The Never Ending Story

[bull]

.his advice about stopping was in the literal sence ,but as they say ,,,,there is no getting the stupid out of stupid people ah......now this upset Mavis who..............

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, bull said:

.....now this upset Mavis who..............

..... has been in a long term clandestine (but highly enjoyable & fulfilling) physical and mental relationship with Turbo, and who therefore believed every word that he had said, including his treatise about "stopping while aviating", so she said "He often stopped before I was finished, but more relevantly ..........

Edited September 25, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....he often has trouble starting, too. He's like an old Rotax 582, I have to encourage him to start, and once he starts, I have to encourage him to keep going!"

 

Meantimes, a major aviation investigation was initiated by several authorities, as to how and why a pilot had stopped his aircraft, just short of some fluctus clouds.

 

"We can't have recreational pilots doing this stopping in the air, all the time!", exclaimed the investigation leader, Wing Commander Nelson J Bigglesworth (Ret.), as he held a investigation conference.

"The entire premise of aviation governance is based around the belief, that once an aircraft takes off, it keeps moving! We can't have stationary aircraft in the sky everywhere, that's the equivalent of stopping on a freeway! It's just not allowable!"

 

"I'd like to offer a solution", said OT, who was attending the conference as an interested party. "Trackbine Industries Inc has an excellent range of parked equipment conspicuity devices, which come from our long and extensive history of supplying products for mining machinery, to make them more visible.

You've probably seen our large range of reflective fluoro conspicuity tapes, they stand out unbelievably well in poor visibility conditions, such as fog, low cloud, high cloud, and even smoke, and volcanic ash clouds. We'd be happy to supply a quote to retrofit all aircraft that have the ability to stop short of clouds, to greatly increase the safety levels of aviation.

Imagine, an Airbus driver could spot a parked Twister at FL30 from 8NM away and take evasive action, thus preventing that common and terrible, new aviation disaster - a rear-ender!"

 

"Thank you, Mr OT", said WC Bigglesworth. "Your suggestion is outstanding, and your offer is extremely generous, and I will make a recommendation that all........

[turboplanner]

................aircraft are so fitted.

We should explain at this point that the good Wing Commander Bigglesworth built a Morgan in record time, and not only documented the build but entertained us with stories or a Morgan doing the near impossible time and time again.

Who could forget those immortal lines like "the wing holes didn't line up. Should have redrilled a new sheet but XXXX it's quicker to jam a screwdriver in the hole and drag it across." or "Why would you spend $180.00 on special hose when you only have tp pay $7.85 at Repco. At one stage the WingCo was pining for the girlfriend. We never got to find out what the cause was, whether she'd left him, needed money fruit picking or missed the turn but he found out she was in one of the Murray River towns. He hadn't yet done any Navs, but armed himself with a $2.00 compass from Woolies and took off into a rainstorm, climbing over the Great Divide at thousands of feet more than Mr Morgan ever knew his design had in it. A quick stop at a surprised Country strip for lunch and the Wingco was with his girfriend. Of course ReckFlyIn was awash with concern about the alpine flight with no alternate strips, and several safe routes along main roads were offered to him by helpful members. Instead he headed south into Victoria. This apparently was not what he intended, and he admitted being uncertain of his position, having to land and ask where he was. From the bits and pieces he was reporting from his phone en route, Turbo established that he had missed Gippsland, and recommended he turn left and when he hit the beach follow it home, which he did. We never seem to get those wonderful old stories these ..............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

He's like an old Rotax 582, I have to encourage him to start, and once he starts, I have to encourage him to keep going!"

"You are correct Onesie" commented Mavis "As I have always thought of Turbo as the personification of a 582 Rotax with 2 whiskered plugs ........ plus he gets a blue head too, when he is on the job".

 

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

new aviation disaster - a rear-ender!"

Which accords with the recent rise in aviation insurance claims due to squashed empennages due to just 1 post by Turbo that encourages aircraft parking and sightseeing, ..... and let me tell you that a CTRGHD up the rear of a Thruster when parked at 7,500 AGL is putting the entire aviation caper at risk.

