The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......so he made a quick sale of his Jab LSA55 in the bar and someone paid$15 to use it as a dog kennel. Salty laid off the$15 against the field and came in at the end of the day with enough money to ..................

[Captain]

44 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......so he made a quick sale of his Jab LSA55 in the bar and someone paid$15 to use it as a dog kennel. Salty laid off the$15 against the field and came in at the end of the day with enough money to ..................

...... buy a heap of shares in Turbine Hydrogen Power and Thinner Condoms Inc (THPATCI), which is sure to .........

[onetrack]

.......make a massive return, enough for Salty to go buy a new European exotic "plastic fantastic" LSA. So Salty was perusing the glitzy websites for the choice of his dreams, when OT interrupted his dreaming.

 

"What about keeping your money here, and buying a local product?", he said. "I've got a mate who's got a new design, straight off the drawing board, 100HP gives you 130 kts at 10 litres an hour, it's rated at 600kg MTOW, comes with a 'chute as standard equipment, and the interior has to be seen to be believed!"

 

"Let me see it!", exclaimed Salty. "When's it in production?" "He says, end of this year", said OT. "There appears to be a sizeable waiting list already, though, you may have to be patient."

 

"Can I get the interior done in the finish of my choice?", said Salty eagerly. "I'm quite impartial to a rabbit fur finish, and.......

[Captain]

..... all white made from tens of thousands of rabbits tails that have been ring-barked around their ....

 

PS - Salty is actually Dicky Branson's twin brother ....... although quite a lot older and a fair bit richer ..... but no longer a virgin.

Edited July 18, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

BELOW IS THE FABRIC THAT HAS BEEN RESERVED FOR THE LINING OF BRINE'S NEW AIRCRAFT (AVREF).

IT DOESN'T LOOK AS ATTRACTIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE, WHAT WITH THE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF THE BUNNY'S RINGBARKED BUMS.

 

 

AND PLEASE CONSIDER THE POOR BUMLESS BUNNIES THAT REMAIN AFTER THEIR TAILS HAVE BEEN HARVESTED.

Edited July 18, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......make a massive return, enough for Salty to go buy a new European exotic "plastic fantastic" LSA. So Salty was perusing the glitzy websites for the choice of his dreams, when OT interrupted his dreaming.

 

"What about keeping your money here, and buying a local product?", he said. "I've got a mate who's got a new design, straight off the drawing board, 100HP gives you 130 kts at 10 litres an hour, it's rated at 600kg MTOW, comes with a 'chute as standard equipment, and the interior has to be seen to be believed!"

 

"Let me see it!", exclaimed Salty. "When's it in production?" "He says, end of this year", said OT. "There appears to be a sizeable waiting list already, though, you may have to be patient."

 

"Can I get the interior done in the finish of my choice?", said Salty eagerly. "I'm quite impartial to a rabbit fur finish, and.......

......then the test flight numbers came out. As usual the real performance is somewhat different to the advertised numbers. The 130 kt. is theoretically possible but at 17000'. To get 100 hp at 17000' you need an engine with about 250hp. The 10 l/h is the idle fuel burn. Then there is the small matter of useful load with the 6 cyl lycoming up front the empty weight is 550kg.plus some fuel, no margin for a pilot. {just as well 'cause the cg. to balance the engine puts the fuel at the rear} All is not lost however because all the bunny fur will make the whole lot bounce a bit when it runs out of fuel and the cg. moves forward resulting in a near vertical dive...... 

[turboplanner]

...and as OT droned on Salty realised he'd been listening to this RF jargon for twenty years now, and these people were worse than Snake Oil. Atleast you could drink Snake Oil.

So he decided to turn the tables on this charlatan. "I'm very interested" said Salty ostentatiously tapping the bulging Ferguson Pocket Workshop Manual in English and French with US Ford Specification addendum, printed in Bigley on Kent in 1953. OT heard the tapping on banknotes, and was off with superb descriptions of what this aircraft could actually do. A price of $221,999 was agreed on, making it fifty dollars cheaper than the "foreign" aircraft where you could be getting ANY sort of workmanship, and wouldn't know until it arrived, and ...........

