The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......clamp-nipple type grease gun for the tour trailers which have to go over some very rough ground.

Also ample drink bottles and sunscreen, and ............

..... a suitable welder with 100 kgs of wire and 3 gas cylinders (essential tool kit for Turbo's trailers), all usable for HT ..........

Edited September 2, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

Also half a pallet of plonk to trade with the locals for things said ratty from down the back.......

 

[turboplanner]

.......and they all knew the brand of gin that was required. "Better bring a compass" said Two tracks "because we aren't going to get much guidance out fo him once he slips into it." and they all ...........

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......and they all knew the brand of gin that was required. "Better bring a compass" said Two tracks "because we aren't going to get much guidance out fo him once he slips into it." and they all ...........

...... thought with reverence about OT's uncle BackTrack who was lost under very sad circumstances during the latter days of WW2 when he was a bomb aimer on a Lancaster on a very dangerous raid over Berlin.

 

As the Lancaster (avref), with its brave crew, approached the target the pilot (avref) handed over control of the aircraft (avref) to the bomb-aimer who then gave instructions to the Captain and 1st Officer.

 

"Left a bit" he said while dodging heavy flack as they approached the target and he could see the flares that had been dropped by the Pathfinders.

 

"OK, we are going well, but right a little please" he added & the Captain obeyed.

 

"Just a little further and a touch more to starboard please" said BackTrack.

 

Then he added "Oh, hang on" as he peered thru the bombsight "Back a bit".

 

And that is how BackTrack, his aircraft and his crewmates were lost, as they were somewhere between Berlin and Rome with a full load and he didn't have a clue where he was.

 

The gin flowed for most of the night and this led to a terrible outcome where ......

Edited September 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....stories began to be told of Cappy's relative and Cappy quickly told lurid tales of the Track Family. One of them was quite memorable. It was about Colonel James Cuthbertson Beaten-Track.

The good Colonel was leading an attack on the Kyber Pass using only he Holland and Holland 440, the rifle he used for Tiger. His men stayed faithfully with him in the attack albeit lined up in single file behind him, but the splatter from the heathen enemy when the H&H load hit was such that the quickly lost appetite for the fight and turned for home, but, at an ideal place for an ambush, Schitt Creek, India, they turned and .........................

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

quickly lost appetite for the fight and turned for home, but, at an ideal place for an ambush, Schitt Creek, India, they turned and ..........

........ commenced to dig in an IED (bull prefers IUDs but that is another story), plus a lanky fellow with his hair up in a top-knot-bun shouldered an early model black-powder RPG and let fly back towards Col. Jimmy's position ........... and history was made on that day, as that lanky chap with the top-knot-bun was the first to be described as a Tallybun by Jimmy's Target Spotter, and the name has morphed into the over-helicoptered group that we know today (respects to all terrorists past & present).

 

"The derivation of the ISIS name is much more interesting" said Turbo, (who always tries to come up with a better story so that he is the center of attention and crack onto any stray ladies) "As what happened there was that ............

Edited September 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....originally ISAS the bulldozer division of International Harvester set up a factory in the mountains so production wold be easy in the cool air, and there would be plenty of Tea for the workers. A crew from Chicago came across to teach the highlanders how to build and one day Mahatma Singh, the leading hand asked if it would be possible to make rocket launchers with the same tools. The Americans, not always the sharpest tool in the drawer showed them how to do it and they immediately started using them on the Americans, but in those days the expat Americans just jumped on a dozen TD24s and, charging forward blade to blade in high gear pushed them into the dirst. A few decades later IH were going to take them to court for failing to pay Registered Design fees on the ISAS name so they had to change it to ISIS and .......................

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

A few decades later IH were going to take them to court for failing to pay Registered Design fees on the ISAS name so they had to change it to ISIS and .........

