The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.....and there was no better occasion worth milking for all its worth (note, no superfluous apostrophe), than the day OT went and paid a visit to Brownes milk and cream factory when it was under threat of being taken over by the Chinese.

 

"Damn the Chinese takeover of everything agricultural in Australia!", he cried, as the assembled media pack doted on his words, and what he might do next.

 

"We need to stop this subversive and subtle Chinese invasion!", he thundered to the media reptiles. "It's (note, apostrophe) high time we fought them on the beaches, fight them on the landing grounds (avref), fight them in the fields, and in the streets - we shall fight in the hills; we shall never ever surrender to a backdoor Chinese invasion of Australia!"

And the gathering crowd cheered, and the media pack went wild, as they relayed the message to their stations. But OT's efforts were in vain, as the majority failed to back him and continued to buy cheap Chinese products, and Brownes fell to the Chinese. It was a sad day in Perth when this happened, and.......

 

Edited November 6, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....a sad day for Turbo who used to design refrigerated vans and tankers for the Dairy industry in the days when they carried milk, but then they decided it didn't need butterfat, and it went downhill from there with the genuine dairies walking way, their owners going to live on the Gold Coast where, apparently, they are still attending a theme park a day and watching the people walk up and down the beach, then the world's best ice cream manufacturers in South Australia succumbed and their owners moved to Nice, France, but we all knew that Brownes were far enough away that they would never give in, and now this....................

[Captain]

..... terrible news that the Brownes' (note clever & appropriate use of apostrophe) signature catchphrase "How Now Brownes Cow" has been altered by the Chine based marketing company to .....

[turboplanner]

.......Fly Lice and Mook. For those that don't know Chine is one of the Spratley Isands where ..............

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Fly Lice and Mook. For those that don't know Chine is one of the Spratley Isands where ..............

.. the Spratley Islands Communist Party (SICP) has taken over after they decided that recent bad press by Xi & the CCP meant that a rebranding was necessary.

 

The country has therefore been renamed, the flag has been changed to brue and the slogan "By Spratrey" has been registered with the ......

[turboplanner]

.....Chine Registry Office.

Chine are now looking for a Governor and a fierce debate ensued in the Chine Democratic Parliament over whether Cappy's Island, still unnamed, was within the boundaries of Chine, and whether they could have the Queen as Head of State.

It looks suspiciously like they are putting feelers out to nominate Cappy as the First Governor of Sprite.

 

The Chinese Ambassador for previously served in Australia, but had to leave after being told he was a wanker too many times for Comfort issue a statement to Chine that China would not tolerate audacious and mendatious actions like wanting to run your own show, and China would respond with might and awe.  Capp phoned Turbo, Turbo flicked to to the Spratleys in the Challenger and just as three Chinese Aircraft carriers rounded the cap leading to THAT island, Turbo started up the Corsairs, and revved a couple. The Carriers went to full steam, two collided, denting both and the third one could be heard scraping coral on the south east corner of Chine and the raced for home. Cappy ..........

[Captain]

.... was very impressed by Turbo's actions, as he always has been, so he decided to pay a formal State Visit to the Spratleys and to travel there via Freo (for a coffee near the goal), Geraldton (for some free crayfish) and via Carnarvon (where he would drop off 2 Teddy Bears in return for the photo Op) and then his entourage would proceed onward and upward (avref) to visit ......

[turboplanner]

.......Chine itself, palm trees swaying in the gental breeze, native girls swaying to hip hop and his resort manager lazing by the pool with Cappy's cigars and gin bottles. A few minutes later, with a new resort manager in place, Cappy .......

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Chine itself, palm trees swaying in the gental breeze, native girls swaying to hip hop and his resort manager lazing by the pool with Cappy's cigars and gin bottles. A few minutes later, with a new resort manager in place, Cappy .......

.... decided to resort to .....

[turboplanner]

......a resort of the Jetskis at his resort, but with a twist ...........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......a resort of the Jetskis at his resort, but with a twist ...........

.... , and it is that twist which makes the jetskis so vital for the First Nations community .....

[onetrack]

....which were all previously displaced for Cappys arrival gathering at the Island. However, despite Cappys relaxed mood, he became a little apprehensive when a funny-looking Chinese transport plane flew in (long-overdue avref) and landed, and then disgorged 140 PLA troops - who immediately set upon Cappy, and arrested him at gunpoint. 

 

The leader of the PLA platoon spoke good English, and introduced himself as Capt Doo Aw Di. "I'm here to inform you that President Xi Jinping and the CCP are greatly angered by your takeover of this island - and you are being arrested in accordance with CCP HQ's instructions.

This island is within the Nine Dash Line, and your arrival and set up here, is nothing less than blatant aggression, and Chinese land invasion by Australia! Accordingly, we are going to make an example of you! - just to show Scott Morrison, we mean business!!"

 

"It's bad enough that you bought a heap of Yankee Imperialist Running Dog Capitalist nuclear submarines! - thus showing your countrys aggressive intent towards China! - but now you have greatly angered both the President and the Party, by invading an island to which China has rightful claim! You will regret this foolish move!!"

