The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

McGowan ...........

.... , who has an enduring desire to keep his subjects safe, but who could also have a propensity to do a Trudeau or a Vlad in order to force his subjects to stay safe, thought it best to ......

 

A RECENT TYPICAL IMAGE OF CITIZENS BEING KEPT "SAFE" IN A FREE DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY.

Edited February 26, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

....ban all East Coast aviators from W.A., as interstate and international travellers were how the virus came into W.A. in the first place. Not for nothing was Marky Mark, best described as the Kim Jong-un of Australia. It's no coincidence that Nth Korea and W.A. are both virtually COVID-free.

 

"But how can we get to visit the beautiful and (relatively COVID-free) W.A., when we want to relax, and get away from all the COVID-carrying locals here?", cried Cappy.

 

"Besides, Turbo and I need to suss out the W.A. aviation scene for major opportunities, as regards money-making schemes - which Turbo has perfected, and which schemes I get to carry out, because I.....

 

Edited February 26, 2022 by onetrack

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Besides, Turbo and I need to suss out the W.A. aviation scene for major opportunities, as regards money-making schemes - which Turbo has perfected, and which schemes I get to carry out, because I.....

..... am his best mate and I am also his right-hand-man (but that does not mean that Turbs doesn't also use his right hand a lot, some say excessively).

 

"That is correct" said Turdo "As Cappy is my Serge Lavrof and I am his little Vlady P, because Cappy secretly funds me while I can therefore maintain a lilywhite persona as the ........

 

A STUMPY THUG OF A TURDBOY NEXT TO A TALL DIGNIFIED CAPPY (who is wearing his award for the best fixed wing landing ever carried out at YKKA).

Edited February 26, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......next Ghandi, peacefully agitating for a better world, and ......................

 

 

 

 

 

The Tea Chest Cappy had been standing on in the last photo before the lid caved in.

 

[onetrack]

.....planning my next money-making move, no matter where it is. As a matter of interest, Turbine Industrial is now on the scene in the Ukraine, looking for aviation opportunities, such as arming Foxbats for combat, as well as any other business operations in a rule-free war zone, that may be profitable".

 

Meantimes, back in good ol' W.A., Marky Mark was handing out free RATS to every W.A. household. "They can't hand me out for free, I need to be bought!", cried the Jedi Rat.

 

"Yes, we know you can be bought, it happens all the time!", said OT - "Particularly when important rules need to be broken or ignored!"

 

"That's not true!" responded Cappy with indignation, "Everyone knows that I have some morals, even though they are described as........

 

 

 

Edited February 27, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.............like handles on saucepans; best to keep them away from the gas burner in case they get hot, which ..................

[Captain]

On 27/02/2022 at 4:33 PM, turboplanner said:

.............like handles on saucepans; best to keep them away from the gas burner in case they get hot, which ..................

....... reminded the Turgid Plonker of his days in the Vicmanistan Painters and Dockers, when Pat Shannon demanded that The Plonker (as he was known around Trades Hall) burn his fingerprints off using a red-hot billy, but when they mentioned that PlonkPlonk should also cut his ears off, he objected and transferred that obligation to Chopper, who was The Plonker's underling at the time, with bull as their ...........

 

AS A WARNING TO PLANEY AND OTHER NESERS WHO DISRESPECT PLONKPLONK.

THIS IS HOW YOU MIGHT END UP RESTING IN THE SNOOKER ROOM DOWN AT THE PUB.

Edited February 28, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

he objected and transferred that obligation to Chopper, who was The Plonker's underling at the time, with bull as their ...........

.quartermaster and handled all the administration over to..................

Edited February 28, 2022 by bull

[bull]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

AS A WARNING TO PLANEY AND OTHER NESERS WHO DISRESPECT PLONKPLONK.

THIS IS HOW YOU MIGHT END UP RESTING IN THE SNOOKER ROOM DOWN AT THE PUB.

