The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

..... at himself.

 

"Oh, not again" said Turbo, looking down at the mess "That's the 2nd time this week that I've ........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

 

 

 

 

(And dear NES readers, here we have the TAVCSFDCPI teams, initial commendable design result, which is based on tried and true, proven principles. The product decoration was provided by another of Turbine Industries companies, which specialises in flowery and artistic designs, based on art works of the 16th Century......)

 

 

 

 

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Dear NESers. I wouldn't bother ringing Onesie for a week or so as he will be spitting chips ..... because I understand that Eeeeeann will be hitting OT with a bill for the space and bandwidth that he has used up in the above post.

 

As an added insult/imposition Eeeeannn does not accept Krugerrands and will demand payment in Sth Pacific Pesos (SPPs), which will bugger up the WA economy for the next few months.

 

"All that blank space costs the Forum Owner (the FO) a heap of cash, not to mentioned the wasted MB's and all that unused white paint. And don't get me started about all those poor unused V's" said Eeeeeann in his best FO's deep cranky voice.

Edited July 15, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

......huddered at the thought of the cost of all that gunpowder being wasted on a rocket when it could be used to fire his old blunderbuss rifle.....

[Captain]

47 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

......huddered at the thought of the cost of all that gunpowder being wasted on a rocket when it could be used to fire his old blunderbuss rifle.....

........ which is shown below, and as Mavis can attest, the end is the same shape as his ...........

 

[onetrack]

......big toe on his left foot. The reason Turbo's big toe is shaped like that, is because he has spent a considerable amount of time during his working life, kicking ar.....

[CT9000]

.......ound new ideas for business opportunities such as start up companies and facilities for receiving government grants......

[turboplanner]

......and one of these was for culling bunnies at Darraweit Guim. 

Turbo camped out on the freezing ranges of DG for weeks, and the Blunderbuss which had a 3 foot wide shot spread [leading to the development of the 12 gauge BB cartridge which can break a clay target just from the shock waves even if the shot was wide of the target (which is wht Cappy uses them excusively in trap shoot competitions) blew away nearly a thousand rabbits with thee hundred shots. The problem was that the Grant required him to bring back the rabbit scalps and the BB didn't leave any evidence other than patches of blood, so ....................

[CT9000]

......it became necessary to pick up bits of fur to make up bunny tails as evidence of each kill. it is very fortunate that there are thousands of extra bunnies to shoot at which also explains why each shot gets three bunnies. {they congregate in groups so it is easy} It is also relevant that some bunnies are a meter or so tall with big long tails and are easy to shoot and the bits of fur from one of these will make up a couple of dozen normal bunny tails so the bounty can be a bit lucrative at times........

[Captain]

....... not to mention the cash that was to be made from crafting bunny skin rugs and eiderdowns ...... as sewn by child slaves in the Turbine Sweat Shops Inc underground complex located in an old goldmine near Bendigo.

 

Their biggest sellers were queen (NTTIAWWT) sized white rabbit skin bed covers that are oh so soft and cuddly to rub your face, & other bits, against.

 

"Just don't tell the customers that each rug is made from 10,000 rabbit tails" said Turbo "And to get the tails with enough skin for the kiddies to sew them together we need to cut the bums out of 10,000 bunnies, which leaves them ....

 

 

AS YOU CAN SEE, IT TAKES A FEW TO MAKE A QUEEN SIZED RUG

Edited July 16, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....totally bummed out and unable to hop properly, thus slowing them down and improving the bunny kill.  This huge increase in fortune led to Turbo increasing funding to his new aircraft manufacturing venture, so that he could go further out to the edge of Space, to better Bransons record.

 

"If I'm going into Space, I not only want to go further out into it, than any other squillionaire, I want to be able to do it in great comfort," announced Turbo.

 

As a result of his finding out that bunny fur is very warm and cuddly, and makes great Akubra hats - as well as rabbit skin bed covers, Turbo started investigating how he could line his new space vehicle with rabbit skin and fur felt, to greatly improve the interior comfort levels.

