The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......disembowel him, and those who know Cappy, know that at certain times of the day it's not very comfortable bing around him or trying to listen to iTunes. This was one of those times, and Turbo ran trying to het as far away as he could before the odour plume started taking out civilians.

 

He heard a terrible squeal which sounded like Cappy, but it was a young boar who raced past on three legs, the fourth hanging down limply and blood streaming from his notrils. This was followed by..............

[Captain]

...... a letter from the Wuhan IOV which said "If you can achieve that with just one of yours, we want to sponsor you to undertake some lesearch that will leward you beyond your wildest dleams. So here, have a Haval as a downpayment and get your ......."

[CT9000]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

...... a letter from the Wuhan IOV which said "If you can achieve that with just one of yours, we want to sponsor you to undertake some lesearch that will leward you beyond your wildest dleams. So here, have a Haval as a downpayment and get your ......."

.........engine flom Toymotor not flom Nissmotor......

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.........engine flom Toymotor not flom Nissmotor" ......

...... "Bugger that you CT" responded Ratty indignantly (as that is about all that he has been "in" recently) "As I have had recommendations from Turbo to buy an Offy, Onesie wants me to use a Sarich (respects to all WA inventors past & present) and I know that you favor a Rotax, whereas I am a BMW, CAT & Cummins aficionado, so ......

Edited July 8, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....get your act together!"

"You're a XXXXXXX idiot!" responded CT and Cappy smacked him in the teeth with a digital torque wrench.

CT pick up a heavy duty 25 mm socket and threw it straingt at Cappy, hitting in the fruit salad.

Turbo, trying to cool things down very nicely explained to Cappy that the 1 tonne Cummins engine might be slightly too heavy for the Haval springs, and got a DeWalt 1950 ft/lbs in the guts for his trouble.

 

Meanwhile the Chinese senior group including the dead one, were meeting to discuss a good time to invade Australia.

Xi Jinping (known to the group behind his back as "Jumping Jack") They had been following WreckFlying for a year now, and believed tyhe discussions here representated the true Australians, kind, gentle, able to get along with each other, and able to take orders and communicate with Chinese Prefects, should they invade (after all 30,000 chinese takeaway shops have been getting by.)

 

Their plans had been set back 18 months by the clever military campaign in the Spratleys where the NES team using  Corsairs they built from the serial plate up, sank a Chinese aircraft carrier, "The Cooked".

 

Now XI blinked; "this behaviour ominous" he said, and all agreed they would be better off attacking Trump, not realising that Donald Trump, Cappy's idol had been robbed and was now campaigning for 2024.

 

His Foreign Minister, Tac Se Ples, suggested ................

[Captain]

.... "Why don't we plactice by attacking the Solomons, then isrand hop (Midwaytacticslef) all the way to the Garapagos.

 

But the CCPs chief psychorogical tactician countered by saying "No, mates, we need to 1st take out anybody in OZ who can actively defend the cuntry, so anyone that can head shoot a bunny needs to be extinguished quick stix"

 

Jumping Jack (Flash) (respects to all Keiths & Micks past & present) thought about this and lesponded "Do you mean that complete CT & expert pirot down in that joint that nobody can plonounce, and who has the torque wrench imprint in his melon? Or do you mean .....

Edited July 8, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....the Knob they all call Turbo? You know, the bloke who starts up companies at the sound of a drop of a dollar note?"

 

Xi Jinping interrupted. "You're missing the thrust of the current CCP policy. We need to build up the Chinese Air Force (seriously overdue avref), with new and improved designs, to combat the increasing aggressiveness of Australia".

 

To that end, they called in Aul Wing Wong, the famous Chinese aerodynamics designer, who excitedly outlined his plans for a new Flying Wing (avref) to beat the B-2.

 

"With this new design, with electronics provided by Xioami, and a power unit provided by Haval, we have a clear winner over American air superiority!" he stated proudly.

 

"What's wrong with multiple DJI electric motors?" inquired the Deputy Premier. "After all, we have to present a Green image to the global community, even if we are initiating WW3, and our intent is on conquering the world!"

