The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It was a sad day when Harry Turbine managed to grab the hind leg of the last remaining tiger and give it to the Hobart Zooo where the keepers locked it up and forgot to feed it, and then stuffed ........................

....... the poor animal before it had kicked its last bucket.

 

The publicity about this travesty led to a tell-all disclosure in the Tasmanian franchised local edition of TIME magazine (a vital part of the Turbine Publishing conglomerate) that Earl, Arthur, and Sheldon had a long lost older brother named Shades, who was about 50 at the time.

 

Shades was a dark character and had been named after that less lit area on the lee side of a sunny object, who lived, worked and played in a closeted aviation (avref) community down near .......

 

 

It is noted that Ratty hit 7000 posts today with this injection into the NES. Yeaeaeaeaehhhh & hurraaahh

.

What a sad nuff-nuff he is, who really does need to go and get a life.

Edited June 16, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

The Devil’s Carbuncle.

Shades had a Moth Minor and invited bull to DC for a flight. The Moth Minor is a very old aircraft and the best way to describe it is like the Minor Keys on. Piano. They’re smaller than the white ones and don’t have a wing on top.

 
No sooner had bull applied his Queensland Fingers and thumbs to the joystick than.........

 

[Cappy is to be congratulated for his 7000 posts, beating Colleen McCulloch by 40,000 words, albeit most spelt wrong]

 

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

No sooner had bull applied his Queensland Fingers and thumbs to the joystick than.........

...... Shades said (in a disgusted tone) "Hey bull, don't move your hand up & down rapidly like that on my joystick or I'll report you to the Committee of the DCAC (the auspicious Devil's Carbuncle Aero Club [and the name of a little band that shot to stardom once they rearranged the letters])."

 

bull wasn't worried as he had always thought that the Committee did the same thing constantly (bull is the type of a rebel that the AUF & the ordinary DCAC relied on to ......

 

 

Thanks for the Colleen reference Tubbs, as Cappy always thought that she was HOT.

Edited June 17, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....keep the media tuned up on breaking news stories - particularly ones involving aviation near-misses, air crashes, and unauthorised low-flying that frightened old ladies and horse teams).

 

But bull was intrigued with the Moth Minor. He said to Shades, "How did this thing get its name, anyway?". And Shades replied, "Well, it's built by the Moth factory, and it's powered by a Morris Minor engine!".

 

"You're kidding me?",  said bull in amazement.

 

"No, it's true!", said Shades. "There's a bloke who lives just due North of Melbourne, on Deep Creek, on the edge of the Macedon Ranges - and he does wonders with old Morris Minor engines. He goes around and picks up any old abandoned and wrecked Morris Minor engines, takes them back to his workshop, and goes to town on them, like a modern day Vic Edelbrock!"

 

"He can make an 803cc Morris Minor engine produce a reliable 120HP, and you ought to see the staggering power output he gets out of a 1000cc Morris Minor engine! Of course, this aircraft only has the 803cc engine, it would be overpowered with a 1000cc MM engine!" 

 

"Of course, they're really an Austin engine, that's the part of the power secret behind them!", he went on.

 

"This is just amazing, this things purrs like a turbine!", said bull in amazement. "But what's the secret behind his power output technique?"

 

"Well, said Shades, "It's reportedly something to do with the highly secret engine rebuild materials, he gets from a former speedway King in Moorabbin! Apparently, this bloke has access to...........

[CT9000]

......significant quantities of red cordial.......

 

 

 

I realize that I am in the sin bin but I couldn't help it

[turboplanner]

.......but bull explained that this was only a cover for the secret ingredient which was XXXXXX.

They were sitting on the front balcony of the Shades mansion overlooking Thylacine Valley, sipping gins, and bull said "Sorry about getting my thumbs all mixed up and damaging the Moth Shades."

"Don't worry about it" replied Shades "I have trouble with my heads all the time" and they lapsed into a silence which was broken by "Not MY fault........................."

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......but bull explained that this was only a cover for the secret ingredient which was XXXXXX.

They were sitting on the front balcony of the Shades mansion overlooking Thylacine Valley, sipping gins, and bull said "Sorry about getting my thumbs all mixed up and damaging the Moth Shades."

"Don't worry about it" replied Shades "I have trouble with my heads all the time" and they lapsed into a silence which was broken by "Not MY fault........................."

 

.... said CT.

 

"Geeez CT, you frightened the XXXX out of us, what a XXXX you really are, just like The Rat said. What are you doing back in the NES so soon, and all the way down here in Tazzy?"

