The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

Meanwhile the CT had a burnt rump, and Cappy suggested that someone should put some antiseptic cream on it. Turbo moved towards his car explaining that he had to go to a wedding. Cappy threw the cream to CT and stood well clear.........

[onetrack]

......of CT as he howled in pain as he applied the cream. When the pain had subsided, he went looking for his plastic sandals, especially acquired from the Reject Shop, when they were out on special.

 

"You blokes don't realise the major benefits of plastic sandals!", said CT. "They let your feet breathe, they're easily disposed of if they catch fire (happens sometimes if you manage to spill some fuel on your feet when you light up the burrows), and they insulate your feet very well from the heat of the ground in Summer!

If the VC and NVA and the Taliban can fight and win in sandals, over the heavily-booted Americans - well, what other proof do you want of their superior abilities?"

 

At that point, Turbo saw another major business opportunity and registered "Turbine Crocs Inc", with the sales tag line of, "if they're  good enough for the VC and NVA and the Taliban, they're good enough for you!"

"You're on a winner with Turbine Crocs!" was another well-thought-out sales spiel. Advertising showed Turbo kicking a DG Jackalope in the antlers, whilst wearing Turbine Crocs, and sending it somersaulting, breaking its neck. 

 

"We're on a real winner here!", crowed Turbo. "Sales are not only killing Nike and Adidas, the part of the population that is buying them, all want to go to DG, find some Jackalopes, and kick the crap out of them!

CT will be out of a job soon, he'll just have to relearn how to fly straight and level, and put away his.........

 

Edited August 24, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Meanwhile the CT had a burnt rump, and Cappy suggested that someone should put some antiseptic cream on it. Turbo moved towards his car explaining that he had to go to a wedding. Cappy threw the cream to CT and stood well clear.........

...... there is no way that I am rubbing THAT" he said.

 

11 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"We're on a real winner here!", crowed Turbo. "Sales are not only killing Nike and Adidas, the part of the population that is buying them, all want to go to DG, find some Jackalopes, and kick the crap out of them!

CT will be out of a job soon, he'll just have to relearn how to fly straight and level, and put away his.........

..... aspirations of making Crocs from real wild crocs. (The background being that he had killed a couple of 18 footers with 50 shots (each) from his pee-rifle but as well as being full of tiny .22 holes, the plates on their skins were bigger than your average set of Croc, so he could only sell them to people with huge ......

Edited August 24, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

WARNING WARNING TO ALL MEXTORIAN AVIATORS - I have just received a call from the Mayor and CEO of Darraweit Guim City & Regional Council asking that I issue a warning about developments at what he described as "some joint down by the 5 sacred rivers owned by some blonde & buxom silver-tail with an airstrip".

 

He reported that there has been a bunny explosion, not just in number, but in size, and he has sent me a photo, shown below, of a rabbit burrow beside the DG International Airport's main strip (on the right side of the parallel runway near taxiway 7).

 

All Aviators and Aviatrixes are asked to stay clear as this is perhaps more dangerous that the Woo-Hoo Flu.

 

THE BURROW IN QUESTION.

FIVE OF DGC&RC'S BRAVEST STEVE ERWIN (WITHOUT THE BARB) AND BEAR GRILLS (WITHOUT

THE CAMERAMAN) TYPE ANIMAL RANGERS WENT IN AND NONE HAVE BEEN SEEN SINCE.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

We should point out that the Mayor and CEO of DGCRC appears to have joined the Trumpian FL set in seeking to pinpoint the source of the current pandemic in one of the respected provinces of Victoria's proud Belts and Roads partner in wrongly assuming the origins of the pandemic and ancestry fo politicians. After discussing this giant cave for some time during which eerie sound came up from the cave the Mayor suggested Cappy go down the hole, Cappy suggested Turbo go down the hole and Turbo suggested.......but CT had shot through like a Bondi tram, so it was decided that all thre would go down. As they descended into the darknes, strange sound and flashes of light could be heard and seen, and Cappy ..........

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

After discussing this giant cave for some time during which eerie sound came up from the cave the Mayor suggested Cappy go down the hole, Cappy suggested Turbo go down the hole and Turbo suggested.......but CT had shot through like a Bondi tram, so it was decided that all thre would go down. As they descended into the darknes, strange sound and flashes of light could be heard and seen, and Cappy ..........

..... then needed to apologize for the mess, as it had just happened involuntarily.

 

Turbo was shocked, but stuck by his best mate, when he said ".......

Edited August 24, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....You'll be right, I've got a spare pair of clean brown corduroy trousers in the car." But Turbo was concerned. The strange sounds and lights were getting bigger. Suddenly, the strange sounds became a clear "clickety-clack!, clickety-clack!, clickety-clack!" - and the flash of light turned into a very bright headlight, that was way above their heads. 

