The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....the real intent of the flag. This will be done by replacing the star with a ...................

...... n insignia that indicated that the CCP's Belt, Jockstrap and Braces Agreement is in control of ........

[turboplanner]

......Epaulette, who always mamages to muscle in, and who is proposing ...........................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......Epaulette, who always mamages to muscle in, and who is proposing ...........................

...... to take over the SAAA, AOPA, the AUF, CASA, the NDSB and any other flying (avref) organisation with capital letters, and locate them all in a new high rise development at Zeehan Heights, which adjoins & is just downhill from Zeehan Muse.

 

"It'll be great" said E-Paul "As everyone will wear my 5-bar epaulettes on imitation military look jump suits ( fitted with a silky smooth, silent and quick acting zip that extends from XXXEhole to breakfast-time), and nobody will be able to supervise us as you can only fly into Zeehan 2 days of the year, but those days cannot ever be predicted, and even in the best weather you need to let down 5 kms off the west coast (as Ratso has done a dozen times) and hope that the clouds are devoid of granite or 10 ft wind-waves on 10 m swells."

 

But the thriving WA aviation sector objected to this plan and thought that they could mamage (turbowordref & turbohasnospellcheckerref) it a different way, wearing stubbies, thongs and the ubiquitous WA .......

Edited August 9, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......wide-brimmed hat fitted with a fly veil. The new local laws would allow the veil to be removed once the cabin doors were shut and locked.

 

In line with this approach, International passports for people from the remnant Australian States will be required in both Tassie and W.A. These visitors will be processed exactly the same as all international arrivals, and have their bags searched for.........

Edited August 9, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.........Quokka eggs and Tasmanian Devil steaks when they depart.

This rule was vehemently opposed by the South West Australian Egg Corporation and the Tasmanian Beef Industry who stood to lose billions in revenue, just because....

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, onetrack said:

In line with this approach, International passports for people from the remnant Australian States will be required in both Tassie and W.A. These visitors will be processed exactly the same as all international arrivals, and have their bags searched for.........

..... anything at all with an eastern connotation. Bananas are as an example as WA is banana-less and any that are found will be inserted, as will any eastern grey kangaroos that are imported in baggage.

 

Then bull made the observation that will continue to make Tasmanians proud. "We are cutting off the cross-bass strait underwater power line that keeps the lights on in Mextoria and we will start laying a new cable tomorrow from Lonny to Esperance, which will .......

Edited August 9, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....provide the major link currently missing between W.A. and Tassie! When installing this new cable, we will arrange for an underwater conveyor to be included in the contract, so W.A. can rapidly receive the finest Tassie apples directly off our trees, without having to endure major transportation delays, and rough handling by those nasty, rough Wharfies!  We Taswegians fully understand that W.A. can't grow apples - and any they do try to grow, are very second-rate!

 

In return, W.A. will send us many ounces of West Australian gold, and this two way trade will ensure that every Taswegian leader of any level of public  standing will end up with the ability to decorate themselves from head to foot in gold jewellery, gold medals, and any other gold braids and adornments of their choice.

 

This will ensure Taswegian leaders will be able to outrank any Third-World dictator at any world leadership gathering, and place Tasmania firmly on the world map as a place of outstanding leaders and.........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

This will ensure Taswegian leaders will be able to outrank any Third-World dictator at any world leadership gathering, and place Tasmania firmly on the world map as a place of outstanding leaders and.........

...... then the WA leaders from Northern Kalgoorlie Shire (WANKerS) realized the cunny stunt (CS) being pulled (Turboref) by the Tazzy minerals mafioso who commenced a conveyor redesign to reverse direction and send Iron Ore from Savage River over to WA to be sold through the Exmouth Export Terminal at 3 times the price they can get in Burnie.

 

"It'll work a treat" said bull, the boss of the Tazzy Minerals, Apple and Heroin Poppy Exporter's Council (TMAHPEC) "As those WANKerS are "All the way with Chairman Xi" (ATWWCX) and will get us top Yuan, plus they'll ...........

