The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy's rage overflowed and he yelled at the inspector " ..........

...... Most of Turbo's tank crews were employed on the cheap through the Dyslexia Association of Mextoria (as all Skippies know the term "Dyslexic Mextorian" is a tautology ...... respects to all Dyslexians erutuf, tneserp dna tsap) and I carry the shotty in the event that they have the map around the wrong way & start to head back east again in their Evinrude powered pink tanks.

 

The Inspector was a pretty typical white coated autocrat (having gained his qualifications at Turbine Pubic Servants and CASA Employee Training Inc) and his next question was ".........

 

A PHOTO OF CAPPY ON THE BORDER WITH HIS SHOTTY.

 

Edited February 3, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......"What's this?" as he grabbed the Rigby Elephant Gun and dragged is across sleeping bags, pots and pans, tent pegs and kinives and forks. Cappy nearly fainted; "that's my, my, my ............" and he almost became Joh, as he gasped for breath thinking of the cost to carve another 100,000 circles in a replacement barrel. "I have a licence to shoot vermin" he said looking straight at the inspector.

The Inspector ............................

[onetrack]

....replied, "The only vermin on the loose in W.A. is Eastern Staters, with their rampant diseases! Everything else in W.A. is a Protected Species! And anyway, why would you want to carry a shotgun into W.A. from the Eastern States! We have plenty here already!"

 

Cappy drew himself up to full height to eyeball the Inspector eye-to-eye, and said, "I'll have you know this is not any ordinary shotgun! This is a family heirloom, handed down through the centuries! It belonged to my great, great, great grandfather, Squadron-Leader Cook of the RFC, who used it to shoot down those German Fokkers that he missed with his Sopwith machine gun!"

 

"Now you're talking!", beamed the Inspector, as Cappy hit a resounding note with him. "Those Germans have always been a pack of Fokkers, they've caused both World Wars, and if we don't watch out, they'll be.........

 

Edited February 3, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

".......declaring war on US!" Cappy nodded in agreement and the Inspector said "Could I have a shot"

Cappy's eyes gleamed; he knew he was through the border, and he grabbed a handfull of cartridges and six empty gin bottles and they walked across the sand ...................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

".......declaring war on US!" Cappy nodded in agreement and the Inspector said "Could I have a shot"

Cappy's eyes gleamed; he knew he was through the border, and he grabbed a handfull of cartridges and six empty gin bottles and they walked across the sand ...................

.... oh the sand, there is so much sand in WA.

 

"Geez Cappy, give it a miss, as you are wingeing about that all the time" said the Inspector "Although I must admit that I have half a kilo down my jocks and around my sweaty bits each night after stooging around out here each day."

 

With that, Cappy loaded 5 into the magazine, even though he should have had an insert in there to limit it to 1 in the mag (Cappy is a loveable rebel) and 1 up the spout, and the Inspector let fly at one of the protected blue-tongues and then at a pelican that was (repeat "was") heading to Lake Eyre.

 

As the feathers rained down and the bluey squished under foot, the Inspector puffed out his chest and said "......

 

THE PELICAN AND THE BLUEY BEFORE THE SHOTS RANG OUT. (NOTE THE SAND).

 

 

Edited February 3, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

As the feathers rained down and the bluey squished under foot, the Inspector puffed out his chest and said ".....

and said,,That is they fate of all who dare to cross our sacred border into Wonderland Australia. [A new country apparently ??] Well drawled a bloke who has had some border breaking success,,,I,ll give it a bash he said .  And i reckon he will too just for the clicks ,lol check out Cappy disquised as a bloke called the "million dollar Bogan"as he busted Pullachooks berlin wall. Last seen heading for the Tanimi to sneak in the bush way ah Cappy?Come on Cappy we know it was you said Bull,,but Bull was known for bull too ,so the truth may never be known but i,m sure Turdo will save us all??

