The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.......selling electric personal air transportation, envisaging profits beyond his wildest dreams - far more than any cat farm, or even designing accessories for trucks. The trucks were a mature market, the cat farm was under pressure from environmentalists and PETA - but the sky was the limit when it came to personal air transportation devices!

Turbo could see himself ranked as an industrial leader of the free world, and his face featuring on the cover of TIME magazine, once he had the personal air transportation devices (PATD's) nailed.

 

The secret to winning the race on PATD's was only a matter of ensuring they stayed up there, when the power units failed. Accordingly, an anti-gravitation device was called for as part and parcel of the design.

The problem was finding an anti-gravitational device that worked, was reliable, and which didn't weight multiple tonnes - or which wasn't a fantasy in the mind of some crank who constantly claimed he had extra-terrestial powers. There had to be one out there.

 

He knew of only one bloke who could help in his quest - and it was the retired mining and contracting magnate from the Western part of the continent, who had contacts everywhere, who had sighted and driven every man-made device known - even the crank ones - and who would be able to help him out in his drive to conquer the world with his PATD's and beat Bill Gates, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos at their own game.

 

He picked up his phone and dialled OT's number. When OT answered, Turbo said, "I need an anti-gravitational device that works, is light, is cheap - and I need it now! Where can I get one?" 

OT thought hard. There was a Gravitational Wave Discovery Centre at Yeal, W.A., and he was on first name terms with the Centre Director. There was a rumour they'd discovered anti-gravity matter there, but he just needed to find out more about it.

He said to Turbo, "Just give me a couple of days, and I'll get back to you with some worthwhile information. But it could cost you".

"How much?" growled Turbo. "I don't know yet", said OT. "This stuff is hush-hush, don't you realise that? If you continue down this road, you could get a visit from.......

[turboplanner]

........ASIO.

This didn't worry Turbo; five sons and seventeen daughters (incl alleged) worked in ASIO, so Turbo didn't have anything to worry about.

OT had forgotten to hang the phone  up and  he could hear OT periodically slurping on his fingers on the old school exercise book he called his digital database. If ever there was a fire in the room his knowledge would be extinct.

Finally he came to ....................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Finally he came to ..........

....... the realisation that the Ralph M Sarich & Alan J Bond Centre for Advanced Spacial Concepts (which everyone abbreviated to the RMS&AJBCfASC), and the coffee shop down the road from Onesie's joint in Peppermint Grove, brilliantly & succinctly named as the Peppermint Grove Coffee Shop (known locally as the PGCS) are one and the same.

 

Then OT floored Turbo with a somewhat delayed response "It's not an obrong, it's an oblique trapezoidal shape and it extends all the way out to where the last beeps were picked up from the MH370 orange box (BLM had been successful in having them renamed), yet that all meant nothing to ......

Edited January 24, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........OT because he was used to Cappy's dreams and the ramblings of BLM who believed they were the forst to land on the moon.

Finally he found the phone number of the Yeal Administrator and made a call ........

[bull]

..to

 

 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........OT because he was used to Cappy's dreams and the ramblings of BLM who believed they were the forst to land on the moon.

Finally he found the phone number of the Yeal Administrator and made a call ........

.to finally find out the origin of the........

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, bull said:

.....to finally find out the origin of the .......

...... story about him which was encapsulated in the rhyming slang poem that was written on the back of the door in the 2nd cubicle of the Men's Room on floor 2 of the WA Parliament House, which linked OT to Mark McGowan in a way that ......

Edited January 24, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........implied that OT was a wuss. This irritated many people familiar with OT’s community work in .......

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........implied that OT was a wuss. This irritated many people familiar with OT’s community work in .......

..... between Murrin Murrin and Wycliffe Well, where his reputation is one of .....

[onetrack]

.....sound advice, good planning, steady management and a track record in the industry that is second to none. The graffiti on the back of the cubicle door in the Mens Room at Parliament House has obviously been done by a Liberal politician who was on his way out of the place, and who had to watch out the door didn't slam into his ar**.

 

Turbo was still hanging out to gather up the information on the anti-gravity device (AGD) that OT had hinted at. If he could corner the market in AGD's, he could add them to his PATD's and advertise his "PATD with AGD", which made it sound like "Corvette with ABS".