Now now Cappy ,do you not want to bring the snooker room into disrepute as this would be violating the contracted agreement between  you and the snooker room that you signed back in 1977,, Which state that any member that brings disrepute shall be expelled and a permanent entry ban is now in place....signed:Bull,,,[snooker room administrater]

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, bull said:

Now now Cappy ,do you not want to bring the snooker room into disrepute as this would be violating the contracted agreement between  you and the snooker room that you signed back in 1977,, Which state that any member that brings disrepute shall be expelled and a permanent entry ban is now in place....signed:Bull,,,[snooker room administrater]

Cappy apologizes unreservedly to the sra (it would have been SRA except for bull's buggered shift key ....... respects to bull and all sra's passed, still kicking, present and as yet unborn).

Edited February 28, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

21 hours ago, bull said:

quartermaster and handled all the administration over to..........

..... the oneeighthmaster who also carries a title as the snooker room under-administrator.

 

This fascination, by bull, with titles and monikers reminded PlonkPlonk of his time in the .............

[Captain]

21 hours ago, Captain said:

bull's buggered shift key

The following is posted to assist our so many new NESers to manage & appreciate posts by our best friend and esteemed colleague, bull.

 

[bull]

On 28/02/2022 at 8:07 PM, Captain said:

(it would have been SRA except for bull's buggered shift key ......

Now we must give Cappy some sympathy and leeway for his shift key comments as He and ALL of the other NES contributors including the SRA Bull know that Bulls old Laptop went to the graveyard of 40fathoms deep and Bull has had his "new"satellite laptop for over 5 years now............it is the early onset of old man desease with the memory thing i think not sure maybe.......

Edited March 2, 2022 by bull

[turboplanner]

13 hours ago, bull said:

Now we must give Cappy some sympathy and leeway for his shift key comments as He and ALL of the other NES contributors including the SRA Bull know that Bulls old Laptop went to the graveyard of 40fathoms deep and Bull has had his "new"satellite laptop for over 5 years now............it is the early onset of old man desease with the memory thing i think not sure maybe.......

......but giving the gin guzzler the Holy "He" title, referring to "ALL" of the other.... and then a small "s" Satellite and the computer dropping him to the non-personal "i" indicates his new computer is starting to pick up some of the bad habits of the old one. This is a common problem these days and many people believe this happened when Bill Gate brought in Windows Vista which in the farm equivalent would have been a stud bull fed exclusively on LSD. Not many people know that he had to phone Cappy to come and help him get things back on track with Windows 7, but then the nerds cut loose again making the software do what they needed in the working day rather than us, and it was back ............

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Not many people know that he had to phone Cappy to come and help him get things back on track with Windows 7, but then the nerds cut loose again making the software do what they needed in the working day rather than us, and it was back ........

..... s against the wall as everyone knew that Bill was a ..........

[onetrack]

.....pyscho intent on confusing and frustrating as many computer users as he could, worldwide. This meant, that even in the countries where the Queens English is not the their first language (and typically, this means Tasmania), the locals became even more confused and frustrated as ever, as their computers wouldn't do what they actually wanted them to do, and the local language conversions to English, then to Windows-speak, left them speechless with rage, as they were barely able to make others understand what they'd written.

 

This of course, led to the Great African Scam Emails of the early 21st century, where Africans in crowded Internet cafes not only got crap coffee, and even worse food - they also got worn-out computers with broken keys, and no spell check - along with Windows Vista, which led to scam emails being sent, which even Bill Gates had trouble deciphering.

 

Of course, it's not well known on the Australian Mainland that Tasmanians such as bull learnt to use computers in the African Scam Email Age, and did their online computer speed typing courses using African Scammer emails as learning material. This of course, led to bull mistaking.......

 

Edited March 3, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......an offer from a Nigerian teenage boy for a working Oil Well or just $20 US dollars for a a proposal of marriage from a Somali Amazon. he booked her a ticket on his favourite airline Ansett, the day before it collapsed, so no harm was done.

In those years there were teledexes which looked like mobile phones, and the very early message senders with not enough keys, so the A key was one stroke. Two strokes on the same key made it a B and Three strokes made it a C, so when bull sent his message asking the Amazon where she was, his message read "c wuge u, whis r u raw", and went on to say ............

[Captain]

..... apologies my darling, as I am from tasmania having cum here from queensland, so we are still using apple computers from the 1970s as those are the latest in the shops here (and steve jobs is our hero, although we dont really like having jobs). my apple is a model 69 which reminds me of you my darling.