 

"Well, I'm in the sin bin and I have bugger all mates (except the bunnies), so I thought I would just flick down to say g'day, plus see where that bloke departed (avref) from when he flew (avref) his green thingo (unknownavref) down to Antartica."

 

"A warm welcome to you ct" replied bull, who had no mates either.

 

"What about me?" replied Shades (known to bull as shades).

 

With that, there was a bonding session beside the Moth where sidevalve Morry (morry to bull) head torque settings (ft.lbs, not in those poxy N.ms) and tightening sequences were discussed, before ......

Edited June 17, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

........then the realization hit home as they looked at the side valve Morrry engine, you bluddey cheat. That's a Datsun 1200 engine, no wonder you get more power out of it than any one else in the world. Yes the super charger pushed the old Morry a bit hard, pushed the pistons into the sump and blew the head off the block, but a Datsun engine with a Morry badge on top?? ......

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

........then the realization hit home as they looked at the side valve Morrry engine, you bluddey cheat. That's a Datsun 1200 engine, no wonder you get more power out of it than any one else in the world. Yes the super charger pushed the old Morry a bit hard, pushed the pistons into the sump and blew the head off the block, but a Datsun engine with a Morry badge on top ......

.... is over-the-top (avref) and contravenes the ......

Edited June 18, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

.....whole spirit of a side valve engine, the head is more or less flat not like that ohv thingy......

[turboplanner]

.....and bull was beaten by logic.

He looked CT carefully and said "Funny you mentioned flat heads when yours .................."

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....and bull was beaten by logic.

He looked at the CT carefully and said "Funny that you mentioned flat heads when yours .................."

 

Words above in italics were added by moderators for cadence, continuity and sense reasons.

 

...... looks like a cross between Adonis, the PT73 and the Melbourne (both after their tangles with their respective Destroyers)."

 

"Although he does have a rather attractive and rugged "smashed Avo" John Gorton-esque look about him" commented Shades, with a hint of .....

Edited June 18, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....envy. But Shades was more envious of CT's ability to coax huge power out of little engines - which of course, was all started when he found he didn't have enough power, when climbing up out of Victorian gullies, after taking random potshots at rabbits from the cockpit.

 

Shades was keen to acquire some of CT's engine-building knowledge - but CT was very protective and secretive as regards his engine-building skills, and wasn't about to let any Taswegian acquire them. After all, it had taken him years to find enough Morris Minor engines, and more years of experimentation and fine tuning, to reach the required level of performance and durability.

 

"I tell ya what", said Shades, as he and CT sucked on some rough red wines and chewed on some Tassie oysters. "If I give ya some pointers as to how you.........

[CT9000]

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....envy. But Shades was more envious of CT's ability to coax huge power out of little engines - which of course, was all started when he found he didn't have enough power, when climbing up out of Victorian gullies, after taking random potshots at rabbits from the cockpit.

 

Shades was keen to acquire some of CT's engine-building knowledge - but CT was very protective and secretive as regards his engine-building skills, and wasn't about to let any Taswegian acquire them. After all, it had taken him years to find enough Morris Minor engines, and more years of experimentation and fine tuning, to reach the required level of performance and durability.

 

"I tell ya what", said Shades, as he and CT sucked on some rough red wines and chewed on some Tassie oysters. "If I give ya some pointers as to how you.........

......can stay out of trouble in Tassie by not laughing and calling the locals V8's {two heads}......

[turboplanner]

......which bull was already acutely aware of when he suggested to a friend “They should bring the V8 Supercars to race around Hobart streets” and received a mouthful from both heads. Since then he had been very cautious when he talked about aviation subjects like headphones or aviation sunglasses or........

[Captain]

..... headwinds (avref) or hedonism (Turboref), headjobs (CASAref) or the resultant headlines, which .....

Edited June 20, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

22 hours ago, Captain said:

or the resultant headlines, which .....

...... would, of course, concentrate on CT breaking the Covid travel restrictions as part of his visit to Tazzy, such that now bull has a mild colic and Shades has the sniffles ........ the result being that everyone looks at them when down at the coffee shop and they pull out their hankies.

 

"I didn't know, as it's just like a local flight (avref)" replied CT, "Because a quick flick south across the BS is nothing to a CT in a new CT, which are such a flash bit of aviation (avref) kit that as soon as I pulled the power back to level off in cruise, it was time to come down again, straight in to bull's strip south of Hobart."

 

bull thought that this was .....