[Captain]

19 hours ago, Captain said:

..... all white made from tens of thousands of rabbits tails that have been ring-barked around their ....

AND SO, to our hundreds of thousands of readers & YouTube subscribers, I say that we have seen something here that has never happened in the previous 15 years of the NES's smooth examination of major world political and aviation issues (avref & polref).

 

The CT has, deliberately and with aforethought, ignored the above post and jumped back to one by OT (NTTIAWWT).

 

The Skipper's above post has been consigned to the waste-bin of history (can you believe it? And Cappy has never before been so insulted ............................. again).

 

The CT will, of course, now claim that "It was the Covid what done it" just like everybody else does & uses the WuhanFlu as an excuse at the moment, but I say it was deliberate ..... (so what a total CT he must be).  

Edited July 19, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......the instruments would be rubbed shiny with polish.

"How's that Cappy - like a Collingwood point-scorer; never kicks goals and gets his points from whinging" said Salty and the others all sat round the campfire on Schitt Creek nodding, and telling embarrassing stories about Cappy. All except Turbo who was valiantly  sticking up for his friend. In the distance they heard a car approaching; it was Cappy in his old Wolsely. As he stepped out Turbo called "Tell us about and started outlining a story" Cappy quickly shut it down with "Who told you that/!!" and Turbo said "Salty"

Cappy went for Salty with the speed of ......

[onetrack]

.....a black snake on a hot bitumen road in the middle of February. "You b*****d!! You've made all this up! You're a rotten, lying, flea-bitten mongrel piece of humanity!! I'm going to...." - and at that, he advanced threateningly on Salty, who stood up, and stepped back in alarm - whereby he promptly tripped over the Esky full of stubbies and bottles, that he'd forgotten about.

 

Cappy spotted the Esky, and his manner immediately became much more pleasant and ameliatory (look that word up!).

 

"You didn't tell me you were hiding an Esky full of grog here, you cunning b******s!", said Cappy in an exasperated tone. "It wasn't hidden, you only had to ask about it", said Salty, rising to his feet.

 

"You wouldn't happen to have a G&T in there, by any chance", said Cappy. "I've got a terrible thirst from driving that Wolseley - it's like all Pommy chariots, it will cook you on a Winters day!"

 

Salty said, "I'm sure I saw some gay kind of drink, like that, in there" - and that immediately enraged Cappy again, and he...........

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Salty said, "I'm sure I saw some gay kind of drink, like that, in there" - and that immediately enraged Cappy again, and he...........

......... immediately started to type a complaint on the NES. Some crass yobo members might use the term "whinge" but others recognize Cappy's posts as works of great scholarship and ..............

[onetrack]

....usually great plagiarism. But before he could copy too much down from his favourite author, Cappy sniffed the air. "What have you got cooking"?, he asked Salty.

 

"Well, it's my Claypot Chicken on the bubble in the camp oven", said Salty, proudly lifting the lid, and peering in, and giving the mix a stir.

 

"Great!", said Cappy, starting to drool a little at the corners of his mouth, with the expectation of a good feed.

 

He rushed over and peered into the camp oven, while Salty was still holding the lid up. "That's not chicken, you baitlayer!!", Cappy exclaimed. "That's RABBIT!! You're conning us with food fraud!!"

 

"No, no no, no!!", said Salty. "I swear on a stack of Bibles, this is the finest Australian sourced, free-range chicken! And it comes with Australian rice, too", he added as an afterthought.

 

"I've eaten a pile of rabbit, and I know what cooked RABBIT looks like, and smells like, and tastes like!!", said Cappy angrily. "Don't try to con me!! You've been running a Baitlayers Lunch Bar and Kebab shop on the side with this stuff, haven't you? I ought to dob you in to the Health Dept for food type misrepresentation!!"

 

"I tell you! - this is CHICKEN!!", said Salty in exasperation. "What else do I have to do, to convince you, that this is CHICKEN!!"

 

Cappy replied, "You're going to have to show me the.........

 

 

Edited July 19, 2021 by onetrack

[CT9000]

.......package that it came in I want to read the label. At this point he spotted a couple of small boxes which had printed on the underside                                 " UNDERGROUND MUTTON, with chicken spice".  ..................

