The Never Ending Story

[ahlocks]

....and copies of the Sunday Telegraph.

"On board weather! " mused McLoch. "why didn't I think of that..."

 

"Narrowmind approach, 1234, IFR beercan, 15 miles google map, IMC inbound"

 

"1234, remain 500 feet Iphone for terrain, weather radar shows comics. Report sport results prior to decent"

 

...The music began to pulse to a throbbing beat. ChippenRat strutted onto the stage, almost slipping upon a carpet of Kraft Cheese wedges...

 

===========

 

Always thought ripping yarns belonged in NES?.....:raise_eyebrow:

 

 

[turboplanner]

"On board weather! " mused McLoch. "why didn't I think of that..."

"Narrowmind approach, 1234, IFR beercan, 15 miles google map, IMC inbound"

 

"1234, remain 500 feet Iphone for terrain, weather radar shows comics. Report sport results prior to decent"

 

...The music began to pulse to a throbbing beat. ChippenRat strutted onto the stage, almost slipping upon a carpet of Kraft Cheese wedges.....

.... In the Granny laden semi darkness he looked the spitting image of Warwick Capper. "I get that a lot" said the Cap

 

Cap missed the first bar of the music-he'd had a momentary lapse thinking about new pipes for his bike- but soon he was strutting again...

 

Meanwhile out at Natflew while the various pilots who had been criticising Biggles$ were flying around in the cloud, a Dash 8 RPT was approaching 10 miles DME on the 120 radial, and a Piper Pawnee ("Ultralight" according to a Benalla Glider Tug accident story in the Daily Grot) crop duster was coming in from the opposite direction below fence level with no radio.

 

As punishment for previous transgressions Big2$ had been made Tower Controller and was standing on a 200 litre drum, radio in hand.......

 

WARNING; in order to improve the flow, Turbo has copied the technique of rabbits, providing two burrow to crawl down.

 

 

[ahlocks]

... but soon he was strutting again...

...and spun the most fevourish of pirouettes, not unlike like a drifter in a Dalby dust devil, flicking flour dust from his immaculant white leathers.

 

"jeziwoodenmindabitofthat" mumbled the capperesq (sp?) audience member. :raise_eyebrow:

 

"hesnotasbeautifulasme...buttheressomething...

 

aboutthoseskintight...leatherthathas...gotmefacinated!"

 

he added in halted mumblese. :heart::heart:

 

ChippenRat puckered....:confused:

 

.... Big2$ had been made Tower Controller and was standing on a 200 litre drum' date=' radio in hand.......[/quote']"This radio is Cr:censored:p!" complained 2buckLes. "I've been trying all weekend to get some country and western on it and all I get is some jibberish about some clown getting ten miles out of his tyres!?!

 

=============

 

Multithread flow...:confused: Egad! New non flowing depths to aspire to...in the garden

[turboplanner]

ChippenRat puckered....:confused:

 

It was at that moment the CWA girls arrived. Now NESSERS, if you've ever listened on a Sunday morning to Macca interviewing a CWA President, you'll know that we could have beaten the Nazis hands down by sending over a couple of dozen of our CWA Presidents to give Hitler and his cronies an interview.

 

Beryl kicked over the chair of a little old lady who was staying at the caravan Park and said "That's my place!"

 

Olive pulled the table cloth off, sweeping away the counter meals, and Thelma plonked down six jugs of beer which seh's had clamped in her muscular arms and ample bosom.

 

ChippenRat puckers some more, but it was not enough to hide the words "Come and Get It!" in large letters between his cheeks.

 

He decided to go into the tap dancing routine, having cut up Jabiru rudder hinges and stapled them to his boots.

 

The CWA ladies began to egg him on.....

 

"This radio is Cr:censored:p!" complained 2buckLes. "I've been trying all weekend to get some country and western on it and all I get is some jibberish about some clown getting ten miles out of his tyres!?!

In desperation he raced over to the B&S Ute and dialled up Channel 40 on the CB - the chat channel for truckies. Immediately he was able to converse with three Drifters, a Thruster, seventeen Savannahs all going in different directions at 500 feet AGL in Cloud.

 

"Hi Rexy" 2buckles said (his radio training had been short, but that didn't really matter did it?)

 

There was an ominous silence from the big Dash 8 which was now coming in IFR on final - they were waiting for a proper radio call, but they were to be disappointed......

 

 

[ahlocks]

"Bzzzzzzott!"....The Dash airframe quivered, ever so slightly.

 

"What was that?!" The Dash F/O asked the skipper :raise_eyebrow: (no, not our skipper, hes' busy at the RSL with the CWAzis :heart::heart:)

 

"Dunno...:confused:!? Bird strike perhaps..i_dunno?" replied the Skip. "Umm, Did you leave your I-Phone sitting out on the nacelle?..." he added.