 

But OT rapidly found out the information about the anti-gravity stuff wasn't forthcoming too readily. The Director of the Anti-Gravity Centre, a normally friendly bloke by the name of Ivan Gott Liftoff (Ive for short), was blunt with OT, when he fielded OT's questions about the anti-gravity stuff.

 

"You know we'll never release this stuff we've found, for public information, don't you?", he told OT. "The potential of this knowledge is on a par with A-Bomb knowledge in 1944! It's more than Top Secret,  it's so secret, that even the classification level is secret! If the Russians or the Chinese ever found out what we knew, we would be.......

 

 

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"You know we'll never release this stuff we've found, for public information, don't you?", he told OT. "The potential of this knowledge is on a par with A-Bomb knowledge in 1944! It's more than Top Secret,  it's so secret, that even the classification level is secret! If the Russians or the Chinese ever found out what we knew, we would be.......

..... under a lot of commercial and espionage pressure. That is why we have moved the AGC Commercial Centre and Research Organization (the AGCCCARO) to be a subsidiary of the Murrin Murrin to Wycliff Well Land Council (respects etc) and it is located in an underground facility (a little larger than Raven Rock in the US where we recently flew (avref) to in the culturally significant red Qantas 747 to hold a smoking ceremony and welcome to country) and where the entrance is in a cave on the WA/NT border that is covered with recent cave paintings (respects to Dulux spray cans past and present), where .......

Edited January 25, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....there's also situated, Turbine Industries secret manufacturing facilities for their new, highly advanced PATD.

"This huge technological leap forward, has to be manufactured in secret, in a cave on the W.A./N.T. border, to keep the W.A. and N.T. politicians confused, and to make sure Chinese and Russian spies don't find it!", said Turbo, as he addressed the gathering for the opening.

"If the secrets of my new PATD were to be discovered by our enemies, the design would be knocked up in some foreign backwater at 1/20th the cost of manufacturing it here - and more importantly, the sky would be full of falling cheap TIPATD copies!"

"I don't understand why you aren't manufacturing in some foreign backwater already, so you can increase your profits by 2000%, just like every other corporation?", said Cappy loudly. "You could still oversee and install the important parts such as the anti-gravity engine, that keeps it up there!"

"SHHHH!!", hissed Turbo under his breath. "Do you want to give away all our secrets? There could be a Chinese satellite eavesdropping on us, as we speak!!"

Right at that moment, both Turbo and Cappy were alarmed to see a bright light and hear a loud..............

[Captain]

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

in a cave on the W.A./N.T. border,

 

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

in some foreign backwater

EXPLANATION FOR OUR 1000's OF OVERSEAS NESers - Onetrack is being somewhat kind in his above post as it is clear that there are few areas more "backwater" than the WA/NT border region, except perhaps during the wet season, when it is frontwater with brown watery substances.

 

And apologies, on behalf of OT, to those of our overseas NESers who live in foreign backwaters and/or similar xxxxholes.

Edited January 25, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

Right at that moment, both Turbo and Cappy were alarmed to see a bright light and hear a loud..........

.... yet dull (Turboref) thud, and when they looked outside a red rocket (OT'sdogref) was half buried outside the cave entrance.

 

"Is that a rocket that may have been fired by our Chinese brothers?" asked Tubb.

 

"No mate" replied the Skipper who is right up to date on rockets and stuff "That's one that the Little Rocket Man from Nth Korea let fly last week aimed at the Sea of Japan, but he missed, and it .......

 

THE "MADE IN NK FROM 99% CHINESE AND IRANIAN MATERIALS" STICKER ON THE ROCKET.

Edited January 25, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......didn't go off; we should retaliate and take over his countyry, her! her! her!

The BANG! when it happened blew Cappy into a gooseberry bush; a fitting place for a goose. Turbo had grabbed a bottle of water, iPhone, and breathing apparatus and dived under a redgum table which protected him from the blast and was playing Fortnite as the dust cleared and ............................

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......didn't go off; we should retaliate and take over his countyry, her! her! her!

The BANG! when it happened blew Cappy into a gooseberry bush; a fitting place for a goose. Turbo had grabbed a bottle of water, iPhone, and breathing apparatus and dived under a redgum table which protected him from the blast and was playing Fortnite as the dust cleared and ............................

