The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It didn't help that Loxie disguised the attached side entrace of the Bob as the Grill Room and Bistro. Dressed formally for dinner, the five opened the door and ........

..... looked confused, as these were city girls and before this, the wildest thing they had each done was to add almond milk into their lattes, and sneak a 90 second preview of 50 Shades of Grey.

 

"Where is this Bob bloke?" asked the .....

Edited December 17, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...first Matron who was in her full-time job Matron of RPA Hospital where, believe me they see some bizarre sights every Saturday night there, so you would expect her to find the BoB quite normal, but she was so shocked when she walked in that she lost her footing and grabbed Loxie by .......................

[Captain]

..... his large but deformed (it was bent to the left because he is right handed) Proboscis (well that is his pet name for it) and the Matron swooned as a result before saying "Oh, Loxie, I love a man in uniform who can light a girl's fire, as well as put them out, so how about .......

 

AS CAN BE SEEN BELOW, LOXIE POLISHES HIS HELMET REGULARLY (SOME, INCLUDING HIS MUM, SAY TOO OFTEN AND IT IS UNHEALTHY).

 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....you let me handle your fire hose for a short while, so I can get a feel for what it's like, to have such a huge......

 

Edited December 17, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

..........responsibility in the CFS fighting huge fires and saving peoples property and even lives. Loxie was overcome with emotion, because he was usually abused with "WHERE THE XXXXXX HELL have you BEEN!, the fire's nearly OUT!", and he reverted to type with just the short answer "Ten Four Buddy".  She tried some more conversation to which Loxie responded "Loxie's AOK buddy". That was when she decided to move on to someone who was less of a hillbilly and who should walk in but .................

 

Edited December 18, 2021 by turboplanner

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..........responsibility in the CFS fighting huge fires and saving peoples property and even lives. Loxie was overcome with emotion, because he was usually abused with "WHERE THE XXXXXX HELL have you BEEN!, the fire's nearly OUT!", and he reverted to type with just the short answer "Ten Four Buddy".  She tried some more conversation to which Loxie responded "Loxie's AOK buddy". That was when she decided to move on to someone who was less of a hillbilly and who should walk in but .................

 

....... the Captain of Loxie's CFS Brigade, a brave and highly decorated, yet morally and physically bankrupt (M&FBTurboref) bloke named Poxie, who had a few scars on his .....

[turboplanner]

...............his forehead where trees had fallen on him; but he'd never backed off. When he walked True North his heading was Magnetic North due t a rogue falling limb cut but an SES volunteer whose day job was  servicing coffee machines, but that didn't faze old Poxie who was on the short list for the next Diehard With a Twist movie. However, when he saw the Matron he started back, held his arm over his eyes and whimpered as she stiffened and gave him a death stare. Now as you know we in the NES don't let people's secrets out or engage in gossip; all we'll say is she stared at hime as he shook in fear and she said "Your daughter's well". Poxie didn't know whether to stand there or run, but ............

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Poxie didn't know whether to stand there or run, but ......

..... decided that to stand there probably gave him his best chance of getting one of those special nurse's .....

Edited December 18, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

 

On 19/12/2021 at 9:37 AM, Captain said:

..... decided that to stand there probably gave him his best chance of getting one of those special nurse's .....

attention and rolled over and as he did his large................

[onetrack]

...set of medals (which he wore constantly to impress people), jammed into a crack in the floor, stopping him in mid-roll, and........

[turboplanner]

..............the heavy gold chains prevented him from getting up.

This was where Fire Chief Shultz found him.  FC (as we say in the business) Schultz was one of the early European immigrants to Australia. No one knew which country he came from, and he was very quiet for a few years, the only thing unusual about him being a tiny moustache under his nose. He joined what was then the Wagga Wagga and District Volunteer Fire Brigade, whose equipment included a two wheel cart with handles at each corner and two large cart wheels, steel shod. When the fire bell was rung by the FC, four strong men would grab a handle each and run for the fire. In District fires that could mean an 18 mile run out to a farmhouse, and there was hell to pay if someone had forgotten to load the hose, and you certainly didn't want to be the allocated pump man on one of those. This particular day a new, young, recruit was running offside front when ...................................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

This particular day a new, young, recruit was running offside front when ........

..... Schultzy, as everyone liked to call him, displayed his 1st signs of megalomania, and the new young recruit showed his .....

[turboplanner]

......heels to the other three.

"Zyou MUST run in SCHTEPP!" bawled Schultzy, "Vot iss it whith you Wagga Waggas! Can't you ....."

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Can't you ....

..... pull ziss schteel shod ting in schtepp?

 

But the new, young, recruit at offside front was taking the whole thing very seriously (Ahloxprofessionalismref) trying to coordinate (avref) with the firm and fit (NTTIAWWT) young firey at onside front and said to him "What is the RFS's preferred gate, mate? Is it a jog, collected, slow or road trot, or are we just supposed to use the smoother yet faster road gait?"

