The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........ started trying to cross this Allah-forsaken island" said Hamid who was showing Covid symptoms and had only had one vaccination. "There's nothing here but grass and hills as far as the eye can see"

 

"And we've been asigned to Chinese Command; General Ping Pong" wailed Khalid

 

"XXXX this" said Ahmed "Let's hire a couple of Hiliuxes and head up to Uncle Mohammed's at Logan" and they hotfooted it for Queensland which had always been Arabic, from their writing to their speling, to their dress, to ............................

 

[Keen NES readers may have noticed in Cappy's photo above, taken in Lower-Victoria, in the background the rare Armoured version of the Hilux with optional tracks.]

 

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"XXXX this" said Ahmed "Let's hire a couple of Hiliuxes and head up to Uncle Mohammed's at Logan" and they hotfooted it for Queensland which had always been Arabic, from their writing to their speling, to their dress, to ............................

.... inter-governmental relations, community harmony policies and other sexual practices.

 

"I thinks that Anastasia is HOT" volunteered Khalid "And Qld MUST be good if bull came from up here, so show me the womans."

 

Achmed, on the other hand couldn't work out whether to see the scantily clad womans down in the Valley or head out to Boonah for a TIF.

 

The final decision was ...........

 

ACHMED'S SECURITY PHOTO TAKEN AS HE DODGED THE COVID CHECK

(ON RELIGIOUS GROUNDS) AT BRIZZY AIRPORT. THE INSPECTOR

RECKONED THAT HE NEEDS A DECENT FEED.

Edited February 13, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

....made by their Mullah, Sheik Mohammed Al Rasheed Bin Saud, who insisted that they weren't going anywhere until they had all faced Mecca, and prayed 5 times on their prayer mats - because it was Friday.

Khalid, whose hearing wasn't the best, thought the Mullah had said "face Macca's" and went looking for the location of the nearest Macca's on Google Maps. When the others saw him fiddling with his smartphone, they all wanted to know what he was looking at. "I'm looking for the nearest Macca's", he said.

 

"Macca's! Did you say they have Macca's here?" said Achmed. "No-one told me they had Macca's in Australia! This must surely be Heaven! And are there 72 virgins there, too?" he cried.

"I don't know about Macca's - I don't think there's any virgins left in this country at all", said Khalid dubiously. "You do know the Americans have been here before us, don't you, and they..........

 

[CT9000]

......are normally so clever but are stumped trying to figure out if it zero degrees in Melbourne and twice as cold in Tassie how cold is it?? ....

[turboplanner]

........-2 or+2. Their Chinese Sergeant Chi Ken, but others like Salaud said it was 0, and ................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........-2 or+2. Their Chinese Sergeant Chi Ken, but others like Salaud said it was 0, and ................

... that just shows the limitations of the Chinese alphabet when used with an abacus. 

 

It was even worse when pilots (avref) were using an abacus as their Primary Flight Calculator (PFC) in the Chinese equivalent of an F35 while pulling 6 G's. In that case the calculation was described as ........

 

ONE OF THE LATEST CARBON FIBRE STEALTH PFC'S.

[onetrack]

.....like rolling dice, whilst riding in the Gravitron Show ride. Speaking of Show rides, once the Chinese learnt that Australia had some of the best Show rides in the world, they abandoned their invasion, and lined up at the Gumly Gumly Agricultural Show, to try out all the rides on offer.

 

"This is better than any simulator training!", cried Captain Sum Tin Wong. "I failed most of my sim rides, but these Show rides will give me a better opportunity to understand when I'm right way up, or wrong way down, and this will lead me to become a better..........

[turboplanner]

..........mountain climber. This doesn't make sense to Westerners, but Sum Ting Wong would climb as far as he could, then tie one end of the rope to a tree and slide down it. This ...........

[Captain]

47 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"This is better than any simulator training!", cried Captain Sum Tin Wong. "I failed most of my sim rides, but these Show rides will give me a better opportunity to understand when I'm right way up, or wrong way down, and this will lead me to become a better..........

..... Instructor and CFI (avrefs), as most AUF CFI's learnt to fly that way".

 

"that reminds me about the blind pilot" said bull.

 

"How can you have a blind pilot? How would he know when he is upside down?" asked OT.

 

"that's easy" replied bull "as the blind pilot told me that he knows that as accurately as if he can see the turn and bank coordinator and the artificial horizon .......... and the way that he knows he is inverted and close to being out of control is when the xxxx runs out of his collar"

 

Cappy apologizes to our thousands of NESers for running late with this post, but serious work got in the way.

 

 

 

Edited February 14, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..........mountain climber. This doesn't make sense to Westerners, but Sum Ting Wong would climb as far as he could, then tie one end of the rope to a tree and slide down it. This ...........

..... resulted in lots of ropes being left around the countryside and lots of people tripping over various of those ropes (mostly grown, made & supplied by Turbine Hemp Growers & Twisters Ink (they made & supplied ink too), which .......

[turboplanner]

.....came in a variety of colours one described as Camo and the invading forces............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....came in a variety of colours one described as Camo and the invading forces............

...... all tripped over the camo ropes and pulled their hamstrings.