 

"Look out!!", cried Turbo, as he roughly pushed Cappy and CT aside. "It's the 2:15PM freight train from Bolinda! We're in the rail tunnel, not a big burrow!!"

 

"Well, blow me down with a feather!" cried Cappy as the loco roared past. "And here was me wondering why the floor of the burrow was covered in blue metal ballast!"

 

"You've led us on a huge wild-rabbit chase!", said Turbo. "There are no giant rabbits here in DG! This is an outright con! We've been lied to, from Day One, and I ......

[CT9000]

......just realized that the 2:15 Boilnda train may have a problem 'cause there are no train tracks. And now looking up at this mother of all bunnies, it is possible that the idea of being conned may have been a bit hasty ....... 

[Captain]

13 hours ago, CT9000 said:

......just realized that the 2:15 Boilnda train may have a problem 'cause there are no train tracks. And now looking up at this mother of all bunnies, it is possible that the idea of being conned may have been a bit hasty ....... 

....... however this line of thinking changed immediately when the train shuddered as it hit the 1st Super-Bunny (Sylvilagus Leporidae Grande) and was then derailed after 5 of them held paws/feet across the tracks after one of them also bravely sacrificed himself by diving under & aiming for the fuel tanks, which he ruptured with his antlers.

 

As a result, XXXXX were trumps amongst the Flyboys.

 

What a mess, as there were super-bunny (SLG) guts splattered everywhere and derailed train carriages that even blocked the intersection of taxiways 8 and G at DGI.

 

Another NOTAM was obviously needed but the CT had influence at AirServices Mextoria and at the NTSB's Mextoria office located in Main St, Darraweit Guim, so he .......

 

A PHOTO OF THE INTERSECTION OF TAXIWAYS 8 & G AT DGI IN HAPPIER TIMES.

Edited August 25, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

NOTE FROM ADMIN - Eeeeann is still stuck in Glenelg by another Covid shutdown and a desire to stay well away from Chairman Dan, so he is unable to visit DG to apply his considerable aviation expertise and to take some photos of the carnage for the Incidents & Accidents page. We therefore request that either CT of Tubb please post some detailed pics here or provide a link to a suitable security camera live feed from DGI. - ADMIN 

[bull]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

....... however this line of thinking changed immediately when the train shuddered as it hit the 1st Super-Bunny (Sylvilagus Leporidae Grande) and was then derailed after 5 of them held paws/feet across the tracks after one of them also bravely sacrificed himself by diving under & aiming for the fuel tanks, which he ruptured with his antlers.

 

As a result, XXXXX were trumps amongst the Flyboys.

 

What a mess, as there were super-bunny (SLG) guts splattered everywhere and derailed train carriages that even blocked the intersection of taxiways 8 and G at DGI.

 

Another NOTAM was obviously needed but the CT had influence at AirServices Mextoria and at the NTSB's Mextoria office located in Main St, Darraweit Guim, so he .......

 

A PHOTO OF THE INTERSECTION OF TAXIWAYS 8 & G AT DGI IN HAPPIER TIMES.

pulled out some photos of the carnage with the super bunnies .what are we gunna do now screamed Mr Bean from down the back of the last red coach???,why you bugger have spilt me cup of tea! ........You think thats bad piped up Cappy from over in the dark at the side of the tunnel where he was hiding you should see the state of my...............

Edited August 25, 2021 by bull

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, bull said:

pulled out some photos of the carnage with the super bunnies .what are we gunna do now screamed Mr Bean from down the back of the last red coach???,why you bugger have spilt me cup of tea! ........You think thats bad piped up Cappy from over in the dark at the side of the tunnel where he was hiding you should see the state of my...............

........ undies ........... again, and I'm running out of my clean supply, so soon I'll just have to turn them inside out".

 

"How come bull has copies of those Super Bunnies, and I can't get any?" asked Eeeeaann "Those F'ers are ginormous XXXXX".

 

"Because bull has a lot of power in Wreck Flying while you areaway at the SA beach in exile" replied Turbo defiantly (he knew that bull wouldn't ban him like Eeeeaan did and does).

 

"I object to the term Super Bunny " said CT "As that makes me feel unsafe and bullied, plus it indicates a paternal bunny hierarchy that is unacceptable given the importance of bunny ladies." (One of CT's fantasies was the be a young Hughy Heffner in a red smoking jacket [and for the smoke to be due to friction rather than tobacco]).

 

"I agree CT and I think that the full Latin name (Sylvilagus Leporidae Grande) should be used at all times, as it makes them sound more cuddly, it sounds more trans-sexual, plus ........ 

Edited August 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......bi...and Turbo just knew they weren't going to talk about bicycles, so he ................

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......bi...and Turbo just knew they weren't going to talk about bicycles, so he ................

.... kept right away from discussing those other "cycles" which we all .....