 

The firey at offside rear gave a breathless grunt and said "..... 

[turboplanner]

".......stuffed if I know, I'm going to Henty"

This was a problem becaise the fire was in the opposite direction, and ....................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".......stuffed if I know, I'm going to Henty"

This was a problem because the fire was in the opposite direction, and ....................

.... the wind was blowing towards the town.

 

That, however was only part of the problem, as it was time for Smoko and under the award of the Amalgamated Fireman's, Commo Construction Worker's & Painter's and Docker's Award, Fire of No-Fire, the hard earned right of the oppressed worker to an adequate Smoko Break was sacrosanct and extended from 9 am to .......

[turboplanner]

..........2:30 pm.

They were all laying in the shade of a big old Redgum when FC Schultz came puffing up.

"You ran in the wrong directions und missen der bigg sign, so your fault and no smoko today.

Lookken this way - big smoko burning housen so get offen your arsenhausens and MOVE!" and with this he made a menacing signal which used to throw such fear int his Panzers in the War that few armies ever managed to beat them.

It scared Loxie too and he was known as the bravest man in Wagga, or he said he was, and they took off for the fire at a fast trot. FC Scultz had managed to climb onto the cart, and that wasn't helping much, but fear drove their feet, and when they arrived at the fire ............

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........2:30 pm.

......... but a minor technicality, in that there was no mention that 9 am to 2.30 pm had to be on the same day.

 

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It scared Loxie too and he was known as the bravest man in Wagga, or he said he was, and they took off for the fire at a fast trot. FC Scultz had managed to climb onto the cart, and that wasn't helping much, but fear drove their feet, and when they arrived at the fire .....

........ little Johnny Setka had flicked up from Melbournistan in his Lambo and was standing there with his hand up, indicating ......

[turboplanner]

23 hours ago, Captain said:

........ little Johnny Setka had flicked up from Melbournistan in his Lambo and was standing there with his hand up, indicating ......

....to the fairies that they should stop and relax for the rest of the day; to the residents there would be a slight delay, and to the press ........

[Captain]

Apologies dear readers for sidetracking, but I just received an urgent notice from CASA who have endorsed the FAA technical document that was issued overnight.

This has been sent to your tame Jedi Rat because placing this in the NES is the fastest way to reach our tens of thousands of active aviators. If you see an unapproved Santa over coming days, in true CASA form, you are encoutaged to dob him in.

 

Edited December 23, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

On behalf of the thousands of NES readers and flyers, Turbo thanks Cappy for  (a) the speed at which he has been able to supply the new standard, and (b) thanks to CASA for stepping into line with FAA which will appease the people who just have to complain when even a single word varies from FAA regulations, even when they've never been to the USA and never seen the regulation.

 

Turbo has already modified the trusty Cherokee Warrior using duct tape and two little rubber stamps with CASA app. and TSO on them, (left behind after an inspection which required an extra long lunch to interpret the problem regulations.) 

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

On behalf of the thousands of NES readers and flyers, Turbo thanks Cappy for  (a) the speed at which he has been able to supply the new standard

Cappy has always been aware that Turbo speaks on behalf of all Aussie aviators & aviatrixes. Cappy therefore thanks Turbo for his kind endorsement ............ although Cappy is also well aware of the secessionist & Breakaway Aviation Group (the BAGs) in WA led by Onesie, who pose a threat to Turbo's previously dominant position.

 

LATE BREAKING NEWS - Santa's flight plan west of Eucla has been refused this year by Marky Mark, due to an Omicron outbreak amongst the Elves at the North Pole (Happy has lost his sense of smell and Dopey has a droopy one {Santa has run out of blue pills}..... while 1 of the reindeer has reported that he has a sore one).

Edited December 23, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

However, the BAGs have a Plan B in place to get around the slight technical hitch of Santa and the sleigh being unable to enter W.A. airspace. OT has advised Santa to file a flight plan that overflies W.A. to a destination further NW - so he can simply parachute the presents to the desired locations in W.A., as he overflies the State.

Santa was quite pleased that OT had thought of this alternative approach (avref), and advised OT, that as Cappy had been naughty, many, many times this year - especially with his derogatory contributions on the NES towards the inhabitants of W.A. - and he had eliminated Cappy from his presents list, so he would give Cappys presents to OT for his great flight planning assistance.

OT was quite pleased at this great news, but wondered what.....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

OT was quite pleased at this great news, but wondered what.....

..... would be the outcome, as Cappy, via his mate Julian Assange (NTTIAWWT), has purloined a copy of Santa's Naughty List - Adult Female Division.

 

So while Cappy won't be getting his usual gift wrapped socks & undies prezzies from Santa this year, he is sure to be getting lots of ........

Edited December 23, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....purloins for the BBQ, and ...................