The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Eventually........

..... , however, the brave Thruster lads (and lasses nttiawwtbtw) were able to scramble out onto the wings and cover the holes with Gorilla (Turbo'sphotoref) tape that Cooky and bull had thoughtfully supplied to each Thruster pilot, thereby saving all aircraft and making the fabric stronger than ever before. And that, dear readers, is why .....

 

[turboplanner]

.............cappy is a multi millionaire, has a bigger Twitter following than Novak Djokovic, and is wabed straight through the Australian border regardless of the rules, and ...................................................

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.............cappy is a multi millionaire, has a bigger Twitter following than Novak Djokovic, and is wabed straight through the Australian border regardless of the rules, and ...................................................

...... and that is why Cappy was originally called Novac Cook, but given that he is now a little folliclely challenged, he is called Kojac Cook, but he is still wabed through with a big wabe and Cappy always wabes back with the royal wabe.

 

However this led to the right royal misunderstanding that ......

 

 

HERE IS CAPPY'S LONG TERM FRIEND-with-BENEFITS,

GIVING A FINE EXAMPLE OF THE 3 FINGER ROYAL WABE.

Edited January 18, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......Cappy was actually returning the Royal Wave with the famous Australian RA pilots wave to CASA & RA inspectors on the ground - hand extended upwards, and the middle digit also extended straight upwards.

This led to the immediate arrest of the felon later formally identified as Kojak Cook in Police records. He was thrown into the Tower to cool his heels, while the Police went through their Statutes from the Middle Ages, to find out exactly what the punishment was, for insulting the Monarch.

They were astounded to find the penalty was transfer to the Colonies for life. "Woo-Hoo!" cried Cappy in the Tower, as he was examining the scratchings on the inner walls to find the messages left by his ancestors.

He'd found some interesting graffiti, signed "I. Cook", which, when translated from Middle English by another prisoner there, was reported by that prisoner as reading, "F*** tha Police!"

Cappy was fascinated to find that the Cook family trait of insolence towards officialdom, ran right through all his ancestors for at least 15 generations, and as a result, it was......

 

Edited January 18, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....with great care that he carved an "e". on the end of Cook in the cell, and pored through the Ancestry trees to find another tree which still had Captain James Cook in it but followed a different route down, all lawyers, Emporium owners, African Explorers,  and in more recent times Professors. You'd almost think he'd rigged it.

 

Not many people know that Cappy was a personal friend of the Queen in their younger days, and she taught him the three finger salute. "There are times when one has to put up with right bastards she said", sipping her tea. Cappy's face turned red as he tried desprately not to choke of his cafe, and she went on, "when one has heard all one can take, one salutes with three fingers Captain" and showed him how to hold them making sure he had each finger in the right place. They think you ared saluting them and rush orf to tell their friends, but the two outer fingers just disguise the real message. They became great friends and Cappy would call in each time he went to London.

 

How he had forgotten two fingers when they were his standard measure of gin, nobody knows, so he did what he had to do and broke two outer fingers, appearing before the Judge with his picture of the queen, holding up his hand showing the broken fingers, and being careful to cover the centre finger. In his evidence he also tendered a note written in the Queen's unmistakeable handwriting, saying "How's tricks Big K. are u coming over for the crickit?"

 

The Judge His Honor Justice Josiah Turbine considered the evidence, and said " I find that a miscarriage has taken place, and I place no blame on the prosecutors, the prisoner is free to go. and Cappy bowed and .............

 

 

[bull]

.................was immedietly arrested again as he walked out of the courthouse,,,this set off a huge amount of ..................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

"I. Cook"

Correction - It has now been found, by the British Library, using a grant from Turbine Bequeathments Inc, that this was chiseled into the wall using a manky chop bone by an early ancestor of either Rick Stein or Jamie Oliver.

Edited January 18, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, bull said:

.................was immedietly arrested again as he walked out of the courthouse,,,this set off a huge amount of ..................

..... diplomatic consternation .......... and Her Maj was livid.

 

"I'm a Friend-with-Benefits and I need some right now" she said to the footman, who originally thought she was referring to him.

 

Cappy, ever the brave colonial boy (BCB) was still incarcerated so he invited Maj down to the cells where he was being housed and they read thru the graffiti together where Maj commented "This makes me feel closer to the common folk, AND my darling Cappy, speaking of common and having a feel, come over here into the corner and we can ........

Edited January 18, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....both examine the other fascinating graffiti in the darker corners of this dingy room - and of course, you'll have to examine it by feel - because as a Royal, I have to avoid getting my hands dirty".