 

"It's not just the comfort levels, either", Turbo remarked. "It's the fact that using rabbit materials right throughout the entire space vehicle, will give the craft a major jump start off the ground! - and this extra push will.....

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

"It's not just the comfort levels, either", Turbo remarked. "It's the fact that using rabbit materials right throughout the entire space vehicle, will give the craft a major jump start off the ground! - and this extra push will.....

......... at which point OT bloke in and offered a comment based on his knowledge as a legendary WA Bushman and Cameleer.

 

"You have those bunnies mixed up with Kangaroos, you Moorabbin based clown" Onesie said delicately "Or are you having one of your usual hot flush flashbacks to that Loony Tune where Sylvester mithtook Hippety Hopper for a mouth (and Sylvester Jnr the kitten was "So athyamed")? A shipload of wabbits (or even a spaceship load of bunnies) won't help Dickie Branson's space flights to ........

 

 

 

Edited July 16, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....sub space (it had been noted that Branson only achieved the inner ring known as 'kiddy space' by real astronuats.

You sould do your research O" Turbo said to OT, using the endearing address, "when one of my BBs hits them they bounce a bloody lot higher than a roo."

 

Finally the day approached when Turbo himself was to make the trip himself into space in the Rabbit-Turbine Special.

 

As the world knows Dick Branson faked his bike ride to his space ship, and the PR fell flat,something Cappy knows only too well, so Turbo didn't have to do that pathetic stunt ad arrived at the launch pad in much better condition. 

 

The Bunny-Master was Cappy, who was wearing a brown band-masters uniform with gold braid and twirling a blunderbuss. Every rabbit eye was fixed firmly on him and when he gave the signal to enter the space ship, after Turbo of course, every rabbit marched neatly in step up the steps.

 

The take off was routine, but when they arrived at the outer ring, the aur was filled with ....................bunnies. No one had made an allowance for 2,000 floating bunnies, and Turbo started to choke and yell for Cappy who was doubling as a Hostess for the flight, and ..................

[Captain]

..... Cappy sauntered down the aisle in high heals and his pink bunny costume underneath a hooters t-shirt. Cappy wiggled his cute bunny tail, brought Turbs his usual 750 mill sampler of scotch & started to collect up the 2000 floaters.

 

By the time Cappy had wrung the necks of about 700 of them, Turbo was ......

[turboplanner]

......just getting out of the Spacecraft's Control Seat (we don't call them pilot seats in Space). A rabbit tail hit him fair in the face. He dispatched it with the Booligal Flick [During the Booligal Rabbit plague of 1896, boundary riders would ride up on the rabbits swing down, grab the hind legs and flick them like a stockwhip despatching them instantly.] Seeing Cappy in his uniform He yelled "You XXXX!, get them back in order!" Campy whimpered "I'm trying, I'm trying, don't pick on me", but the cabin was full of fur (most unusual for Cappy), and Turbo had to go back to the control seat and radio: "Houston we have a problem" At the control centre in Houston a siren started blaring and people came running from the coffee shops and relaxation gyms to the Control Centre. Almost at the speed of light, engineers appeared with plastic bottles, Kentucky Fried barrels and lengths of plastic pipe ready to solve any problems. "Go Ahead" said the controller and there was the swishing radio sh!t you hear from space and Turbo yelled "there are 2,000 rabbit choking us.........and before he could go on the Controller said to the engineers "Quick, get some rabbits!" and ..........

 

[With the geatest respect, Turbo advises that Cappy fills out a Hooters shirt with the best of them.]

[Captain]

...... "Just so that we are clear about the issue, did you say "rabbits" or "rabbis" or ......

 

(The NASA engineers showed some concern, as 2000 Rabbis would totally XXXX {a NASA technical term} the spacecraft's W&B)

Edited July 16, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

.......whatever just hurry up and find the pest animal control forms and get the bounty application in. these forms must be signed before the bounty can be claimed.....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.......whatever just hurry up and find the pest animal control forms and get the bounty application in. these forms must be signed before the bounty can be claimed.....