 

"We tried the DJI motors. They're crap", snorted Aul Wing Wong. "We sell them to the rest of the world, because they're crap, that we can't sell here in China!".

 

Jinping stared at the new design long and hard. "I see some problems", he said. "Firstly, that the Haval is.......

[turboplanner]

....not Chinese.

"Yes it is" said Wong. "Not it's not" said Xi and this went on for 30 minutes because Chinese cannot afford to lose face.

Finally, Wong, who was staring a job at the sale mines in Mongolia, suggested "If it didn't have a Toyota engine would it be Chinese?"

"Of course" said Xi, smiling and 30,000 Toyota engines were dumped off the swimming pier at Tianjin, which meant you now had to be very careful not to kick downwards around the pier.

 

So now they needed to find an engine for the Haval as well as the aircraft, and up stepped Bex with ....................

[CT9000]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....not Chinese.

"Yes it is" said Wong. "Not it's not" said Xi and this went on for 30 minutes because Chinese cannot afford to lose face.

Finally, Wong, who was staring a job at the sale mines in Mongolia, suggested "If it didn't have a Toyota engine would it be Chinese?"

"Of course" said Xi, smiling and 30,000 Toyota engines were dumped off the swimming pier at Tianjin, which meant you now had to be very careful not to kick downwards around the pier.

 

So now they needed to find an engine for the Haval as well as the aircraft, and up stepped Bex with ....................

......an idea. American engines have reputation for being many much velly good so maybe we could bollow a engine for test purpose.. CT9000 has a 14 liter turbo Cummins in one of his toys. We could try that. Haval transmission is velly strong could easy handle couple thousand ft.lb torque......

[Captain]

51 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

......an idea. American engines have reputation for being many much velly good so maybe we could bollow a engine for test purpose.. CT9000 has a 14 liter turbo Cummins in one of his toys. We could try that. Haval transmission is velly strong could easy handle couple thousand ft.lb torque......

......... "No, no, no" said Jumping "This velly seclet, so no torque is arrowed, because "roose rips sink ships' as Mao used to say in one of his rittle led books, where the ........

[onetrack]

.....little Red Book is commonly used to log flight expenses". "But the Party picks up the tab for flying this new Wing, doesn't it?", said Aul Wing Wong, looking puzzled.

 

"No, as part of new Cost Recovery laws (we have been looking at CASA operations), the Party is no longer picking up the tab for flyboys who tear around the airways at Govt expense!"

 

"This is all designed to ensure that every good Party member understands how much things such as aviation costs, and they have to try to reign in unnecessary costs, to improve our countrys finances!"

 

Aul Wing Wong looked disappointed. "This could mean that the Wing never flies, if every pilot has to pay his own way?", he said, with his disappointment clear to see.

 

"It's O.K., said the Prez. "I will fix the problem by ensuring the pilots salaries are raised, so they can afford to fly the Wing! We need this new design to be flown regularly, so we can harrass the USAF in the Taiwan Strait!"

 

"President", said the Deputy PM tactfully. "This idea may not work in the manner you have planned, simply because.........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"President", said the Deputy PM tactfully. "This idea may not work in the manner you have planned, simply because.........

......... many of our lecleational and CCPAF fryers learnt to fry in Austlalia and have picked up their habits & disciprine flom the old pharts in the AUF, where rog books are cooked, maintenance means bugger all (the Deputy had been to Uni in OZ), airspace restrictions are for dislegarding, and rules are .........

Edited July 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....for w...

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....for w...

...imps and capitarist pigs (Turbolef) who .....

Edited July 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........think they own world."

Xi gave him an inscrutable look. The widely-travelled and couth section of Wreckflyne knew this was a breakthrough, and knew that not many inscrutable looks were handed out by the Chinese these days.

They had a special meaning; an unspoken word to go ahead, but the British Raj in the 19th century misread it every time as Colonel Blimps (Cappyref) do and missed out on many financial opportunities such as Mahindra and Tata and the company which makes Jaguars in India and Lipton's Tea and the Board of Control Cricket India.

