The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....purloins for the BBQ, and ...................

.... which, when cooked, will cause .....

 

(Cappy has purloins supporting the walls of his hangar and did not realize that they could be edible).

Edited December 23, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....unbelievable stomach pain and tooth damage, as the guests try to chow down on charred wooden purloins, which had been put aside for Cappys next round of additions to his hangar.

 

"You did say 'purloins', didn't you?", said Cappy as he gazed ruefully at the hacked up, half-chewed, and charred remnants of his next construction project.

 

"No, I said 'sirloins'!", said Turbo, clutching his stomach and rolling around on the ground. "I knew that Wagga butcher of yours didn't sell the best meat, but confusing your purloins for sirloins, and then BBQ'ing them, and attempting to get us to eat them, makes the......

[turboplanner]

.....the annual reunion BBQ hard on the teeth, but still more tender than Gumly rump.

Cappy seemed offended by this ........

 

 

 

Turbo’s wife wears a purloin necklace to important functions, like Turbo’ S speeding cases.

[onetrack]

....comment of Turbos, and thought back to how Turbo's wife was questioned about the purlion necklace, when she wore it to court. "Is that purloin?", asked the court clerk as she sighted the massive necklace and gazed at it with unbridled admiration.

But before Turbo's wife could answer, Constable Doubtfire, who was right nearby, misheard the clerk's word "purloin", as "purloined", and immediately collared Turbo's wife, and threw her to the floor, whilst screaming, "Gotcha, ya thieving b.............

[turboplanner]

"........ut as Turbo was about to finish the sentence with the word Doubtfire used, and even though she was using it female to female, Turbo realised there could be a Diversity issue with it but more importantly there could be an offence to animals (respects past and present), and so has modified Doubtfire's comment to "You have the right to remain silent but if you give up this right anything you say can and will be used as evidence"

Turbo's wife responded with an ankle lock which threw Doubtfire to the ground, falling on her weapon ...........................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo's wife responded with an ankle lock which threw Doubtfire to the ground, falling on her weapon ..................

...... which hurt a lot, as Doubtfire's weapon had been inflamed for a few weeks after she was kicked in her weapon during an arrest at 2 am outside tha BOB, when Ahlox was as intoxicated as a newt, as usual, (he has become a sad & pethetic caricature of his former self since leaving the NES) and thought that ......

Edited December 23, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......Doubtfire was going to kill him, which she was quite capable of doing because these days old Loxie representated 30% of her daily workload, and he was on the nose too. Sad days when we think of that sparkling beercan flying around the Wagga district.

 

With her weapon badly damaged Doubtfire lost interest in Turbo's wife, and Turbo, thinking only of first aid bought a bottlle of Jack Daniels and doused it over Doubtfire's weapon.  Doubtfire screamed and Turbo quickly grabbed a paper towel and tried to scrap the whiskey off the relieve the pain but the howls only got louder and the swearing was awful.

 

Cappy thought he'd help by patting it and that's when ...........................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy thought he'd help by patting it and that's when ...........

...... Doubtfire swooned, as Cappy's "patting" is legendary, and they looked into each other's eyes and cooed.

 

Having seen the the Skipper's patting technique (refer to the book "The Joy of Patting" by Dr. C. J. Rat) Mrs. Turbo was showing a bit of interest too and Tubb was told to go and stand outside for a while, before he could ......

Edited December 24, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... Doubtfire swooned, as Cappy's "patting" is legendary, and they looked into each other's eyes and cooed.

 

Having seen the the Skipper's patting technique (refer to the book "The Joy of Patting" by Dr. C. J. Rat) Mrs. Turbo was showing a bit of interest too and Tubb was told to go and stand outside for a while, before he could ......

 

THE BELOW IS OFFERED BECAUSE IT IS THE BASIS OF CAPPY'S

EXHAUSTIVE JEDI TRAINING ON CORUSCANT.

 

Edited December 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......spoil the party by providing the long list of disapppointed Wagga matrons.

"Jedi? " said Cheryl, and started laughing "More like Jabba the Hutt" she said, and Cappy said nothing, just walked back into the Bob. He knew all about the Wagga gossip train, and the saddest part about this is that all the gossip is wrong and Cappy really is a Jedi..................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......spoil the party by providing the long list of disapppointed Wagga matrons.