 

This caused mirth when received within Turbine Nigerian Scams Inc, where they .........

Edited March 3, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

....had just finished the Turbine rip off class for nigerians of 2022 and sent them all out to ring you.   Now one of cappys latest recruits has come under the watchfull eyes of this mob who are a real pain in the arse for Turbine Nigerian Scams Inc. Now the scam success rate has fallen below 75% and the CEO of Turbine Nigerian Scams inc has now initiated a......................

 

[Captain]

5 hours ago, bull said:

....had just finished the Turbine rip off class for nigerians of 2022 and sent them all out to ring you.   Now one of cappys latest recruits has come under the watchfull eyes of this mob who are a real pain in the arse for Turbine Nigerian Scams Inc. Now the scam success rate has fallen below 75% and the CEO of Turbine Nigerian Scams inc has now initiated a......................

....... Scammer's Fuctors course. (It was going to be called Human Fuctors but they are not officially classified as Human) where Turbo's best Scammers, who are mini protégé versions of Turdboy himself, are ..........

Edited March 4, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......about to be given new Scammer training in such areas as not leaving the potential client (they are referred to as "clients" rather than the coarse "Victims") hanging on the auto-dial while the scammer ("Operator") is being hung up on, and using their real names like Gideon or Abraham or Jesus rather than "John Wadsworth" which is betrayed by the tortured English, and there was an excitement module, and also a spin off "Free Husband" module, and ............

[onetrack]

.....then Turbo came up with the idea of inserting into the scam callers speil, "But Wait! There's an offer of FREE steak knives, if you listen to what I say!"

The response was enormous, and because Turbo was basically honest underneath all the surface character flaws, he actually supplied a free knife set to every Vict.... errrr, client.

Naturally, the steak knives were only miniatures, but the beauty of this system was the scam callers got the Vict....errr, clients address, and therefore a complete information file could be built for every Vict.... errr, client.

Then came the day when Cappy got a scam caller offering steak knives. He was immediately suspicious, no-one gives anything away without a catch, and this had all the hallmarks of a Turbine Industries.....

[Captain]

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

Then came the day when Cappy got a scam caller offering steak knives. He was immediately suspicious, no-one gives anything away without a catch, and this had all the hallmarks of a Turbine Industries.....

....... Great Steak Knife Scam (GSKS), where the handles were claimed by the scammers to made from part's of Cappy's great, great, great, great, grandfather's (GGGGG's .......... he was a great bloke) ship, The Endeavour, and the blades from parts of Charlie Kingsford-Smith's Kookaburra aircraft.

 

These claims meant that most patriotic Aussies barred up at the opportunity to obtain such knives, but instead it caused Cappy to .........

 

THE BELOW VIDEO HAS BEEN SMUGGLED OUT OF THE TURBINE SCAMMER TRAINING CAMP

 

Edited March 5, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

13 hours ago, Captain said:

....... Great Steak Knife Scam (GSKS), where the handles were claimed by the scammers to made from part's of Cappy's great, great, great, great, grandfather's (GGGGG's .......... he was a great bloke) ship, The Endeavour, and the blades from parts of Charlie Kingsford-Smith's Kookaburra aircraft.

 

These claims meant that most patriotic Aussies barred up at the opportunity to obtain such knives, but instead it caused Cappy to .........

 

THE BELOW VIDEO HAS BEEN SMUGGLED OUT OF THE TURBINE SCAMMER TRAINING CAMP

 

....phone Turbo to ask if this was a genuine offer. Turbo was torn between telling Cappy the confidential information and risking a leak at some future Gin Party, or "Holding the line" as they say in the Telemarketing industry. He looked out over the acres of factory; the logging division which dragged in fallen trees from bushfire ravaged areas, and the steel division which bought scrapped ship parts from Mumbai Beach, and he kew what he had to do; he ..................

[Captain]

..... could not risk another leak ........ as he already had a couple of "dots of shame" on the front of his dacks.

 

"That Depends" said Turbo looking down "Didn't work too effectively" as he reached for a box of tissues and ......