[Captain]

.......... and Brine, who always followed the plagiarist's, fornicator's and Wreck Flyer's code of "Never admit anything, and never ever apologize" said "See Cappy, old mate, it's Chicken."

 

"Oh, OK then." responded Ratty with his very attractive child-like innocence "Your assurance and evidence is ...........

Edited July 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......good enough for me.”

‘Have these four legs then” not realising what was about to....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......good enough for me.”

‘Have these four legs then” not realising what was about to....

..... happen, which .....

[onetrack]

....was the most amazing thing anyone in the group had ever seen. As Salty pulled the four legs from the camp oven, and put them on a plate; four large rabbit amputees hopped up to Salty on three legs, knocked the plate from his hands; and then each rabbit grabbed a leg in their respective mouths, and made off with them.

 

Everyone was astonished. None more so than Salty, who exclaimed, "Well, blow me down!! Rabbits stealing and eating chicken legs? What next??"

 

But Cappy was right onto the situation. He could see what had happened. The rabbits had rightly reclaimed their legs. The situation was out of Saltys hands now, and Cappy would never again.......

 

Edited July 20, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

and Cappy would never again.....

..... get involved in Turbo's shonky scheme to make claims on the RSPCA's Pet Insurance Company thru his "Amputations For Food" (AFF) initiative, which he has registered as a religious charity (hence Mavis being a member of the Sisters of the Blessed 3 Legged Rabbit), and which has been proven to really get the bunny population offside, but also to .......

 

As is usual with Turbo, the economics are pretty good. Participants buy a baby bunny for $2.50, use it as a pet while it grows up then whip off one leg and sell it as chicken for $5.00 (wholesale price and more if you retail it), then claim on your pet insurance and get awarded $50 per leg as BD (Bunny Depreciation). Then reinvest $2.50 for another baby bunny after killing Bunny #1 for skinning & use in aircraft interiors (this adds another $5). This scheme is now being taught in Pre-Schools with Turbine Bunny Supplies Inc providing the tiny baby hoppers.

Edited July 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......upset David Attenborough who prefers them with four.

It was a difficult situation where ...........

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......upset David Attenborough who prefers them with four.

It was a difficult situation where ...........

....... David was doing a serious piece to camera and he was surrounded by grumbling 3 legged bunnies limping around in circles as they tried, but failed, to hop about in that cheerful bunny way that has been the subject of so many children's books (see examples below).

 

"XXXX this" yelled David and ...........

 

 

 

Edited July 20, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....gave them the Ringer's flick.

With the rabbits out of the way he turned back to the camera and attempted to describe a pair of flamingos ................

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....gave them the Ringer's flick.

With the rabbits out of the way he turned back to the camera and attempted to describe a pair of flamingos ................

..... but instead he mistakenly described a 6 cylinder/24 thrubolt Jabiru (Avref) and that is what started the .....

 

DAVE THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS A FLAMINGO.

WHAT AN ANTHROPOLOGICAL DICKXXXX.

Edited July 21, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

................aviation career of Dave. The camera rolls and we see a J170, mains splayed out taxying with two grossly overweight occupants.  The narrative starts in a hushed voice;

 

"Here we see an obviously pregnant Jabiru in search of a nest to lay her eggs. She rounds the corner, eading for some suitale shrubs, but no!, she turns again and hdeads down a main road. Something is seriously wrong, and ............"

[Captain]

........ no, not at all, things are just hunky dory, as with seemingly no effort she rises majestically off the road and exhibits the miracle of fully coordinated flight which only comes from a perfectly designed empennage, as her flaps are withdrawn (electronically) and she climbs (avref) towards to heavens with smiles beaming from her occupants who are reflecting on the great wisdom of their terrific purchase (Jabiruref), plus the fact that they are just using minimal fuel even on climb at 1000 fpm and ......

Edited July 21, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........heading for the major predators of Jabirus, clouds. Today is a day when the coulds are out in earnest, with white tops and bottoms, sliding sideways through the sky. Her best defence is to clap wings and head for the ground, and here we see her..............