The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

surreptitiously slid his Brno .22 back into its scabbard. But ... he had forgotten to slide the bolt back and check the breech. Worse, he'd forgotten to set the safety catch. There was still a live round in the breech - and as he slid the rifle in, he accidentally fingered the trigger, and shot a hole in the bottom of the scabbard!

Cappy invites Moderator 5 (the word police Moderator) to consider the subliminal eroticism contained in OTs above post, as highlighted in bold. All of which has a clear inference that the CT may have "shot his bolt into a breech".

 

Is that within forum rules? Or have Wreck Flying standards slipped, as Ratty notes that Turbo has been given a holiday in the past for less than that.

 

And cappy also asks (for a friend) is a scabbard a big scab or a small scab?

Edited June 13, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Ouch" he said as the bullet shaved his ankle and richocheted into the nice new RFDS PC12 nearby, where a CASA F............

 

...................in the nearby levee bank where Paddy was having a sleep. "What are you doing under that corrugated iron" yelled Doubtfie. "That's my doona" replied Paddy, who .............

 

 

.......................rat Loxie, when he .................

 

????????????and does it need ointment? but he was reassured that the word came from an old Viking term meaning "Saves Cuts and other problems" after several hundred rampaging Vikings invading England were cut about the middle parts when they strapped bare swords to their waist belts, and more were injured riding horses bare-sword, causing ..................

 

[Turbo now gets the subliminal teasing of Cappy; the trick is to make a lead mark out of his last keystroke and create  multiple lead ins]

[Captain]

..... which all resulted in a Zoom (avref) conference call between Salty & Cappy, with bull & OT joining in by carrier (avref) pigeon (anotheravref) as they won't have the internet in their states until 2032. (The birds were supplied by Turbine 6G Pigeons Pty Ltd)

 

"What's the go with Turdy's last message?" OT wrote.

 

To which bull replied 5 days later "it looks to me like he is f.....

Edited June 13, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......ollowing some kind of wartime secret coding, because I can't make any sense out of it!". "The reason why the message is garbled, is because of all the pigeon shXX spots!", said OT in exasperation.

 

"If he'd utilised properly trained pigeons from my large stable, we wouldn't have this problem of trying to figure out what are letters and numbers, and what are pigeon droppings!".

 

"And besides, he's obviously lost several carrier pigeons because he let them fly too close to the Darraweit Guim Clay Target Club (DGCTC), and they took a few potshots at the pigeons, because they looked like easier targets than launching clays!", he went on.

 

"Now we'll have major delays in communications while we send our pigeons back, to try and acquire the full message!"

 

Turbo called up OT and asked if his carrier message had arrived, and been read. "No, only half of it arrived, and you forgot to send the code to unscramble it!", said OT.

 

"Gee, that's a shame", said Turbo, "because over here, we've already.......

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

"Gee, that's a shame", said Turbo, "because over here, we've already.....

..... commenced having it decoded at the secret Deer Park decoding centre".

 

(The Deer Park centre used to be called Bletchley Park when it was established by Winston, but it was sold in a war surplus disposal sale straight after the war, bought cheap by Bob Menzies and transported brick by brick, the staff all emigrated as part of the "£10 Pommy" scheme and the enigma machines have been decoding 1%er bikie messages, Dan's speaches and words like "Darraweit Gweim' ever since. The enigma machines also specialised in decoding pigeon droppings in rambling subliminal messages by aviation gurus.)

 

"But you wrote it, you clown" said OT cruelly.

 

"I know" said Tink in a new message written in pigeon XXXX.

 

Tubb's original mangled, disjointed & paranoid message took a while to decode and tired out many of the enigma operators who are all now in their 90s (but still predatory), however eventually they .......

Edited June 13, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........were able to conquer it.

It was a poem wrtiten by Cappy when he was a Spitfar Pilot in the Battle of Britain.

These brave boys would have to sit around on the lawns in old two shilling lounge chairs until the radar operators picked up huns inbound.

They would then Scramble; some would run to the aircraft, but Cappy would run for the forest, but that's another story.

On one of these waits, Cappy had written, and the Bletchley girls had decoded (except for the parts they thought would harm 21st century readers:

 

"The body stood on the burning deck

His heart was all a flutter

He was in XX XX XX XXX neck

XX XXXX XXXXXXX XX butter

XXXX XX XXXXX XXX XXX

X XX XXXX caused him to ...................................

