The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

[onetrack]

.....who was doing his Yoga headstand as part of his daily brain-sharpening rituals. However, when Cappy thumped into him, he knocked OT somewhat off balance, causing OT to become quite irritated and yelling out .... ,,¿ƃuᴉop ǝɹ╻noʎ ʞuᴉɥʇ noʎ op suǝʞɔᴉp ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ ʻʎddɐϽ,,

 

This confused Cappy even further. First, he didn't know what had hit him on the head. Second, he couldn't get it off. Third, he couldn't see where he was going, and he knew he'd hit something or someone. Funnily enough, it felt like a foot. Fourth, a voice was speaking to him from the floor, which confused him the most.

 

He started to think about all the gin he'd consumed, and how it must be starting to affect his mind. He was losing it! It was his.........

 

Edited December 25, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......moment of Revelation. All these years of running people down, gin-riddled orgies, and not washing or brushing his teeth like his mother had told him to do had taken their toll, as The Voice told him his history (OT was guessing but it was amazing how many points he made which caused the crown-headed Cappy to start with recognition. Finally Cappy was sobbing and begging for forgiveness.

 

By this time Cappy thought he was talking to God; surely no one else would know all his sins. It maded sense that God, used to talking to people in the Northern Hemisphere would appear head down to someone in the Southern Hemisphere, and riddled with guilt, he asked God to forgive his sins.

 

OT seizing his opportunity said "I will bless you my son, but as you confess these sins you must promise never to do these things again and always be kind to Western Australians. 

 

This was a mistake by OT, and most of us would have realised by the WA accent that it was OT extracting these promises, but Cappy was so disorientated that he didn't pick up on it, and OT made the most of it, extracting promises that no one had managed to get out of Cappy before, including "I will never throw up in Turbo's Corvette again", and I will not take donation tins for homeless children.

 

Finally Cappy said "I only have one wish, and that is for you to take this crown off my head"

 

"I will, but you must not look back or you will be transformed into a pillar of stone" said OT, and Cappy readily agreed, so OT lashed out with a boot and kicked the crown off, gounging Cappy's face.

 

He was so happy that he didn't notice the pain and was careful not to look back, and as he rounded the first corner heading for the local bath house, hairdresser and dentist, OT fell over with laughter and ......................

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Finally Cappy said "I only have one wish, and that is for you to take this crown off my head"

 

"I will, but you must not look back or you will be transformed into a pillar of stone" said OT, and Cappy readily agreed, so OT lashed out with a boot and kicked the crown off, gounging Cappy's face.

 

He was so happy that he didn't notice the pain and was careful not to look back, and as he rounded the first corner heading for the local bath house, hairdresser and dentist, OT fell over with laughter and ......

....... that laughter haunted Cappy as he sat in the bathhouse. Then it all came clear, the Crown of Thorns, the cruel Pontius Pilot (avref) who was actually OT (saying "Thwow him to the floor vewy wuffly" with a mixed WA & Afrikaans accent), the scars in Cappy's palms and feet and the big scar below his bottom rib.

 

"Wow" thought Cappy, who was 33 at the time (and had his birthday yesterday) "And blessed are the plane-makers (avref). "I always knew I was pretty good at stuff, but could I actually be up a few rungs and be ........

Edited December 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........That person.

He went to the fish and chip shop, opened his pack which contained one fifth of a fish, and said "I want three fish and three huge mulloway dropped down covering him with slime. That wasn't exactly what he wanted, but it would do; he had the power.

 

He started selling tiny parts of his clothing and soon was driving LHD Cadillac Escolade with mag wheels, and .................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........That person.

He went to the fish and chip shop, opened his pack which contained one fifth of a fish, and said "I want three fish and three huge mulloway dropped down covering him with slime. That wasn't exactly what he wanted, but it would do; he had the power.

 

He started selling tiny parts of his clothing and soon was driving LHD Cadillac Escolade with mag wheels, and .................

...... (that Caddy was thereafter known as a CappyMobile) .... and he then responded to offers from Trackbine Wineries and Turbine Grogshops Inc, as there was a quid to be made once they presented Cappy with bottles of water (and it was just crappy Melbourne water in old chipped Schweppes bottles too) and they were turned into hundreds of thousands of cases of Grange (Turbo'sfavouritedropref) and the money started rolling in, so a new organization was needed to run the show.

 

"I reckon a tax free & walled off joint in Rome might be the go" suggested Cappy, and that was the start of ........ 

Edited December 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....CapTrakTurbine Wines with a Wish. There was an early crisis when Cappy was in charge of granting wishes, and it was realised that he was inclined to be too precise in matching the wish he was asked for, but ...................

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....CapTrakTurbine Wines with a Wish. There was an early crisis when Cappy was in charge of granting wishes, and it was realised that he was inclined to be too precise in matching the wish he was asked for, but ...................

...... it was Cappy who also saw the additional culinary business opportunities and they quickly registered 2 subsidiaries, being CapTrakTurbine Bakeries and Little Flat Wafers P/L and CapTrakTurbine Pilchards, which were both also offered as Covid Cures by CapTrakTurbine Cures NL and were  ......