 

Cappy blanched at the thought of being placed in a re-education camp. They didn't have gin and cigars there. But then he thought fast. He reached for his Esky, which was nearby. "How many Geraldton crayfish will it take to make this little arrest problem go away?", he asked Capt Di. "I have enough here for........

[turboplanner]

...........President XI and your own troops. The PLA leader closed his eyes, smiled and said "Now you talking Bro!" and they came up with a Plan which would save face, save Cappy going to the first edication facility of his life, and ............

[Captain]

.... with that thought Cappy decided that some edumacation, some time around a campfire beside a river and some free dim sims would be a good investment for his future. After all, he has 2 kidneys & a couple of corneas, so even with rampant organ harvesting, poor sterilization techniques & blunt knives, what it the worst that can happen ...... if Cappy has a chance to come out with a degree in Astrophysics (almost an avref).

 

"I think you misunderstand what happens in re-education camps" said .......

Edited November 7, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....the re-education Commander Up Yu. First you have to give up gin, then.......but there was no time for a post change; Cappy had jumped up and run like an Olympian for the Yangtze river, jumped in, knocked a poor fosherman out of his Sampan and was paddling for the ocean. Luckily his usual mistake of leaving the roaming on worked for him and managed to get an urgent call away to OT to fly in (ancient av rev since there was no one left in RAA to organise one) and save him................

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....the re-education Commander Up Yu. First you have to give up gin, then.......but there was no time for a post change; Cappy had jumped up and run like an Olympian for the Yangtze river, jumped in, knocked a poor fosherman out of his Sampan and was paddling for the ocean. Luckily his usual mistake of leaving the roaming on worked for him and managed to get an urgent call away to OT to fly in (ancient av rev since there was no one left in RAA to organise one) and save him................

........ however when the fleet of AUF aircraft (avref) arrived, two things were evident:

 

1. That the AUF was alive and well & was operating very efficiently on the Turbinebook, Turbter & Turbosoft Dark Web in parallel with the RAA and most active aviators (avref) are actually AUF registered. (As a result of all of the Dark Web traffic, Turbo's private yacht is now bigger than Bill's and Turbo has become a Global Warming "Build Back Better" activist).
2. Over 2500 of the AUF Rag-&-Tube'ers who turned up were fitted with floats, so it was evident that the AUF (avref) has been encouraging seaborne floatplane operations and endorsements. "Bugger the expense of building a strip" said OT, who was the closet leader of the AUF Float-Plane Division (the AUFFPD).

 

The huge fleet of AUF aircraft (avref) blotted out the CCP Radar like a flock of raggy & tubey starlings and landed on the Yangtze in an effort equivalent to a combination of the Dam Busters Raid and the rescue of that bloke from the Nazi (Turboref) castle. As a result, Cappy was a saved hero, the AUF became the pre-eminent aviation (avref) organization in the world (with branches in 95 Countries) and the CCP were really pi.........

 

Edited November 8, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......e-faced (courtesy Four and Twenty Pies, brought to you by Turbine CAT Oriental).

The CCP with its considerable resources, turned its attention to Australia and decided to bomb Darwin..............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......e-faced (courtesy Four and Twenty Pies, brought to you by Turbine CAT Oriental).

The CCP with its considerable resources, turned its attention to Australia and decided to bomb Darwin..............

.... but then they thought "Why waste the munitions as the next cycrone will wipe it out anyway".

 

This aggressive move, however, highlighted the 2 stages of government in Australia where everything is duplicated.

 

An example is the RAA's relationship with CASA were exposed, where 500 members are serviced by 7,500 bureaucrats.

 

Whereas the NTSB  has aligned itself on the dark web, quite separately & independently, with the AUF and their 15,000 members, 8,000 of which now have the new NTSB Float endorsement, are best mates with the 4,700 public servants in the NTSB and all get full together in a dark room each Xmas. (The NTSB have dumped their "Bottle-to-Throttle" regulations as a result, so that everyone can fly home afterwards).

 

President Xi considered this situation in detail and pronounced to his airforce "Don't worry about bombing Darwin (unless, you just want a little bit of practice .... and if you do, make sure you miss the broody Port) as these Skippy guys are already f.......

 

"MISS THIS" XI SAID AND SQUADRON LEADER FU QU AGLEED.

Edited November 8, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......ussy about preserving the hallowed history of the Port of Darwin by our mortal and cruel enemy, the Javanese. (President XI had not done very well in history as school being overly occupied by little Ping Yu who sat in front of him.)

 

The CCP through the equivalent of our SAS hatched a plan to attack Darwin bypassing the Port, and launched their carrier-based MIG 300Ys headed for Darwin. The MIG 300 [Chinese avref] like its 250 predecessors hadn't been trouble-free with the A to X variants scrapped and recycled as letter boxes. Nevetheless, they flew valiantly on. They had the very latest Glass instruments with GPS supplied by Turbine Magenta. All they had to do was follow the magenta line. They had to trust the Turbine Instruments because they'd never had a case where one of their own had been remotely accurate, or lasted a complete flight. Cunningly, Turbo had slightly adjusted all the GPS chips, and the CCPSAS landed on York Peninsula.