 

"Nah, I've got a real phone." the F/O replied :devil:, "But I do think we've accidently entered the NES zone boss! :raise_eyebrow::ah_oh::confused:...all I'm getting on the Narrowmind CTAF is Garth Brookes singing about his horse that just died :yuk:, and some IFR chatter about Parkes Road and that radials suck for circle work....":raise_eyebrow:

 

=============

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Nah, I've got a real phone." the F/O replied :devil:, "But I do think we've accidently entered the NES zone boss! :raise_eyebrow::ah_oh::confused:...all I'm getting on the Narrowmind CTAF is Garth Brookes singing about his horse that just died :yuk:, and some IFR chatter about Parkes Road and that radials suck for circle work....":raise_eyebrow:=============

"That's why they take the tyres off Jabs and put crossplys on" said the Skipper (not the Warwick Capper look alike) who knew a bit about rec flying or RF as he called it.

 

They lined the Dash 8 up on the main runway "No ground in sight" said the F/O. "Should be coming up soo.............."

 

 

[ahlocks]

Brt Brt! ... Brt Brt! ... Brt Brt! ... Brt Brt!!!

 

"Answer the attitude indicator, would you son..." directed Skip.

 

"Hello?..." said the F/O as he put his ear to the blue and brown ball thingy.

 

"$#@%&*#$#$"

 

"It's some bloke accusing you of not dipping your headlights and blinding him, skip."

 

"$#@%&*#$#$"

 

"...and his says he wants his tail wheel and wife's phone back!" :confused:

 

=====================

 

The CWAzies must have kidnapped ChippenRat!!

 

 

[turboplanner]

The noise from the CWA girls had driven all the other patrons across to the Rich River Golf Club where a good meal was being served as usual.

 

This left just ChippenRat and the CWA girls and the manager.

 

His previous boasting about the font size of his "Come and Get it!" came to haunt him now as Beryl made a lunge for his G Straing to expose.....well, more or less a Chillie in a poor season.

 

ChippenRat screamed in terror, for there were six more hungry women. He lost his nerve, turned, and ran sobbing down the street to BigPete's place.

 

But the door was locked.....

 

 

[Tomo]

"But the door was locked.............

 

............ Fortunately for ChippenRat he new a bit of how to break into a house, (had to do it many times before!) so he goes round to the back and carefully undoes the fly screen and pull out a window pain (Ouch that hurt!!). Climbs inside being careful not to wake up anyone... sneaks into one of the bedrooms and hides under the bed.... that way no one including the 5 hungry ladys can't find him..........

 

But for ChippenRat it was not the end...............................

 

-------------------------

 

Yeah Dotdash has been busy flying all day.... great fun!!:thumb_up:

 

 

[ahlocks]

But the door was locked.....

...for BigPete had turned his back on the barely (some more bare than others)aviation related and more often than not, non flowing inhabitants of NES. i_dunno:yuk:

 

"Open up or I'll tell McLock I can smell smoke!" threatened Le Crappe, (who was now rather keen to discard his CRat handle ).

 

"C'mon Pete!! .....let me in or I'll tell the CWAzies about your thong collection..." he half begged, half pleaded....

 

================

 

While Le Crapee's away the mice will......destroy his reputation :devil:

 

 

[Tomo]

"...and his says he wants his tail wheel and wife's phone back!" :confused:

Oh says the F/O..... Serve him right for having his wife's phone with him.... and the tail wheel.... Well what about it?

 

 

[ahlocks]

... and the tail wheel.... Well what about it?

He wants it back.....;)

 

 

[turboplanner]

Thread 1

 

But for ChippenRat it was not the end.........

 

Thread 2

 

"C'mon Pete!! .....let me in or I'll tell the CWAzies about your thong collection..." he half begged, half pleaded....

 

Thread 3

 

Originally Posted by Tomo

 

... and the tail wheel.... Well what about it?[

 

He wants it back.....

 

Thread 1

 

No bloody fear, we’ll get back at old Cap with this character…..

 

Thread 2

 

…..drownedRat who’d had to dive into the Murray to escape the CAWees. Now he was contaminated with Blue Green Algae disease and banned from leaving the town……

 

Thread 3

 

The Dash 8 Skipper (Not….) calmly said “You’ll find another heap of rag and bones to attached it to; what about old Tossers Thruster…….

 

 

[ahlocks]

Thread 1

 

No bloody fear, we’ll get back at old Cap with this character…..

"Old Cap??!!" gasped McLock :raise_eyebrow:. "Oh dear i_dunno,...he's never gunna feel so insulted."