 

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"Thank you, Mr OT", said WC Bigglesworth. "Your suggestion is outstanding, and your offer is extremely generous, and I will make a recommendation that all.......

..... aircraft keep moving, preferably forward unless they are ........ 

Edited September 26, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

We never seem to get those wonderful old stories these .........

.... days as everyone is just so goody 2-shoes and doing the right thing. They even follow some of the rules of aviation, like the Bernoulli Theorem, so how boring is that?"  

 

"I agree Tubby" said bull "As I prefer the mavericks and cowboys that live life to the ..........

Edited September 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........full. Wild and Free that's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

"I agree Tubby" said bull "As I prefer the mavericks and cowboys that live life to the ..........

 

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........full. Wild and Free that's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........

...... and these types are the natural enemy of CASA Staff and NTSB bits collectors/reassemblers, who say of the adventurous derring-do aviator (Turbs and bull ref) that they are .........

 

A TYPICAL DERRING-DO AVIATOR MAKING BEST USE

OF HIS ANIMAL MAGNETISM IN HIS RED CORVETTE.

 

MORE DERRING-DO AT THE AUF XMAS PARTY.

Santa does not have a Night Flying Endorsement & no artificial horizon,

nor are there any nav lights visible at any time. (Rudolph's hooter does not

comply with CASA specs re AUF lighting under Part 6 Cl 74.6.8.iv.16.12.B.)

 

 

AN EARLY LITHOGRAPH OF TURBS AND MAVIS (You can see why you would, can't you?)

Edited September 26, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

.a danger to society and must be put in victoria for ever ,,,,FLAARK that said Bull you,ll never take me alive ,as he dashed for the trusty Jackaroo and pulled the starter cord over and over again until a sound was  heard ,,,But not the sound of his trusty rotax ring a ding ring, but a loud "snap" and he fell arse over tit with the handle still in his hand and a short piece of starter cord!!    Oh s%&tt now what ,thought Bull but in a flash of insperation he..................                                                                                                                                                                          [The frustration was something like this bloke lol]

Edited September 26, 2021 by bull

[Captain]

8 hours ago, bull said:

Oh s%&tt now what ,thought Bull but in a flash of insperation he.......

.... subcontracted the invention of the electric starter to Trackbine Electronics and Motor Rewinds (previously owned by Lang Hancock & Robert De Crisp-pygmy, but then taken over by OT in a bitter ownership battle) who are located on the city side & 500 m down from the Roadhouse in Agnew, and who have proven themselves with their work on the ..........

Edited September 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....French Submarines which so far consists of three steel plates and twenty 20 mm bolts.

TEMR has a very interesting history, being founded as Harley Davidson was, shortly after the British moved out of Woomera in 1952 where they were building atomic bombs and rockets.

Lang, Bob and old Harley showed up at the Brits Auction. Everything had to go; rockets, bombs, 15 Canberra chase aircraft (not one of them ever caught up with a rocket, but that's the Poms for you. In 1947 they took one to the USA on a sales mission to try to get the USAF to drop Boeing and buy Canberra. It had a Tasmanian crew but only got as far west as New Mexico where it crashed into the desert near a town called Roswell. The Canberra was protected under the Official Secrets Act so the USAF called in soldiers to protect the site and clear up the wreckage. The Tasmanians wouldn't talk, so there was no explanation for the two heads and rumours got out in the press about Aliens landing, but that's another story).

On the day of the Auction it was clear no one was interested in rockets because the only bidders were Land, Bob and Harley so they formed a syndicate and bought the lot for $358.17.

Lang and Bob sold the bombs to the Yanks, and Lang used the imaging and tracking equipment to find iron ore. Robert get the rockets and let quite a few go leading to the proliferation of UFO sightings reported at the time. Harley chose the scrap, and from it build a motor cycle empire, and .............

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Lang and Bob sold the bombs to the Yanks, and Lang used the imaging and tracking equipment to find iron ore. Robert get the rockets and let quite a few go leading to the proliferation of UFO sightings reported at the time. Harley chose the scrap, and from it build a motor cycle empire, and .......