.... that is a game that Turbo often wins, except that it all came to an end when he learnt that a fortnight is only 2 weeks (half the time allowed by Turbs) and that the correct spelling of 4 is four.

 

"Who is the goose now, old friend?" said The Skipper, who had been making allowance for Turbo's crass personal jokes and abuse for the previous 4 decades.

 

Turbo's rudeness was then immediately set aside as Cappy took command to quickly and efficiently mobilize the defenses + a smoking ceremony was initiated & a Welcome to Country ceremony was held in Korean with Chinese subtitles ..... and Turbo's shattered credibility came under further attack, due to ......

 

A SUNTANNED CAPPY PROUDLY PARTICIPATING IN THE SMOKING CEREMONY

Edited January 25, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

"That's one that the Little Rocket Man from Nth Korea let fly last week aimed at the Sea of Japan

POSTSCRIPT - For the further information of NESers from OZ and various other dungheaps (WAref), the Sea of Japan has an area of only 978,000 square kms, so it is understandable why he missed.

 

It should be noted that AUF members must not use the NKPS system in their Thrusters as the NKPS only uses one satellite that is subleased from Pakistan and is not geostationary ("What could possibry go long" Kim had said at the time), although an additional 50 satellites are planned once NK finds  50 more xxxxhole countries to lease them from.

Edited January 25, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......Cappy handing around a leaflet he'd made up deriding Turb's mention of Fortnite, the gaming masterpiece which NASA was seriously considering as the control system for future Space mission. As we know Fortnite was conceived by Turbop, and the award winning software is distributed by Turbine Gaming Corpopration. NES readers who have children in the 7 to11 range will already know the pain of paying for a computer with the capacity of controlling 578 simultaneous moon landings similar to the one performed by NASA. 

Cappy's face dropped and Turbo noticed him furtively sneaking around trying to get the leaflets back, in one case parting with a $50 bill, and sweating profusely ...................

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Cappy handing around a leaflet he'd made up deriding Turb's mention of Fortnite, the gaming masterpiece which NASA was seriously considering as the control system for future Space mission. As we know Fortnite was conceived by Turbop, and the award winning software is distributed by Turbine Gaming Corpopration. NES readers who have children in the 7 to11 range will already know the pain of paying for a computer with the capacity of controlling 578 simultaneous moon landings similar to the one performed by NASA. 

Cappy's face dropped and Turbo noticed him furtively sneaking around trying to get the leaflets back, in one case parting with a $50 bill, and sweating profusely ...................

.... because Cappy realised that Turbo Gaming Systems Inc were on a winner with their improvement of the GameBoy console, when they released TGSI's "Play-With-Yourself" (c) (PWY) handjobset, which .....

Edited January 25, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...attracted ...........

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...attracted ...........

..... a lot of interest also from .....

[turboplanner]

The Wagga Wagga cricket club, who ................

[onetrack]

.....who were past masters at the black art of playing with balls. However, the WWCC was more interested in Turbine Industries interpretation of "playing", when it came to games.

In the WWCC there were a number of players who were noted for their love of playing - but there were also some members who were noted as being disinterested in playing - while quite a few were actually past being any good at playing with anything.

Amongst the latter group, there was a gent who was quite well known to the NES readers, but whose playing skills today were strictly limited to playing with.......

[turboplanner]

.......his fire engine and wearing lycra on his off days. Wagga Wagga wasn't like it used to .........................

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......his fire engine and wearing lycra on his off days. Wagga Wagga wasn't like it used to .........................

..... be because they just gave up and didn't even try to compete with Turbo.

 

"We looked up Turbo on Tinder & Grinder" said the WWCC President, Mr Ahlo Lox, "And the only bigger wxxker in Vicmanistan is Danny Andrews hisself, although Turdy certainly runs a very close 2nd".

 

Ahlo was himself pretty famous for "playing", and this harked back to the terrible controversy at the Gumly Gumly B&S Ball Dance when Ahlo was caught with the bottom cut out of his pocket and his ..........

Edited January 26, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

BELOW PLEASE SEE THE PLAN DEVELOPED BY TURBINE WARGAMES & TANK HIRE NL

in response to the perceived need to liberate our WA brothers.

 

Edited January 27, 2022 by Captain