The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

The Kilmore Gap every time Cappy has tried to go to or from Avalon.

It is great free IFR practice for non IFR rated AUF pilots (who really wants to waste money

buying time under the hood (turboref)?).

Turbo, of course, has the natural skill to go thru there just flying on the ball.

 

What Kilmore looks like to the locals about 1 day each year.

One of DG's 5 magical streams is at bottom left, bubbling on its way to the bunny killing fields.

Edited June 10, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....envelope, but Turbo didn't make it to Kilmore Gap. He would have had no0 trouble adapting to the conditions in the J170, which was flying like a bird, albeit at a very slow speed, but he became bored with the scenery and decided to make an Outlanding [raghead ref] . He landed beautifully on a farm paddock. As he expected , the wind was roaring so he tied it to a tray. While walking up to the farm house he had an accident, tripping and suffering a broken arm and head injuries, but as we know he is tough and after he had a cup of tea with the farmer who showed hinm dozens of rabbit jackets, he decided to fly on after all, but when he got back to the plane the wind had pulled its tail off, one of the mains was missing and something had broken both prop blades. He decided ................ 

.....the broken prop blades were no problem we can use some bark and twigs tied together with duct tape to fix that. The missing mainwheel is not needed in all this mud it will slide along well enough on it's belly. The missing tail is a bit of concern though, may be we could use rabbit jackets taped together and control pitch by moving back and forth seeing the seat is no longer there. Jab drivers are fearless.......

[onetrack]

......creatures, and very little stops them from getting airborne - not even a missing tail. "Where there's a will, there's a way", is their motto. After some thought, though, Turbo remembered he had seen an abandoned Hummelbird partly-hidden in a farm shed not far away, and he thought the Hummelbird would possibly provide some useful parts to get the Jab airborne again. After all, the Phoenix rose again from the desert, didn't it?!

 

Turbo set off on foot and soon found the Hummelbird. It had been abandoned when the 95.10 wing load rules changed, and it was actually in excellent condition. Turbo considered it would probably be easier to get the Hummelbird flying, than it would be to get the Jab serviceable again - so he set to, found some fuel, fired it up, taxied around the shed - and found a nice level patch of ground behind the shed, that looked like it was made for an airstrip.

 

However, just as he was doing his pre-flight control checks, he was shocked to see........

[Captain]

..... an actual CheckList which heretofore he had never bothered about.

 

"I don't need no namby pamby wanky checklist" he said to his students, who actually thought that he was a .... 

[CT9000]

18 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... an actual CheckList which heretofore he had never bothered about.

 

"I don't need no namby pamby wanky checklist" he said to his students, who actually thought that he was a .... 

......bit of a nutter anyway trying to take off with three on board a single seater, but you can have three on board a two seater in Sydney if the passengers are young........

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

......bit of a nutter anyway trying to take off with three on board a single seater, but you can have three on board a two seater in Sydney if the passengers are young........

..... and the girls are impressed. (meaning - showing admiration or respect ......... not meaning engraved or a mark applied under pressure nor shanghai'd to serve in the navy).

 

Then Turbo expounded on his Philosophy of Life (PoL) "Rules are just designed to guide normal practice for wimps, and moreso, all rulemakers include a 70% tolerance (a bit like the rated breaking strain for a rope), so it is fine & totally acceptable to be a bit more dashing with your flying ......... Eg, Like blasting through the Kilmore Gap overloaded by 200 kgs at 20 knts above Vne in moderate turbulence, playing chicken with oncoming aircraft down the left hand side, in IFR conditions. It makes you feel so alive."

 

Eeeean & Moderator 31 (who is a bit of a dick & a stickler for the rules [so he/she is a woose]) became uncomfortable with this Turbine philosophy and what it might do to impressionable young Forum members, so he moved to ..........

Edited June 10, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

Just intercepted on my VicPol scanner ..... It has been reported that some Darraweitian Guimium resident has been hiding in camo gear and trying to pop bunny families as they hitchhike past, heading north on the highway to freedom & a better life. ......... This was described by an ex SAS (respect) witness as very similar to the way Syrian snipers tried to pick off Kurdish families after their gas attack.

Edited June 10, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

It must be the VicPol scanner ref (or perhaps Ratty's new avatar?) that has frightened off all responses, so there must be some really shady characters contributing to the NES ............................. or have they all been arrested as part of the AFP/FBI phone sting? If so I will arrange for Turbine, Turbine and Turbine - Lawyers to defend Turbine Mafia and Bikie Gangs Inc.