......... is still duplicating those parts today.

 

The riddle of the Canberra is a much more worrying one, as based on the results of a recent FOI request, it is now clear that the bomber was originally registered as a Part 19 AUF aircraft (19-0006 as it turned out) and had been highjacked over Hawaii by a Tasmanian nuclear scientist from Zeehan who was dissatisfied with the way that .......

Edited September 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....the Americans were handling flight training, and the poor quality of the Flight Manual, written on Airmail paper which was hard to handle and useless in a dunny because .................

[Captain]

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....the Americans were handling flight training, and the poor quality of the Flight Manual, written on Airmail paper which was hard to handle and useless in a dunny because .................

...... it was shiny, sharp & non-absorbent, which made your .....

[onetrack]

......writing hard to see unless you used a special pen - which was available from Trackbine Office Supplies and Printing and Imaging Services.

It's not widely known that TOSPIS (what a great acronym!) was involved in photographing and recording everything to do with the Roswell Canberra crash incident.

 

Unfortunately, due to the poor quality of the office supplies and imaging equipment of the day (no thanks to you, Kodak!), the results of all the Roswell incident recording - both written and photographic, turned out rather poorly, and the resultant blurry images and poorly written records (no thanks to American Writing Paper Co and Papermate!), led to a multitude of conspiracy theories and wild claims of aliens, that linger to this day.

 

The ensuing uproar over the poor records and images with regard to Roswell, led OT on a mission to improve the quality of paper and imaging equipment available at that time. This led to TOSPIS launching takeover bids for major European & British producers of fine office supplies, such as Biro and the Frogmore Paper Mill - as well as lens and imaging companies Nikon, Leica and Zeiss, and Fuji Xerox.

Not all the takeover bids were successful, but the bids by TOSPIS shook up these industries, gave TOSPIS major representation on the boards, and made these operators lift their game. 
 

This led to a vast improvement in writing materials and products, and the fine imaging equipment available today - thus ensuring that if another event like Roswell happens again in the future, TOSPIS will be right there with its products, ensuring that the latest unknown aerial crash event will never be as poorly-recorded as Roswell, again. 

In line with TOSPIS's aims and desires, the next major aviation event in Tasmania will be recorded..........

 

Edited September 27, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

led to a multitude of conspiracy theories and wild claims of aliens, that linger to this day.

Not least of which is the shape of bull's head (mostly due to colliding with bedheads in addresses all around bone ..... but that is another story), yet bull's damaged melon fitted in perfectly with those in Tazzy that are so often the brunt of jokes by north islanders.

 

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

ensuring that the latest unknown aerial crash event will never be as poorly-recorded as Roswell, again. 

In line with TOSPIS's aims and desires, the next major aviation event in Tasmania will be recorded......

...... using TOSPISS's own invention, that is a cross between a box brownie, a GoPro, a $20 dashcam and a DJI drone, which the head tosser at TOSPISS calls a .......

 

THE MAIN THEORY BEHIND TOSPISS (Move over Bernoulli)

 

 

 

AND THIS IS THE SECONDARY TOSPISS THEORY

which relates directly to how to enter the circuit when an

FA18 is in the pattern, so will all aviators please take note.

 

Edited September 27, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

 

The ensuing uproar over the poor records and images with regard to Roswell, led OT on a mission to improve the quality of paper and imaging equipment available at that time. This led to TOSPIS launching takeover bids for major European & British producers of fine office supplies, such as Biro and the Frogmore Paper Mill - as well as lens and imaging companies Nikon, Leica and Zeiss, and Fuji Xerox.

Not all the takeover bids were successful, but the bids by TOSPIS shook up these industries, gave TOSPIS major representation on the boards, and made these operators lift their game. 
 

This led to a vast improvement in writing materials and products, and the fine imaging equipment available today - thus ensuring that if another event like Roswell happens again in the future, TOSPIS will be right there with its products, ensuring that the latest unknown aerial crash event will never be as poorly-recorded as Roswell, again. 