 

[Just some background on the Royal Darraweit Guim Clay Pigeon Association; originally they released pigeons to shot but Animal Justice threatened to close them down so  one of Cappy's friends pressed up some clay discs and they called them "Clays", then the Premier came out for a visit and asked: "What's the point of shooting at dirt?" and they changed the name to Clay Pigeons (AJs please note ha ha they weren't pigeons). The AJs said this disrespected pigeons past and present, so Cappy came up the with the name "Skeet" which fell into disuse beause Tourists were paying to attend championships and kept asking what Skeet were, and stopped coming when they were told it was a name for dirt, and now all the members had problems with their eyesight and found the clays hard to see, so they reintroduced big fat pigeons, and now the AJ etc.]

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

 

"The body stood on the burning deck

His heart was all a flutter

He was in XX XX XX XXX neck

XX XXXX XXXXXXX XX butter

XXXX XX XXXXX XXX XXXX

X XX XXXX caused him to .........

...... fish & hunt.

 

V2 .... The figurehead was a girl in bed,

Showing off her XXXX,

She XXXXXX her XXXXXXX .....

 

(In the continuing story of the Clay Target (wartimeavref) Sports, Cappy was able to convince the Animal Justice Warriors (AJWs) that the Clays were not made of meat, so the Vegan Sub Branch (VSB) of the AJW endorsed the Sport and loved the Clays, as they also tasted the same as most vegan dishes, plus the Anti Methane Generation Group (AMGG) of the AJW went positively orgasmic about the fact that Clays are not made from beef.)

Edited June 13, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.... and XXXXed her large XXXXXer."

 

Despite Cappys intensive poetry work, it was all doomed to end up in the round file at the side of the desk, as no-one was interested in it. This caused Cappy to become somewhat depressed, as there was no mental health support available in WW2, and the only way you could cure your depression was getting into the cockpit of your fighter, and shooting down a few aggressive Huns, thus giving you a feeling of elation that eliminated your depression.

 

Cappy decided he would like to shoot down some Huns, because he hadn't come across any he could actually shoot down yet - they all escaped from him, before he could even get a sighting on them. This made him more depressed, so he thought he'd take up clay target shooting, and start a clay target club on the airfield - thus enabling him to shoot down something, and get him out of his fit of depression - even if it was only chunks of hard clay he was blowing apart, and not Huns.

 

Unfortunately for Cappy, he failed to seek the CO's approval for setting up the club and the target-throwing machine - and there came the day, when Cappy, pleased with himself after popping 10 targets in a row, beautifully - realised he'd also accidentally shot up a Lancaster that was landing, after returning from a bombing mission.

 

He suspected something related to his target shooting had happened, when the Lancaster went inverted just before touchdown, and exploded in a ball of flames. The fact he'd let off both barrels right as the Lancaster went inverted, was a clue - and this left Cappy somewhat nervous that senior officers would soon be asking him to attend a "tea and bikkies" meeting, involving questions over the unexplained crash of a perfectly good Lancaster, and his clay target shooting. But nothing happened, and Cappy was so relieved, that he went and..........

[Captain]

...... organised his own "tea and bikkies" meeting to discuss a few gender and bullying issues in the squadron, as one of the pommy officers had once minced past him singing Barbara Streisand songs (which wasn't a bad feat for the promo by her record company as Babs was just 10 at the time).

 

Cappy's big problem with his Spitty flying was that he had been indoctrinated by an early Human Fuctors course and had attended some of the 1st lectures in OH&S.

 

As a result, once the SCRAMBLE siren sounded, he had to undertake a detailed 20 page risk analysis, check & inspect the 74 known issues with Spitty maintenance, obtain the latest weather info, order the latest charts and otherwise wank around to meet all of those statutory requirements.

 

The OH&S program had 1st been developed in Germany and was at that time called the Okupationalgasselschaft Hasthealthgespitzen und Zafetymachinenmachen (OHuZ) which precluded firing naughty bullets within 500 metres or 45 degrees of any aircraft (Flugzinger) or person (perzongewalken).

 

So once the OHuZ tick & flick (Tickzen und Flickzen machen) form had been completed and signed off by 4 perzons (with each page also initialed by each of zem) the waves of bombers (flughaffengebangbangboomers) had buggered off.