 

[turboplanner]

As the question hung in the air thousands of NES and general WF readers pondered the question of who the mystery bike rider was, and how the entertainment of the 1960s such as watching Bonanza, or The Rifleman or The Magnificent Seven, or reruns of South Pacific had given way to watching someone occy his panier, read a tyre guage, mouth the words Harley Davidson, get bogged and make excuses to a cop; thing today's millenials aspire to do. Turbo wasn't sure what he would do next, and it could be hard to identify him. It certainly wasn't Cappy because the bike wasn't waffling all ober the road, so he slipped a tracker and hidden camera on to the bike while the bogan rider was having a latte. The rider didn't go to Cameron's  Corner but straight back down the Pacific to Port Melbourne and the camera showed the bike on an amateur sling being hoisted up under the stern of the Princess of Tasmania out of sight of the crew. Other camera's on the Devonport dock showed a shaven rider - none other than bull trying to return home. He rode past the dock gate and a Tasmanian Cop pulled him over. 

 

Now Tasmanian Cops are all descended from Convicts so they've heard every excuse in the book, charging bull with breaching Tasmanian quarantine and confiscating the effeminate looking Harley, and bull had to cool his heels in Risdon prison for a month where he .............

[Captain]

AS AN ASIDE because it is important- Looking at the Skipper's helmet (no ... not that one) shown in bull's video, you can see Cappy's cultural sensitivity where he took a mouthful of Dulux medium grey and spat it around his hand to make the unique helmet design.

Then he followed that with a gob-full of Dulux clear to finish the job.

Then he followed that with 2 days on a ventilator.

Once recovered, Cappy offered his respects to all paint spitters & thinners sniffers past, present and future.

[turboplanner]

As an aside, the Tasmanian Ngarrawagga Nation has confiscated the helmet because it shows the hand of Tjajjamara a member of an extinct tribe in Bone found in the extinct tribal area of Tasmania but covered under the 2018 “Nation” status..

[Captain]

As a further Aside - Cappy had originally suspected that the hand used as the pattern to imprint on the helmet may have belonged to a bloke named Alan who is a leader in the Turbinejarra Land Council, but the hand only had 4 fingers and 1 thumb, so it can't be his.

 

The TLC are worth a motza, they are a good mob, they control all country between Moorabbin and Adelaide, they have designed their own flag and are soon to be celebrated nationwide in a round of the 2022 AFL ....... where, to make it interesting, to liven up the AFL competition and to be culturally sensitive, all teams will wear the same jersey in the TLC's famous colours of beige, puce and carrot.

Edited February 3, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Now Tasmanian Cops are all descended from Convicts so they've heard every excuse in the book, charging bull with breaching Tasmanian quarantine and confiscating the effeminate looking Harley, and bull had to cool his heels in Risdon prison for a month where he .........

..... became close (NTTIAWWT) with a well known crim who identified as a female Methodist minister (NTTIAWWTE) and who ......

[turboplanner]

.........brought him to the Divine Spirit.

He passed his Parole Hearing with flying colours dressed in a black robe and holding Rosary beads, and was soon back on the Harley, which after its trip to Queensland required a complete engine rebuild and 358 replacement parts as they all do. bull decided flying was cheaper so his pulled out his old Tyro which was covered in decades of chook manure, with heaps of rust and skins that looked like seaweed.

He decided it was close to flying standard and flicked over the engine which ...................

[onetrack]

....promptly spat out 3 litres of dried rat and possum turds - which didn't bother bull in the slightest, as he was made of tougher stuff than the average pilot - and also because, he only got really concerned when live rats and possums jumped out of the engine cowling, whenever he hit the starter. 

 

The ancient HKS 700E wheezed and coughed and spluttered as it wound over slowly, hissing fumes from leaking gaskets - and about then, bull realised it had been 9 mths since he'd last charged the battery.

