The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........flying in to Western Australia, where there is now a special Covid checkpoint for RAA drivers and passengers whether they are paid up members or not plus , on the RAA checkpoint a Financial Officer who requires all the unpaid landing fees reported by eastern airports to be paid in full before entry. In some cases (Loxie a good example) this is rumoured to be hundreds of thousands of dollars. Premier McGowan has introduced this RAA checkpoint on advice rumoured to be from Aviation Expert and raconteur, OT.

 

Meanwhile rather than cope with the capitals, bull, with his Thruster on what used to be known as War Power complete with his 21 princesses in the cargo net had been following the magenta line as all RAA drivers do, so hadn't seen the ERSA about GPS deflection in the iron ore region, and had strayed into the Northern Territory, realised his mistake and navigated his way back towards WA where the jorn radar system had seen his approach.  The radio crackled. bull knew this meant someone was calling but radio was for other people so he ignored it. Why would you need radio out here, he thought just as a RAAF F35 pulled up alongside with the gear downs full flaps and nose high, just hovering. A black gloved hand came out pointing directly down. Now many people have criticised the RAAF for buying the F35, but this is just what they were designed for, and ...............

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

A black gloved hand came out pointing directly down. Now many people have criticised the RAAF for buying the F35, but this is just what they were designed for, and ........

....... apart from that, the F35 was great for picking up chicks (or non-female chicklettes if that lights ya fire NTTIAWWTBTW) and here was bull with 20 to spare (This assumes that 1 of the princesses may have fallen under bull's magnetic personality hunky spell, but there would most likely have been more than 1 who would fight for his attention) and below was a remote airfield (avref) crammed with testosterone filled airmen and airlasses who hadn't had a decent ......

Edited January 9, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....close up view of an F35 yet, so bull pulled the throttle back and the Rotax stopped screaming and the F35 hovered alongside, the pilot clearly interested in the cargo net, and bull and the Top Gun landed side by side looking at each other.

It probably would have been better if bull had been looking at the cargo net, because the gravel rash ...................

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....close up view of an F35 yet, so bull pulled the throttle back and the Rotax stopped screaming and the F35 hovered alongside, the pilot clearly interested in the cargo net, and bull and the Top Gun landed side by side looking at each other.

It probably would have been better if bull had been looking at the cargo net, because the gravel rash ...................

..... on the bottom 7 princesses was a sight .....

[turboplanner]

.........that could incite any nearby FOI to phone ATSB who would start an investigation that would last into the next century, so bull rubbed them in bearing grease. This seemed to take away the pain, and he knew he could tell any FOI that might be lurking ....................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........that could incite any nearby FOI to phone ATSB who would start an investigation that would last into the next century, so bull rubbed them in bearing grease. This seemed to take away the pain, and he knew he could tell any FOI that might be lurking ....................

...... that each of the Princesses (Turboref) has done a bearing seal and that he, the great bull, had suitable aviation qualifications to replace that seal.

 

And that's where the trouble really started, as while each Princess understood the need to construct a story to placate an FOI, so any BS will do, a couple, but not all, of the Princesses objected to what bull claimed that he needed to do, and where he needed to go (as it was already gravel rashed too), to access and replace their seal.

 

Because bull didn't muck about and went straight for their ........

[turboplanner]

33 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... that each of the Princesses (Turboref) has done a bearing seal and that he, the great bull, had suitable aviation qualifications to replace that seal.

 

And that's where the trouble really started, as while each Princess understood the need to construct a story to placate an FOI, so any BS will do, a couple, but not all, of the Princesses objected to what bull claimed that he needed to do, and where he needed to go (as it was already gravel rashed too), to access and replace their seal.

 

Because bull didn't muck about and went straight for their ........

....driver's licences, which he showed to the FOI. This didn't fool the FOI who said "I want to see YOUR licence, driver!"

Realising what a Ramp Check was likely to show (Since the Natfly days FOIs carried two Ramp Check books, one for GA where the Pilot in Command may have forgotten to double latch a door, or have some squashed bugs on his windscreen, and the other for  RAA drivers with 367 pages.), bull began to engage the FOI in conversation. Tis was a mistake since FOIs had been trained in ................

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....driver's licences, which he showed to the FOI. This didn't fool the FOI who said "I want to see YOUR licence, driver!"

Realising what a Ramp Check was likely to show (Since the Natfly days FOIs carried two Ramp Check books, one for GA where the Pilot in Command may have forgotten to double latch a door, or have some squashed bugs on his windscreen, and the other for  RAA drivers with 367 pages.), bull began to engage the FOI in conversation. Tis was a mistake since FOIs had been trained in ................

