The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, bull said:

as the other UN delegates all as one stood up and .........

...... every one of them (and there were hundreds) in unison made the W sign that is an insult in OZ (and which Turbs is accustomed to receiving), but in Europe it is a ......

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

a sign of...........

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, bull said:

a sign of...........

...... prosperity and welcome, or at least that is how Turbo always describes it, yet his entire audience knew precisely what they were conveying to him, which was .......

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...............cheered when he said that it would cost less and generate more power if he just pulled them all down and sold the scrap to ................

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...............cheered when he said that it would cost less and generate more power if he just pulled them all down and sold the scrap to ................

... Tasmania to weigh them down so that they would no longer float away, and that caused .....

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....the Tasmanian Government to seriously think about securing Tasmania to the Mainland. As Premier Gutted said " We usually don't want to have anything to do with the Mainland XXXXX, but we do get a part of what every Mainlander spends in the form of GST which we would lose if we drifted, say, to New Zealand where they are stingy XXXXX, or the other way to South America where we would have to speak Spanish.

 

So Tenders were called for mooring lines from the two northern tips of Tasmania to suitable points on the Mainland, and the response was .............

[Captain]

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

So Tenders were called for mooring lines from the two northern tips of Tasmania to suitable points on the Mainland, and the response was .........

...... a disappointing standoff, because the nearest & best mooring points were at Geelong and Sale, and those areas have The Rona.

 

"Plus, we don't want Vicmanistan rats leaving their sinking shiX-hole, scurrying along the ropes, and bringing their Rona, their bad attitude & their corruption down to this ....."

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........Paradise."

"Moan, Moan, Moan" said Premier Gutted "We'll anchor the cable to the floor of Bass Strait"

"Why don't we just anchor Tasmania to Bass Strait" interjected .......................

[Captain]

47 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........Paradise."

"Moan, Moan, Moan" said Premier Gutted "We'll anchor the cable to the floor of Bass Strait"

"Why don't we just anchor Tasmania to Bass Strait" interjected .......................

.... OvT, who had a deep seafaring knowledge because his direct bloodline harks back directly (Do not pass GO) to his ancestor who was the 1st mate on the Batavia, hence Onesie's local name of OnevanTrack plus his predilection for human flesh and the occasional homicide.

 

But that was small news, as in FNQ they had discovered a group of Qld Devils (Devilous Backwardus) in the rugged hills up behind Bone. The Qld Devils looked similar to Tasmanian Devils but without the stripes.

 

A cursory examination by Queensland's finest wallopers has exposed a new export business by bull exports pty ltd, which has a large cage and the can of black paint, that gets loaded onto the Strahan to bone weekly ferry and is then ......

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

Please bear with me dear NESers, but a close friend, who I first met during my initial Jedi training, where we both passed with honours & distinctions, has sent me the below joke about his name. He is a good bloke, a close mate of mine for many years and is great fun when he is piXXed.

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

This appears to be from Cappy’s esoteric phase.

 

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

esoteric

Cappy is real well edumacated, but he will now be gone from the NES for an hour or so while he looks that word up.

[turboplanner]

.....shipped to bone international harbour.

The Queensland Tourist Industry is on its knees after it sent Japan broke, India broke, and China broke with their exhorbitant Theme Park fees.

bone had none of their features but the bone business association thought they could attract some tourists with a Black Devil Exhibit, and bone concrete was even now building a Big Devil out on the highway where ...........

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and bone concrete was even now building a Big Devil out on the highway where .......

...... , after a lengthy tendering battle between Turbine Big Things Inc, OneVonTrack Huge Edifices Ltd  and bull's precast big devils nl, TBT won the job but ever since have experienced a lot of trouble getting one of the Qld Devils to stand still while they make a plaster cast.

 

The plan had been to undertake scaleup from the plaster cast using software from CT Animations and Scale ups, so the contract is running late and TBT have submitted their 1st claim for extras, which has sent the Bone Progress Association into a bit of a spin (which is very relevant for a Big Devil) and they have .....

 

A SMALL VERSION OF THE BIG BONE DEVIL ALREADY EXISTS, BUT IT LOOKS

A BIT LIKE HE HAS BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK & IS DRAGGING HIMSELF OFF THE ROAD.