"Jedi? " said Cheryl, and started laughing "More like Jabba the Hutt" she said, and Cappy said nothing, just walked back into the Bob. He knew all about the Wagga gossip train, and the saddest part about this is that all the gossip is wrong and Cappy really is a Jedi..................

..... with the rugged yet dashing looks and deportment of Luke ....

[turboplanner]

......Skywalker, but ..............

[onetrack]

.....he is often confused with Luke the Busker, and Cappy often gets coins thrown at him as he........

[turboplanner]

.....sings. He’s not performing, just singing but the four day growth and body odour bring him undone every time and......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......Skywalker, but ..............

.. in Cappy's case it is more like Wheelywalker. Just say'n.

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....sings. He’s not performing, just singing but the four day growth and body odour bring him undone every time and......

..... the tax free cash certainly comes in handy, as he needs to also support poor Ahlox (Cappy is remarkably loyal to all his friends, even those that are also so down and out), but then again, .....

Edited December 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........was Ahlox worth saving? He was just a sorry shadow of the glory days when.......

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........was Ahlox worth saving? He was just a sorry shadow of the glory days when.......

.... he was so unbelievably happy, and he would sing as he flew his beercan around southern NSW, bringing joy to adults & kiddies alike (he was the equivalent to a 365 day rotax powered Santa .......... or Bo Derek), but now he is more like a .....

[turboplanner]

......prune; all shrivelled, sunburnt, not saying a word, and likely to pass on a dose of the trots if you have lunch at his place. Not many people know, but once, Loxie was the State Champion for the fire hose event where fairies use the old carts on a timed run over 100 metres followed by throwing the sharp end of the hose towards the fire then throwing the other end with the heavy brass thingy to the nearest water, which could be ........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......prune; all shrivelled, sunburnt, not saying a word, and likely to pass on a dose of the trots if you have lunch at his place. Not many people know, but once, Loxie was the State Champion for the fire hose event where fairies use the old carts on a timed run over 100 metres followed by throwing the sharp end of the hose towards the fire then throwing the other end with the heavy brass thingy to the nearest water, which could be ........

..... hard for mere humans, but as well as looking like Bo Derek, Loxie had the physique of Arnold Schwarzenegger, although the limited personality of the Prune that Turbo mentioned above, however this didn't stop him from .......

Edited December 24, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........telling the most amazing jokes just as the competitors lines up for their start. He had the ability to get the crown in the palm of his hand and their cat calls and whistles ...............

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........telling the most amazing jokes just as the competitors lines up for their start. He had the ability to get the crown in the palm of his hand and their cat calls and whistles ...............

 

..... didn't phase him at all, as his palm had always been the root of his problems, and this .....

[turboplanner]

...........crown given to the winning Fire team had irritated him for years, and this day after a few hours in the BoB with his favourite drink Creme de Menthe under his belt, when the crown was awarded, Loxie threw it high in the air and it came down on the head of ............

[onetrack]

....Cappy - but upside-down, unfortunately. What was worse, it jammed itself there, with the points of the crown covering Cappys eyes.

Cappy staggered around, wondering what had hit him (which happens to him on regular occasions), while he struggled to get this thing off his head (because he had no idea at this point, that it was a crown - he suspected Mavis had hit him again with a saucepan, but he couldn't figure why the saucepan had points attached to it).

Whilst struggling with his upside-down crown removal efforts - and staggering around, Cappy thumped into.........

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

crown given to the winning Fire team had irritated him for years, and this day after a few hours in the BoB with his favourite drink Creme de Menthe under his belt

This dear reader, is typical of the lack of detail that city dwellers settle for.

 

This drink is actually patented by the Gumly Gumly Distillery and it is not made by a few poxy monks in some Chateau. The head distiller at the GGD is poxy Loxy, working in the shed behind the Caltex servo, and their exclusive product is Creme de Moth, which is knocked up in a batch at midnight on the 2nd full moon after the bardy grub hatch.

 

28 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Whilst struggling with his upside-down crown removal efforts - and staggering around, Cappy thumped into.......

..... an inverted (avref) and oversized ....

Edited December 25, 2021 by Captain