 

He stopped cranking the engine and decided he'd better check the battery voltage with the $2 Chinese multimeter he kept on board. No voltmeter, amp meter or battery condition meter for him in his spartan instrument panel - No, Sirree! - only the barest basic level of instruments was all he needed, because bull was a "seat of the pants" flyer, and anything more than 2 instruments in the panel took his attention for far too long, and besides.........

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, onetrack said:

He stopped cranking the engine and decided he'd better check the battery voltage with the $2 Chinese multimeter he kept on board. No voltmeter, amp meter or battery condition meter for him in his spartan instrument panel - No, Sirree! - only the barest basic level of instruments was all he needed, because bull was a "seat of the pants" flyer, and anything more than 2 instruments in the panel took his attention for far too long, and besides.....

.... you would be drummed out of the Tazzy branch of the AUF if you were such a woose that you need more that 2 of those round things with the white needles in them, but in this case bull .......

[turboplanner]

2 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... you would be drummed out of the Tazzy branch of the AUF if you were such a woose that you need more that 2 of those round things with the white needles in them, but in this case bull .......

......needed the multimeter because otherwise he couldn't tell when the battery was cranking the starter motor and when it wasn't. He'd also had the multimeter re-wired to show a green or red light, Green = will crack, Red = Charge it first.

 

The Tyro also had a USB port and an iPhone case screwed on, and that's all he needed for loca and cross country flying.

 

He flicked the switch and pressed the button and the Tyro's engine coughed into .........................

[Captain]

30 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......needed the multimeter because otherwise he couldn't tell when the battery was cranking the starter motor and when it wasn't. He'd also had the multimeter re-wired to show a green or red light, Green = will crack, Red = Charge it first.

 

The Tyro also had a USB port and an iPhone case screwed on, and that's all he needed for loca and cross country flying.

 

He flicked the switch and pressed the button and the Tyro's engine coughed into .........................

.....bull's rompers, then fired up in the rewarding and arousing way that blue heads do.

 

Then bull pulled off (NTTIAWWT) his master stroke and flicked the extra switch on his Dick Smith multimeter that turned on both the red & green lights at once.

 

"voila and other french words" said bull "je suise now night proficient as je have a set of nav lights (the wrong way around but nav lights nevertheless) et je will now head north to cross the BS ditch, like 460 squadron crossing the channel to attack the bosch on ......

Edited February 4, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

9 minutes ago, Captain said:

.....bull's rompers, then fired up in the rewarding and arousing way that blue heads do.

 

Then bull pulled off (NTTIAWWT) his master stroke and flicked the extra switch on his Dick Smith multimeter that turned on both the red & green lights at once.

 

"voila and other french words" said bull "je suise now night proficient as je have a set of nav lights (the wrong way around but nav lights nevertheless) et je will now head north to cross the BS ditch, like 460 squadron crossing the channel to attack the bosch on ......

...... de day. 

 

What he didn't know was that in a pill box on the Victorian Coast was Corporal Adolph Tickelgrubber Schultz, a celery farmer from Koo Wee Rup, member of the West Gippsland Bowling Club, Secretary of the Tooradin Fishermens Club, and a Pipe Major in the local Highland Pipe Band. What the locals didn't know was that he was there that day on the French Coast, a member of Hitler's personal bodyguard assigned to shoot ant German soldier who wimped it, and he went through a fair few bullets on that day. He was so good that after the war and the Korean war, he got a part in a TV Series. He was getting old then so they made his lines simple, mainly "I know Nuuthinnk!" Of course no one on the south coast knew this and when the old man offered to volunteer in the pillbox with a 30.08 rifle they humoured him because after all "what was out there but sea HER HER!" What bull didn't know was that he was heading for the only one of Hitler's crack Panzers who didn't get a shot off in anger, and he was sure not gunna miss a fly speck on Bass Strait today.

 

The Tyro buzzed ever closer, and Corporal Shulz heard it; like the sound of a Spitfar...................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The Tyro buzzed ever closer, and Corporal Shulz heard it; like the sound of a Spitfire........