THE ONE CONTRACTED BY TBT WILL HAVE A 100 SEAT RESTAURANT IN HIS LEFT

EYE WITH THE DUNNIES LOCATED IN HIS RIGHT EYE, PLUS IT WILL ALSO INCLUDE

A SUITABLY LIFELIKE, BUT TASTEFULLY DONE, TUMOR ON HIS CHEEK.

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

CONTRACTUAL DISCLAIMER AND CLARIFICATION - While their name is prominent on the fence around the worksite, Bone Concrete are a subcontractor to Turbine Big Things Inc (and have not been paid for 2 months, despite their invoices being submitted in a very timely manner ..... [Mavis does the accounts for BC as well as being Treasurer of the bone CWA. Mavis is a real goer, in more ways than one]).

Edited October 15, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......decided to run a Devil Night as a fund raiser, with a series of floor prizes to be supplied by the ...............

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......decided to run a Devil Night as a fund raiser, with a series of floor prizes to be supplied by the ...............

....... Turbine Floors and Lino Corporation, who have timber purchasing contracts in some of the most pristine rainforests in Sth America. That timber is therefore rare, pretty, a bit naughty (like stealing the Mona Lisa) and therefore in strong demand by the yuppy nouveau riche who are building in the canal developments in Darraweit Guim and around ........... 

 

THE TYPE WHO BUY THE BLACK MARKET RAINFOREST TIMBER FLOORS HAWKED AROUND BY TF&LC.

Edited October 15, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........the bone foreshore which is slated to be Gold Coast 2 within 30 years by Anastasia Pastrycook, who.....

[Captain]

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

..........the bone foreshore which is slated to be Gold Coast 2 within 30 years by Anastasia Pastrycook, who.....

... has bought a double block between those of Daniel Craig and Dan Andrews.

 

"Yes folks, it looks like Anastasia is getting ready to be part of a Dan sanga" said .........

[bull]

bull and now our little island is being invaded by the rona,,,,,,locked into our homes [gunna be hard] with noone but the missis to talk to ,,,anyway i stray again,,getting old,lol anyway Now old Dan and his mate Daniel have recruited Big bird and Ernie to promote the shot,[there is still an ongoing protest from  snuffaluffagus...Who thought he should lead the campaign,this brought on more protest from..................

[onetrack]

....the Tasmanian Witches Coven Ltd, who believed they were sidelined when it came to the floor prizes on Devil Night. "We had a nice range of genuine witchey products planned for floor prizes on the Devils Night fundraiser", said Helen of Longford.

 

"There were prizes such as eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat, tongue of dog, adder's fork, blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg, and howlet's wing. These would have all come nicely packaged, and would have been very useful to anyone wanting to cast a spell".

 

"There would've been additional prizes for best costume on the Night - but of course, if anyone came dressed as a mouse in a cloak, and carrying a Jedi wand, they wouldn't get in, because we're a lot more choosy as to who we let in to Devil Nights fundraisers, and a costume such as that, is so passe, because we........

[bull]

can smell a rat you know,,,and we...

[turboplanner]

.....don't need that smell in our kitchen.

Cappy aka Ratso was mortified at forgetting his underarm deodorant, but ....................

[onetrack]

.....thought he could overcome the pong by throwing a whole bottle of Chanel No 5 over his cloak. That worked to the extent that he managed to get through the door, and passed the witches "sniff test" - but when he took his cloak off once inside (because it was quite warm inside, what with all the cauldrons on the bubble), that the Rats pong became overpowering - to the extent it even overpowered the various witches bubbling brews.

 

"What's that horrible smell?", cried Joan from Bridport. "Has someone dragged in a dead rat? We don't use things like that in our cauldrons, something must have died under the hall?"

 

Ratty was becoming quite uncomfortable by now, as it was starting to become obvious the source of the smell would soon be discovered, and he would need to...........

[turboplanner]

....do something in case they decided to dump him in the boiling cauldron where all rats deserve to be. He was familiar with old halls and the TWCL was no different; there were some OLD witches there, and he knew what they used to scour the kitchen and hall after the depraved dancing. His eyes went for the top shelf and he found it! Phenyl!

There was nothing worse than a spilt bottle of phenyl and sitting up there was a vintage bottle. He threw ............