The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......changed the game completely.

Jo saw the claws coming, spring up through the Mcoll Ring (don't you hate it when the press just call it a "ring") slid down the top of the tent, raced into the lions cage and locked the door. (Turbo is now quoting from one of his Grade 3 essays "My night at the circus".)

This confused the lion, which then .......

...... leant against the cage door in a relaxed Humphrey Bogart-like pose and said "How's it going Fred?"

 

Jo of course replied "My name is Jo, not Fred"

 

To which the Lion just licked his chops and said "I'm talking to my twin brother, who is ........

 

THE LION STOOD EXACTLY LIKE THIS .......... BUT WITHOUT THE HAT (OR THE DURRY).

Edited March 29, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

through the Mcoll Ring (don't you hate it when the press just call it a "ring")

Cappy agrees with Turdo, as this common mistake in Circus reporting (they have their own version of the Crash Comic) is directly equivalent to all aircraft accidents being described as a "Cessna". Don't you just hate it when they do that?

Edited March 29, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"........standing directly behind you."

"Not any more" said Jo who was part of the High wire act and had in one giant leap had made the top of the Watts Linkage which held the wire.

"Who cares about a flea-ridden pair of old snoozers like you" he sneered at the lions, but what he didn't realise was that a Johnson had been .....................

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

but what he didn't realise was that a Johnson had been .......

.... unzipped by the Ring-Master (a poignant yet appropriate name) and he was intent on ......

[turboplanner]

....showing the audience one of the secrets, and dangers of High Wire Acts, and ..............

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....showing the audience one of the secrets, and dangers of High Wire Acts, and ..............

...... the foibles associated with the McColl Ring.

 

And with a clash of the cymbals and a drumroll, the announcer said "And here to demonstrate is Charlie McColl".

 

As Charlie ran into the arena the Ring Master stepped forward too, and what happened next in front of that huge crowd, even with animals looking on, made circus history, when ......

Edited March 29, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

FOR WRECK FLYING ADMIN .......... MICKEY IS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE TO SEE WHERE THE RANKING ROCKET IS POSITIONED, AS HE IS NOT THAT WAY INCLINED (NTTIAWWT).

[onetrack]

.....the Ringmaster and Charlie McColl both collided (because they were both looking in different directions - and therein lies a pertinent warning, dear aviators), knocking each other out cold, and bringing the show to a grinding halt.

It was at that stage, that Itchy and Scratchy the Clowns decided they'd better take the Show over - thus leading to that old, well-known saying, "they were running a three-ring circus" (a frequent saying in a number of flight school operations) - and the audience was......

[bull]

6 hours ago, Captain said:

FOR WRECK FLYING ADMIN .......... MICKEY IS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE TO SEE WHERE THE RANKING ROCKET IS POSITIONED, AS HE IS NOT THAT WAY INCLINED (NTTIAWWT).

Going on all your posting about members and rings etc ,,,hmmmmmm room for concern there maybe?.......

[Captain]

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

It was at that stage, that Itchy and Scratchy the Clowns decided they'd better take the Show over - thus leading to that old, well-known saying, "they were running a three-ring circus" (a frequent saying in a number of flight school operations) - and the audience was......

.... captivated because Itchy was obviously a skilled circus professional, but Scratchy just had a rather nasty fungal infection that caused him to constantly rasp away at his dangling .......

Edited March 30, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........red nose. one night one of the seven year olds who had been home schooled and missed the valuable lessons in day to day manners yelled out "Hey Elephant Man" and the clown turned into a nasty ball of red silk, whitewash and lipstick and bit the kid's ear off. This started a ...................

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........red nose. one night one of the seven year olds who had been home schooled and missed the valuable lessons in day to day manners yelled out "Hey Elephant Man" and the clown turned into a nasty ball of red silk, whitewash and lipstick and bit the kid's ear off. This started a ...................

....n immediatel investigation of whether the Clown was actually Mike Tyson with his tat covered up, or Chopper Reid in a fit of jealousy because the kiddie had 2 (well he did for 7 years, anyway).

 

However when both Mike & Chop-Chop were subjected to the critical Clown test of throwing a bucket of confetti at the audience, they both ......

Edited March 30, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....dropped the bucket prematurely, and Mike stepped on the gas in the tiny car and mowed down the Ringmaster, "Fingernails" McTaggart, who ................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....dropped the bucket prematurely, and Mike stepped on the gas in the tiny car and mowed down the Ringmaster, "Fingernails" McTaggart, who ................

.... had sabotaged the Clown Test by substituting his nail clippings for the confetti (don't you just hate it when they do that?).

 

"This made Mike a bit snakey and Chopper reached for his angle grinder, so that ..........

 

 

Edited March 30, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

......made Mike grab his chainsaw and start it up and wave it around. The audience went wild, this was a great Clown performance - particularly when Chopper tripped over his elongated shoes, and fell flat on his face, with the angle grinder still spinning at 12,000RPM.

The angle grinder hit a railing and sparks went everywhere, delighting the audience - but it was when the hot metal sparks landed on the sawdust in the ring that things got.......