 

So Cappy got down on his hands and knees, feeling around in the darker corners of the room in front of Her Maj, when Prince Charles walked in. "By Jove!", he exclaimed. "That's the type of genuflection us Royals expect, and rarely get today! It's very satisfying to see the common folk on their knees again, in front of Mother! It's been a long time since we Royals saw that! I think we should have a photo of this!"

And at that, Charles called in the Royal Photographer, who snapped off several shots of Cappy on his hands and knees, appearing to grovel in front of the Queen. The photographer released the photos to the Media - and the Media went wild.

 

The Times published the photos on the front page, with the caption, "Colonial returns with grovelling apology to the Queen, for his previous insolence, and support of an Australian Republic!"

 

The article went on to explain, how in former times, Cappy would have been beheaded in the Tower for his Royal insolence, and his support of a breakaway Australian Republic.

 

But now that the Queen had seen that Cappy had repented, she gave him an Official Pardon, and said, "Cappy, you're now free to go! I wish you well in your Colonial and aviation exploits, and I trust you'll....

[turboplanner]

"....remember your old mate next time you're in London with a bottle of Bombay Bog".

 

(Not many people know that the Queen is a qualified mechanic (with a skill set way above L1 level where they swap anecdotes on "How I pour petrol into a fuel tank"). She was trained as a truck mechanic when the was in the Army in WWII, by old Jack Turbine who used to say "When yer need ta nip a nut up Mum, yer get the bastard wif a rung spanner, not footprints; Wif Me?" and other advanced technical knowledge. Only a couple of decades ago She took a Land Rover out of Balmoral Castle to look for a deer to shoot, when she hadn't come back after a few hours, staff drove out looking for her. She apologised and said "I hit a rock and split the diff in a creek crossing, and had to pull the prop shaft out, and I remembered the words of old Jack, but all I had was a pair of footprints.""

 

And with a wabe she was gone, just like that.

 

Cappy stood there, not sure where he was supposed to be, or how he was going to get from England to .........

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy stood there, not sure where he was supposed to be, or how he was going to get from England to .......

...... the riff-raff (AUFref) in the Colony, however he felt something in his pocket and there was a note that Her Maj must have slipped him when they were fumbling and fondling before Chuck turned up.

 

Cappy read the note and smiled, as it read "Thanks for everything Darl, you were GREAT as usual, and give me a tingle when you are next back in town, so you and me can toddle off to Scotland for a few weeks and get down to it again. But in the meantime, I have a grandson that is giving the Family a bit of grief, so do you think you could arrange with Turbine Industries or Trackbine Enterprises to give the little ranga a job as far away from here as possible, and in a crook mobile reception area? Signed ... Your loving Maj"

 

The Skipper was keen to keep in her good books, and elsewhere, so he called Turbs and Onesie on a secure encrypted phone that MI6 had given him, and they responded ".......

Edited January 18, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

The Skipper was keen to keep in her good books, and elsewhere, so he called Turbs and Onesie on a secure encrypted phone that MI6 had given him, and they responded ".......

...with the fact that as it was smoko time and Tubs had gone down for some donuts and coffee that he would have to call back later or talk to the computer and record your call for later examination ok................

[Captain]

59 minutes ago, bull said:

...with the fact that as it was smoko time and Tubs had gone down for some donuts and coffee that he would have to call back later or talk to the computer and record your call for later examination ok................

..... and Onesie was on WA never-never time, so he would only respond once Marky Mark gave him permission, as the Premier still believed that Omicron was electronically or telepathically or rudy-nudy transmitted and his role is still to protect the ..... 

Edited January 19, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....booming State of COVID-free W.A., where the people still frolick freely without a care, and Omicron is merely something only the disease-ridden East Coasters carry.

 

Of course, the biggest bugbear with the call times was the fact that W.A. still operates on UTC, while those fantasy-world living East Coasters delude themselves that they can change the amount of sunlight in a day, simply by altering clocks. W.A., having examined this falsity of Daylight Saving numerous times, cast it aside as an impediment to everyday business, and simply leaves its clocks alone.

 

Regardless of the hassles created by the delusional Daylight Saving believers, OT was soon on the conference call, attempting to sort out the mess that Cappy had created - as OT had done many times before - with little thanks.

 

"First off", said OT, "We need evidence of your vaccination status before you can return to Australia. We don't want you doing a Djokovic, and getting kicked out before you can say 'Australian Open'. You need to ensure all your re-entry paperwork is spot-on, and you're going to have to present proof you haven't been in contact with virus-positive people. Can you do all that?"