Edited December 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........poducing interesting results in the treatment of herpes and as a pre-dinner cocktail.

The Pilchard mix was also under test as a high temperature lubricant where early trials suggest will protect both pistons and thru bolts if a tube is squeezed in with every tank fill. Soon there were thousands ..............

[onetrack]

....of tubes of the lubricant mix being sold, and the factory couldn't keep up with production, as aviators flocked to the retail outlets like todays truckies searching for AdBlue.

 

"This is just amazing!" cried Turbo, "Even my heady days of selling fleets of trucks, and making multiple millions, doesn't compare to this lube winner we're on!"

 

Then came the sad eventual day where the news was released, that CASA was investigating engine additives with unproven claims - and the fish-based ones in particular, were in their sights.

 

"There's definitely something fishy going on here", said the CASA spokesperson. "We've identified some major failings in this product, whereby the aircraft utilising this new fish-based additive product, takes an unprecedented dive, whenever they're over water! We need to investigate this as a matter of urgency, as it's happening too many times to be a coincidence, and therefore we need........

[bull]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

....of tubes of the lubricant mix being sold, and the factory couldn't keep up with production, as aviators flocked to the retail outlets like todays truckies searching for AdBlue.

 

"This is just amazing!" cried Turbo, "Even my heady days of selling fleets of trucks, and making multiple millions, doesn't compare to this lube winner we're on!"

 

Then came the sad eventual day where the news was released, that CASA was investigating engine additives with unproven claims - and the fish-based ones in particular, were in their sights.

 

"There's definitely something fishy going on here", said the CASA spokesperson. "We've identified some major failings in this product, whereby the aircraft utilising this new fish-based additive product, takes an unprecedented dive, whenever they're over water! We need to investigate this as a matter of urgency, as it's happening too many times to be a coincidence, and therefore we need........to .....................

[Captain]

14 hours ago, bull said:

"There's definitely something fishy going on here", said the CASA spokesperson. "We've identified some major failings in this product, whereby the aircraft utilising this new fish-based additive product, takes an unprecedented dive, whenever they're over water! We need to investigate this as a matter of urgency, as it's happening too many times to be a coincidence, and therefore we need......

..... to investigate it, but why there are 2 of them in his latest post, only bull will know, so let's send a crack CASA team down to Tazzy to rip bull a new one and expose the truth about ....

Edited December 26, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

Then suddenly the NES was overrun with them (bull had started a trend) ................

 

(The bottom photo shows Turbo (avref) when in his prime and prior to his torrid (and sordid) affair with Amelia).

 

 

 

 

Edited December 26, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....and these photos are exclusive to the NES. The research team had found that if you wrap a fish skin around the aircraft, by a process similar to solar cells, the skin produces electricity; the NES had found the battery power alternative breakthrough so many people had tried for. In fact it produced so far  power that the electric motors tended to get hot, but that was easily fixed by diving down to the ocean or a lake like water bombers and cooling them off.

These aircraft had unlimited range in daylight (but quit at sundown), and the power was free, so aorfares could be reduced and ...................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

These aircraft had unlimited range in daylight (but quit at sundown), and the power was free, so aorfares could be reduced and ..........

..... this was also enhanced by the fact that Trackbine Wind and Solar Ripoffs Inc (TW&SRI) were able to realise that because aircraft (avref) go pretty quickly, they were sitting ducks for eligibility to be fitted with wind generators, so because of that dynamic breakthrough, the fish skin covered planes (avref) were able to keep flying (avref) thru all of the night ready to be automatically switched back to fish scale power (FSP) for the daylight hours.

 

And to think that all these energy and aviation (avref) breakthroughs were derived from the brilliance & foresight of bull's cartoon, and that was nothing compared with bull's ........

Edited December 27, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....serious drawings of flying machines, said by some to be second only to those of Leonardo Da Vinci.

Someone else said that bull had sold them all for the price of a beer one afternoon at a pub in Tasmania called ....................

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....serious drawings of flying machines, said by some to be second only to those of Leonardo Da Vinci.

Someone else said that bull had sold them all for the price of a beer one afternoon at a pub in Tasmania called ....................

...... The Epaulette's Arms.

 

"Bugger Leonardo (be it Da Vinci or Turtle or De Caprio)" retorted bull "As there is no doubt that I am more of a cross between Phil Irving (the designer of the Vincent motorcycle and the bloke who wrote Vincent for Don McLean), Charlie Merlin (the aircraft engine design bloke), Sammy Marine Spitfire (the nice wing design bloke), and Danny Thruster (the ......

Edited December 27, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....well-known playboy of the flying fraternity. To correct the truth of the story behind bull selling all his drawings for the price of a beer, the actual pub where he sold them, was called The Flyers Short Arms.

 

This pub gained its name because it was sited not far from a major airfield, and was frequented by many members of the flying fraternity - who, after flying all day, and consuming copious amounts of expensive fossil fuels, paying landing fees, engine repairs, fees to flying organisations, fees for training, insurances, licences, and the myriad of other costs and charges that left virtually all of them skint, meant that when it came time to shout drinks in the pub, the flying fraternity were known to have the shortest arms, and the deepest pockets, of any drinkers in the nation.