Edited June 21, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....really living the dream and without a thought he strapped a bootle of water and a blow up mattress to the Tyro and headed for Geelong. About 30 miles off the northern coast of Tasmania is lonely Sir Humphrey Basinstoke Island, and this island has a dark history with whalers grabbing aboriginal women in Mordialloc and and dumping them off in SHBI. Most people would think that's a lot of trouble to go to just for a night's pleasure once a year in the whaling season, and that's what the sailors thought, leaving the women to fend for themselves. It was above this nest of hostile women that bull heard the Tyro's engine cough, splutter (avefs) and then expire. He executed a copybook forced landing and found himself surrounded by women.

At first he thought all his Christmases had come at once, but when one...................

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

At first he thought all his Christmases had come at once, but when one................

...... looked down, laughed and said "Our respects to all the little people, past and present." and all of the other ladies (who had been "without" for years) sighed, made obscene gestures then walked away without giving it a try, bull wondered about his options and decided to .......

Edited June 21, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....get stuck into rectifying his engine troubles, rather than end up with even bigger problems, trying to deal with a harem of women, who sound like a cackling hen house, when they're arguing over the one solitary man available.

 

It wasn't long before he found the reason for the fuel blockage - a stray tuft of Tassie Tiger fur - and he soon had the Tyro roaring and set for takeoff. He took off into a stiff Sou-Wester that saw him airborne before any of the women could make a grab for him.

 

Heaving a sigh of relief, he set course for Geelong again - yet something seemed different about the coastline. It seemed to look totally different to what it looked like before. Then the black saucer shaped UFO appeared above him, and he felt himself being sucked upwards towards it, despite him keeping the stick central for level flight. A feeling of utter terror started to overcome him, as he realised.......

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

Then the black saucer shaped UFO appeared above him, and he felt himself being sucked upwards towards it, despite him keeping the stick central for level flight. A feeling of utter terror started to overcome him, as he realised.......

...... that he was being drawn into the terrible black vortex to the north, which is the Victorian Death Star, where Turbo is the equivalent of Darth Vader, Cappy is a fresh faced young & brave Luke Skywalker, Salty is the firm and upthrusting Princess Leia, OT is an imperious Obi-Won, CT is Chewy, bull turned into Yoda he did, and Jabba the Hutt looks like .........

Edited June 22, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

...... that he was being drawn into the terrible black vortex to the north, which is the Victorian Death Star, where Turbo is the equivalent of Darth Vader, Cappy is a fresh faced young & brave Luke Skywalker, Salty is the firm and upthrusting Princess Leia, OT is an imperious Obi-Won, CT is Chewy, bull turned into Yoda he did, and Jabba the Hutt looks like .........

........ Moderator 32, or ...........

[onetrack]

.....something from the Changeling (1980 film), a grotesque and shadowy presence, threatening all who enter his domain.

 

Suddenly, bull snapped out of his irrational, fear-driven trance, and realised the black UFO was only a dark thundercloud in a saucer shape, and he wasn't really being drawn upward, he was simply riding a thermal.

 

At that, he went into a shallow dive and turn to get back to his regular altitude, and to avoid the threatening thundercloud. Within a few minutes, as the haze cleared, he could recognise the coastline again, and he found he was right on course for Geelong. 

 

As he turned into the landing circuit, however, he spotted........

 

 

Edited June 22, 2021 by onetrack

[CT9000]

52 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....something from the Changeling (1980 film), a grotesque and shadowy presence, threatening all who enter his domain.

 

Suddenly, bull snapped out of his irrational, fear-driven trance, and realised the black UFO was only a dark thundercloud in a saucer shape, and he wasn't really being drawn upward, he was simply riding a thermal.

 

At that, he went into a shallow dive and turn to get back to his regular altitude, and to avoid the threatening thundercloud. Within a few minutes, as the haze cleared, he could recognise the coastline again, and he found he was right on course for Geelong. 

 

As he turned into the landing circuit, however, he spotted........

 

 

.......a lot of houses on the runway. It appears that the twenty year old ERSA may not have the up to date information......

 

 

Side note' Geelong airport closed a long time ago.

[turboplanner]

....and he also noticed obviously illegal beach mansions with hectares of beach fenced off and people darting about on jetskis. Geelong airfield had been roofed over and he could see wild parties taking place above the strip he had intended to land on. This deck had been built overnight without any planning permits which had become the Victorian way. Tattooed naked girls were sunbaking on his normal touchdown point, and he shuddered as he thought of his recent escape, then indignant at what these uncouth nouveau riche had done, and desperate for a magnificent luch at the Edgewater where the only thing taken off the steaks are the horns, he put down in Ryrie Street.

After a few moments..............