Now Turbo, who had noted in his regular meetings with Xi that Xi didn't wash his hair and had dandruff, had asked Professor Lock from Turbine Surveillance LLC to make a camera the size of a piece of dandruff, and had pretended to scratch his head while flicking the camera into the hair of the President, heard all this at his condo on Cinq Terre where he was entertaining, and sent a text to OT suggesting he put in a Tender for Training and Operations of the Wing in the Chinese Navy. Turbo had previously pointed out to the President that OneTrack was the author of WhiteBlack Dingo, a treatise on the skills of the Aborigines who in ancient times weren't just hunter-gatherers but actually rocket scientists, and how OT had lived on the Rabbit Proof Fence eating Rabbit Schnitzel every night and learning how to fly and how while he was not exactly a Communist, he hated Scotty.

All of this was weighing on Xi's mind and he gave the order for the Great Chinese Nation to put itself in the hands of the brave OT who would get the Wing project up and running, and in tandem with the Great Chinese Navy (who spent most of their time fixing electrical faults and flat batteries), conquer the Wrold starting with ..............

 

Edited July 9, 2021 by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... WA and Vice-Premier (of the CPP - Honorary) McGowan. WA has a similar legal status to Inner Mongolia, with 2 languages on all road signs and the glorious peoples of WA have started to exhibit similar facial features, not to mention that the sales at Turbine Yurts & Mud Huts Ltd are booming west of Cocklebiddy.

 

"China is our fliend" said OT in a prepared speech that he stole from his mate Joe Biden (OT & Joey B are great mates and very scrutible, just like Turbo & Ratty), then OT whispered something about young girls & puppies, before he .....

Edited July 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........departed for his tour of the Pilbara where he needed to shore up some support for the Chinese people'sway of doing things.

 

This reminded Turbo of two decades ago when he started his Happy Cat restaurant chain which has now spread to every major city and town in China, featuring a giant yellow stuffed Tom waving his welcoming paw, and ..........................

 

 

President XI Opening the Zhouzou People's Cat Farm in January 2001

 

Edited July 9, 2021 by turboplanner

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......departed for his tour of the Pilbara where he needed to shore up some support for the Chinese people'sway of doing things ......

........ and so a Re-edumacation Camp was established in Broome (if you don't do what you are told, you are made to ride a camel on Cable Beach), the Geraldton Virology Lab was expanded (to investigate diseases in old bats (Mavis&Turboref) and their crossover into Quokas & Bluetongues in Geraldton dunnies & damp msrkets), the Onetrack Memorial Secret Police & Torture Academy (OMSPTA) operated our of a disused lobster warehouse in Kalbarri and an Ethnic Cleansing Centre (ECC) was hidden in the previous mouse factory at Southern Cross to ......

Edited July 10, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

21 minutes ago, Captain said:

........ and so a Re-edumacation Camp was established in Broome (if you don't do what you are told, you are made to ride a camel on Cable Beach), the Geraldton Virology Lab was expanded (to investigate diseases in old bats (Mavis&Turboref) and their crossover into Quokas & Bluetongues in Geraldton dunnies & damp msrkets), the Onetrack Memorial Secret Police & Torture Academy (OMSPTA) operated our of a disused lobster warehouse in Kalbarri and an Ethnic Cleansing Centre (ECC) was hidden in the previous mouse factory at Southern Cross to ......

......try to find why that bloke from Victoria is giving soda pop to bunnies. It turns out that popping bunnies is not related to sugary drinks but has more to do with using hollow points. Further investigation revealed that hollow points have a similar result to using Haval transmission behind a Cummins, small hole going in and very large hole going out......  

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

...... small hole going in and very large hole going out......  

......... which is an identical message to that being given to the freedom loving citizens of the previous British colony of Albany, which had been seeded to WA after pressure being applied by the 50th meeting of WA politburo, ably led by Chairman Mark and Politburo Chief Onesie, where their 50th Anniversary Declaration clearly stated that ......