 

What was worse, of course, was they weren't allowed to drink when they flew (unlike the speedway crowd, who drank from dawn to dusk, regardless of whether they were driving, sleeping, chasing skirt, or watching their mechanics repair their cars), and the flying fraternity made up for their daily abstinence by consuming twice as much alcohol as anyone else in the pub, when they'd finished flying.

 

This was the major reason why the attraction of fish designs of aircraft had great appeal to many of them - because "drinking like a fish, and flying like a fish", had a great ring to it, and this meant that.......

[turboplanner]

.......it was no surprise when .............

[Captain]

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......it was no surprise when .............

...., forget Mars Rovers and flybys of the moons of Jupiter, but just consider the magnitude and engineering excellence involved with bull's ......

[turboplanner]

........"Flying Machine for the Common Man." It was powered by a No 5 Coleman Farmer's Lantern..............

[onetrack]

....had pedal-assistance for the propeller when the Coleman Lantern ran low on kero; was fabricated from all the ply offcuts from the Men's Shed, that was only 300M from bulls house; and was covered with surplus fabric from the Gumly CWA Sewing Club. Instruments were deemed unnecessary, not only to keep costs down, but to keep the design simple.

 

Bull advertised this was true "seat-of-the-pants" flying, when he posted the plans for $65 on Gumtree, indicating in the ad that anyone could get airborne for a fraction over $500 - excluding the cost of the Coleman Lantern, of course.

It was presumed by bull that any adventurous soul who wanted to construct one of his Flying Machines, was already an outdoorsy-type, and already possessed a working Coleman Lantern.

 

The beauty of the design, said bull in his ad, was that when you landed on last light, you already had the lighting you needed to make camp for the night, in the shape of the power unit.

Sales of the plans exceeded bulls expectations by about 1500%, and he was hard-pressed to keep up with the demand.

 

Then, one day, an ominous-looking official letter arrived in his mailbox (because bull still used snail mail and telegrams for daily communication, and he was on first-name terms with his postman).

Bull picked the letter up and studied it. It had a Canberra return address on it, and he opened it fearfully, fully expecting.....

 

Edited December 27, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

12 hours ago, onetrack said:

....had pedal-assistance for the propeller when the Coleman Lantern ran low on kero; was fabricated from all the ply offcuts from the Men's Shed, that was only 300M from bulls house; and was covered with surplus fabric from the Gumly CWA Sewing Club. Instruments were deemed unnecessary, not only to keep costs down, but to keep the design simple.

 

Bull advertised this was true "seat-of-the-pants" flying, when he posted the plans for $65 on Gumtree, indicating in the ad that anyone could get airborne for a fraction over $500 - excluding the cost of the Coleman Lantern, of course.

It was presumed by bull that any adventurous soul who wanted to construct one of his Flying Machines, was already an outdoorsy-type, and already possessed a working Coleman Lantern.

 

The beauty of the design, said bull in his ad, was that when you landed on last light, you already had the lighting you needed to make camp for the night, in the shape of the power unit.

Sales of the plans exceeded bulls expectations by about 1500%, and he was hard-pressed to keep up with the demand.

 

Then, one day, an ominous-looking official letter arrived in his mailbox (because bull still used snail mail and telegrams for daily communication, and he was on first-name terms with his postman).

Bull picked the letter up and studied it. It had a Canberra return address on it, and he opened it fearfully, fully expecting.....

 

  ....a blast, or at least a Strict Liability threat ending with "and as you know we have deep pockets",  but it was from Damian from CASA who said what a wonderful concept bull had come up with, and at CASA they were sick of pushy overweight people pushing their agendas, and would like to fast track bull's concept as the hallmark for grass roots flying.

 

As one of the pioneers of grass roots flying in Australia, bull was moved to tears and ...........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

As one of the pioneers of grass roots flying in Australia, bull was moved to tears and .......

.... there was his usual spittle coming from the right side of his mouth, but, as long as those are not signs of Omicron, that & his usual candles made him even more attractive to CASA and the Grass Roots Wreck Flying Crew (GRWFC), so they ......

Edited December 27, 2021 by Captain

[planedriver]

HELP!

We desperately need more input into this thread which has been purely dominated for far too long by just a very few, that I like others have have given up on it which is a shame.

It used to be a great thread enjoyed by so many, and fun for all, but domination has become over-bearing.

So, if any forumites have something to offer to offer which is enjoyable to many, please let's help restore it to something along the lines of what it was many years ago.

Yes, I may be a miserable old bastard, but years ago, so many contributed, and it was fun for ALL, not just those who contribute under a various alias's. 

No personal offence intended to those currently involved, but out of the many thousands of members we have, surely we can do a lot better?

If you've not added something humorous, now is your chance. Don't be shy.

Kindest regards, and all the very best wished for the New Year.

Planey.

PS I can't help but wonder how many old members feel the same as i do.

Sorry to even have to ask this, but the truth would be better known for whatever reason if it makes all our enjoyment of this site more enjoyable.