....... the court case hinged on IH's pre-Civil War 1833 policy on allowing "Foreign Orders" to be fabricated in Dozer production plants. (Some Afghan wag of a boke commented "The Yanks have only had 1 CW whereas we have had about 60 since 1833")

 

"You can't get more foreign that those blokes" said Mahatma, who was as foreign as they come and still thought that the workforces at IH were way too much like sand ........

[turboplanner]

......wiches - oe bite and you know they're stale.

ISIS too offence at this and so began the chain of wars leading to Afghanistan where the sandwich narrative was swapped for camel dung.

On the horizon appeared.........

[onetrack]

......OT in his Chamberlain FEL, a company famous for beating International Harvester at their own game, as regards tractors and FEL's. But this Chamberlain was completely different. It had armour, puncture-proof tyres, several .50 cal's bristling from the cabin, and an M40 recoilless rifle mounted in front of the windscreen.

 

Of course, all this weaponry was 1960's and 1970's vintage, to match the tractor - and because OT was very familiar with all this armament, as it wasn't widely known he was a Vietnam War hero, credited with saving an entire Australian infantry company from annihilation, in an NVA battalion ambush.

 

As the Chamberlain roared into sight at 93kmh (because it had the same gearing as Tail End Charlie), every terrorist in sight dropped their weapons, their suicide belts, and their RPG's, and took to their heels.

 

OT wasn't quite sure if it was the armament level, or whether his fearsome reputation had preceded him - or if it was just the exhaust note of a Perkins diesel doing 3100RPM bouncing on the governor stops, that made them scamper - but whatever it was, OT was somewhat disappointed that he wasn't going to be able to.........

[turboplanner]

..............crank the Chamberlain to get the engine running to actually do something because where the International Super AWD9 had a decompression lever, the Chamberlain's Perkins engine designed for England's barns could only be started by another battery and batteries were scarce on the sub Continent where ................

[Captain]

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

because OT was very familiar with all this armament, as it wasn't widely known he was a Vietnam War hero, credited with saving an entire Australian infantry company from annihilation, in an NVA battalion ambush.

And all Wreck Flyers join with me in thanking OT for his selfless service .......... and he still has the rash.

 

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

OT in his Chamberlain

 

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

the exhaust note of a Perkins diesel doing 3100RPM bouncing on the governor stops

 

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

crank the Chamberlain

 

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

where the International Super AWD9 had a decompression lever

 

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

the Chamberlain's Perkins engine designed for England's barns

And with that the numbers of members of Wreck Flying trebled, with the extras coming from a flood of members moving over from Wreck Tractors (tracref).

 

bull, who had always been a big fan of the Perkins Mk 7 governor, looked up the numerous Tractor workshop manuals that he had a collected (he has the world's biggest collection that are the subject of a new 1000 sq. m museum (complete with 20 dioramas & laser displays etc) that he had built beside his marina at Triabunna).

That Tractor Workshop Manual Museum (known locally as the TWMM), is expected to be the major tourist attraction and employer on the east coast (Port Arthur are very worried that nobody will ever travel that far south again) and given the foreshadowed prosperity to be generated from this venture, rates for casual employees thruout Tasmania are already above $50/hr & still rising, which has caused the price of a small cup of coffee to rise to $19.50 and  ............

Edited September 3, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........the cost of a Monaro 2 door, in purple pain and mint condition to rise to $720,000 which is a lot of money for an old clunker that takes half of Tasmania's main road to get from zero to 100 km/hr.

 

Turbo had a good laugh at Cappys hopeless description of the Perkins "Mk 7" governor when everyone knows there was never a Mk 7 governor in honor of the passing of William Perkins; it's actually a Mk 07; Cappy's starting to look like a journalist and next we'll be seeing ...................

[Captain]

29 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy's starting to look like a journalist and next we'll be seeing .........

....... him working as a Producer on 4 Corners & as Executive Producer for the 7.30 Report and then as a panelist on Q & A.

 

This news made ..........