[onetrack]

......know, are important in the lifespan of airframes and components. "But talking about cycles", said Turbo - "that reminds of when I was 8, and I got given my first Malvern Star bicycle. It was a hand-me-down from my older sister, so I had to learn to ride, using a girls bike. That made life very difficult for me, living in a rough suburb of Melburnistan, adjacent to the main rail line to Sydney. I learnt to ride and fight there - and to ride fast if it looked like I was going to lose a fight. But there came the day when.......

 

Edited August 25, 2021 by onetrack

[CT9000]

.....I came across this bluddy huge rabbit which knocked the bike over then proceeded to kick the proverbial crap out of anyone nearby........

[turboplanner]

......and that's where I learnt to fight. I grabbed it by the anters and threw it to the ground. The rabbot started snarling and bit me on the leg. He made the mistake of turning his back on me and I kicked him in the nuts, and from then on he lost interest, nd provided many meals for our poor family, who otherwise would have had to eat Maccas every night, but it wasn't aways like this....................

[Captain]

.......... as during the great recession of '87 we only had Hungry Jacks and it took me a couple of decades to take control of Maccas worldwide (now badged as Turbine MacDonalds Pty Ltd - Trading as Maccas).

 

"I still have some changes to make to the menu (could bunny burgers perhaps be part of his upgrade, followed by souvenir toothpicks made from turned down bunny antlers?)" commented Turbo "As the business has not been too successful over the past half century or so and the franchise system has never worked all that well either."

 

OT was pleased to hear of Turbo's plans as he had bought the failing Domino's Pizza and Hardley Normal businesses in WA and could see an opportunity for cooperation with Turbs. (OT envisioned that he and Turbo would be like Jeff Bazos, Wazza Buffet, Dicky Branson, Georgey Soros and Marky Zuckerberg combined, and acting together  to screw everybody else. OT wants to control the next Federal Election too).

 

But a warning was sounded to OT by Eeeeeann who knew Turbo well from several bannings and he called OT from his 5 Star in Glenelg to say "Listen Onesie, Turbo is a deadset ............  

Edited August 25, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....XXXX, which of course was no news to OT after Turbo had hooked the Chamberlain to his Rabbit Proof Fence with all its history and dragged it 30 mile to keep the rabbits out of his mindsite, but he dutifully picked his nose and listened, nodding every few minutes. When the call ended, he knew what he had to do, ......................

[Captain]

....... so, to prepare for the next stage of the negotiations, he reached down and scratched his ........

[turboplanner]

....mandible....................

[onetrack]

....thoughtfully, contemplated the situation at length, and finally said, "Turbo, let's divide the States between us, eh? If you keep your nose out of W.A. and S.A., and stick to the more Easterly States for your ventures, it means our Rabbit Proof Fence will remain intact, and the scourge of the DG Antler Rabbits will never reach us - and it also means you have free rein to carry out your schemes in those States, while I operate without interference in W.A. and S.A."

 

"I don't think that's a viable suggestion", said Turbo. You know how much I prefer to operate on a global basis, and I really want to get my hooks into Iron Ore and Gold (let alone those thriving rural industries of W.A., with their massive potential for scarfing millions off them - and have you seen the size of the trucks all those W.A. farmers have now?!), so I reckon your suggestion can be put in the.........

 

(Dear NES readers, the following photo of a few loads of hay from OT's farming operations, is what made Turbo gloat about the potential for more "business opportunities" in W.A. for Turbo Enterprises....)

 

 

Edited August 26, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

"I don't think that's a viable suggestion", said Turbo. You know how much I prefer to operate on a global basis, and I really want to get my hooks into Iron Ore and Gold (let alone those thriving rural industries of W.A., with their massive potential for scarfing millions off them - and have you seen the size of the trucks all those W.A. farmers have now?!), so I reckon your suggestion can be put in the.........

........ circular filing cabinet in the corner of the room, as after the concerns expressed by Salty, the CT, bull and the magnificent Jedi Rat in a recent Board Meeting of Turbine Enterprises (the holding company and the real powerhouse & engine room of the Turbine conglomerate and subsidiaries) Turbo made a statement to shareholders which read, in part:

 

TO ALL SHAREHOLDERS AND STAFF - Geez Louise, our last Board Meeting was worse than a meeting of the National Rona Cabinet and I need to clarify the following to allay concerns, so let me make it perfectly clear that, as much as I like and admire OT, I have no intention of allowing that ochre stained WA Sand Monkey to take over any business east of Rotty and that also includes the ........

 

PS - After considering OT's photo, we have concluded that while a couple of B-Triples might be a big deal in WA, such a machine is a dime-a-dozen over east (Salty has 6 parked up at the back of the house at his joint just so that he can look at them whenever he wants to) but these are hardly orgasmic in the eastern trucking scene.

Edited August 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....West Ceduna Roadhouse, known for its.........

Edited August 26, 2021 by turboplanner

[Captain]

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

....West Ceduna Roadhouse, kown for its.........

....... 5 weeks matured Chicko rolls and the yam ......