Edited June 11, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

20 hours ago, Captain said:

Just intercepted on my VicPol scanner ..... It has been reported that some Darraweitian Guimium resident has been hiding in camo gear and trying to pop bunny families as they hitchhike past, heading north on the highway to freedom & a better life. ......... This was described by an ex SAS (respect) witness as very similar to the way Syrian snipers tried to pick off Kurdish families after their gas attack.

......as the sniper in question responded "I treat everyone fairly only use a bolt action 22 with a magazine of only10 and the tele sight is only for the hard ones that don't stand still."......

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

......as the sniper in question responded "I treat everyone fairly only use a bolt action 22 with a magazine of only10 and the tele sight is only for the hard ones that don't stand still."......

.... and yet, dear reader, despite the above declaration the hubcaps have been plinked on hundreds of cars on the highway, just like cappy used to do to passing cars with his air rifle thru his bedroom window all those decades ago.

 

Ten shot mags and fair-treatment (ironicalCASAref) reminded OT of the ......

Edited June 11, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

2 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... and yet, dear reader, the hubcaps have been plugged on hundreds of cars on the highway, just like cappy used to do with his air rifle thru his bedroom window all those decades ago.

 

Ten shot mags and fair-treatment (CASAref) reminded OT of the ......

.....time he tried to renew his medical......

[onetrack]

.....and the nurses swooned over his manly physique, thus making it very difficult for OT. As a result, the medical was ignored as flirtatious activity was indulged in, and the medical offices were turned into something resembling.......

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....and the nurses swooned over his manly physique, thus making it very difficult for OT. As a result, the medical was ignored as flirtatious activity was indulged in, and the medical offices were turned into something resembling.......

..... Kalgoorlie's famous Questa Casa, but with OT on display in his stall, and a lineup (more than at a Melbournistan covid testing centre) of eager ........

[turboplanner]

...examiners.

OT faded like the horse you put your money on, and was quickly turfed out of the hospital bed, and lined up for his medical which was being conducted by the authorised doctor who was an ex SAS Colnonel in the medical corps. "Come her ya little rat" he said, and gave OT a kick in the shins, rabbit-killer in the neck and a punch in the gut.

"Stand to ATTENTION when I'm talking to you" he bellowed and OT wryly thought "CASA have found their man here", but not many people know that OT was a former member of Z Force, so skilled that we can't tell you, who did things we can't tell you to enemies around the world we can't tell you, and.........

[onetrack]

.......he makes Ben Roberts-Smith look like a wuss. It's a little-known fact that OT saved a whole company of Australian Infantry from being overrun in XXXXXXXXXX province and at XXXXXXXX airbase, he wiped out a whole squad of VC intent on attacking the airbase and aircraft there, by just standing there in the open, regardless of flying AK-47 rounds, firing from the hip with an M60.

 

The Yanks were so impressed, OT was actually given a Congressional Medal of Honor, but he can't pick it up, as American awards can't be accepted by Aussies. But regardless, OT doesn't need any more medals, anyway, he already needs a counterweight on the back of his jacket to balance the ones he's already got - or he'd be forever falling flat on his face.

 

But regardless of OT's record, it soon became obvious to OT, the bloke doing the medical check was a veteran, too. OT started asking questions about his service record, and as soon as the medic realised who he was talking to, it wasn't long before the medical was signed, and a few drinks were on the table.

 

The war stories flew thick and fast, and when the medic bloke revealed he'd previously been a DHC-4 Caribou driver, the conversation got quite animated as OT related his experiences jumping out of Caribous over XXXXXXXX zone, and joining up on the ground with XXXXXXX company, who had been........

[turboplanner]

.....up to then successfully wiping out the enemy.

NES readers can see OT’s not backward in padding a story, but the waffle was now going to have to change into action. OT was up to the job, crack! his rifle rang out and a few leaves at the top of a nearby tree floated down. The men sniggered but then three VC snipers dropped down; three with one bullet. Cappy ......

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy ......

.... thought "XXXX he's good", but that was nothing compared with what the DG CT (and his bunny buster) thought. His mouth fell open, his eyes rolled, his tongue lolled, and he whispered .......

Edited June 11, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"........"could you show me how to shoot like that?"

"You need button rifling in your barrel" said OT "and you need to breathe out and hold your breathe when you are ready to pull the trigget" OT continued.

A few days later they spoke again and OT asked how many bunnies he'd busted. "I paid $2,000 for a rifle with a button groove, fitted a 12 power Bushnell scope, zeroed the barrel in to the stock with epoxy resin, and held my breath, but I haven't got one!" replied OT.

"Did you hold your breathe when you pulled the trigger?" asked OT.