Edited July 10, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

AS AN ASIDE FOR STUDENTS OF WESTERN AUSTRALIAN HISTORY - Most edumacated Aussies know all about the fact that most Nazi leaders fled to Argentina after WW2 with gold, paintings & shiploads of frankincense and myrrh ....... however it is little known that in the late 20th century WA became the new Argentina, where most leaders of the SA apartheid regime fled to WA with art, gold and krugerrands aplenty, and now run all sections of the government.

 

Afrikaans is now the preferred language at dinner parties in Peppermint Grove.

 

One of the key points has been how easy it was within the WA (so-called) system facilitated for people named DeKlerk or Himmler to change their names to the likes of UniRoute or McGowan ....... then to lurk on Forums like Wreck Flying which are facilitated by political sympathizers like Eeeeean and Moderator Negentien.  

Edited July 10, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This reminded Turbo of two decades ago when he started his Happy Cat restaurant chain which has now spread to every major city and town in China, featuring a giant yellow stuffed Tom waving his welcoming paw, and ...............

........ spraying (Turboref) on every female moggy that walked past the Happy Cat, which saw him arrested on charges of .....

[onetrack]

......insulting behaviour. Accordingly, the giant yellow stuffed Tom was retired as a symbol of the Happy Cat restaurant chain, to be replaced by something better, that indicated Luck or Good Fortune.

 

Naturally, the choice of the new representative symbol had to go through the Politburo process, and it was important that the symbol be red or gold - as yellow really wasn't the best choice of colour, seeing as the Chinese still smart at being referred to as the "Yellow Peril".

Thus the reasoning behind the military buildup of China today, as it seeks to remedy the humiliating references via the "Yellow Peril" tag.

 

Meanwhile, back in W.A., it has been officially decided that no-one who has even been within 50kms of the NSW border, will ever stand a snowflakes chance in Hell of being allowed into W.A.

 

In fact, OT has suggested to Mark McGowan, that all New South Welshies be made to dress in sackcloth and ashes, be made to ring a bell, whilst crying out "UNCLEAN!! UNCLEAN!!, whilst walking the streets - and also be made to wear a large identifying mark (similar to a Star of David, but different enough for onlookers to be able to identify the difference between an unclean Jew, and an unclean New South Welshie).

 

This proposal, of course, was immediately rejected, loudly and in an outraged manner, by Cappy, who would be directly affected.

"It's bad enough being declared an unclean person, without being made to wear clothing and artifacts that offend my sense of good dress!" he exclaimed.

"Everyone knows I shower at least once a month, so how could I be declared unclean? It's an outrageous proposal, and I..........

[turboplanner]

....wash my undies every fortnight whether I need to or not.

Cappy's protects fell on deaf ears, particularly the six million Victorians, stung by impenetrable borders with Stasi guards on them, and stung by the insults of the extreme right who wanted to shoot them out like the wild brumbies, or raise every little slip up in Hotel Quarantine to a National disaster level, and it was with great relief this morning as Victorians watched the Channel 9 telecast of Gladys the Dill making her way to Canberra, and being stripped of the NSW Gold Standard by the Governor-General who in a stern tone told her to get her act together. Long overdue. ScoMo wasn't available for comment, not surprisingly because he knew that Chairman Dan would have his blood up and if Sco Mo said it was a new lesson learnet by Glad, that little prick Dan would just say "Nah Nah, Na Na she dropped the ball, dropped the ball," and he was riding high in the polls too; no Victorian Premier had ever received a 99.5% preferred Premier Rating before, and even after that tiny slip, he hadn't slipped [jokeref] in the polls.  In fact Dan was well advanced in his plan to absorb South Australia and Kangaroo Island into Victroria before forming a Junta with Chairman Mark and amalgamating Victoria and Western Australia, the new State becoming Western Victoria, and ............

 

[Captain]

....... as is usually the habit in juntas, one of the dogs thought that he could pxss the highest and said to Dan "Did you see what happened in Haiti last week?" as he ran his fingers across his throat.

 

Dan did a spoonful and asked "Was that another one of Onesie's?".

 

Mark smiled knowingly but didn't directly answer the question, instead he responded "All I can say is that the hit had all the hallmarks of Onesie's ....

Edited July 10, 2021 by Captain