 

who’d had to dive into the Murray.../... contaminated with Blue Green Algae disease..

Two points of order (odour?) here TurboSan...only to ensure that the NES maintains some very loose standard of credibility. ;)

 

1. There's no water left in the Murray by chewka, 'cus the allocation was sold off to the highest offshore bidder. Therefore;

 

2. It can't be blue green algae that ChippenRat is contaminated with, it's the residue of the blue vein and roquefort cheese....:yuk:

 

=============

 

dashDot missed a chance to cull a Jab. On the threshold

 

 

[turboplanner]

Points well made McLoch.

 

ChippenRat sat disconsolately in the street, nibbling on blue vein.

 

Suddenly there was a commotion down the street as the CWA girls came round the corner in the B&S Ute which, apart from circle work, was also used for spotlighting.

 

The 10,000 candlepower light hit him right in the backbone, or what was left of it.

 

"Wing him" said Heather "that'll slow him down"

 

Olive steadied the 222 on the roof of the ute.

 

At the sound of the Piiiinggggggg! Chippenrate made BigIdontforgetPete's front door in one leap, and pounded on it.

 

With a demented scream he yelled "Help me Pete....help me mate!!!!!"

 

From inside the house came the question: "Are we going to see more aviation topics?"

 

ChippenRat replied Y....but they had him.

 

Olive jumped him, and crushed his ribs (see photo)

 

The air was squeezed out of him and he began to black out.

 

That's when Cap woke up.........

 

 

 

[Captain]

"Apologies, chaps" said the Skipp "I have been away getting the Country going again, and ever the professional, in order to bring a better experience to the fare paying punters at the Echuca Rissole I have attending a one day course at a Sydney based Academy of Exotic Dance"

 

'What did you learn?" asked Tomo "Who was showing an unnatural level of interest"

 

"Within the 1st minutes of the 1st lesson I learnt that myself (and BigPete) have been wearing our sequin encrusted thonges back to front and inside out for all these years (not that there is anything wrong with that)."

 

"And I learnt to do the splits with a thong on. Watch this" he demonstrated.

 

"I also learnt that a jumping castle is not needed at Echuca" he added.

 

"That's right" said Nanna "Because I'll be in attendance, with my girls, and the CWA lasses will be there to take up the slack, and to serve cups of tea if you blokes run out of puff."

 

At this news, Stray-ya was deafened by the sound of hangar doors being opened, cowls being removed, oil being changed, plug-gaps being checked, and condominiums being packed as thousands of pilots & NES readers prepared their aircraft & wallets to head to Echuca.

 

But there was a problem, in the form of a ...................

 

ADDENDUM

 

There's no water left in the Murray by chewka, 'cus the allocation was sold off to the highest offshore bidder. Therefore;

I have it on good authority that BigPete, PlainJaneGeoff and Le Crape have purchased a 1 month water allocation for the Murray and the release starts this weekend from Hume Weird. This will ensure that the river will be chockers at Echuca for the Anzac Weekend, to provide a River for the Lass to lie on a blanket beside, and to make everything look nice for this important Fly-In where under-wing camping is not permitted.

 

 

[turboplanner]

At this news, Stray-ya was deafened by the sound of hangar doors being opened, cowls being removed, oil being changed, plug-gaps being checked, and condominiums being packed as thousands of pilots & NES readers prepared their aircraft & wallets to head to Echuca.

 

But there was a problem, in the form of a ...............

....ban on underwing camping.

 

The Mayor of Campaspe (wherever that is - Geoff Kennett really stuffed that one up didn't he), who was an avid reader of the Daily Grot, which regularly reported aircraft crashes as another Ultralight crash, even if it was a six engined Tupelov in Siberia, explained that this was a safety measure, in case the Ultralights crashed on the sleepers during the night.

 

Big2$, who was wing neutral becaise he didn't have a wing at the moment shouild have remained silent, but he couldn't help himself.......

 

 

[Captain]

....ban on underwing camping.

The Mayor of Campaspe (wherever that is - Geoff Kennett really stuffed that one up didn't he), who was an avid reader of the Daily Grot, which regularly reported aircraft crashes as another Ultralight crash, even if it was a six engined Tupelov in Siberia, explained that this was a safety measure, in case the Ultralights crashed on the sleepers during the night.

 

Big2$, who was wing neutral becaise he didn't have a wing at the moment shouild have remained silent, but he couldn't help himself.......

"Has anyone seen Caroline" he asked.

 

"I have" said the Mayor "She's gone to Swan Hill, or Menindee or Mareeba or Katherine or Nhill. I can't remember which as they all sound the same to me".