 

Edited August 9, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....get us in on the One Belt, One Road initiative, so we can get a pile of those fantastic Chinese roads and bridges all throughout Tassie! Just imagine, we could even end up with bridge direct to Esperance from Burnie!

 

Cappy looked at the scheme highlights suspiciously. "I don't know what it is, about this One Belt, One Road initiative? Can't you see OneTracks hand in this? The naming is just too coincidental! I reckon he must be in on the scheme, right from the word Go! I wouldn't put it past him to have a prime seat in the CCCPC*, and be forming a new plan for Tasmania to become a haven for............

 

(* that's the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China, for those who have living in a cave in NSW for an extended period, whilst trying to avoid catching the virus....)

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

and be forming a new plan for Tasmania to become a haven for............

...... CCP apparatchiks ........... and any other chics if they are good looking.

 

bull then quickly issued a press release - "me and Xi and onesie have always considered Taswan to be a part of China (lespect to each of the 14 billion Chinese people past & plesent ...... and to Bluce Ree {who has always been bull's favoulite} but also to his favourite Chinese lestaulant in Risdon) and our policy is to reunite our gleat peoples in order to reprace the lipoff that the plices of iron ore are in WANKERville. Taswan will be the reader of all South Pacific nations in our grorious conquest of the ............

Edited August 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".......New Horrand island."

"Next we appry plessure to cave drewwers of New Sou Wares; why or tis New, it ORRD!", and with that Xi stormed off to..................

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".......New Horrand island."

"Next we appry plessure to cave drewwers of New Sou Wares; why or tis New, it ORRD!", and with that Xi stormed off to..................

 

.......... have a giggle & a Kitchener Bun with Onesie down at the Freo waterfront and watch what responses come up next in the NES.

 

"It fun-nee" said Xi "As a leckon nobody will know what the XXXX I was getting at in that above quote and it will throw the NES into comprete disallay, before ........

Edited August 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"......spledding quickry to Scomo." 

But the political reporter for the West Australian, well versed in picking up unintelligent speech, was siiting at the table next to them, pretending to read the West Australian.

He later wrote the story and syndicated it to the Washington Post which ran it: "According to the influential aviation site "WreckFline" the little Chinese Dictator Jack XI, aged 61, previously a cotton farmer from Xiaoxin, China thinks we don't understand him when he speaks, and has asked for a meeting with President Joe Biden."

Such is the way of Chinese Whispers in ............................

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"......spledding quickry to Scomo." 

But the political reporter for the West Australian, well versed in picking up unintelligent speech, was siiting at the table next to them, pretending to read the West Australian.

He later wrote the story and syndicated it to the Washington Post which ran it: "According to the influential aviation site "WreckFline" the little Chinese Dictator Jack XI, aged 61, previously a cotton farmer from Xiaoxin, China thinks we don't understand him when he speaks, and has asked for a meeting with President Joe Biden."

Such is the way of Chinese Whispers in ............................

........... Perthjing and all the way up the coast to Kalbarri Kong & Geraldton Hai.

 

"We all knew that political reporter was a spy" explained OT "As nobody actually "reads" the West Australian and we all just use it to disguise illicit touching in coffee shops, and .........

Edited August 9, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....to use it for wrapping our fish and chips in. Besides, newspapers are such a last-century thing today, they like to think they still rule the country, but they don't stand a chance against Farcebook, Goggle and Twatter."

 

It was only when surreptitious photos of the meeting between OT and Xi Jinping found their way into the social media, that questions started being asked in Canberra by the Mandarins of the Public Service.

These true power holders were greatly alarmed that important decisions were being taken with regard to Australia's future and major planning moves, that they weren't privy to - and to which decisions they were unable to develop more depts and divisions and rules, to ensure 'accountability', and to 'meet projections', and to 'ensure value for stakeholders'. In other words, they felt they were missing the biggest gravy train Australia had ever seen.