........ so by the time that all of the forms were completed, signed, and eventually approved by the Mextorian Govt, the rabbits had multiplied to about 12,000, a couple of the bigger bucks had taken a fancy (erky perky) to Dicky Branson (Like a Virgin, for the very 1st time etc .... Respects to all Virgins past & present) and had inserted their .......

 

 

 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

......authority over the others to raise havoc, that is until the really big bucks {the two meter tall ones with the big strong tails} decided to take over and really show these furry little bunnies how to breed. Talk about population explosion. Now there is a major problem with w&b. {avref} over gross by 3000% and aft c of g {another avref}. .......

 

  Dear NES readers please figure out how the spacecraft can be over gross and out of balance with no gravity

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

Now there is a major problem with w&b. {avref} over gross by 3000% and aft c of g {another avref}. .......

.......... but in true AUF tradition, nobody cared as all knew that the airframe is always way over designed and able to hack it if only 3000% over gross as long as you don't pull too many G's.

 

Turbo chipped in here and said" As per a previous post, in the Wreck Flying world, rules are made for wooses and are really just for guidance. Plus that CT from DG is right in that it is no wuckers while weightless, but will make for interesting flying (avref understatement) after re-entry, where I would expect that .......

 

NB ... After a published statement like that on a public forum like this, Turbo can expect a call from the AUF's Human Fuctors Szar. "XXXX him, her or it" responded Turbo being the maverick that he has always been.

Edited July 17, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

......the landing weight and c of g will not be a problem if the spacecraft stays up for a while longer than planned. We just eat all the breeding intruding pax. keep the furry tails for evidence for the bounty money and we will cruise through the waiting ramp check, no probs.....

[turboplanner]

....And so the four astronauts, Turbo, Cappy, CT, OT and te CASA Record Monitor (Turbo had made up a space suit with the words "CASA, Handle with care") walked out of the spacecraft looking happy, with fluff all round their mouths,

A kid yelled out " I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING!" and ....................

 

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....And so the four astronauts, Turbo, Cappy, CT, OT and te CASA Record Monitor (Turbo had made up a space suit with the words "CASA, Handle with care") walked out of the spacecraft looking happy, with fluff all round their mouths,

A kid yelled out " I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING!" and ....................

 

.......... Turbo, ever the maverick, flipped him the bird, while CT dropped his dacks and mooned (spaceref) the little nipper, whereas OT, being the true gentleman bushy and cameleer that he is, went over to the little jerk and hit ...........

Edited July 17, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....him hard with a handful of bunny tails, making the little jerk sit right back on his a***, unable to say any more, because of his gob full of bunny fur.

 

However, right as the 4 (near) astronauts walked towards the waiting crowd, a CASA operative fronted them and started asking pertinent questions.

"Where's your rocket pilot licences? Did you obtain permission to fly through CASA-controlled airspace in a rocket? Do you have CASA authorisation to carry 3000 rabbits in an aircraft?"

 

Right behind the CASA bloke were a couple of mean-looking Australian Border Force operatives. "Did you get permission from Customs to bring in all those rabbits from Inner Space?"

"Are you all in possession of COVID-19 border passes? Have the rabbits been vaccinated? We can't afford to allow in any rare species of animals that may transfer viruses!"

 

"Geez", groaned Cappy under his breath. "At least we didn't have to put up with this restrictive crap in Space! Let's go back there!" And with that, the 4 intrepid adventurers turned around and......

[turboplanner]

....forgot about their fellow CASA Record Monitor, who was standing there on the ground about to award them the world record they deserved. "Now look what you've done he said to the two blow-in CASA people and an Internecine fight broke out, attracting the three astronauts, who ........

[Captain]

....... each chucked $5 in the ring and chose a CASA person to back, thus resulting in the highest value ever placed on CASA in the fields of Wreckreational aviation and spaceflight.

 

Salty saw the blue and his 4 close friends rooting for various CASA persons, with all that money (a small fortune in Remnark) .......