 

The Human Fuctors courses have, of course, been enlarged and are a lot more detail has now been included than way back in WW2 when things were pretty basic as mentioned above, such that now ........ 

Edited June 14, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

........studied up and discovered that the problem was all in the description. Sceet is the intake hose on his engine so the lumps of hard clay that are now in the engine are giving the pistons hell {avref}......

[CT9000]

Side note, Captain and I posted at about the same time so the continuity makes no sense but you can, if desperate to make sense of this story, read the posts in a reverse order. You could of course not bother.     Oh what the hell do what you like,             of course it all makes sense.  

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

Side note, Captain and I posted at about the same time so the continuity makes no sense but you can, if desperate to make sense of this story, read the posts in a reverse order. You could of course not bother.     Oh what the hell do what you like,             of course it all makes sense.  

Thanks CT. Cappy will do this once he gets back from the church service, being held nation wide in support of the besieged residents of Darraweit Guim living in the blessed & holy land by the 5 sacred rivers, who we understand have been described as living in similar circumstances to those in Israel (with settlements building unapproved airfields there too etc) and with rockets being amassed to be fired at them by the terrorists in Wallan. Blessed art DG, the Minister said, and we are about to sing Psalm 26.

Sent from Cappy's phone inside his hymn book. 

Edited June 14, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

12 minutes ago, Captain said:

Thanks CT. Cappy will do this once he gets back from the church service, being held nation wide in support of the besieged residents of Darraweit Guim living in the blessed & holy land by the 5 sacred rivers, who we understand have been described as living in similar circumstances to those in Israel (with settlements building unapproved airfields there too etc) and with rockets being amassed to be fired at them by the terrorists in Wallan. Blessed art DG, the Minister said, and we are about to sing Psalm 26.

Sent from Cappy's phone inside his hymn book. 

For information of all. Some years ago a council in the western district of Victoria decided to charge a person that put in a local private airfield without a permit. The problem the council had was that the poor unfortunate farmer was also a very skilled barrister I an told he is actually a QC and the case went straight to the supreme court, of course the council lost. Now as we all know that supreme court precedent  reigns so if your new private airfield is incidental to the primary use of the land the a permit in not required.  Any way back to more important things like singing......... 

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

For information of all. Some years ago a council in the western district of Victoria decided to charge a person that put in a local private airfield without a permit. The problem the council had was that the poor unfortunate farmer was also a very skilled barrister I an told he is actually a QC and the case went straight to the supreme court, of course the council lost. Now as we all know that supreme court precedent  reigns so if your new private airfield is incidental to the primary use of the land the a permit in not required.  Any way back to more important things like singing......... 

The CT brings a welcome note of serious flughaffen machinen landen schtrippen reasoning und history to the NES and life, lived on the edge as we all do, is all the better for it. 

 

Now all bugger off (please/bitte) as Ratty is having too much fun playing in the NES and today needs to complete his Mine & Exploration Annual Technical Report (Jährlicher Technischer Bericht) for the Government.

Edited June 14, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

The CT brings a welcome note of serious flughaffen machinen landen schtrippen reasoning und history to the NES and life, lived on the edge as we all do, is all the better for it. 

 

Now all bugger off (please/bitte) as Ratty is having too much fun playing in the NES and today needs to complete his Mine & Exploration Annual Technical Report (Jährlicher Technischer Bericht) for the Government.

I am now buggering off to pop some more bunnies. they are coming out looking a little damp but no life jackets or flack jackets.

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

I am now buggering off to pop some more bunnies. they are coming out looking a little damp but no life jackets or flack jackets.

Just hold 2.5 inches above their cute little cuddly furry faces (see below) CT and wait for that delightful "THUD". Or if you are using a 22.250 there will be a little bit of a red mist.

 

Please note that there is a slight chance that the AJW may object to this post.

 

Edited June 14, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

Filmed at the Darraweit Guim International Airport & Transport Hub this afternoon.

 

 

Edited June 14, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

22 hours ago, Captain said:

The Human Fuctors courses have, of course, been enlarged and are a lot more detail has now been included than way back in WW2 when things were pretty basic as mentioned above, such that now ........ 

..... you need to complete a 5 page HF form to fill in a Form, or even to go to the dunny, where the pre-printed HF toilet paper needs to be filled in, in triplicate before you can .......