In line with TOSPIS's aims and desires, the next major aviation event in Tasmania will be recorded..........

 

[This is one of the truest stories Turbo has seen on Wreck Fly In; "I'm glad I found this Site" he said]

[turboplanner]

............Tphone. Sales of Tphones haven't equalled Apples Iphone and many people are wondering why, because a device which can record the next Roswell, should it ever occur again given the doubtful ability of the Poms who didn't emigrate to Australia or Pakistan to build much more that a two piece balsa glider with some bubble gum for balance.

 

"We don't know why our sales are behind" said OT since its big feature is a ZERO Spelling Mistake feature (no keyboard), but we certainly sell a few in Guinea Bissau and Roswell ..........................

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"We don't know why our sales are behind" said OT since its big feature is a ZERO Spelling Mistake feature (no keyboard), but we certainly sell a few in Guinea Bissau and Roswell ...........

...... and this all led Onesie to contemplate the unthinkable.

 

But Onesie is nothing, if not pragmatic. (Although primarily nothing).

 

So he called Turbine Telecommunications Marketing (The Trackbine conglomerate calling the Turbine industrial behemoth made the front page of next day's AFR, plus, because OT is such an Aviation Luminary (our thousands of readers of the NES already know that OT is definitely an AL) it even got a run as the lead story in the Crash Comic) and after a heap of clicks, bangs and fadeouts he was connected to the TTM office in Mumbai where the receptionist was a lower cast member named .........

 

 

Edited September 27, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......Nazeem Dalit. Nazeem knew a lot about telephony, having been deeply involved in the installation of the NBN in Australia. However, his 457 visa expired, and he had to return to Mumbai, much to his disappointment, as he enjoyed his time in Australia, learning first-hand about telecommunications and the transport systems of Australia - mostly by digging pits for the NBN, and by driving taxis in his off time.

However, once he returned to Mumbai, he had to do something urgently to earn money, so he set up Nazeem's Call Centre, which not only handled important customers such as Turbine Telecommunications & Marketing, it also provided a useful service in re-routing scam callers from other parts of India to Australia.

However, there came the fateful day when a scam call routed through Nazeems shopfront, went straight through to the HQ of the AFP. Commissioner Bloggs answered it, and said..........

[turboplanner]

......."WHO IS THIS!: in an authoritative voice.

"Oh I am Dun Singh Dunny Dunny" said the voice on the other end, "and I am calling you to tell you your Optic Bill is uverdue, dude" 

"SO" said the Commissioner.

"Well good Sir, If you can give me your Usernaming and Pastwording, I can be fixing velly velly fast" said Dun Singh.

The Commissioner had finally hooked one, so he .....................

[bull]

.called up his best detective ,,the intrepid OT who straight away was looking for clues . He dicovered a................

[turboplanner]

........body at the first attempt. It was a 1941 Ford Prefect, one of the ugliest little .....................

[Captain]

35 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........body at the first attempt. It was a 1941 Ford Prefect, one of the ugliest little ......

......... poor people's cars that the working classes grew to love (along with Vanguards).

 

As can be seen from the above, Cappy came from the Working Class and has continued to strive at all times for righteous honesty, noble hard work, respect for his fellow man and the wellbeing of his surrounding community, whereas the above quotation by Cappy's best mate Turbo immediately demonstrates how forgiving and magnanimous Cappy can be, as it shows Turbs to be derisive of small vehicles, superior in his attitude about almost everything, and therefore to be a typical owner of red sports cars & numerous aircraft, who thinks that his does not .......

Edited September 28, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........take up much space on the lawn.

Cappy's story was just that, a bald faced fabrication for a start Cappy has never cared for his surrounding community whereas Turbo has always donated $10 per year to the single mothers' home just in case, and Cappy's idea of noble hard work is getting the cap off a gin bottle without breaking the neck. On one occasion Cappy and Turbo were out shearing at Orana, or more correctly Turbo was shearing and Cappy was pressing bales. Without any notice at all Cappy just ............