 

"What do mean?", said Cappy with feigned outrage. "Border Force knows me intimately, and there won't be any problem when I land from Heathrow, because my status is..........

[bull]

...protected by the ASIO book of operations and staffing that states : No member or associate shall be impeded in entry to any <state<country ,or border under the control of the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF AUSTRALIA in any way.  Look it up[ Asio code of conduct section 4 subsection 36 under paragraphe 24 subsection 2....]  Now GTF out of my way before i sic the tax dept onto you alright?..............The lead Border force operative stated............................

[bull]

Arrrh but Cappy ,did ye read the first line me matey!!!   Major rule number one  No Animals and that includeds Rats ,,,so sorry Cappy your gunna have to go Back to where you came from ah!..............Cappys eyes grew wider and the redness in his face made him look like minny mouse and he.............. 

[Captain]

53 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Border Force knows me intimately

Further Explanation - As indicated by the number of rubber gloves that they have used for the "body searches" over the decades. Cappy swears that some members of the Border Force enjoy the exploring.

Edited January 19, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, bull said:

Cappys eyes grew wider and the redness in his face made him look like minny mouse and he...........

..... grew larger from the rage (see below picky) ....

 

... while morphing into a "Killer Rat" and pouncing on the LBFO's throat, which caused him to .....

 

Edited January 19, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

....call on other officers to restrain the enraged Rat. 15 officers piled onto Cappy and dragged him screaming and kicking onto the floor of the terminal, while the LBFO recovered from the shock of being attacked by a red-eyed, tooth-baring, weapon-wielding Rat.

The officer then charged Cappy with importing banned, bladed weapons, and assaulting a Commonwealth Public Officer.

Next, a group of BFO's went through Cappy's luggage with a fine tooth comb, dragging out all the BSDM items, the 'cuffs and shackles, and the cable ties.

 

"Mate, you're in deeper poo here than a bloke that's just fallen into a septic tank!", said one BFO. All these illegal imports are going to cost you dearly!".

Then they found the photographs. "Dear God, not the photos! - NO!", thought Cappy with a sickening feeling. The first photo was Cappy doing unspeakable things with a..........

 

Edited January 19, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

........mobile phone. "What's wrong with that?" asked Cappy "you don't have to speak into them all the time; that photo just shows me texting a message, to ................."

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........mobile phone. "What's wrong with that?" asked Cappy "you don't have to speak into them all the time; that photo just shows me texting a message, to ................."

..... bull, who is very experienced with such thing. (Tazxy & wa are hotbeds of these types of unnatural practices).

 

The message read "wtf & lol bull old mate, ot like mentioned like "bsdm" so wtf is that as i know that you have been into bdsm for several decades, so is ot dyslexic or is there a new way?".

 

bull, who's communication skills are excellent, answered immediately with the standard texting message and a photo of his ......

Edited January 19, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....latest BSDM efforts. Bull said, "Cappy thinks we're into that weird sex stuff, and doesn't realise we're talking about the BS in your DM's, when you're messaging! I guess that's the problems you develop when you've been locked down for too long, and you only have a computer for company and you can't help but look at that repulsive stuff when you're bored. Besides, Cappy obviously has some huge problems, when he starts talking about getting it off with the Queen - which is bad enough when you consider that she's 95, but it's even worse when you realise that.......

[turboplanner]

.......Cappy has been careless enough to mention a relationship, which could result in the Cook Family Privileges, free use of a semi detached on the Island of Musket in the West Indies, being revoke. The press just about shut down the Google site lookng for a photo. They didn't find any, but ..................

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Cappy has been careless enough to mention a relationship, which could result in the Cook Family Privileges, free use of a semi detached on the Island of Musket in the West Indies, being revoke. The press just about shut down the Google site lookng for a photo. They didn't find any, but ..................

....... did locate an obscure reference to some Jedi with an unhealthy interest in Princess Anne.

 

"it's the old mother-&-daughter fascination that is so rife in Tazzy high society" commented bull, who had reapt some of those benefits since he moved down there.

 

But Cappy's long term best mate & business partner, Turbo, came to his aid. "It's not the Skipper's fault" he said with assurance "As from what I have seen, it's Maj and Anne that have a fixation about The Captain, who Maj has recently promoted to Field Marshal (Cappy is therefore about to alter his forum name and avatar) in order to buy his favors and because that FM's uniform is easier to rem.......

Edited January 20, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....ember in a crowd. "I like a man with a red stripe" she said "the blood doesn't show so much if I miss when I'm knighting him."

Cappy cringed in horror he hadn't realised they could miss like anyone else and his mind started to boggle, which was never any good for Cappy, so he ...............