[CT9000]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... you need to complete a 5 page HF form to fill in a Form, or even to go to the dunny, where the pre-printed HF toilet paper needs to be filled in, in triplicate before you can .......

.....even contemplate filling in an application form to apply for a form for a medical renewal form. You will need to ponder this for a while seeing our NES comrades have let the side down a bit. Firstly the captain lead in " taildragger" was lost, and then my lead in "sceet hoses" died as well. Lift your game people, we need to lift this nonsense to a higher level. Meanwhile the Morry engines are all gone now, the Reno do fine engines are all gone as well, the Ford econobox with the 408 cube engine tore itself to bits and the Pitts V8 was too nose heavy to lift off.....   

[Captain]

27 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.....even contemplate filling in an application form to apply for a form for a medical renewal form.

... Which is bad form.

27 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

Lift your game people, we need to lift this nonsense to a higher level.

And so dear reader, the CT, a relative novice in the nonsense that is the NES, is telling us, the equivalent of NES Royalty (well Harry & Meghan standard anyway) to lift our game. What a CT he has turned out to be.

27 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

Meanwhile the Morry engines are all gone now, the Reno do fine engines are all gone as well, the Ford econobox with the 408 cube engine tore itself to bits and the Pitts V8 was too nose heavy to lift off.....   

..... and below is the result ............ another Morry sidevalve has bitten the dust in what can only be described as a cluster ............

 

Edited June 15, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

I hear you loud and clear Captain. I will pull my head in now and stand in the corner/

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

I hear you loud and clear Captain. I will pull my head in now and stand in the corner/

Now, now, ..... don't ever take anything seriously in the NES.

 

You are welcome to post away in here as you almost have the same rights as Turbo and the UniRoot.

 

And surely you have been called worse before than being a CT? 

[onetrack]

Meantime, Cappy, after his outstanding career as a decorated WW2 Spitfire pilot, has returned home to find he's regarded as "just another pilot" (serious avref), and has taken to tramping the empty streets of Darraweit Guim in gloom, pondering where his life path will take him now. 

 

Suddenly a shot rings out, and Cappy hits the ground in abject terror, thinking the Huns are after him again. But then he realises it's only CT9000 popping bunnies - with CT9000 pleased that he's now got the right again, to place another rabbit "kill" symbol on his 4x4 mudguards - just as Cappy did with his Spitfire, after nailing 46 Huns, and topping the Squadron list of WW2 fighter aces.

 

But CT9000 feels that something is lacking in his life now, too, seeing as the only "kill" symbols he can rightfully claim, belong to furry, cuddly little rabbits. And CT9000's girlfriend is a rabbit lover, and knows nothing of CT9000's regular murderous rampages on the poor innocent rabbits of Darraweit Guim - who now make up the majority of the town population. 

 

CT9000 is greatly worried that one day, his girlfriend will find out about his rabbit-murdering rampages, and he will end up sleeping in the........

[Captain]

49 minutes ago, onetrack said:

CT9000 is greatly worried that one day, his girlfriend will find out about his rabbit-murdering rampages, and he will end up sleeping in the........

..... back passage (CASAref) ..... as opposed to the front bit (another CASAref).

 

This got bull's attention as he was sitting back eating jam scones with Earl Gray on the balcony of his Georgian Mansion south of Hobart, because he had always wanted to explore that bit.

 

"Hey bull" said Earl, "How about we do a bit of ..........

Edited June 15, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......hunting.

Not many people know that Earl Gray, as well as owning Tea Plantations in the Sub Continent, which originated the Marketing Policy adopted by   ...........owned vast hunting Estates in southern Tasmania, a legacy from his great grandfather Hiram Grey and his wife, born Black.

 

The Unique and wonderful Tasmanian Tiger lived in this area, a creature well-suited to climate change which could find food anywhere, and always shared it with his family and friends. It never killed prey unless it needed a meal, and even then would leave good looking birds alone. The mating call of the Tasmanian Tiger was remarkably similar to the voice of David Attenborough who recorded extinct tigers calling in the wild.

 

Hiram, his son Arthur (Port Arthur was named after him), Sheldon and Earl relentlessly shot the tigers out.

 

It was a sad day when Harry Turbine managed to grab the hind leg of the last remaining tiger and give it to the Hobart Zooo where the keepers locked it up and forgot to feed it, and then stuffed ........................