[Captain]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

The angle grinder hit a railing and sparks went everywhere, delighting the audience - but it was when the hot metal sparks landed on the sawdust in the ring that things got.......

..... even more interesting because of the obtuse  .....

[turboplanner]

.....angle grinder it was. Nothing ever went right, no matter who was using it. Some said it wasn't current, others had a differenty angle, and the resident WF experts told everyone not to offer opinions but didn't realise they were offering their own.

 

The Ringmaster had a big scratch them came out to announce the lion chase.......................

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Ringmaster had a big scratch them came out to announce the lion chase...

...tity belt, as Leo had been offering himself around (Turboref) to an unacceptable degree and something needed to be done, because a poodle is acceptable, but a lion humping legs out in the audience is just too much for some .....

Edited March 31, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

.and this brought out the team from channel 7 ,s  and Cappy[event organiser] was soon surrounded by camera men and had a microphone shoved in his face as .................

Edited March 31, 2022 by bull

[turboplanner]

..........the bewildered Channel 9 presenter said "I don't know what I'm supposed to say here"But she soon had plenty to say and didn't care which Channel she said it on because the two lions had suddenly become quite hungry,  and headed for the presenter. The Cameraman chased the lions over the acrobats props, over the clown's car, over the barrier, and suddenly found a whole new menu............................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The Cameraman chased the lions over the acrobats props, over the clown's car, over the barrier, and suddenly found a whole new menu........

..... at the Vietnamese restaurant that was located beside the Circus.

 

"You rike rion?" asked Fuk Won Tun "As we have sweet & sour rion, flikasee'd Rion and Rion with oyster sauce, but our signature dish is Rion & colleander in a bed of .......

 

FUK'S SHOPFRONT

 

THE SMALLEST TASTIEST LIONS ARE FUK'S FAVOURITES.

THIS ONE IS ABOUT TO GO INTO THE MINCER.

 

AND FUK EVEN MAKES THEIR JUICES INTO ICECREAMS

Edited March 31, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

....flat lice noodles, which gives you rions boundless energy! We also do very, very special dish with lion penis! Not quite as good as tiger penis soup, but rions more readily available, when your restaurant is sited crose to circus!!"

 

"I think you're getting Vietnamese and Chinese cultures mixed up", said the cameraman. "And besides, we're still looking for live and active lions, not diced and sliced and cooked lions!"

 

"Sollee, I cannot help", said FWT, "I no see circus rion come this way!"

 

"That can't be true!", said the cameraman, "I saw him run into......

[turboplanner]

..........the kitchen.

Turbo had been surprised there wasn't more noise from lions savaging patrons in the tent, but ducked out to the kitchen so see if he could sell some of his CatFarm products, and was talking to the Chef when he felt a tap on the shoulder, and a cultured English voice said "Could I trouble you for a moment of your time please Sir?"

He turned around and gasped as he saw two huge lions facing him, but in the same moment identified the sad look in their eyes.

The giant lion went on; "we starred in the film, the Lion King and I was chosen because of my singing voice; I know people claimed to be doing the voice over but I did the lot, but now we've been forced to work for that FW Ringmaster, and this little sh!t is killing our children."

Turbo's heart melted and he said to the chef "From now on no lion meat is to be chopped up (the lions winced)  and used in this restaurant."

"But how I get mit? asked the chef" 

"I'll have a tonne of cat meat here tomorrow" replied Turbo.

"But Chinee don't eat cat meat; that only lumour of West" replied the Chef.

"My mistake" said Turbo "Lamb", and they shook hands.

"You can stay at my place for a few days" Turbo said to the lions "I think I can get you both jobs as FOIs with CASA' they could use you for those evasive pricks as an alternative to strict liability. Lose half a leg and they'll be behaving like pussy cats.................."

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"You can stay at my place for a few days" Turbo said to the lions "I think I can get you both jobs as FOIs with CASA' they could use you for those evasive pricks as an alternative to strict liability. Lose half a leg and they'll be behaving like the Pussy Cat........

.... Dolls, who are an all girl group managed by Turbine Entertainment (which has one of the out-of-work circus Lions in their logo .... although he had been forced to donate his penis to the soup in order to survive his brush with the lestaulant) that dress using Turbo's offcast clothes, se photo below.

 

The PCG's also liked lion juice icecream to was down their lion biltong and they .....

 

THE PCG'S IN TURDBOY'S OLD CLOBBER

 

LEO'S GIG IN THE TURBINE ENTERTAINMENT ADVERT

The Moto has since been changed to Ars Ehol Entertainement

Edited April 1, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

On 01/04/2022 at 2:34 PM, Captain said:

.... Dolls, who are an all girl group managed by Turbine Entertainment (which has one of the out-of-work circus Lions in their logo .... although he had been forced to donate his penis to the soup in order to survive his brush with the lestaulant) that dress using Turbo's offcast clothes, see photo below.

 

The PCD's also liked lion juice icecream to wash down their lion biltong and they .....

 

THE PCD'S IN TURDBOY'S OLD UNDIES CLOBBER

Cappy apologises to the thousands of NESers who have contacted him in light of his atrocious & xxxxhouse spelling, which has been korected abov.