[turboplanner]

........perfect sense because Cappy had started walking into boutiques - anywhere there was a mirror to look at his profile and make sure there was a hair out of place, and shock the blue rinse set at Restaurants when, as soon as the wine was poured he would gargle some loudly and then with a whhhhhhsssssttttttttttt! shoot it into the nearest planter, which .......

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........perfect sense because Cappy had started walking into boutiques - anywhere there was a mirror to look at his profile and make sure there was a hair out of place, and shock the blue rinse set at Restaurants when, as soon as the wine was poured he would gargle some loudly and then with a whhhhhhsssssttttttttttt! shoot it into the nearest planter, which .......

......... really xxxxed off the members of the Amalgamated Planter's Union.

 

The APU were a breakaway from the ACXNT (tribute to Barry Humphries. Les Patterson and their assigns) and were the most militant arm of the ...........

Edited September 3, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........RAA, with their outdated clothing beat up old 4WDs, and language that would make a stone statue blush, with ..........

[bull]

old faded scouts with the 447,s on them . The plan was to use them to..................................                                                                  [this was one of their founding members]

[Turbo,s younger days]     [ Turdo was practising trying to take off but was playing with the joy,stick and.bingo..]

[bull]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........RAA, with their outdated clothing beat up old 4WDs, and language that would make a stone statue blush, with ..........

I found this early video of an APU meeting in Townsville in the early days,if you look real hard you can see Cappy and Turdboy and over the back is even OT trying to hide ,,,,,,Ahhhh the good old days ah boys....

 

Edited September 3, 2021 by bull

[Captain]

...... and there you have it, Dear Readers, bull has exposed the folly of 600 kgs, CAEs, fibreglass, fuel injection, instruments, shoes, starter motors and a heap of other nonsense.

 

This is why the AUF will always remain the preeminent aviation organization world wide, so please be upstanding, face to the east, place your hand on your heart, and sing after me to the tune of Proud Mary .... "RAG AND TUBE FOREVER, WE LOVE TUBES AND RAG, RAG AND TUBE FOREVERMORE". 

 

But there was just one small hitch, which was exposed (Turboref) when ......

Edited September 3, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......Cappy became all emotional and jumped into a Scout ready to show the AUF hierarchy what rag and tube was all about.

 

his jump was too much for the plastic seat which snapped in half, and set the pole into a harmonic frenzy which dropped the engine off the end, and covered him in fabric.

 

Cappy blinked and .............................................................................

[Captain]

..... and had no option but to blame the SAAA, Donald Trump, Dan Andrews & Walt Disney, but the bright spot was that bull had ......

[turboplanner]

......wanted to get rid of that fabric for months. The possums had nested in it and left a big brown stain and the baric had started to rot. Now that Cappy had split it, bull knew he'd be able to stick cappy for new fabric.

 

Cappy was a good sport about it, too good in the opinion of Turbo who just knew there would be a double cross, and sure enough when the new fabric returned it was a beautiful gold, but in triple weight Marine Canvas with thread that looked like flax. It was so heavy that the best the Scout would ever do was taxy.

 

Cappy smile at bull, who realised too late he'd been .....

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy smile at bull, who realised too late he'd been .....

..... sucked into the never ending vortex of always needing more power.

 

bull sent off emails to 15 engine manufacturers requesting torque & power diagrams and after he received the countless documents he immediately threw them in the bin, because he liked the purple one, even though that was only rated at 9 hp. ("It'll take more than 9 hp to just sew that fabric" commented Turdy)

 

bull's love of purple is without peer (or punctuation) because .......

Edited September 3, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....purple was the colour of the Bone Stonefishes, the local footy team in bone, where tey painted the main pub purple, and thye RSL bar purple, and the taxi purple, and the cop car purple (although that had to be repainted after a Commissioner from the South came up and blew his stack. So the 9 hp Ronaldson Tippett was ordered, and arrived on The Princess in Devonport. bull sensed he might have made a mistake when he noticed the Princess riding low at the stern, and sure enough......................