull) invited once Covid buggers off).

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Locals, after swimmingh 800 feet up from the town stood on a nearby knolol looking down on the devastation. "Probably a good thing" said ...........

.......... the townsfolk who were sick of 5 floods from 5 rivers 5 times each year "As we all really know that the myth about the so-called "serene meeting place of the 5 rivers" in the Wurundjeri Willum lingo (respects etc etc etc etc etc) actually means "Great joint to live for 1 month of the year, but terrible when there is any H2O about". In other words the 5 lowlands (and associated floodplains) are a bit of a XXXX Hole and only good for bunnies and ........

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, Captain said:

who were sick of 5 floods from 5 rivers 5 times each year

Explanation - Just to be clear for NES readers who are calculator challenged, this is a shocking stat, as that is one flood every 2.92 days in average Mebournistan weather conditions and is something only Mexicans would countenance instead of crossing the Rio Murray to freedom before Ahlox builds his wall.

 

No wonder the bunnies are committing suicide under Turbo Morant's rule 303 or 22 or whatever.

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

48 minutes ago, Captain said:

CLARIFICATION NEEDED please Tubb before a detailed reply can be prepared - Are you referring to the WAPol Police "van", the Van aircraft (avref) "van" or the town of Van in eastern Turkey near Gaziantep Guim, where Cappy has his summer villa (with 2500 m sealed strip [orgasmicavref])? (And to which you are all (even jam-eater bull) invited once Covid buggers off).

It was Gaziantep Guim Cappy.

[onetrack]

......people with boats permanently at the ready, tied to the house verandah railings. But CT9000 doesn't believe any large volume of water in the aforementioned 5 creeks is a flood, until the airport tower goes under water, and puts up a periscope looking for aircraft. 

 

The rabbits of Darraweit Guim have taken to wearing both lifejackets, as well as fleecy coats (from China, of course), to cater for all extremes of weather and water levels in the village area.

 

However, due to the degree of success by the tower operators with the tower-issued .22 Brno long rifle (single shot, bolt-action only, no American killing fields here, and the rabbits get a sporting chance), the rabbits have all sent in their internet order for 1,500 rabbit-size flak jackets.

The order puzzled the website owners, due to the very small sizes ordered (even baby rabbits get one each), but they proceeded to issue a manufacturing order, which was handled by........

Edited June 9, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....Turbine Rodents (Turkey) Inc.

Some NES readers might be alarmed at OT lapsing into rabbit talk.

In the East we all know that rabbits can't talk; we learn that at about the age of five, but, good readers, if you ever go over to WA you'll quickly get used to the bunnies talking to each other and ..............

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....Turbine Rodents (Turkey) Inc.

Some NES readers might be alarmed at OT lapsing into rabbit talk.

In the East we all know that rabbits can't talk; we learn that at about the age of five, but, good readers, if you ever go over to WA you'll quickly get used to the bunnies talking to each other and ..............

.... their tiny little bunny fleecy coats being lined with bunny fur. (Which is as quirky as buying a cuddly Koala toy made from Skippy (What's that Skip? The hunters are coming?).

 

"Some of 'em are wearing their mums" said CT with a bit of a grin (he is a self confessed bunny murderer) "And they also .....

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

A compassionate & concerned Ratty is watching the weather radar at Darraweit Guim (yes, dear reader, there really is such a joint), as shown in the below image, and it looks like the 5 precious conjoined natural waterways will be active tonight, so he asks all NESers to say a prayer for the poor rabbits, which will be being washed 5 ways from Sunday, and in wet & heavy little fleecy lined coats too.

 

 

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

[Note to a very compassionate and concerned Ratty - You will be pleased to hear that OT has organised a crowdfunding fundraiser for the rabbits of Darraweit Guim, to fund swimming lessons for every rabbit, that is capable of hopping to them. This will ensure that no rabbit will be left behind to drown, when the wall of water strikes Darraweit Guim in the near future, and every rabbit will be able to bodysurf that wall of water, like Mick Fanning....

 

And here we have the video evidence to show you the heartwarming abilities of the first Darraweit Guim rabbit to complete his full course of swimming lessons......]

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......and kill sharks too.

Turbo will report in on the storm later in the morning, but is planning to go up for a flight to see what damage has been done. Sure the Met report doesn't look good, but they are usually wrong, so you can't be put off by that. The Kilmore Gap looks a problem, but there should be some breaks in the cloud some time during the morning. Caclulated TAS is fifteen kts due to the strong winds, but the trip is only 100 Nm so there should be plenty of fuel left at the end, and there is always one of the Fire Strips he can use up in the mountains where ..............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......and kill sharks too.

Turbo will report in on the storm later in the morning, but is planning to go up for a flight to see what damage has been done. Sure the Met report doesn't look good, but they are usually wrong, so you can't be put off by that. The Kilmore Gap looks a problem, but there should be some breaks in the cloud some time during the morning. Caclulated TAS is fifteen kts due to the strong winds, but the trip is only 100 Nm so there should be plenty of fuel left at the end, and there is always one of the Fire Strips he can use up in the mountains where ..............

...... many a NSW pilot (avref) has packed-death (anotheravref) on their way to or from the Avalon trade & airshow.

 

As every AUF member knows, Kilmore Gap is the real testing place for get-home-itis, where they all say "I have an artificial horizon, so stuff it, all I need is 20 minutes of IFR and I'll get through. No worries mate. Watch this."

 

In the meantime there are DG rabbits down near Tullamarine, which not so much Tulla, but is very Marine-like now that the 5 sacred streams at DG have run bankers.

 

These rabbits are hitchhiking north, but not back to DG, they are by-passing DG (like we all have since Federation) and are heading all the way to north of the Rio Murray ....... see the below photo, taken this morning, of the poor bunny who has lost his dacks and his fleecy jacket in the struggle to survive in the blessed waters of the precious 5 streams. The sign says it all and why he is on his way north quick stix.

 

The reason why we know that these are rabbits from around DG is that the bunny in the bottom pic said that he has been shot at by some CT with a Brno Model 2 (with super accurate micro-groove barrel), (see the bullet holes in his swag) plus he is wearing the colours of the DG footy team, the Darraweit Guim Maggots (the DGMs).

 

But back to IFR flying by AUF members through the Kilmore Gap, where Turbo has a lot of experience pushing the ........

 

 

Edited June 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....envelope, but Turbo didn't make it to Kilmore Gap. He would have had no0 trouble adapting to the conditions in the J170, which was flying like a bird, albeit at a very slow speed, but he became bored with the scenery and decided to make an Outlanding [raghead ref] . He landed beautifully on a farm paddock. As he expected , the wind was roaring so he tied it to a tray. While walking up to the farm house he had an accident, tripping and suffering a broken arm and head injuries, but as we know he is tough and after he had a cup of tea with the farmer who showed hinm dozens of rabbit jackets, he decided to fly on after all, but when he got back to the plane the wind had pulled its tail off, one of the mains was missing and something had broken both prop blades. He decided ................