"I did, but you didn't tell me to pull the trigger" replied CT, and ...........

[onetrack]

.....could that have something to do with it?" OT replied, "It's pretty obvious, popping bunnies accurately on a big scale, isn't within your list of abilities - we'd better keep working on your piloting skills".

 

CT9000 replied, "But there's nothing wrong with my piloting skills! I'm as good as anyone else around here!"

"That's something that could be arguable", said OT. "After your last low-flying effort, where you left both main wheels in the top branches of a River gum, it seems obvious we need to get you to brush up on both regulations and flying skills".

 

"Hey, it wasn't my fault I didn't see that 28 metre high River gum when I was rounding up the cattle!", protested CT9000. "I was keeping a careful watch outside the cockpit, as all good pilots should do!"

 

"Yes, but that technique is not something you should be indulging in, when the stall warning is going off, the bank angle is 88°, and the altimeter is dropping like a stone!", said OT. "And besides, you need to improve on.......

[Captain]

....... your NES posting dedication, which appears to be patchy, at best.

 

As it turns out the CT was very unhappy (some would say XXXXed off) at OT's advice to "zero the barrel in to the stock" when we all know that it needs to be free floated, plus that a Leupold scope would have given better results.

 

The CT was a little defensive, but tried to stay objective, as he considered his response and ........... 

[Captain]

On 10/06/2021 at 2:13 PM, Captain said:

Then Turbo expounded on his Philosophy of Life (PoL) "Rules are just designed to guide normal practice for wimps, and moreso, all rulemakers include a 70% tolerance (a bit like the rated breaking strain for a rope), so it is fine & totally acceptable to be a bit more dashing with your flying ......... Eg, Like blasting through the Kilmore Gap overloaded by 200 kgs at 20 knts above Vne in moderate turbulence, playing chicken with oncoming aircraft down the left hand side, in IFR conditions. It makes you feel so alive."

SUBSTANTIATION - Reference is made to the above quote by the TurgidPlonker and I have just read Jackc's quote attributed to Douglas Bader "Rules are for the obedience of fools and guidance of wise men". Could Turbs, perhaps, actually be Dougie B in disguise and living the quiet life of a trucking and aviation guru?

 

Turbo's wise counsel is greatly appreciated by the rest of us with legs.

 

Edited June 12, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Turbo draws the attention of the entire social media world including his 3.2 billion followers to Cappy's regular gaffe, the locked NES, ended with a full stop.

 

This happens when Cappy gets excited; he gets worked up to the point were he involuntarily jerks his leg up which then kicks out and this goes on repeatedly with a short stream of p slipping out with each kick, manking a mess on the footpath - very similar to a young dog when he gets excited.

 

What brought this on was Turbo dropping a bait about a rifle sight, branding it a Bushnell, knowinghe is mad about the LGBTQI preferred Leupold.

 

The boys at the club are still laughing and whistling "Here Spot, here Spot" and............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

and ......

.... then asked the obvious question "How come Turdboy can't tell the difference between a side-comment, which starts with a bold heading, and alternatively, a normal post that ends in ........s?"

 

"He must be struggling at the moment so the only way that we can help him is to go back to the last post and quote it again, then say the following very, very sierra lima oscar whiskey lima yankee"

 

6 hours ago, Captain said:

The CT was a little defensive, but tried to stay objective, as he considered his response and ........... 

 

Edited June 12, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....surreptitiously slid his Brno .22 back into its scabbard. But ... he had forgotten to slide the bolt back and check the breech. Worse, he'd forgotten to set the safety catch. There was still a live round in the breech - and as he slid the rifle in, he accidentally fingered the trigger, and shot a hole in the bottom of the scabbard!

OT only flinched a little - years of front line jungle warfare had hardened his nerves, and he wasn't going to let an AD mean he was going to throw himself onto the ground, screaming "INCOMING!!"

 

CT was looking terribly embarrassed. Not only had he failed to put a dent in the rabbit population of Darraweit Guim, he'd managed to perforate a perfectly good scabbard, by not paying attention to his weapon handling.

 

"You know what this means, don't you?", said OT with a steely gaze. You will report this incident to the..........

[turboplanner]

....Range Controller, Captain Jeremy Cook, even if you have to wake him up, and even if he's .......

 

 

[Point of clarity for NES readers: In unnumbered Post # above the Captain refers to ending his unnumbered Post # above with '............s?' when in fact it the ordinary post, above the side comment which started with bold text in the above unnumbered Post #, ends with 'alive." ' indicating the end of a sentence as clearly as the buffers at the end of the railway line into Wagga Wagga.]