 

As a result, the Chinese leadership were ........

 

SEE THE BELOW PHOTO OF THE CAMO ROPES DRAPED EVERYWHERE

AFTER THE CHINESE ROCK CLIMBERS HAD SLID DOWN THEM, AND EVEN

THROUGH THEY WERE CHINESE ROPES, YOU CAN APPRECIATE HOW

EASY IT WOULD BE FOR THEIR OWN FORCES TO TRIP OVER THEM.

Edited February 14, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

hamstrings

In order to be more culturally sensitive, should I have perhaps said Sweet&SourPorkstrings?

[turboplanner]

.......hamstrung in what they could do, so they phoned President Xi.

Xi was busy trying to work out a sneaky way to give India a good kick in the nuts for siding with the USA and Australia and said "Get in a XXXXXX car, drive up the XXXXXX new road to Greater Victoria and ask Chairman Dan what he wants you to do." and that's what they did.

Dan was testy at the meeting. "This Indian woman's picking on me; can you get rid of her?" he asked.

And so a plot was hatched to charge an Indian National with ......................

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

And so a plot was hatched to charge an Indian National with ..........

....... not wearing enough gold, having too many kidneys (the actual words used were "retaining more kidneys and corneas than are essential to sustain life" and ......

 

 

Below is the prescribed average quantity of gold required for your average Indian lady.

Note that she too would appear to selfishly still contain 2 corneas & 2 kidneys (but Dictator Dan soon advised "That will be cured by a little time under the supervision of Xi's Concentration Camps PLC (XCCPLC) who have a branch office in Moorabbin".

Edited February 15, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

And so a plot was hatched to charge an Indian National with .........

And just in case I have assumed the wrong "Indian", ......... so as to comply with the NES's Cultural Inclusivity Provisions & Byelaws, below is an example of Mayan gold.

 

It is noteworthy that many of the present Mayans also still contain more corneas and kidneys than China considers suitable, so a Braces and Jockstrap Agreement is sure to be proposed for central America to facilitate construction of more concentration camps.

 

 

Edited February 15, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........killing off the last few of the threatened White Feather bird.

Chy

 

 

 

Chief White Feather just before he appeared in Dan's Tribunal. This is the Indian referred to in an earlier post.

Chief White Feather knew he was being persecuted by evil Courts and Solicitors Alliance (CASA).

"How can I help it if the White Feather birds don't eat enough food" he said "Not my fault" and .............. 

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"How can I help it if the White Feather birds don't eat enough food" he said "Not my fault" and ........

..... where is Corporal Agarn, to aid my ......

 

[onetrack]

....hunt for the now-scarce Whitefeather birds?  We of the Fugawi Tribe (the close relatives of the Hekawi Tribe) need help with tracking animals today, and who else is best equipped to help us, than Corporal Agarn and those fine men of F Troop? In fact, we couldn't have survived this well without........

 

(and here we have Chief Wild Eagle discussing with his offsider Crazy Cat, the next best route to take, to get F Troop completely lost again ....)

 

 

 

Edited February 15, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....the Corporal. Trained in hunting skills since he was three, the Corporal knew a lot about the White Feather Birds, the main fact that none of the local hunters had seen one.

Turbo had painted a crow with white acrylic....................

 

[bull]

but this did not work, so instead quickly imported some white Australian cockatoo,s and this worked for a while until the cockatoos started.............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

but this did not work, so instead quickly imported some white Australian cockatoo,s and this worked for a while until the cockatoos started.............

...... to realise that he had pulled out their sulphur crests and they were expected to yell "PHARRRK" instead of just saying "Polly wants a .........

[turboplanner]

........(sorry Mods, Turbo had to jump in and remove that naughty word and reassures readers that Polly is not that type for person, and has had training in deportment, pronunciation, enunciaton abd spelling, and wold never ...............

[Captain]

......... say "PHAARRRKKK" in polite company, or even in the depths of depravity (& Tasmania) of the NES, so the Moderatti Magnificcentii all .......

 

PS - It is not Cappy's fault if Crows, one of natures magnificent creatures, go "PHAAARRRKK".

Edited February 15, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....would arise as one, as they sometimes do and put him in the naughty bin.

This of course was a clever line by Cappy to cover up what he really said, which was unconscionable, putrid, abusive, indiscrestionable, and undiverse. The Ph word would be an endearment compared to this ugly blasphemy, however Turbo could not be distracted by the uncouth posers of this world like Cappy, and within days Turbine Robotics Inc (TRI) had produced an exact replica of the White Feather Bird. Their attention to detail was magnificent, and the first production run was 10,000 birds . During the night Turbo took his tractor and slasher to a nearlby wheat property and slashed 500 acres.

The next morning local cockies (farmers not cockatoos) woke to an unbearable screeching and were gobsmacked to find the White Feather Birds had destroyed someone's yearly income in one night.

The Dan Ban on shooting White Feather Birds was overturned overnight, and the troops were able to get back to the subject matter of this story which was ..............

 

Robotic White Feather Bird

 

Live recording session to embed screeching sound into the 10,000 birds. This is what the cockie (not that cockie) woke up to in the morning. 

 

Edited February 16, 2022 by turboplanner