..... the nuances of the Tasmanian language and dialect (Respects and blessings to all south islanders past, present, future & whatever comes after that).

 

This put bull at a disadvantage because he doesn't speak fluid CASA, but bull faced the FOI, looked him (or at least bull thinks that he was a him) in the eye (he/she/it was the usual one eyed CASA FOI type) and explained, very peacefully and professionally (as all Thruster & Princess jockeys always are) that it couldn't possibly be .......

Edited January 10, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...carried on the aircraft, or he would have exceeded the MTOW which is a strict liability offence, whereas the carrying a licence rule doesn't specifiy must be carried on the aircraft flown. "For example" he said "It could be carried by a Carrier Pigeon following the aircraft"

The FOI thought for a moment and asked "Where is your pigeon."

bull, in the most polite manner said "Nowhere do the rules state that I must own a pigeon" 

The FOI had to agree and was just about to put the form away when ...........

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The FOI had to agree and was just about to put the form away when ........

...... one of the more rugged looking Princesses said "Hey big-boy (or girl). I love a man (or woman) in uniform and couldn't think of anything sexier than unbuttoning a CASA work shirt" .............. while at the same time a puffing and erratically flying (RAAPilotRef) tiny little black spot came over the horizon and approached (avref) ........

Edited January 10, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

couldn't think of anything sexier than unbuttoning a CASA work shirt"

EDITORIAL NOTE - Captain has advised voluntarily that he wishes to make the following correction, as all of the CASA Inspectorate, be they Male, Female or one of the several other CASA genders, would always be wearing appropriate PPE and that would need to be removed in an approved fashion, then folded and stowed safely prior to any funny business involving shirt or blouse removal.

 

Cappy further acknowledges that this would also all need to be done in accordance with latest Covid protocols, but Cappy notes the advice from the CASA CMO that tongues are approved to be used immediately if only Omicron is involved.

[bull]

from the horizen[avref] and the subsequent landing was a sight to behold and surprised Bull and Cappy as [Turbo] attending anything was a bit strange as he has always had an aversion to shows and such since about 1959,as after a young ringer [believed to have been a very young Turbo]at Cloncurry in Qld back in 1958 at the local show was chased out of town,,,now the story goes that the ladies abulution block had no roof so our cunning young ringer got himself a 44 gallon drum and positioned for the best spot near the showers and  began his voyeor/peeping tom career.  Well all was fine until one lady looked up ! then all.............

Edited January 10, 2022 by bull

[Captain]

12 hours ago, bull said:

Well all was fine until one lady looked up ! then all.............

.... of Turbo's proclivities were exposed, as well as his tiny little .....

[turboplanner]

.......camera.  Turbo notes that bull has used the term "believed to be", and reassures our many readers that it wasn't him because he hadn't been born.

The tiny little spec that had been coming over the horizon was the F30 pilot and as he came up he said to bull "Would you like top swap your Thruster for my POS. bull couldn't hand the T3 over fast enough, and it took all of a minute to explain the Toggle switch, multigrips throttle lever and joystick carved from a sovel handle, and ran for the F30, but .........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......camera.  Turbo notes that bull has used the term "believed to be", and reassures our many readers that it wasn't him because he hadn't been born.

The tiny little spec that had been coming over the horizon was the F30 pilot and as he came up he said to bull "Would you like top swap your Thruster for my POS. bull couldn't hand the T3 over fast enough, and it took all of a minute to explain the Toggle switch, multigrips throttle lever and joystick carved from a sovel handle, and ran for the F30, but .........

..... soon discovered that this F30 was just an F16 with a few bits of cardboard stuck on with Gorilla Grip to make it looks sleeker and to fool the Tasmanian early-warning radar that is hidden on Curtis Island as a major outpost (manned by 2 blokes on a prison early work-release program, and their guard dog Spot) of the Tasmanian Self Defence Force (the TSDF) where .....

Edited January 10, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, Captain said:

the Tasmanian Self Defence Force (the TSDF)

It is Tippy Top Secret (TTS in the TSDF) that bull is a Major in the TSDF specializing in counter intelligence, hence his lurking on the NES which is a prime source of information and intelligent discussion of contemporary and historical world issues (Planeypleasetakenoteref).

 

Some jealous members of the TSDF reckon that bull is just a major pain, but all NESers know that bull is the TSDF's major asset ...... and an all around good bloke.