 

Accordingly, a number of Heads of Depts met with ScoMo to try and ensure these clandestine meetings between an unaccountable W.A. major business figure, and a leader of an antagonistic foreign country were overseen by at least several Canberra-based Depts.

 

It was only right and proper that power stayed in Canberra, and wasn't usurped by any Johnny-Come-Lately from W.A., who wasn't even known to the Mandarins of Canberra.

At least they knew, with Clive, they could be extremely happy that all his negotiations with Commo leaders and Chinese Communist Party businesses - whereby Clive sold off as much of Australia as he could lay his mitts on, to the Chinese, without even consulting Canberra or the Libs - always resulted in major political and financial benefits to the Libs.

 

But this OT bloke from W.A. was a major concern. Soon there'd be more pronouncements from OT and Xi about major policy initiatives and developments in the West, and the country would be off the rails, and be run from the West!!

Alarms bells were ringing loudly right throughout Canberra and the Parliamentary quarter, and the phones were running hot, about how they'd all soon be on the dole if something wasn't done promptly and urgently! It was time to call in..........

 

Edited August 10, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

......... the chief negotiator from Remnark.

 

Salty was pretty snakey when the call came through, as his relaxing morning cup of tri-soy almond latte down on the riverbank, had been interrupted by the pleas for help from the boss cocky Mandarin in Canberra.

 

"I'm really not interested" said Brine "And I want nothing to do with those coarse unsophisticated clowns from WA. Do you know that they don't even operate on our time-zone, how crass, and their time is completely aligned with Beijing? So stuff 'em."

 

The Mandarin, who could only speak the PublicServantEase dialect hung up, went to lunch and considered what to do next. "I know" he decided "I'll take my RDO a few days early" and he .............

Edited August 10, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....Turbine Immediate Action, Inc (TIA) in the form of Agent X.

Just as some backgound here, as NES readers know, there is nothing more dangerous than an agitated public servant. They sit there at the desk twisting the end of the propelling pencil  backwards and forwards for hours, getting more and more agitated and deciding whether to WRITE A NOTE. They may event be tempted to pull out the Parker and make it a FORMAL note. That this is the only work done all day by the first secreatry, is none of our business, but the propelling pencil wins and a quick instruction is written to the second secretary reading Take Urgent Action to Stem XI and underlined by a signature which required sixteen circular motions to complete. His secrtary walks it to the next office to the already agitated secon secretary who is also a member of this site and flies [avref] or says he does an RV. Steam comes out of his ears at handing to do something, but he gets to with his Biro and pens a NOTE to the third secretary, saying "Of your ass sunshine and FIX this for once. His signature shows a slight tremble. He hands his note to his secretary (not to be confused with the "numbered" secretarys) and flicks it onto his desk. This one explodes, grabs a felt pen and writes "YOU SHOULD HAVE FIXED THIS BY NOW YOU XXXXXXX XXXX  WIPE XI OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Spluttering, he give the note to his secretary who take it next door to the fourth secretary who looks at it, and writes "XXXX XXX I'm at lunch, who's XI?" then gives it to her.

(Well they're no longer allowed t do the last part)

Agent X..................................

[turboplanner]

Since Cappy has let the cat out of the bag and exposed Agent X, respondents should feel free to continue incognito or exposed.

 

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....Turbine Immediate Action, Inc (TIA) in the form of Agent X.