They booked in for the night at the nearby resort called the Darwin Diggers Club, owned by Turbine Secret Destinations Inc and read all the brochures including the ones about how the Aborigines caught their own food. This incuded Blue-Headed Roosters and the text said "It easy, just like Chinee Rooster; grab neck, chop head off." Smiling at the carelessness of Australians giving away such handy hints by mistake, the first CCPSAS  platoon caught a "rooster" ............................

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Smiling at the carelessness of Australians giving away such handy hints by mistake, the first CCPSAS  platoon caught a "rooster" ........

...... which was actually a Cassowary ("Why these loosters brue?" asked one of the grunts), but it was too late as the Cassowary kicked and scratched the living XXXX out of them.

 

"Wow these Aussies must be tough buggers (particurary the Steggles & the Ingham famiries) to rive & work with these loosters, not to mention the LedBacks and the King Blowns, so I leckon we should all ..... 

 

"BROODY DANGELOUS ROOKING LOOSTER" SAID FU

Edited November 8, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....head back home."

"I'm hungry" he added "Hey Ti Nee, strip off to bugy snugglers and see if you can catch that rooster - plenty of room for him in there!" The rooster won and poor Tiny was looking like pulled pork, so they walked along the beach, eventually coming to a small cove on sunset.

There was a sign which said "Stonefish Cove, site of the escape of a hundred Japanese SAS troops in WW2 who waded out when it got dark and swam, using frog stroke so there would be no fluorescence visible to Australian troops on the hill behind you. They all instincltively ducked and missed the tag line "Turbine Tourism"

The leader radioed for a sub at midnight, when they set out to wade out from the beach the sound of a hundred Chinese soldiers yelling XXXXX! at the same time is terrifying and this woke up the two Border Control officers and CASA FOI who discharged their 38 cal weapons. By now the Chinese were frog stroking as hard as they could go, free of the stone fish on the sand but the shots had terrified the stone fish and they had now taken off away from the Australians but straight for the Chinese with their legs wide apart, exposing the family jewels to the poisoned barbs of the stone fish ....................

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

By now the Chinese were frog stroking as hard as they could go, free of the stone fish on the sand but the shots had terrified the stone fish and they had now taken off away from the Australians but straight for the Chinese with their legs wide apart, exposing the family jewels to the poisoned barbs of the stone fish .......

"Why would the chinese be rubbing the french?" interjected bull.

 

......, the sight of which inspired a new bout of dot painting by the Native peoples in that Stone-Fish Serpent region, and these sold like hotcakes, as the Skippys found the view, from the south, of a northbound Chinese SAS member, with his jewels exposed and his member heading down (avref) and with a northbound speeding stonefish with spines heading up (avref) to be very attractive, and the painters (respect on respect, past, present & future or whenever etc) made more money that year than they could have made flying (avref) south and playing AFL.

 

This all triggered a ........

 

AN EARLY ATTEMPT THAT HAD THE STONEFISH HEADING NORTHEAST.

Edited November 9, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....huge potential market for codpieces that not only protected against Cod, they also had to protect against Stonefish. Turbo spotted the market very early in the piece, but OT wasn't far behind him in the design race. The important part was, the new codpiece had to allow swimming and leg articulation freedom, but it couldn't expose any part of the family jewels at any time.

 

"We have a winning design, tested on 300 nervous users, but which came through with flying colours!", announced Turbo to a large group of potential sellers he had gathered. These sellers were already in the swimwear market, and they were eagerly seeking additional money-making lines.

 

"We have a better winning design!", announced OT. "Our model is based on fishplates! As we all know, fishplates are a proven design principle, we just had to adapt it to protective swimwear. What's more, we recycle used bulldozer track shoes in the design, this guarantees the stonefish can't get through to the swimmers FJ's, no matter how hard they try!"

 

"Hang on", said bull, eyeing off the design warily. "Isn't there a major weight penalty with your design? - as in, the swimmers sink like stones when they're wearing them?"

 

"All new designs have a few bugs that need to be ironed out", said OT smoothly. "We're addressing the slight weight problem, and it won't be long before............

[Captain]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

All new designs have a few bugs that need to be ironed out", said OT smoothly. "We're addressing the slight weight problem, and it won't be long before........

...... we will be conducting some real world tests, where our model will be wearing our patented cod-piece, to protect his cods, and we'll be firing 100 pretty cranky stone-fish at him using a modified tennis ball throwing machine. We only have one small issue at the moment, and that is we have a durth of volunteer models".

 

bull thought about this, and while he is naturally very brave, he had also learnt not to ever volunteer for anything, during his time in the .....

Edited November 9, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

.......shoulder rocket launcher test program where the bullet proof vest wearers { testers } were getting progressively harder to find......