Edited January 11, 2022 by Captain

[CT9000]

......they proudly displayed there newest long range twin engine high speed biplane, complete with one Nissan 1200 engine for the main rotors and a morry side valve for the tail rotor. This amazing piece of modern hi-tech kit also had long range vision { a pair of no.2 glasses from the $2 shop } night lights { single AAA powered torch also from the $2 shop } and the stealth kit {ear plugs also from the $2 shop } confusion arose about is it a hackalopter or a biplane with tail rotor for yaw control ?.....

[CT9000]

Captain looks like we posted together but I decided to chuck in an avref

[Captain]

2 hours ago, CT9000 said:

Captain looks like we posted together but I decided to chuck in an avref

No worries CT and just FYI, there is no longer any need to crawl to Planey with avrefs after his last attempt to intimidate existing NES contributors and to destroy the tone, content, substance, filling, lading, aroma and vibe of the NES by inviting thousands more outsiders to post. What a disgrace that was.

Edited January 11, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

2 hours ago, CT9000 said:

......they proudly displayed there newest long range twin engine high speed biplane, complete with one Nissan 1200 engine for the main rotors and a morry side valve for the tail rotor. This amazing piece of modern hi-tech kit also had long range vision { a pair of no.2 glasses from the $2 shop } night lights { single AAA powered torch also from the $2 shop } and the stealth kit {ear plugs also from the $2 shop } confusion arose about is it a hackalopter or a biplane with tail rotor for yaw control ?.....

.... "What a great idea" said all of the AUF rag & tubers in unison as they were looking for some new whacky yet creative thing to do, so the CT's posts caused numerous design sketches to be drawn and reams of fabric to be ordered even before the Chinese Commos had pinched and copied the design and caused resultant supply chain shortages, plus this excitement also caused a new branch of the AUF to be formed, named the Biplaopter BushPilots Chapter (the BBC) and that ......

 

PS ... It is noted here for context that Turbo is the President of the Commo Chinese and Naïve - Aussie Rip-off Society (he is the Pee of the CC&N-ARS).

Edited January 11, 2022 by Captain

[CT9000]

.......this new Biplaopter can be purchased as a quick build kit that takes only 500 hrs to complete. All it needs is the customer to fabricate the wings, fuse. rotors, controls, mounts, etc. and supply own running gear, interior, instruments, wiring, electrics and hardware. Full detailed instruction manual included in one convenient A5 sheet. ....... 

[bull]

9 hours ago, Captain said:

It is Tippy Top Secret (TTS in the TSDF) that bull is a Major in the TSDF specializing in counter intelligence, hence his lurking on the NES which is a prime source of information and intelligent discussion of contemporary and historical world issues (Planeypleasetakenoteref).

 

Some jealous members of the TSDF reckon that bull is just a major pain, but all NESers know that bull is the TSDF's major asset ...... and an all around good bloke.

Bull would like to state they he can NOT confirm nor deny that he is a Major in the TSDF,,,,well i could tell ya ,but then i would have to ...............

[bull]

3 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.......this new Biplaopter can be purchased as a quick build kit that takes only 500 hrs to complete. All it needs is the customer to fabricate the wings, fuse. rotors, controls, mounts, etc. and supply own running gear, interior, instruments, wiring, electrics and hardware. Full detailed instruction manual included in one convenient A5 sheet. ....... 

and engine options, range from rotax up till rotordyne ,the choice is yours [your flying it lol] all care taken but no responsibility accepted for any reason . What ??       why can i not fit a victa ??? said Cappy..Thats discriminitory and i,ll see you in court. Now the President of the Biopter corporation[Turbo} called for calm as the.............

Edited January 11, 2022 by bull

[CT9000]

1 hour ago, bull said:

and engine options, range from rotax up till rotordyne ,the choice is yours [your flying it lol] all care taken but no responsibility accepted for any reason . What ??       why can i not fit a victa ??? said Cappy..Thats discriminitory and i,ll see you in court. Now the President of the Biopter corporation[Turbo} called for calm as the.............

......realization hit that a Victa is a lot more powerful than the Morry engine and will give lots of yaw control. Rotax is fine but the Ford V8 flat head is just a tad heavy for good W & B unless the pilot sits in the back. Brilliant opportunity for the five thousand dollar upgrade drawings for the engine options.....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, bull said:

Bull would like to state that he can confirm that he is a Major in the TSDF

All NESers should take note of the above, as this could be pretty handy because TSDF Majors:

• Can undertake marriage ceremonies, so that's a beauty if you need to show fake commitment if you get lucky as some Grab-a-Granny bar.
• Can override & countermand CASA FOIs and CFIs.
• Can get you into Wrest Point if you are just wearing thongs.