 

"I'm the Campaspe (not that there is anything wrong with that) Mayor and we welcome anyone in sequins and thongs. In fact there is a large thong wearing community here ..... and most of them are aviation freaks, such as .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

In fact there is a large thong wearing community here ..... and most of them are aviation freaks, such as .......

......Possum, Aileron, Ki Gas Mick, Lee Da Vinci (also fruit grower), Prop Wash, and......

 

 

[Captain]

......Possum, Aileron, Ki Gas Mick, Lee Da Vinci (also fruit grower), Prop Wash, and......

..... that well known thong freak, Ahlocks.

 

So after offending most of the forum members between the Murray & the Lachlan, Tubb went fishing, started his outboard and ........ thud ....... he lunched another one.

 

At the same time Ford Prefect (Admin's favourite NES character) gave his rolling call on 19, accelerated to full bottle throttle, centred the ASI, flattened the VSI, unhooked the ALT, sucked his thumb, went woosh, lit his afterburner (better out than in), watched his fuel meter go vertical (note the conglomeration of aviation terms and fuel flow references) and ..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... that well known thong freak, Ahlocks.

So after offending most of the forum members between the Murray & the Lachlan, Tubb went fishing, started his outboard and ........ thud ....... he lunched another one.

 

At the same time Ford Prefect (Admin's favourite NES character) gave his rolling call on 19, accelerated to full bottle throttle, centred the ASI, flattened the VSI, unhooked the ALT, sucked his thumb, went woosh, lit his afterburner (better out than in), watched his fuel meter go vertical (note the conglomeration of aviation terms and fuel flow references) and ..........

 

......who should give a "lining up and rolling" call without paying any attention to the two Drifters on final (one containing a hysterical dotDash), not to mention the Vari-Eze making a downwind landing, but Natfly Rat fresh from the bordellos of Kings Cross.

 

He gave the Jab throttle a jab, sank the right boot to the floor to offset the Spitfire like torque, and after three little skips, two sinks and full left full right full left aileron in quick succession. cleared the pig farm by a boar's whisker.

 

It was at this point he lost his presence of mind and dumped all the flap, which is hard to do in a Jab with eternal electric control.

 

Splash! the Waggajab now had two tones of green to go with the matching white.

 

He pulled hard back on the control yoke ("This Y shaped thingy" said his instructor, Olive, is the yoke"), and the powerful Jab motor didn't let him down.

 

Ford Prefect, now following close behind thought there must be some sort of object/bird flock in the flight path, and pulled back on his Flowmaster yoke.....

 

 

[Captain]

......fresh from the Bordellos .....

............ as he thought it was the MkII Bordello that was fitted with a 5800 Jab engine and went like a cut pussy.

 

The MkII has winglets and the improved nose that gets the stall down to 30 knots while a Vne of 160 knots still applies.

 

"Was yours factory built, or did you make it from a kit?" asked Kit.

 

"No, you misunderstood me" was the reply "Mine is the full-sized Mk II Border, not the 75% scaled down MkII Bordello."

 

"Oh" said Kit "Tubb buggered that up, as he assumed that it was a ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"No, you misunderstood me" was the reply "Mine is the full-sized Mk II Border, not the 75% scaled down MkII Bordello."

"Oh" said Kit "Tubb buggered that up, as he assumed that is was a ..................

.....MkIII upgrade of the MKII imitation model with the Rotec R2800 seven cylinder 110 hp, longer fuse and taildragger undercarriage to get more flow on landing.

 

The unmentioned respondent read Kit's mind, then said "Rotec, are you related to the Rotec that worked in the Lycoming factory then went to Continental before being fired and moving to Pratt & Whitney?"

 

"No Kit" said Rotec who was laconic.....

 

 

[ahlocks]

"No Kit" said Rotec who was laconic.....

..."Bugger" responded Curt...

 

 

[turboplanner]

..."Bugger" responded Curt...

 

 

...iss Flatwing (see above for the poorly constructed sentences of Natfly Rat which led to this)

 

"In that case when Ford Prefect hit the gas the aircraft would have flopped in a heap"

 

"Precisely" said Rotect, and that's why Prefect's plane is painted pig poo green these days.

 

They were interrupted by a loud snore from Natfly Rat.......

 

ChippenRat skipped across the floor of Studio One, his lithe Warwick Capper-like body (I get that a lot) shimmering in the television lights.

 

He'd been very specific to them producers to ensure that no CWA girls got into the Studio audience, and now he was turning, nodding, using that ludicrous 'day mate" finger pointing that John Farnham pioneered.

 

As he turned, he caught sight of a tea lady in the background.....it was Olive!......