...... so Schulzy turned up his hearing aids and used his ear trumpet (both supplied by Turdbine Hearing Aids & Prosthetics [THAAP]) and this allowed him to .....

 

SCHULTZY AT THE FOREFRONT OF VICTORISTAN  DIRECTIONAL DEFENCE.

Edited February 4, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......precisely identify the distance between the rocket launcher beside his pillbox and the Tyro. On the launcher sat a V3 rocket, a Christmas present from his Fuhrer for his good work at Calais. He carefully counted the gradation clicks ......Ein, Zwei, Drei, Vier, Funf, Sechs........and his mind wandered to that handly little frauline in Munchen. The Tyro flashed past the critical point and the rocket went underneath him now headed for Tasmania, and not only Tasmania but straight for the cradle of democracy, Parliament House, where they were all either asleep or swearing at each other, and ........

Edited February 4, 2022 by turboplanner

[turboplanner]

....luckily Corporal Shultz saw this and lined up the more advanced model, the programmable V3.5 rocket which Hitler had given him for Easter, which had remained top secret until now. He set it to knock bull off his course but continue on and send the V3 into the Tasmanian fishing grounds, with the two rockets exploding on impact. He sent a text to Chairman Dan who, without providing an explanation sent a text to the Tasmanian Premier which read: "................................

[onetrack]

........sorry about the errant rockets - can you send me some of the fish we killed?" The Tassie Premier was outraged when he heard of the rocket being fired towards the Tasmanian fishing grounds - and even more outraged that Diktator Dan would even have the temerity to ask for the dynamited fish. He texted President Dan back, with a first line that read, "Listen here, you...........

[turboplanner]

......Mainlander, we're dumping them on your beaches so they can stink in Victoria. 

Dan missed the message because he was attending a Rock festival at Lorne. It wasn't a happy place; the hippies had had to show double vaccinations, the food had run out, the cops had confiscated their grass, and the booze had run out. When Dan got up onto the stage to talk up Victoria, thousands of voices were yelling Siuuu! Siuuu! Siuuu, and it got worse as he spoke. No one could hear what he said, but amazingly little fish started falling out of the sky, and the crow became quiet, chewing away on the food, breaking them up and giving them to their neighbours, and Dan was able to speak about his plans for Victoria for three hours at which time ................

[Captain]

..... another Health Minister got chucked under the bus, VicPol announced that they had received a record monthly number of, and $ sum, of bribes, and most importantly .......

[turboplanner]

.........Tasmanians were welcome to enter Victoria provided they got an education, washed regularly, and left their Morris Oxfords at home.

Meanwhile bull had crossed the coast and landed in Caroline Springs where he was slapped around by a Sudanese gang and his Tyro pinched. It made the Channel 9 six pm news under the heading "Wayward Cessna" with six police cars in pursuit up the Hume Highway and a final takedown in a place called Darraweit Guim. We all know where DG is, but Channel 9 found it necessary to explain that Darrweit Guim was pronounced Gwim and was a nondescript town on the northern outskirts of Melbourne known from growing blackberries.Police arrested the eight occupants. What people didn't know was that Vicpol Operations in the City desperate for someone with aviation knowledge who would kow how to stop this thing had put a call through to CT, a well-known aviation reference. From the description the chase officers gave he immediately identified it as a Tyro, and knew its Achilles heel was shock cooling. It was simple; as it made its way towards DG he got the Landcruiser out and sedately wandered all over the highway in front of it. The BlueHead seized, and the arrest was made, but there was an amazing discovery at the site when .............

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The BlueHead seized, and the arrest was made, but there was an amazing discovery at the site when ..........

....... the walloper's media unit gave an exclusive to Channel 9 (it cost them several brown bags) and announced 4 preposterous matters:

• There is no such thing as a Sudanese Gang.
• Dan is not a Lefty.
• The 'Ndrangheta don't exist in Mextoria.
• Blue Heads never seize.

All AUF members tittered behind their hands, and some even .......

Edited February 5, 2022 by Captain