Just as some backgound here, as NES readers know, there is nothing more dangerous than an agitated public servant. They sit there at the desk twisting the end of the propelling pencil  backwards and forwards for hours, getting more and more agitated and deciding whether to WRITE A NOTE. They may event be tempted to pull out the Parker and make it a FORMAL note. That this is the only work done all day by the first secreatry, is none of our business, but the propelling pencil wins and a quick instruction is written to the second secretary reading Take Urgent Action to Stem XI and underlined by a signature which required sixteen circular motions to complete. His secrtary walks it to the next office to the already agitated secon secretary who is also a member of this site and flies [avref] or says he does an RV. Steam comes out of his ears at handing to do something, but he gets to with his Biro and pens a NOTE to the third secretary, saying "Of your ass sunshine and FIX this for once. His signature shows a slight tremble. He hands his note to his secretary (not to be confused with the "numbered" secretarys) and flicks it onto his desk. This one explodes, grabs a felt pen and writes "YOU SHOULD HAVE FIXED THIS BY NOW YOU XXXXXXX XXXX  WIPE XI OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Spluttering, he give the note to his secretary who take it next door to the fourth secretary who looks at it, and writes "XXXX XXX I'm at lunch, who's XI?" then gives it to her.

(Well they're no longer allowed t do the last part)

Agent X..................................

TURBO WAS 3 MINUTES LATE, AS USUAL.

[onetrack]

......was of course, in the direct employ of Turbine Whyne and Dyne Legal - the legal firm headed by Turbo, who of course, is the best bush lawyer around, and who actually has zero legal qualifications - which doesn't stop him from running a legal firm, that regularly hits the headlines for the level of lawsuits launched.

 

Turbo learnt a lot from watching Clive in action. He learnt the way to operate in the legal arena, was to launch a massive lawsuit ($30B is usually about the right amount), issue lawsuits for defamation as well - and then sit back and wait for the ordure to hit the fan, and then spread everywhere. When the defendants realised that Turbo was onto them like a Police Alsatian, they would come grovelling and Turbo would lead them to mediation and settle out of court. It worked a charm, every time. But this time, it was different.

 

These blokes in the West were obviously hard cases, and Clive was starting to find this out - just as Turbo was. So, the lawsuit route to stop OT in his tracks was out. It would take a new approach to fix OT and his Chinese shenanigans. There were some phone calls to make, and some hard people to visit, and then there were............

[turboplanner]

.....the no win no fee group, who kept asking for their money back, which ........

[Captain]

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....the no win no fee group, who kept asking for their money back, which ........

....... encouraged Turbo to amalgamate with Clive in Turbine Palmer Legal Eagles PLC.

 

"Don't you worry about what this means, with the "Palmer" being added?" asked bull.

 

"No worries mate" responded Turbo "As I've been doing that since I was about 12, and even now I still practice it about .......

 

PS - So do I volunteered OT who is the current President & most active practitioner of the Western Australian Northern Kalgoorlie Shire. 

 

Edited August 10, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......four times a week, and I must admit, it leaves me rather tired, having to do it this often - but the end result will be worth the effort, and when OT finds out he's been.......

 

(P.S. - OT is so impressed with Cappys recent stands against corruption, OT has nominated him to head a new group - Men Against Sly Tricks Under Rackets Built Around Turbo's Original Racket Schemes .....)

[turboplanner]

......slated for the first audit by the new group, who knew every trick in the book because there were all of questionable lineage and charcter.

 

Cappy,  who had bought a dark grey blazer and had his name embroidered on it and been to Officeworks, to get a Clipboard, writing pad, notebook, six felt pens and assortment of stickers saying things like "do not use", "danger" "blindness" and bought himeself a Utility Belt with clips to hand all these items on, and at the last minute a baton, which now hung proudly. With his Helmet style hard hat he looked somewhat like a SWAT Team Member except for he eyes.

His Gaze fell on OT who was rebuilding a D7 (or it could have been a D8) and he .................................

[Captain]

12 hours ago, onetrack said:

OT has nominated him to head a new group - Men Against Sly Tricks Under Rackets Built Around Turbo's Original Racket Schemes .....

FROM ADMIN ....... THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND OT, WHILE A HIGHLY RESPECTED MEMBER OF THE AVIATION COMMUNITY, WILL BE GIVEN A 2 WEEK SUSPENSION FROM WRECK FLYING, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. - MODERATOR 12